hiiii this is a short story semi-reflecting my mood recently. it actually hits closer to home than it's supposed to.
i own nothing besides two novelizations of bleach, a copy of all the bleach video games, a copy of all the bleach manga, a body pillow of Ulquiorra, Ichigo, Grimmjow and Nell (which has both boobs and ass xD).
I remember the rain.
That night on that cold, rainy day.
Thunder and lightening cackled in the stormy sky as it poured onto the concrete covered earth below with icy drops. Faint calls of crows and other birds resonated to my ears as I walked down the sidewalk.
I remember that I held your hand as we giggled, trotted and skipped through the shallow puddles.
I remember you carrying the umbrella to shield our heads from the rain from the heavens and smiling down at me.
I remember the sound of a passing van that diverted our attention back to the street. The wheels drove through the shallow puddles that gathered at the curb, splashing us in our rain coats with the murky, frigged water. The quick splash was directly aimed at me, the one being the closest to the street.
I remember how you knelt down and wiped my face and hair clean with a handkerchief.
.
.
.
I remember the rain.
The monsoonal rain that frequented, no, plagued, us in the summers.
I remember our trips to the ice creme shop after karate practice at the dojo.
I remember my yellow rain boots and coat that matched yours, splashing water as I hopped with you from puddle to puddle.
I remember the street lights that flickered above our head in the rain.
It's funny, the things you remember.
.
.
.
I remember the rain, like thousands of little razor blades against my cheek and exposed skin.
I had to protect everyone, but I couldn't.
I had to save that girl, but now I wished that I hadn't.
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.
.
Awakening.
I remember that I used awaken to your bright smiling face greeting me when I opened my eyes.
However.
I remember that when I awakened on that day. I slowly opened my eyes and groaned lightly from the odd sensation brought by the weight, chill and heat of you on top of me.
I remember waking by the river, but you didn't.
.
You had shielded me from harm, protected me.
.
I remember trying to wake you, but you didn't.
I remember wishing that I could change it, but I couldn't.
I remember dragging myself from under you and shaking you lightly. Your coat made a sickening squish noise from the inside. It chilled me to the bone. More than any amount of rain ever could.
I remember worrying that you would catch a cold if we had stayed longer out in the rain with the wet jacket on.
I remember that I snaked my hand underneath your jacket, only to retract it when my hand met the thick, viscous, luke-warm liquid.
I remember staring in disbelief at the crimson staining my hand as it was slowly diluted to a faint pink by the pouring rain water.
I remember shaking you again and calling for help.
I remember waiting beside you for hours screaming my voice hoarse, waiting for someone to help.
I cried and tried to tell myself that you were only sleeping.
I remember the pain of being wrong. So very wrong.
I remember sobbing over your prone body by the river and begging for your forgiveness. If only I hadn't been so stupid.
It was so dark. Cold. I was all alone.
.
I remember what you had said to me before I was knocked unconscious.
"So long and farewell, let us meet again. I love you, ******"
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I remember the funeral.
I remember how I walked through the crowd and back to you.
"May your memories give you strength." The white haired man named Ryuuken, hugged me briefly before parting with such sorrow in his voice.
"They say we live on in the hearts of the ones we leave behind." The raven haired wife of Ryuuken said as she laid a small hand on my shoulder.
I remember thinking if we really do go to a better place after our deaths.
"Can you tell me that?"
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.
.
How can you describe a person's life within a day? How they touched and changed the people they met?
I wanted to say so much to you. Say so many words to you. Do so many things to make you proud of me. I never really got to show you all that I had wanted to.
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I remember how I went to the bathroom's cabinet in the clinic attached to our house.
I remember retrieving the glass bottle of pills in the cabinet. I remember what they were really used for, but at the time, I really didn't care.
I knew they weren't for what I had tried to use them to do.
I remember filling the bath with cold tap water. I remember wanting to be close to you.
I remember filling my hand with pills before climbing into the bath with my clothes still on. I didn't care.
I remember how I stared at the bottle for one last time. I cursed and threw the glass bottle into the mirror and the pills in my hand. I remember how the crash of the mirror shards and the scattering of the pills around the bathroom made it's way into the clinic down below.
.
I know that you don't have to die to be dead. I know that now.
I remember that I had walked to your grave every weekend after that.
I remember that when I had walked to your grave today, that it was the anniversary of the attack.
It rained again today. Just like that day.
.
I learned to live without you, but sometimes I wish that sometimes I was the one who had died and that it was you that visits my grave.
The lightening lit up the sky with periodic flashes as the heaven continued to pour like my tears had.
I wish that I was the one who had protected you, shielded you.
That I was the one in the grave and you were the one standing over me.
That I was the one who was rotting and decaying in the shallow casket.
But it's not like that, is it?
"I would have lived and died for you if I could."
There are somethings that you remember.
I remember the rain and my love for you.
"I love you, my son, my lovely Ichigo."
And that's it. It starts off as Ichigo telling the story and how he lost his mother but it ends with Masaki saying goodbye because she's the one who survived instead of Ichigo. It's an AU at the end.
Yup Ja, ne.