Some Hope and little chances
Disclaimer: I do not own clannad (VN, Anime etc. etc.). Clannad is a property of Key/Visual Arts
This is my first time to write a fanfiction about clannad, this one is based on the anime, and some on the vn. I hope you enjoy this story and anyway, I think there are some or many grammatical or spelling errors. If there is one or more, please inform the author.
Note: The author, is also a human, which means that he is not infallible and can always err(making mistakes) and besides, English is a secondary language of my country (Republic of the Philippines - Republika ng Pilipinas) and Tagalog is my native language.
This story takes place after the death of Ushio Okazaki, the daughter that Tomoya only knew for a few months. Let's presume that light orbs didn't granted Tomoya's wish about reviving Nagisa and Ushio.
"" – conversations
Italics - thoughts
Hikarizaka,
Tomoya still remembered the tragedy happened to him, he remembered his daughters last words "Papa, I love you" and after that her right arm limped which was a sign that she died. Tomoya was desperately to call anyone to save Ushio, he even invoked Nagisas name to save her, but no one came, no one answered. Tomoya cried hardly and in grief and he fell on the ground still hugging his daughter hardly, but then he snapped out to reality and he run as much as he could in order to bring Ushio to the new hospital. When he reached the hospital he yelled at the nurse there to save Ushio.
"Nurse, my daughter needs help, please" The nurse couldn't believe that she saw again the man she loved when she was in high school, the man she loved Tomoya Okazaki begging to her to save his daughter his daughter with Nagisa that she envied once. Then she realized to fulfill her duty first as a nurse before her personal matters.
"Yes sir, put her here in the bed and we will take her to the emergency room" The nurse responded with a slight blush on her face
"Thank you miss" Tomoya said quietly
The doctors done what they can do to save Ushio, but eventually they declared her dead on arrival, Tomoya on the other hand was still crying after he heard the doctor's declaration. He was in deep thought on why he neglected Ushio for years, he regret that, he didn't regret anymore that he met Nagisa but he regret that he neglected, ignored his daughter for five years.
If I only knew that she will not last longer, I should take good care of her, I should made her 5 years of existence here on earth to be happy. What kind of father am I, I am really worse that my father. My father take good care of me while I was young when mother died, why I didn't realized that he is really a good father to me. Me I am just a piece of trash a trash that must be burned; Ushio I am really sorry, I am really sorry for the cause of your loneliness, your desperation to be with me, to make me happy. I am sorry, I hope that you and your Mama are reunited in the afterlife I hope you will see my mother there. Nagisa, please take good care of Ushio now.
Tomoya then wiped up his tears, and he was approached by the nursed that he yelled
"Umm O-o-okazaki-kun I am sorry for the loss of Ushio" the nurse said stutterly with a slight blush on her face
"It's alright miss, and wait do I know you?" Tomoya asked, with a confusion on his face, he looked at the nurse with a curiosity and realized that the nurse is Ryou Fujibayashi, the twin sister of Kyou (Ushio's kindergarten teacher)
"Ohh I am sorry I remember you now Fujibayashi Ryou, hehe I guess I am a forgetful person now" He said and he felt he was embarrassed by that
"It's okay Okazaki-kun, and by the way what will you do now" Ryou asked quietly
"I am going to call first Sanae-san and the old man to inform them, then pay the bills and to make preparation for Ushios funeral, I hope that you can attend her funeral" He said blankly
"It is really sad to loss the ones you loved, I don't know what if feels but I think it is miserable isn't it?"
"Yeah it's really miserable, if I just imitated by father back then on how he take good care of me when I was young since mother died, I think I can consider myself a worthy father"
"Don't say something bad for yourself like that, onee-chan said that you always take good care of your daughter since she reunited with you, she always talk about you and how she treated your daughter like her own and I am glad you take good care of her even if it is too late" Ryou said embarrassed, she covered her mouth on what she had said to him. Her blush now is like a tomato. Then she blush more when Tomoya put his hand on her shoulder. She felt that she was like in paradise she was happy that the man she loved touched her, then Tomoya looked at her confused.
"Fujibayashi, are you ok? Well I am going now, good bye and sorry that I yelled at you previously, I hope you can attend my daughter's funeral" Tomoya said blankly and he walked towards the morgue to see Ushio for the last time, he didn't wait for Ryou's response.
Ryou the whispered to herself "Good by my love, Tomoya, I hope you can love again and this time I will pursue you hardly"
When Tomoya looked at Ushio at the morgue, he prayed for her soul, he prayed that she is now safe, and he prayed that he can endure this life without her, he then informed a funerary for the preparations tomorrow. He then went to the Furukawa bakery and was greeted by Sanae.
"Ohh Tomoya-san how are you and where is Ushio?" Sanae asked worriedly, then Akio showed up.
"Brat where is our granddaughter? Did you left her in your house"
"I ahh, Sanae-san, old man, Ushio…(sigh), she's dead she died at the hospital hours ago, I am sorry to inform you lately, I am such a worthless father to her, I am also a worthless son-in-law to you sorry" Tomoya, then started to cry hardly, tears are spilling on his face, nonstop. Sanae then approach him to calm him down, Akio also approached him, and hugged him and said.
"No, you are not a worthless father to her, at least the remainder of her life is a happy one, and she always wanted to be with you, and you fulfill her wish, I bet she is now happy with her mother now"Akio let Tomoya to cry on his shoulder, he also stated to cry, Sanae, then began to cry, a cry like that Tomoya heard on the night where Sanae and Akio talking, about Ushio.
They cried hardly back then, then Tomoya went to his apartment, he informed the owner that he will not reside there and he will move back again to his father's house, in order to reduce cost, and to forget his negligence on his daughter, he cherished his months with his daughter there, but it also reminds him of the years he ignored her. Then he packed all necessary things and went to the direction of his father's house, and he cleaned it, and then began to cry gain at the table, and he took his dinner and he slept to his room, holding a picture of Ushio and Nagisa.
In the morning he informed the funerary to bring Ushio in his father's house, hours later her body arrived inside on a fine wooden coffin, the flowers also arrived and other things for the funeral. He then contacted Akio, Sanae, his father and grandmother to attend his daughter's funeral, he also contacted Kyou.
"Hello this is Fujibayashi Kyou speaking" Kyou said happily, as Tomoya called her, she wanted really to see him, to hear his voice to be with him.
"Hello Fujibayashi sensei, it's me Okazaki Tomoya, I would like to inform you that my daughter Okazaki Ushio died yesterday, I hope you can attend her funeral today up to the next 2 days, please can you inform our other friends as I don't know their number, I hope you and they can attend, bye" Tomoya said blankly and he hanged the phone.
"Tomoyaa" Kyou said while shocked by what Tomoya had said, that her favorite student, her brightest student and the most active student, Okazaki Ushio died, and she knew that Tomoya is taking this hardly right now, first his wife, Nagisa died(which she envied) five years ago, then his daughter, Ushio died recently. Kyou, then clutched her shirt and she began to cry, she then put her hands on her face, she couldn't believe that Ushio died, she really wanted to take good care of her, she wanted to be a mother to her, and she wanted to be Tomoya's wife and to have a family of their own.
"Tomoya, I'm sorry for your loss, don't worry I am still here I will take good care of you, I will make you to be in love again, and I hope that you will love me, I am really in love with you" Kyou said while crying, then when her crying was over, she went to the bathroom, take a bath, and she will go to Tomoya later to comfort him. She then contacted her sister, Sunohara, Kotomi, Mei, Miyazawa and others.
Okazaki house – Ushio Okazaki Funeral.
Tomoya watched the coffin where Ushio is inside of it. He still regret of his stupidity and his negligence to her.
"I am such an idiot" He muttered quietly.
Then his in laws arrived, Kyou along with Ryou approached him and said their condolence, which he accepted. Soon some of Ushio's classmates arrived, hours later Sunohara along with Mei arrived and they were sad about Tomoya's loss. Miyazawa along with her gang also arrived and they give their condolence to Tomoya and to his in-laws, Fuko, Yoshino and Kouko also arrived; Fuko cried hardly at Ushio's coffin as her "little sister" friend died and she gave her condolence to Tomoya, which he accepted it silently . On the next day, his father and grandmother arrived and give Tomoya some comfort and many others arrived; Kotomi then informed Tomoya that she can't be there and she said her condolence to the loss of Tomoya's daughter. Tomoya seems to understand her as she is in America. The funeral went well with the twins always visiting him, they wanted to talk to him but he always decline.
When the day Ushio will be buried Tomoya is looking for someone, someone he considered as a friend, a friend he helped to become the student council President which in turn she helped them to reestablish the drama club. Tomoya couldn't remember her last name but he remembered her name "Tomoyo", Tomoyo a name similar to him but with a different meaning. Well he understand that she can't attend and besides no one knew about her contact number nor her whereabouts now. He hoped that she is fine. Anyway, he dismissed his thought about her and he focused himself on the funeral. He decided to bury Ushio with Nagisa but he also decided that Ushio will be buried in the traditional Japanese burial, he doesn't want his daughter to be cremated as he considered her as too fragile and too adorable to be cremated.
After the burial, Tomoya reapplied to his previous job which the manager accepts, he then worked heavily, he didn't take breaks, he always worked overtime, and he worked silently and he will talk only if it is necessary. Yoshino wanted to talk to him to cheer him up but he declined to talk go with him after work. When he reached home he will just cry and muttering the name of Ushio and Nagisa, and he will sleep from exhaustion, in which for months before summer ends, he had done that as a routine, but this time he didn't resorted to alcoholic beverages, but he is still smoking. Tomoya was visited by the Fujibayashi twins previously at the beginning of spring but he declined them
"Go home now, it's of no use and besides I will be on work later, and I don't want to be a bother on you two" He said softly
"But we wanted to cheer you up and to move on, you know" Kyou said cheerfully.
Tomoya couldn't believe that they wanted him to cheer-up to cheer for what, he cannot he happy anymore, all of his happiness are gone, his wife and daughter gone, he realized that happiness is just temporary and to have fun is not a thing to do now, he wanted to be alone, then rage came to his mind, that to cheer him up and move on is just that easy.
He can't take it anymore he wanted to slap Kyou to wake her up to reality that the tragedy happened to him cannot be just set aside to make him happy; he didn't know anymore what happiness means, he only knew now for months are regret, misery and grief.
"Just go home please" Tomoya muttered
"But – but….. but.. bu.." Kyou stuttered, she is desperate now as she really wanted to cheer Tomoya up.
Ryou on the other hand is just silent, waiting to Tomoya's response. Tomoya, then snapped out, his eyes are now filled with anger, rage and he wanted to repel the twins away, he wanted to be alone; He knew he will regret this later when he yelled at the twins, but it is the only thing to do to make them away
"JUST GO HOME, I DON'T WANT YOUR FACES TO BE SEEN BY ME ANYMORE, GET OUT OF HERE, and IF I SEE YOU TWO HERE I WILL KILL YOU. YOU DIDN'T KNOW THE MISERY OF MINE, AND YOU JUST WANTED ME TO MOVE ON AND CHEER ME UP LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED? JUST GO NOW BEFORE I CHANGED MY MIND, I WILL NOT HESITATE TO KILL YOU TWO" He yelled like a battle cry, but in his thought. Did I just said I will kill them? Why? I just wanted not to see me for a while, what have I done? How do I fix this later, you are such a bad mouthed idiot Tomoya.
Kyou was shocked and terrified what Tomoya said to them, she knew Tomoya is such a bad mouthed one but to threaten them that he will kill them is different, she didn't know this Tomoya now, a Tomoya who turned into a monster a potential murderer that arises from grief, woe and regret. Ryou on the other hand was totally shocked and couldn't move, she wanted to cry but she can't as the shock paralyzed her body and her mind was totally blank. Then her mind went back to reality when Kyou speaks.
"Sorry, we…we….w….w….w…e…we not bother you anymore" Kyou said, she couldn't take this anymore, she wanted to slap Tomoya on his face that Nagisa and Ushio will not come back, she wanted to yell at him that there are still friends that will love him and to move on is necessary, and she wanted to say that she loved him, but she can't do and say it as Tomoya is really angry and his eyes are really filled with rage a rage like that of a murderer.
"Good, you should do your own business and I will do mine" He yelled and he closed the door violently thus created a loud bang. Kyou then cried, Ryou then saw her sister cried she began to cry as well, they cried on each other's arms and then they heard the door opened again, and they saw Tomoya, now holding a katana. The twins are now really terrified to him, and they heard him something they can't understand, then she shouted.
"Don't cry here in front of my house, cry there in your house, and get out now before I unsheathe this sword of mine"
"Ye…ye…..yessss we will now leave Okazaki-kun, sorry don't worry when the time you realized that you need us, we will be there for you" Ryou said terrified, and she continue her cry
"Yes, we will always be here Tomoya, good bye" Kyou muttered, like a subdued one. The twins, then began to leave, then when they not now on sight, Tomoya went inside, set aside the sword and began to cry silently
"I am sorry Kyou and Ryou, I am sorry" He muttered. For the next days the twins didn't bother him anymore until the middle of summer.
Hikarizaka cemetery – before the end of summer.
Tomoya visited Nagisa and Ushio's grave on the hot morning, he is now currently on a 1 week leave now and he took this opportunity to fix his problems especially to the twins, his other problems are the remainder of his father's debts, his own debt and the growing cost of electric and water bills. Then when he reached the graveyard, he prayed to a temple, for the souls of his beloved wife and daughter as well as to his mother that died for less than 2 decades ago.
He then proceeded to the graves, the gravestones of his wife and daughter are simple and it carved their names, Okazaki Nagisa and Okazaki Ushio, the names that he will never forget, he cleaned the grave, blessed it with holy water from the temple and put some incense to it; he also offered some flowers, particularly sunflowers, he remembered last year of his first and last trip with is daughter in the countryside where he met his grandmother. Then after he prayed, and contemplated their loss, Tomoya kowtowed to their graves to show his reverence to them, his action shocked someone who is behind him, she observed him and don't want to bother him in his silence, she just wanted to wait for him to finish his rituals.
After he finished his kowtow, he turned back to their graves and he saw that there is someone behind him at all a beautiful, silvered hair woman with a black headband, she is wearing a white kimono; Tomoya on the other hand was amazed to this woman, he thought that he will never see this woman again, then he saw her, like a ghost, and she is now smiling on him.
"I am sorry that I didn't attend the funeral of your daughter, I am sorry Tomoya" She uttered, Tomoya was shocked as she called him by his first name, she usually called him by his last name Okazaki and she didn't bother to be with him, a delinquent. He still remembered the day that he helped her to become the student council president in return to help him to reestablish the drama club for Nagisa, his beloved now deceased wife.
"It's alright Tomoyo, it's been years since we last met each other, so how are you?" He asked blankly
"After we graduated I received a scholarship from Kyoto University and I am now an environmentalist" She said with a small smile.
"Well its good then, and Kyoto ehh, so that's why you are wearing a kimono"
"Yes, I feel more comfortable wearing this one and its more feminine to me as a Japanese woman"
"I see" He whispery muttered, then he wanted now to go.
"Well how did you know that I am here anyway" He asked
" Your friend with a long purple hair told me that you visit here every last week of the month, I saw her in front of your house muttering something and she also said the incident about you her and her twin sister" Tomoyo said quietly, Tomoyo was shocked about the death of Ushio when she heard it, as she was the last link of Tomoya to his wife, and she was also shocked and somewhat terrified that he, Tomoya threatened to kill the twins, she wanted to know if the story is true.
"Ohhh, Kyou, hmmm, well (sigh), the incident between me and them is true, I threatened them to kill them, and….. and… I was shocked myself on what had I said and done, I regret that, you know it is hard now to face them again, I just wanted them to be away, all of them to be away, I wanted to be alone" Tomoyo, now confirmed it is true wanted to ask now if Tomoya really have a sword
"Tomoya! I…..I….I want to also ask, you do really threatened them with a sword?" Tomoyo asked with curiosity, she wanted to ask camly and politely as possible she does not want Tomoya to be angry at her.
"Yes it is also true, I couldn't bear in seeing them crying and I don't know what I am going to do then, I felt that to threaten them with a weapon will make them away, and it worked somehow, as I know that Kyou is a stubborn, hardheaded and aggressive one, so if I counter her with aggression, she will hold back" Tomoya said calmly
"Ohhhh, I never thought that you can do that, I always thought that you are a kind man who selflessly helped other and understand others problems and feelings" Tomoyo said with a slight blush on her face.
After Tomoya heard her statement he speaks loudly
"Is that so, you know people change, everything is changing, and the only one thing that all of us in common, we will all die eventually, death is unescapable and anyway it is time to go home now, so good bye Tomoyo" Tomoyo on the other hand wanted to talk more to him, she wanted to talk to him, to ask him about his situation now, she really wanted to be with him, she really wanted to love him, to be his wife, to have children with him and to grow old with him but for now, it is impossible as he is still confined to his comfort zone and his heart is still belong to his dead wife.
"But anyway Tomoyo, you looked beautiful as ever now, and I bet you now have a boyfriend" Tomoya said with a little smile on his face
"No…(sigh) is still don't have a boyfriend and I turned down many suitors as there is only one man that I loved the most, even though he was taken already, I still can stop myself to love him, he is the one who helped me and the one who encouraged me to pursue my goals, I will love him always no matter what" She said with a blush.
"Hmmm, you really wanted that man do you?" Tomoya asked with a speculation that the man who Tomoyo talking about is him if he is correct but he dismissed it quickly to verify first.
"Yes I really wanted that man, if I will be given a chance to love him, I will never let him go, I will always love him and I wanted to raise a family of our own" She said blushing, she wanted not to blush as Tomoya will suspect that he is the one that she is talking about, but she couldn't help herself.
"Hmmm, how lucky that the man would be, I wish you luck, you should pursue him no matter what but anyway you said he was taken right"
"Yes he was taken once, but now he is single again and he is now lonely because of her"
"Is the man you are talking about is me?" Tomoyo was shocked on what Tomoya asked her, she blushed again but this time, like a tomato, she didn't know what to say, she didn't know what Tomoya will say if she confessed her love to him, that she loved him for many years but she really wanted to say it now.
"I….I…I….., ummmmmmmmmmmmm, yes you are the man that I love Tomoya, I remember the day after the tennis match after you took Nagisa, your deceased wife to the clinic, I saw the twins crying as they realized that they cannot pursue you, I also saw your other friend with curiosity but in her eyes I saw her envy, and I, (sigh) after the match cried and even when I went home I cried as the man that I like, no….. The man I loved, love someone else" Tomoyo yelled and then she cried
Tomoya was shocked about Tomoyo's revelation, he didn't know how to respond, but be decided to comfort her, so he hugged her, which caused Tomoyo to be shocked and happy, she knew it was wrong as they are in the front of the graves of Nagisa and of Ushio, she felt that their spirit is now angry at her for taking advantage of Tomoya's comfort, on taking him away from them, but she really wanted this warm feeling of comfort and love especially from Okazaki Tomoya, a former delinquent who turned to be a loving husband of Nagisa and the beloved father of Ushio and the man who she loved the most for years.
"Tomoyo, I don't know if I can return your feelings to me but I promise I will think your confession, just give me some time, and I don't know that the twins and Kotomi, are also in love with me, just give me time Tomoyo" Tomoya whispered to her, Tomoyo is still sobbing and crying on Tomoya's chest and when her crying is over
"I will wait for your decision Tomoya, I will wait" She said blushing as her face is too close to his.
"Alright, let's go now, I think we disturbed the spirits of the dead here and still my problem with the twin sisters is bothering me I want a reconciliation with them, as I don't want them to have a grudge against me, I really regret on what I have done and said to them"
"Yes lets go, and I know that they will forgive you, just calm yourself down and be happy again"
"I don't know if I will be happy again and, its 12 now, its lunchtime now, let's go" Tomoyo only nods
Then Tomoyo and Tomoya walked out of the cemetery and on the way to his home he invited Tomoyo to take lunch with him and they conversed what are their accomplishments and their lives now, Tomoya then felt some happiness since she saw Tomoyo at the graveyard but he quickly dismissed it. Tomoyo on the other hand is in total happiness that she is reunited with him and she confessed her feeling to him.
Tomoya I will promise to you if you consider my love for you, I will make you happy, I will be a good wife to you, I will give you children, it doesn't matter to me if you wanted 10 or more children as it will make you happy, I will also be happy. Nagisa please let Tomoya to be in love with him, I begging you to release Tomoya's heart and love me, I will promise to you and to your daughter that I will make Tomoya happy again.
Tomoyo is hoping that Tomoya will love her back.
The End.