i don't own any of these characters.

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Longbottom the Lophotrophob
Or
The Shape of Snails

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When Neville entered the greenhouse, Professor Sprout greeted him with a warm smile. However, her face quickly adopted a worried expression. "Longbottom," she said, "I need your help here with the sneezewort!" She gestured towards the other students, the majority of which were having sneezing fits. The rest looked worried and anxious not to get in touch with the powdered leaves lying on their tables.

Hermione sneezed and turned around, looking embarrassed.

Neville rolled his eyes. As the "brightest witch in her year" she should have known not to get close to a magical plant she didn't know ! He knew that he was better at handling the plants but he needed her for his potions homeworks, so he kept his mouth shut.

"Okay…" His voice trailed off as he was looking for someone who wasn't busy blowing their noses.

Ron was just picking his nose when he noticed someone giving him orders. To his surprise it was Neville Longbottom, telling him to fetch some snail slime.

"Snail slime ? Ick ! What are we going to use that for ?"

"Don't worry, Weasley, I can see that you don't need it", Neville said softly.

"Beg you pardon ?", Ron said. He could hardly believe his ears. Had Neville just been sarcastic ? The tone reminded him of someone he knew well… Only he couldn't put his finger on it right now. Confused he walked away.

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Ron the brave snailconquerer came back with a bucket full of wriggling snails. Amazingly it only took him half an hour to collect them. Henceforward he was know as "Ron the Snailconquerer", or such would become the entry in his diary this night.. For the other students this was just a lousy day: a boring Herbology lesson that led to heavy sneezing fits that could only be stopped by the disgusting procedure of putting snail slime under their noses.

Neville passed the bucket around and told them to take a snail each. Noone dared to protest. Resigning to their fates they complied.

Neville and Professor Sprout wandered around in class, supervising the procedure. Neville wasn't in a good mood today: he had run into Snape who had been randomly giving out detentions in the great hall, his grandma had sent him a howler and on top of it all, Trevor had gone missing again. He had last seen him sitting in the greenhouse, near the Devilssnare. He continued pondering about his miserable life, when he saw Seamus Finnigan trying to apply a snail to Hermione's backside.

"Seamus STOP !", Neville intervened, taking the little snail out of his hands. "How would you like to be put on someone's ass?"

Hermione shot him a dirty look, obviously feeling offended by his last words.

But Neville wasn't in the mood for this kind of game, he wouldn't apologize to the know-it-all for saving her, no matter how helpful she could be. He just rolled his eyes and turned around, bumping into Professor Sprout.

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"Thank you Mr. Longbottom, twenty points to Gryffindor for -," the Professor was starting to say when she noticed the defiant look in his eyes. "Neville, what's the matter ?"

"Nothing, Professor," he mumbled. He looked down at himself and noticed that he has almost squashed the little snail in his right hand. It was wrigging through his fingers, trying desperately to get away from him.

"Oh sorry !", he said, horrified by his throughtless actions. He'd never willingly hurt an animal, he really shouldn't let his anger control him. Carefully he placed the sail on the brim of the snail-bucket. "Off you go. Greet your family." When he looked up again, the whole class was staring at him, mouths agape.

"What's wrong ?"

"Neville, you're a Lophotrophob," Hermione exclaimed.

"A what?", Ron asked, "Do you have a word for everything? He was only making weird noises!"

"If you would spend more time in the library actually studying rather than picking your nose, you'd know that there are some wizards – or witches – who are able to communicate with snails. They are called Lophotrophobs."

Now the class were staring at Hermione. Neville felt left out of this discussion, even though it was about him, or something that he supposedly did. He had… Had he really talked to the snail in a lanugage he didn't even know to exist ? – Would his grandmother approve?

Professor Sprount, who had been watching silently, interrupted Hermione before she could continue. "It's a rare gift, boy. Use it wisely," she said solemly. She was silent for a minute. "Class dismissed," she now adressed the whole class, and walked away with a bouncing stride.

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He'd been sitting on a rock near the greenhouse for some minutes, thinking about his day so far. It had started out bad, but he didn't know what to make of the newest revelation. He was something like… a snail-tongue ? It seemed ridiculous to him. Harry could talk in an animal language, he was a Parselmouth, which meant that he could talk to snakes and understand them too, and Neville had always considered this to be helpful and 'cool'. He'd never given much heed to the supposed connection to the Dark Arts. But of course snakes were far more prestigious than snails.

He couldn't help it: he was more irritated than happy about this new-found gift of his. He had to attend Snape's detention in a short while, and knowing Snape to read the students' minds, he tried to push his thoughts aside. Shaking his head he went back on the way, passing the greenhouse.

There were still two students hanging around in front of the closed doors. Ron and Hermione were talking avidly but stopped when they saw Neville approaching. Neville stopped too, waiting for them to start talking.

"Hi," Hermione said insecurely, "Do you… er… Would you tell us what Sprout said to you ?" "Of course," she added, seeing the surprised expression on his face and probably mistaking it for something else, "you don't have too…"

Neville sneered at her. This insecure behaviour displayed by the best witch in their year lifted his spirits a bit. But what did she want to know ? Professor Sprout had only said a few words to him, right in front of everyone else… Then it hit him – Sprout was a Lothotrophob too ! She'd spoken to him in snail language ! Perhaps this day would turn out to be good after all.

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so... how did you like it ? it started as a joke, the whole parselmouth vs. lophotrophob thing , but a story about neville that shows him with a complicated inner life seemed interesting to write. ("lophotrophob" does, by the way, owe something to a latin name for snails/slugs, or one snail/slug, but i can't find my own source anymore)