Emotional Upheaval
By Blue Eyes At Night
Author's Note: Due to overwhelming good reviews for my first RLNT one-shot, called "Color Blind" you should check it ouy, based on Remus, I have decided that it is time to make one for dear Tonks. You guys know the drill: I own nothing, blah, blah, blah.
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"A change in Patronus of a witch or wizard can happen under few circumstances," Tonks read from Magic Metamorphing: A Guide to Magical Oddities, "most commonly when a witch or wizard is being impersonated through Polyjuice Potion or some other purely physical means, recall Patronus will still give the shape of the soul of the body they reside in. In rare circumstance, severe emotional upheaval, distress and alarm or drastic changes in personality or environment can also effect Patronus' shape…"
Closing the book Tonks threw it across the room, shattering something in the process, "Severe emotional upheaval…" She snorted, "Yeah, Lupin, sure it's a bloody schoolgirl infatuation."
She glanced at the mirror over her bureau, it had remained silent for days after she threatened to shatter it into a million shards when it recommended, for the billionenth time, that she simply give up on "whoever's making you so ruddy depressed". Though the mirror's personality had altered, the reflection in it remained quite the same as it had been for months.
Mousy, brown, limp-noodle hair. Merlin but she hated this hair! This was the hair that she had been born with and the hair which, as soon as learning she could change it, immediately left it behind. She had never, since the age of five, worn her hair its natural color.
Mainly because she liked color, she liked bright neon shades of pink and purple and green and…well color! She liked a little life in her colors. Tonks prided herself on being lively, on being bubbly and happy and cheerful. She liked loud music and loud friends and loud splotches of color. Her apartment looked like the Technicolor 60s, a weird Picasso and a rock concert were all thrown into a blender and then popped out into her flat. And she liked it that way. A little chaos was the spice in life.
And she thought life needed spice.
Even before this whole Voldemort business, Tonks found life to be too short on color. It was full of black. Actually, it was a bit too full of Blacks.
Her mother and her mother's entire clan were all dark colored, except for the occasional genetic mutation (like Auntie Narcissa). Not only were they dark but they were a ruddy depressing lot. She remembered seeing them when her grandfather died and she was seven. Her mother had tried to go to the funeral but it had been poorly received. The house they were trying to get into was full of people hissing nasty words at them and pointing wands menacingly at Tonks and her parents.
And it wasn't as though becoming a Ravenclaw in school had made it any easier. Her mum had been a Slytherin, her dad had been a Hufflepuff and both were a bit unhappy that she hadn't fallen into either one of their houses. It had started a small row.
As did her choosing the career of an Auror.
When she chose that her mum got all teary eyed and said something along the lines of, it wasn't right to have to throw your family in jail even if they were nutters. Yet another fun-filled family row as Ted rushed to his daughters defense saying the the whole of Andromeda's weirdo relatives should be locked up permanently.
Yeah, she liked to be distracted from life with her flashy colors.
But, lately, it hadn't been working.
She had had a major emotional upheaval. Because of this everything in her life had bounced into an awkward place where it was neither colorful nor dull…just bloody depressed. She couldn't morph. She couldn't morph a single hair on her head to save her pathetic arse. She was suddenly finding simple magic difficult. When she had fixed Harry's nose it was a miracle she hadn't blown off his head!
It seemed the only spell she could do without any trouble was Expecto Patronum. Yes, she could summon a mean Patronus. Probably because her Patronus had decided to take on the form of the being causing her to have a bloody emotional upheaval. Bloody werewolf.
The more she thought about it, the more she really hated the words emotional upheaval. They seemed really dry and bookish to her. Something that a scholar would say. She could well imagine Remus and Hermione teaming up on her and pelleting her with emotional upheaval.
She wasn't particularly emotional, nor was she in a state of upheaval. She was heart-broken and that was much worse.
Ever since she had told Remus Lupin that she cared about him, that she fancied him despite his age and his poverty and his, er, furry little problem, she had been suffering from the unbearable agony of living everyday with a heart that was more broken with every beat it took.
And she was becoming ruddy useless because of it.
She couldn't morph, she could hardly cast spells, and she was sure she was miserable company.
All because one R.J. Lupin couldn't allow himself to believe that she liked him. He thought it was a vicious prank or a "schoolgirl infatuation, while it seems really potent now it'll fade and you'll see things are better as they are".
Truth was, it got worse.
It got worse now that he didn't return her owls. Now that he was underground with werewolves that could tear him limb from limb. She couldn't sleep for fear that even as she lay in bed he was being mauled to death by Greyback.
It was driving her mad, loving him. But she couldn't help it. Every time she looked at him she saw that little bit of chaos that she loved, that little bit of Marauder mayhem gleaming in those deep grey eyes. She saw a wolfish smirk on his face as he fired witty (and sometimes rather naughty) taunts back and forth with her.
She had never seen a monster. Monsters were dark, they were evil. They killed and destroyed.
That was too much mayhem for her.
But Remus? Remus was just the right amount of crazy. Just the perfect amount of fun and boring, smart and dumb, sheer strength and unfortunate weakness.
To her, he was perfect just the way he was.
She groaned into a violently violet pillow and had the vicous hope that he too was suffering a bit of "emotional upheaval".
Fin.
A/N- I dunno…I don't think this one is as good as Remus' but I still like it. I really want to do one where he visits her at Christmas. After all, what's a pretty young thing like Tonks doing spending Christmas alone? He should do something about it! Lol
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