Warning: Mentions of child abuse/sexual assault
This takes place after Callie tells Brandon about Liam and before the finale.
Callie woke up panting, cold sweat plastering hair to her forehead and her pajama top to her back. Nightmares, far too often an occurrence for them to still get under her skin like this. She wiped at her forehead with her palm, trying in the same motion to wipe the terror from her mind. It didn't work and only managed to get a lock of hair stuck sideways to her face. She swept it away and tucked it behind her ear just as a sleepy voice mumbled, "Callie?"
Crap. Callie got up onto her elbows and saw Mariana sitting up in a little throne of pillows, rubbing sleep form her eyes. "You ok?" Mariana asked, voice thick with slumber.
"Yes," Callie whispered in what she hoped was a reassuring tone, "Go back to sleep Mariana."
Mariana blinked hazily from across the room, then her lips settled into a little pout and she snapped, as intimidating as a kitten in her sleepy state, "You've lived her long enough for me to be able to tell when you're lying. What's wrong? Bad dream?"
Callie flinched. She much preferred self-centered Mariana, she so rarely asked questions that didn't have anything to do with her. Callie liked that Mariana kept to her own business. As someone who liked to have as much privacy as possible, getting a self-absorbed roomie was a near dream-come-true. "Yeah. Bad dream. No biggie. Go to sleep."
There was a pause and a furrow formed between Mariana's eyebrows. Her gaze grew clearer every passing moment. "You sound upset."
"Uh, yeah, that's usually what happens after a bad dream," Callie replied drily. She fidgeted under Mariana's gaze. She wasn't sure the girls focus had ever stayed on her so long. It was disconcerting. Every conversation they'd ever had, Mariana had been the focus.
"I know that," Mariana said sharply. Her voice was gaining lucidity. Crap, crap. Why wouldn't she just go back to bed? All Callie wanted to do was lay awake for a bit, get her heart to stop pounding, not babysit the bratty twin. "But you didn't get upset. Not often. You're like, hard, smart-ass girl. You eat nails and girls like me for breakfast."
"Aren't I regretting not having gotten to you yet," Callie grumbled under her breath. Across the room she heard a soft huff.
"Anyway, if you're upset it must have been an awful dream." Mariana bit her lip, ducked her head a bit and asked in a quiet voice, "Was it about your foster dad? The one you rescued Jude from?"
Callie let out a harsh laugh. "Which one?" At Mariana's solemn look Callie sighed and explained, "We've been in twelve foster homes. He wasn't the only hitter we got saddled with." Landing with Stef and Lena so young, Callie wasn't sure if Mariana would get it, if she'd be just like Brandon with the scandalized look, the disbelieving tone. Mariana just stared, then nodded somberly, and Callie's heart went out to little Mariana. "Jude's quiet, you know? I managed to be the protective big sister for a long time. Maybe he got smacks, he couldn't all out avoid them, but Jim was the first to ever really lay into him. Before that I guess I rescued Jude just about all the time. That's why I said 'which one'. Not funny, I guess."
Mariana was silent for a moment, then asked, "So which one?"
Callie sucked in a breath. She hadn't expected Mariana to reply, she'd thought after those ugly truths the girl would drop it. She let out a nervous laugh, "I dunno. I was twelve, I think. Jude was eight. He, uh, he was still trying hard, looking for that home. The dad's name was Rick. Seemed nice enough at first. Sometimes the bad ones, they creep up on you. We were only there for five months or so."
Silence fell, then Mariana leaned forward slightly and prodded, "And the dream?"
Callie sighed and pulled her elbows out from under herself to flop onto her back. She could talk about this kind of stuff, but it helped not to look at the person she was speaking to for long, keeping her voice detached and giving a lot of shrugs like she was not actually talking about herself. "We were at- I dunno, a restaurant. Celebrating something maybe. Rick and Kathy- that's his wife- were there. If that happened in real life I'd handle it. Go to the bathroom, calm down, say I wasn't feeling well and wait in the car, something. Not in the dream. In the dream I… I freaked out." Callie chuckled without humor. "Started crying. Got up and ran to the bar, not to drink or anything, just to get away." She paused, turned her head to shoot a wary look at Mariana. "Stef followed…"
"She would," Mariana said confidently, a beaming and proud smile shining on her face. "Mom's the best."
Callie sucked her teeth and nodded absentmindedly.
"Did Mom sock him? Did she do the cop tackle, or the scary cop look at least?"
Callie paused, sighed and shook her head. "No. She didn't sock him."
"Well, what?"
"She… I mean, I guess she socked me."
"What?!" Mariana sat bolt upright from her pillows, eyes bugging out.
"She slapped me. For making a scene. It was just a dream," Callie focused her eyes intently on the ceiling.
"Dreams are what you think though, right? Stef would never," Mariana insisted firmly.
Callie nodded, this one even less convincing than the last. Mariana started to swing out of bed, all defenses armed, then she took a moment to think. Callie had seen lots of bad in her time in foster care. The bad drastically outweighed the good. Stef and Lena had never given Callie a reason to believe they would hit. But the system itself had given her a hundred reasons to think they would. Maybe consciously the idea had sunk in, but subconsciously… "And then?" Mariana urged more gently.
"And then… The dream phased forward. You know, one place then suddenly another, and time has passed. We were back home. Apparently I told your moms I wanted to press charges." Callie glared at the ceiling. She would never, it was stupid and pointless, just as pointless as pressing charges against Liam was going to turn out, but apparently court was on her mind or something. Her subconscious was very dumb.
Mariana knew about Liam. It had just somehow… happened. Callie wasn't even sure Jude knew what Mariana knew, about the charges and all, because Callie had spent so much time protecting Jude from that too. Jude knew there had been something between Callie and Liam, that another Bad Thing had happened to get them sent away, but Callie had never put it into words before the day with Brandon and then the night with Stef and Lena. She couldn't tell Jude. But Mariana, of all people, knew about Liam. And it wasn't an absolutely terrifying thought that she did.
She couldn't actually trust Mariana, could she?
Mariana waited. Callie's ragged breathing filled the air, then in a voice that was trying very hard not to crack, said, "Jude wouldn't corroborate."
Mariana frowned. That made no sense. "Why not?"
"He said I-… um, he said I provoked him. Rick. That he'd had no problems with him, that I liked to start trouble… That I probably deserved it."
"Callie, he would never say that! If I know anything about that little boy, I know he loves you. And he rocks blue nail polish," Mariana added, hoping to coax out a smile. Only quiet from the other side of the room. Somehow Mariana knew Callie was fighting a losing battle with tears.
Callie turned toward the wall before she continued. "He wanted to move back in with Rick, give it another go. Without me."
"Jude wouldn't leave you Callie! Especially not for an asshat who hurt you. But not at all, really. You must know that, even after a bad dream."
"What if he thinks I deserved- that I brought all the trouble down on us?" Callie hugged herself as she asked so softly she wasn't sure Mariana would hear. It was her worst fear. Worse than Rick or Jim. Worse than Liam. Jude was her whole world, he was all she had, all she lived for. The single most important person.
"He doesn't. He thinks you're the most amazing person ever Callie. Anyone could see it."
Callie didn't reply immediately, then in a high voice that chased after the cracks, trying to conceal them, she said, "Thanks. Go back to sleep Mariana."
Mariana looked at Callie's back for a while, but couldn't think of anything else to say.