Learning and Growing Together

Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. - Benjamin Franklin

It was one of those rare days where one could sit and relax. There were no pressing cases that had the BAU flying out and helping local law enforcement find the unsub. For Spencer Reid, it was one of those rare times where he could relax and just be with his girlfriend, Genevieve, and it was nice that it was her day off from work. They could sit back and relax and get used to the idea of living together.

He had proposed her moving in with him after spending the night at her place. It was one of the few times that they spent the night together once he made the first move. After making love he held her and asked her to stay with him. She didn't need an explanation as to what he meant and gave her answer in a one worded reply and cuddled into his body. From there it had been a rather quiet move into his apartment and slowly her mark was made within the apartment though she was hesitant at times and he realized she wanted him to give her his preferences.

It was an interesting ride so far. Reid knew her preferences and had stayed at her studio apartment enough times to know her quirks as she knew his. There were still things though that they were learning about each other. For instance, she would sing or hum when grading papers and it was often the same time he decided to read. She had a way of organizing things that were different from his system. She was mostly laid back at times but she always came through on things; a complete contrast to his more straight-laced manner. Mostly it was good with few disagreements but Reid knew that it could happen. It just so happened to be that day.

Reid was relaxing on the couch that she bought since the old one was rather uncomfortable to sit on. At first, he had been annoyed at the fact that she made that choice without consulting him but it changed the moment he sat on it. Genevieve did concede that she had been hasty but promised to at least discuss anything like new furniture. Reid was enjoying reading his favorite set of works when he felt the warning signs.

He had never been convinced that his migraines were psychosomatic. They were very real and they could get bad enough to impede his ability to function. Light sensitivity was the worse and had him look into getting his glasses made specially tinted against the fluorescent lights of the bull pen of the BAU. Sometimes sound aggravated them. It seemed to echo in his head and it vibrated in his skull. Sometimes it made him wonder if he was going crazy even though he skated by the likelihood of being diagnosed as schizophrenic. And it was one of the things that he hadn't mentioned to her.

He had been lucky to not have a migraine in her company so far because he disliked the fact that it would have disrupted the time he spent with her. Now it seemed that good things were coming to an end. He frowned when he started feeling the first twinges of the dull throbbing come on. He resisted making a sound and leaned back on the couch and closed his eyes. It usually helped since he wasn't looking at anything and it was relief from the intensity of the light filtering into the living room.

It was some relief but it became clear that it wasn't just light but sound. Genevieve was quietly humming to herself as she graded papers and absently tapping the tip of her pen as she read the student responses. Normally that wouldn't have bothered him but now it was starting to feel like it was echoing in his head. He shifted to try and ease the noise and the throbbing, aware that it would look like he was trying to sleep. The noise didn't stop even after turning and his book fell onto the floor.

"Spencer?"

Reid heard her voice but not the words. He heard paper rustling and her pen clattering on the table. There was the soft scrape of the chair that now sounded like steel wool on metal. He opened his eyes and he knew it was a mistake. The light hit and the dull throb just reared its head. This was going to be one of the worst migraines he had. He shifted and started feeling sick to his stomach. Yep this was going to be a bad one and probably one that would require him brushing his teeth afterwards.

He jumped slightly when he felt her hand on his shoulder and blurted, "I'm fine." He shifted to turn inward and almost in a fetal position. Knowing that it appeared rude, he added, "Just a headache."

"Do you want some aspirin?"

"No."

The answer had been abrupt and Reid knew that it would have Genevieve confused. He turned his head slightly to look at her and said, "I'm allergic."

Genevieve had been watching Reid the moment he started moving like he normally didn't. She studied his movements while trying not to be a bother. When he gave her that response, she raised her brow and countered, "You're allergic to carbenicillin. And I would know about anything else since you told me."

Reid realized he was in hot water and that he should have remembered that since she asked him if he had any allergies when she started having him over for dinner. "I don't take aspirin," he said. "I don't want it."

"Why?"

Reid paused while keeping his eyes shut and his face half buried in the couch pillow. He wasn't feeling the nausea any worse so that was a good sign but his head was aching. And she asked the one question that would open the floodgate to the one thing that he hadn't been able to bring himself to tell her about. He muttered childishly, "Because."

Genevieve peered at Reid with a narrowed look. "That may work with a six-year-old, Speedy. Not for you." She went to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet and took out a bottle of migraine formula painkillers. She walked back to the living room to find Reid had managed to get himself off the couch and was stumbling around the room like he was trying to hide. She frowned saying, "Spencer, stop it."

"I don't want them," Reid said as he circled Genevieve. It was difficult since he was trying to keep the light from blinding him and making his headache worse. He jumped when she advanced. "Just leave it, Gen."

Genevieve was puzzled by the whole thing. She tried again, "Spence, I know you have a migraine and it's killing you right now. Just take one."

"No," Reid replied firmly, almost shouting. He managed to make it to their room and shut himself in. "No," he repeated.

Genevieve blinked as she stared at the door. Why was he being so stubborn? She walked towards their room and tried to open it only to find that it was locked. He was locking her out? She was confused and it was scaring her. "Spencer... what's wrong? Please tell me."

Reid heard the plaintive tone in her voice and that hurt worse than his head. Feeling like a fool, he leaned against the door. He rested his forearm on it and his forehead on his arm. It seemed to relieve the pressure a little bit. His silence seemed to send another message and he heard her voice, trying hard not to cry saying, "I'll leave you alone. I'll be out."

Reid closed his eyes. He knew he was making her cry and for what? Because of the one thing he was ashamed of and his stupid fear that if he told her, she would think less of him. Now she was leaving and that also sent panic through him. Being too fast for caution, he undid the lock and opened the door calling for her to stop but the pounding reared its head and he stopped in his tracks as he opened his eyes. Big mistake.

The nausea came back full force and this time it meant to go all the way. He wheeled around and started heading towards the bathroom probably looking like a drunk. He wasn't sure he was going to make it until he felt her hands grasp his body and help him. He felt embarrassed that she had to see him like this and he felt miserable; miserable that he had treated her badly and made her cry because of his fears and now she was sitting there in the bathroom with him, stroking his back while he puked his guts up. Some day off and the universe was against him.

Genevieve had sensed that something was going on with Reid that he didn't want her to know. It hurt that he locked her out and she wanted to know why. She thought it was stubborn male pride but it didn't stop the hurt in her voice when she told him that she would be out to give him space. When he came out and ended up trying to make a dash for the bathroom, she didn't hesitate. She helped him to the bathroom and sat beside him as he vomited while gently stroking his back between his shoulder blades.

It seemed like a long time sitting there but Genevieve didn't mind. She just stroked Reid's back as he tried to gain some sense of composure. When she figured he had nothing left to heave, she said in the lowest tone possible, "You ready to stand?"

Reid felt awful and guilty about his behavior. Yet he felt like a sick toddler as he nodded. He didn't question her ability to hold up his body weight but tried to help her out as much as he could. He kept his eyes closed but opened slightly so he could get a sense of where he was going. He heard the toilet flush one last time.

"I'll wait in the room," Genevieve said in a quiet tone before leaving him alone in the bathroom.

Reid nodded and almost told her to stay and suffer more to his already tarnished dignity but she had moved and quietly closed the door. It left him alone to his thoughts as he cleaned and rinsed his mouth out. His head still hurt but the nausea was gone for now. He was able to clean up and make his way to the door with the resolve to apologize to her.

He opened the door to find that the entire apartment had no lights on. The windows had been covered by the drapes and blinds. It left a soft darkness that was relief to his eyes as he slowly opened them wider. He found Genevieve waiting with her hands folded in front of her with nothing but concern on her face and eyes and it made him feel even more guilty for his behavior. He started, "Gen, I..."

Genevieve said nothing but took his hand and led him to their room. Reid knew he had to say something and tried again, "Gen, about the..."

"Come on. You'll feel better lying down."

Reid knew she meant well but he knew better. He had hurt her feelings, nearly yelled at her and it was no fault of her own. She had only been trying to help him. He paused, "Gen, please..."

"Humor me, Speedy. Please."

Reid sighed and let her push him into lying down. He had to admit it felt better and the queasiness was going away. His head still hurt and when he shifted his head, he made a slight moan. Eventually, he managed to get comfortable and grab a hold of Genevieve before she left. He asked, "Please. Stay."

"I'm not going anywhere. Just cleaning up."

Reid snorted impatiently at that sounding more like a grumpy old man being woken up. "Gen... please."

Genevieve sensed Reid was trying to tell her something important. Nodding in agreement, she sat on the edge and faced him. She didn't say anything but reached out to brush a few of his locks away from his face, amused that he thought lying on his stomach and scrunching his face into his pillow was comfortable. She was surprised when he took a breath and slowly rose to a seated position. "Spence?"

Reid waved her off gently. As much as he wanted to lie down, he needed to get this out. He didn't have a speech prepared and went with the first thing on his mind, "Gen... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for... that, but I have my reasons."

Genevieve recognized a confession when she saw it. She had seen Reid confess things in different states, some hilarious because of the situation. This she saw was serious and she'd rather he be more coherent. So, she tried to stall, "You don't have to..."

"I do, Gen," Reid interrupted before closing his eyes in a grimace. He paused and took a couple of breaths before saying, "I don't take painkillers or anything like that because... I am an addict."

Genevieve heard the words and they didn't register at first. She then asked in a low tone, "What was it?"

"Dilaudid." Reid closed his eyes and focused on breathing. He could feel the pulsing in his head and all he wanted to do was to just fall down and pass out. But he had to get this out. He already opened the door. "It was..." He swallowed slightly before continuing, "Nearly eight years ago. On a case."

Genevieve gave a slight gasp. She reached out and held his hand. "You don't have to tell me." She sensed he was going to tell her something that affected him deeply and was possibly ashamed of it. "There are a few things I'm not ready to kiss and tell." She tried to be reassuring since she didn't think it was a bad thing. It all went back to trust.

Reid saw what she was trying to do and appreciated it but he knew he had to tell her despite the fact that she would never pester him to take aspirin if he left it at that. He shook his head and replied, "You should know." Blinking he winced from the throbbing in his head. "His name was Tobias Hankel."

Reid told her everything. It was like he thought it would be. Once he started, he couldn't stop. He told her everything from the case, to going to Hankel's house, to being kidnapped, beaten and drugged. He let it all out and when he finished came the moment of truth. He looked at her, waiting for the judgment that was sure to come. But it didn't. Instead, he found her arms wrapping around him and giving a gentle hug with one of her hands reaching up to massage his head and he thought he heard her sob. "Gen?"

"I'm sorry, Speedy," she whispered. "Now that I know I won't press. But... I can't stand seeing you like that."

Reid felt the air had been squeezed out of him. He had talked to apologize and she was the one doing it. He lowered his head slightly and said, "It's okay, Gen. I usually don't get them this bad."

Genevieve pulled back and looked at him. "It's not okay," she said softly, "Because you're in pain and you have an understandable fear in conflict with each other. Does it really make sense to suffer needlessly?"

Reid looked at her as she mulled over her question. Maybe he was being a little irrational over it. It was aspirin but addiction was very real. He looked downward and thought about it. Then he said, "Just one."

Genevieve looked up and stared at him. She shook her head, "Spence..."

"Just one."

"But..."

"Please." Reid saw the look on her face and continued, "You're right in it doesn't make sense. And... I know I hurt you Gen. It' not your fault and I know we both have secrets and things we don't want to tell. This... you should know just as you told me about your anemia and occasional bouts of hypoglycemia." He took a breath since the conversation was exhausting him but he needed to get this out. "I am scared but... I trust and believe that you wouldn't let anything happen and you make me feel I can overcome my fears."

Genevieve studied him. She saw that he was taking big steps in trusting bits and pieces of himself to her. Being together in a relationship was a giant step and he dogged his way through with determination to discover what it was like on his own. She knew that he was reluctant to share her with his team and she supported that and she liked the idea of keeping up a pretense of mystery and convinced him it could be fun. She was learning more and more about the gentle man every day and it was like an adventure with its perils, dangers and victories. She was reluctant in this decision but she knew that trust was a two-way street. She nodded and went to get the bottle.

Reid waited for her feeling apprehension but... he knew that she wouldn't let anything bad happen to him if she could help it and he knew definitely he would do the same for her. He closed his eyes to relieve a little of the pressure opening them when she came back with one pill and a glass of water. He took it and popped it in his mouth. Before having second doubts, he took the glass and downed the pill with the water.

"I think that's enough excitement for today," Genevieve said after a few moments. She took the glass and gently pushed him down on the bed. "Sleep."

Reid didn't protest and reassumed the position that he had earlier. He managed to turn his head and watch her leave quietly. He whispered, "I love you, Gen." Then closed his eyes.

The pill worked with no side effects and life proceeded as usual. It almost seemed that they both forgot the incident when it in fact it wasn't true. Reid knew that he was okay but he only felt the confidence when she was there to be his support. He wouldn't try it with his co-workers and it wasn't that he didn't trust them. He didn't trust himself since he knew that he kept his dilaudid addiction a secret and nearly had gotten serious reprimand. He knew that she remembered but she was respectful and never brought it up.

It did come up a few weeks later when Reid felt the signs of an impending migraine come up. It was another rare occasion of a day off and he was getting ready for face time with his practically older brother. He felt the first pangs and started closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He didn't want to cancel and decided to suck it up and use a painkiller even though he didn't want to. He started to get up when gentle hands pushed him by the shoulders until his head was resting on the back of the couch and the hands moved to start gently massaging his scalp and temples.

It caught Reid by surprise but the relief that started to come from the gesture had him relax. He managed to open his eyes and looked up to see Genevieve peering down at him with an inquisitive look. He gave her a smile and said, "That feels good."

Genevieve replied with a smile, "Good. I noticed you were getting another migraine and I wanted to try something." She moved her hands in a smooth manner that was almost petting his hair but providing relief to the pressure that had started to build in his head. "I looked up alternatives to soothe migraines and got a few ideas. This one..."

"You did that for me?"

"Of course, you silly genius," Genevieve teased with a slight giggle. "I wanted to help. Part of living with someone is to learn how to be there for them. At least I think so." She stroked back his hair. "Besides, I get to kill two birds with one stone."

Reid looked at her. He had been touched that she went through that much effort. It never occurred to him at all that she would do that. It was humbling but also taught him something, one of the reasons why he liked not telling about her to the team. He was learning for himself and it was the kind of thing that he couldn't just pick up a book and read in less than an hour. It had been more of a fluke when he introduced her to more healthier meals that she could make and the benefit was that it helped with her anemia and hypoglycemia. He didn't deliberately set out to help her. In fact, he didn't know at the time until he commented on her healthy glow.

Seeing the relief on her face that what she was doing was helping him, he fell more for her. She was a treasure. Looking at her, he replied, "Really?"

"Yep. I help you and I get to do what I like doing." She gently stroked his hair and grinned down at him.

Reid made a slight face at that but he couldn't complain. He liked what she was doing and it worked. "It works."

Genevieve hummed and continued to massage his head until his laptop beeped stating that a call was coming through. Reluctantly, Reid sat up to accept the call. The worst had been staved off. He still had a dull throb but nothing he couldn't handle. He was surprised when Genevieve handed him a mug and his nose caught the scent of tea leaves. He looked at her but she said nothing as she sat beside on him the couch with a mug of her own. He took a tentative sip and then looked at her with a raised brow.

"Assam tea," she said.

Meant to induce relaxation and is soothing for most ailments. Stop looking like a fish, Spence.

Reid shut his mouth and shot a glare at the screen of his laptop. He replied, "Stop spying you pervert."

I'm not a pervert, kiddo. I just happen to catch you in the act.

Reid made a face but it was half-hearted and took another sip in defiance. He pulled Genevieve in close so she could say hello. He had learned a lot within the last few weeks. He was definitely enjoying living with the woman that had him intrigued since day one. They still had some ways to go and he was astute enough to know that it was a learning process, an ongoing one, when living together but he was determined to make the most of it.

For Genevieve, she learned what she had suspected when she first met Reid. He appeared fragile but he had strengths, inner strengths that were more telling that the greatest demonstrations of courage. Some things seemed foolish but it only provided a means of learning how to overcome a challenge. It was what she looked forward to living with the man that made her happy.

Great things are done by a series of small things brought together. - Vincent Van Gogh

A/N: Gen learns about what Reid has kept to himself for a long time. In the end both learn about learning to live with each other. Enjoy.