I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this one shot, they are property of Disney. I do however own the plotline to this story. I also own the song in this story, it was written by me, so don't take it. Please and Thank you.
Caitlyn always loved the beach. The sound of the crashing waves, and the feeling of sand between her toes always made her happy, made her feel complete. Lately though, Caitlyn had been keeping her distance from the beach, from all the people, from him. She didn't want to avoid him, but she knew that she had to for her own sake, for her own sanity, for the good of her heart. She was happy that her best friend had found someone he thought he could love, well as happy as a broken hearted best friend could get at least. She was happy for him, she just wished that what caused his happiness would have been her. The curly haired girl had become best friends with him after her girl best friend, Mitchie, became infatuated with dating his older brother Shane. The friend and sibling left behind became close, and she eventually fell in love with him like a girl from any recent chick-flick. The duo had gone to the beach the day he met her. They were planning on having a picnic on the beach, then going surfing, but before they could make it to the first activity he had fallen for her, leaving Caity forgotten, and alone. She blocked herself off from the world, she became a hermit, never leaving her room unless she needed to eat or shower, but even that didn't happen enough. Caitlyn's loud and brightly colored wardrobe soon became dark and black. Her make-up soon took the same route her clothes did, her music not far behind.
Nate always loved the beach. The smells, the sound of people splashing in the water, it sounded like a one of a kind symphony. Nate had been coming to the beach more then usual as of late, spending time thinking, trying to figure out what was missing from his life. He usually talked to someone, his brothers, his mom, his 'sister' (aka brothers girlfriend), or his best friend, but now when he needed someone to help him he couldn't find anyone. He thought he was happy as of recently, happier then ever actually, but he always felt a nagging in his heart that said something was wrong, he just didn't know what. Nate had become happier because he had met someone, Dana, a beautiful brown eyed brunette from Jersey; he had met her on the very beach he was walking along. Everything was going well, the couple was having fun, going to the beach almost daily, surfing, picnicking, tanning, doing all the activities they could do on a beach, but eventually Nate started to feel something was wrong: everyday the feeling growing worse. Soon Dana became aggravated with Nate's degrading mood, and ended their two month relationship. This brought Nate to where he is now, walking along the beach a week after his not so pretty break up, looking up at a figure not to far ahead of him, dressed in black capri's and a black hoodie, feeling the need to speak to them.
Listening to some heartbreak song she didn't even know the name of, Caitlyn decided to take a seat on the sand and watch the waves roll on and off the beach. About a minute after taking her seat she noticed a shadow overhead and looked up to see the chocolate brown eyes she was desperately trying to avoid. She immediately snapped her head down, her now brownish green, life-less eyes becoming entertained with the golden sand found below her.
"Caitlyn?" Nate questioned hesitantly, he knew he hadn't really seen or talked to Caitlyn in the past two months, but this couldn't be his Caitlyn. His Caitlyn was bright eyed, curly haired, eccentrically dressed, and most importantly always happy, this couldn't be his Caitlyn.
"Nate" the teenage girl replied coldly, her eyes still fascinated by the golden grains under her, her ears still immersing themselves in the musical story of heart break.
"Mind if I sit with you?" he asked still unsure of the shell of girl that was sitting before him.
"I'm actually leaving, so I'll see you around" Caitlyn replied, this time her response teetering more on an aggravated tone then at cold one. She picked herself off the sand and started walking the opposite direction Nate was looking, trying desperately to not shed any tears.
A few seconds after recovering from the aggravated tone Caitlyn used against him, he started running, and calling after her "Caitlyn…Caity, wait up" he requested.
"Do NOT call me Caity" she responded slowly, and laced with anger, while she continued to walk, actually run along the shore line.
Nate didn't know what he had done, but he knew he made Caitlyn angry. He was usually the only one to be able to call her Caity, and now that he couldn't call her that he knew she was upset with him, but for reasons unbeknownst to him. Nate continued to run after a now sprinting Caitlyn, stopping only when they finally reached her SUV.
"Caitlyn, what's wrong? Talk to me" Nate pleaded as he watched her get into her green Honda pilot. "What did I do to make you angry with me?" He questioned, still unsure of his wrong doing.
"Maybe when you figure out the answer to the question you just asked I'll talk to you, but until you figure that out, leave me the hell alone" she shot at him. Taken aback by the anger and language she used Nate stepped away from the pilot, and watched her drive away with tears flowing down her cheeks.
After his encounter with Caitlyn at the beach Nate decided to go home and think about what he could have done to make his best friend so angry with him. The whole drive home Nate tried to rack up reasons as to why she would be so angry with him; he didn't miss her birthday because that was in December, and it was only August, he didn't miss their 'friendaversary' because that wasn't until September…he didn't know what was wrong.
When he finally arrived home he saw two extra cars in front of his house, after closer inspection he realized the cars belonged to his older brother's girlfriends. After walking through the front door, he saw his eldest brother Jason, and his girlfriend Ella sitting on the couch and his older brother Shane was sitting on the floor with his girlfriend Mitchie in his arms, the group having what looked to be an intense conversation.
"Nate, is that you?" Jason asked after hearing footsteps on their wooden floor.
"Yeah" Nate replied, joining the group in their family room "What's going on in here" he asked taking a seat on the recliner facing the couch.
"Just talking, what were you up to" Shane asked looking at his younger brother.
"I went to the beach to clear my head, but I ended up coming back with more thoughts" Nate replied saying vague on what actually occurred at the beach.
"Anything we could help with?" Jason's new girlfriend Ella asked sweetly.
Nate opened up his mouth to answer no, but was cut off by Mitchie's phone ringing.
"I am so sorry about that Nate, let me just turn my phone on silent" she apologized, and slightly embarrassed.
"It's just that" Nate started then got cut off by Ella's phone ringing
"I thought my phone was on vibrate, sorry Nate" Ella apologized, then looked down at her phone with a puzzled expression.
"Don't worry about it, who was it anyways?" Nate asked fueled by curiosity from the puzzled expression Ella had just dawned.
"Oh it was Caitlyn, but it was her house number, not her cell which is weird" Ella informed the group
"Caitlyn just called me on her house number too" Mitchie replied, worry starting to show across her face.
"Maybe she left a voice mail, why don't you go listen to them" Jason suggested to the girls. Taking Jason's advice, the two girls picked themselves up from the seats and went to the kitchen to listen to their voicemails.
"We haven't heard from Caitlyn in a while" Shane spoke "I wonder what she has been up to?" he wondered aloud.
"She's changed a bit" Nate whispered
"What is that supposed to mean?" Jason asked.
Nate looked up quickly after Jason spoke; no one was supposed to hear what he had said.
"It's just I saw her at the beach today, she wasn't herself. She was wearing all black, her hair was straight, her eyes had lost their sparkle, and she was really angry. She was really angry at me, and I don't know why." Nate told his older brothers, hoping to get some sympathy or help to figure out why she was so upset with him. Instead he just got blank stares, but they were put to the back of his mind when he saw the two girls enter the family room, their faces paler then a ghost, and eyes threatening to shed tears.
"What's wrong?" Shane asked as Mitchie grabbed her car keys out of her purse.
"Caitlyn's in the hospital" was all Mitchie said before tears started cascading down her cheeks.
Caitlyn knew she shouldn't have been driving while crying hysterically, but she couldn't help but want to get away from the beach. Caitlyn knew that when the car behind her rear ended her it was because she had slammed on her own breaks to quickly. Caitlyn also knew that she deserved to get t-boned when the force of the car rear ending her pushed her into the middle of the intersection, because she had been a bad person today. She knew these things because Caitlyn's a smart girl, the thing she didn't know though, was if she was going to survive the car wreck. She didn't know if she was going to die with Nate still mad at her. She didn't know if she was going to die without saying goodbye to her family. The saddest thing though, was that she didn't know if she wanted to survive. Since she wasn't sure if she wanted to live, Caitlyn let herself drift into unconsciousness, she let herself drift into darkness where nothing was seen, heard, and better yet, where nothing was felt. She couldn't feel the physical pain that the car crash had caused her, she also couldn't feel the emotional pain her friends had been putting her through, and that in itself was enough to make Caitlyn want to stay there forever.
The group of five rushed to the front desk of the hospital hoping for the best, but unfortunately prepared for the worst. As they stood at the front desk waiting for help, each person remained silent, no one made a movement or sound, staying that way until they noticed the nurse staring at them.
"Can you tell us which room Caitlyn Gellar is staying in please?" Jason asked finally snapping out of his trance.
"How are you related to Miss Gellar?" The nurse inquired.
"We're close friends of hers and their families" Mitchie responded, finally out of her trance.
"I'm sorry, but I can only release information about the patient to their families or fiancés. I wish I could be of more help." The nurse replied noticing the friend's sad faces.
"Do you know if her mom is here?" Ella asked, her friends starring at her.
"She is in the ER waiting room around the corner, you are more then welcome to go see her" the nurse replied smiling at Ella because she found the hospitals loop hole.
"Thanks" Shane replied as the five left for the waiting room.
Ella spotted Caitlyn's mom and guided the group to her, "Hi Mrs. Gellar" Ella said, startling the older woman.
"Oh hi Ella" She replied "And Mitchie, Jason, Shane, and Nate. Wow I didn't expect ALL of you to come" Caitlyn's mom continued.
"Can you tell us what's going on Mrs. Gellar, the front desk couldn't tell us anything since we aren't family" Mitchie informed the woman as her and the rest of the group took the open seats surrounding Mrs. Gellar.
"The police said that Caitlyn was driving and she got rear ended after stopping quickly for a red light, the impact caused her to be pushed into the intersection, and she was t-boned on the driver side. The paramedics said that when they pulled her out of the car it looked like she had been crying prior to the accident, both her eyes and cheeks were extremely red. The police believe that her crying caused her to slam on the breaks suddenly, in turn causing the person behind her to rear end her. Do you girls know why she could have been upset since she was coming from hanging out with you guys?" Mrs. Gellar asked.
"She wasn't with us Mrs. Gellar, I actually haven't seen Caitlyn in weeks to be honest" Mitchie informed Mrs. Gellar, her face showing guilt and remorse.
"She wasn't with you? But she said that you guys had been hanging out this past week…" Mrs. Gellar started "Was she with you Ella?"
"I'm sorry Mrs. Gellar but she wasn't with me, I was actually with Mitchie, Jason and Shane today" Ella informed her best friend's mom, feeling guilty for not knowing what was wrong with one of her best friends.
"I don't know what was wrong with her" Mrs. Gellar sobbed "She's been different the past couple months, and I thought she was starting to get back to her old self when she told me she was hanging out with you girls. Now I know that she was lying, and I still have no clue what is wrong" the mom continued to sob into her hands.
"I'm such a horrible mother" Mrs. Gellar continued to go on for another ten minutes, wallowing in self pity, eventually the girls convinced her to go to the restroom to clean herself up before the doctor decided to talk to her.
"I feel really bad" Jason told the group after Mrs. Gellar left
"I do too" Ella replied leaning into Jason's shoulder "I'm supposed to be one of her best friends, and I haven't seen or spoken to her in a good month. I'm such a bad person" she continued while trying to hold back tears.
"I should have known something was wrong, I should have seen the signs that she was changing, and that something was bugging her. Ugh, I'm a horrible friend" Mitchie voiced as she paced the floor in front of the group.
"It's not just your fault Mitchie, we all should have noticed something wasn't right when we hadn't heard from her in a while. We all should have made time for her instead of forgetting about her" Shane said while trying to console his girlfriend who stopped pacing and was now in his arms.
"It's my fault" Nate whispered, speaking for the first time since finding out Caitlyn was in the hospital.
"It's not your fault Nate" Ella attempted to console him while still in Jason's arms.
"No" Nate told the group while standing up quickly "It's my fault she got in the wreck. It's my fault she was crying. I saw her at the beach earlier today, and we got into a fight, and she drove off crying. It's my fault Caitlyn is in this fucking mess. I hurt my best friend" Nate informed his friends, tears coming out of his eyes at the end of his admission.
"What was the fight about Nate?" Jason whispered
"That's the worst part Jase" Nate whispered back "I really don't know what it was about. She was just extremely mad at me, and I really don't know why."
The group was silent as they thought about different things regarding Caitlyn: how she was doing, why was she upset, and why hadn't they seen her in a while were just a few of the thoughts that plagued the group.
The silence continued until they heard footsteps and a door opening, the doctor came out asking "Is Caitlyn Gellar's family here?"
"I'm her mom" Mrs. Gellar said, rounding the corner looking much better then before she left. "How is she?"
"Well we have her stabilized, but she sustained some serious injuries. She broke three ribs, one puncturing her left lung. Her left arm is broken in three places, luckily both of her legs seem to be unbroken, but are bruised, her left one especially. Her most serious injury is a concussion to the left side of her brain, we took an MRI and there is immense swelling at the sight of the injury, which may cause a hemorrhage. We are crossing our fingers that she won't start to hemorrhage, but because the injuries are severe we are keeping her in the ICU for at least a week, but more then likely longer. You can see her in a half an hour, after she is settled in to her room. If there are any other people who would like to visit her they need to sign in and they can only go in one at a time." The doctor informed Caitlyn's mom
"Thank you doctor" Mrs. Gellar said then turned to the group.
"Did you hear what he said?" She asked her daughters friends
"Yes" they replied at once.
"Well lets get you all checked in" She said leading them to the elevator to take them to the ICU floor.
Nate only left the hospital once in the past week that Caitlyn had been in the hospital, and that was only because Mitchie drug him out of there to help her go pick up some of Caitlyn's things to help make the room a little homier.
When Nate walked into Caitlyn's room he felt the full effect of what he had seen on the beach. Caitlyn's clothes were all black; her make up black, even her lime green laptop had been converted to black. Nate felt like he didn't know the girl who owned the room he was in, the girl who he had been friends with for years and years. The room Nate Gray stood in was not Caitlyn Gellar's room, it was someone else's, someone he didn't know.
"Nate, take a look at this" Mitchie called to him from Caitlyn's desk.
"It's her laptop, what's so important about it?" He asked, clearly annoyed.
"It's on, her music and lyrics are open, they are all depressing and heart breaking. One of them even has your name written to the side of it with a note"
"What? Why?" Nate asked
Mitchie shrugged her shoulders then turned on the track, both of them reading the lyrics to it as Caitlyn's voice came through the speakers.
I'm trying to understand
That her taking you away
Is a part of some master plan
That's supposed to help me see
What I need to be
All on my own…
But it still hurts,
That you're not here
But it still hurts
That you don't care
And it still hurts
That you'll never be
What I need you to be…
What I need you to be for me.
It's getting harder everyday
For me to stay here,
And not run away
The only thing keeping me
Is hoping you'll come back
And save me from what I've become
Because it still hurts,
That you're not here
Because it still hurts
That you don't care
And it still hurts
That you'll never be
What I need you to be…
What I need you to be for me.
I'm hoping and I'm praying
That if I change my ways
You'll come back someday
And you'll say…
I'm sorry it hurt
When I wasn't here
I'm sorry it hurt
That you thought I didn't care
And I'm sorry it hurt
That I wasn't me
That I wasn't what you need
That I wasn't what you needed me to be
Oh whoa
Oh, oh, oh
But all that's just a dream
You'll never come save me
From all that hurt
It'll still hurt
Cause you're not here
And It'll still hurt
Because you don't care
And It'll still hurt
Cause you'll never be
What I need you to be
What I need you to be for me
Nate stopped looking at the computer halfway through the song and took a seat on Caitlyn's bed. The lyrics and the tone of her voice broke Nate; he started to shed tears quietly, and then escalated to sobbing by the end of the song.
"Mitchie…" Nate whispered, his head in his hands, eyes swollen, voice raspy
"Yeah Nate?" Mitchie asked unsure of how to approach an upset Nate
"What…what does the note with my name on it say?" Nate asked, voice still raspy
As Mitchie read the note her face drained of color, and tears threatened to fall from her eyes.
"Mitchie, what does the note say?" Nate asked again, this time his voice sounded stronger.
"Oh sorry" she whispered "it says: For Nate, the guy who stole my heart and shattered it without knowing it"
"What?" Nate asked completely flabbergasted
"There is more" Mitchie continued "To my other friends who seemed to go away when Dana showed up as well, I guess I won't be needed anymore" This time Mitchie's voice cracked at the end, starting the tears down her pink cheeks. "Nate, what…what did I do? I've lost my best friend" Mitchie sobbed.
Nate raised himself from Caitlyn's bed and went to comfort Mitchie by pulling her into his arms. "We haven't lost her yet" Nate whispered into her ear multiple times while rubbing her back. "We haven't lost her yet."
Caitlyn suddenly felt a sharp pain on her left side in both her abdomen, and head causing her to scream out loudly. The pain suddenly subsided when she felt someone rubbing circles on the top of her right hand; the hand felt calloused and rough, the hand felt like…Nate's.
"Caity you're okay, your medicine will kick in to help decrease the pain, I promise" a male voice whispered into her ear, Caitlyn didn't want to believe that it was Nate's voice speaking to her so she kept her eyes closed and started to repeat "no" in her head, well she thought it was in her head.
"No what Caity" he asked again, this time his breath could be felt on her face.
"No, Nate can't be here, he can't be" Caitlyn whispered.
"Do you want me to leave then?" Nate asked, hurt evident in his voice.
"Why are you here?" She asked, dismissing his question
"I wanted to be here when you woke up, I wanted to show you that I still care about you Caity" Nate told her, and then kissed her head.
"But…But…you…don't…" Caitlyn started, but then discontinued as her medicine kicked in and put her to sleep.
Nate continued to look at his bruised best friend as she fell back in to a deep slumber. He was upset that she thought he no longer cared, he was upset that she didn't believe him, but he was more upset with himself for making her believe those things. Nate knew he would have to make up for what he did to her, he just didn't know how.
"Caitlyn, you've got to wake up" a small soothing voice was calling to her "Caity please wake up, you're scaring all of us. You're scaring all of us so much, we're all afraid you don't want to be here with us anymore, we're all afraid you're going to leave us because we were so horrible to you these past couple of months. We all feel horrible, me, Shane, Ella, Jason, your mom, but especially Nate. Nate keeps blaming himself for you're accident, he keeps saying if you leave us it will be his fault. He told us you woke up for a little while last week and that you said something to him, he won't tell us what though. He's hurting badly Caity, I've never seen him this way, but I've never seen you this way before either. You've been in the ICU for 2 and half weeks now Caity, but it seems like it's been months, granted I haven't heard your voice in that long because of my own stupidity. I'm so sorry that I played a part in this Caitlyn, I am so sorry that I caused you so much pain, and don't tell me that I didn't cause some of it because I know I did. Nate and I went to get some things from your room at home, we saw your music. It was so sad, but so beautiful at the same time. That's been the only time I've been able to tear Nate away from you since you've been in the hospital. He's sleeping right now, so that's why it's me talking to you instead of him, he is usually the one to talk to you, he always kicks us out of the room when he wants to talk to you, no one's sure why though. He loves you Caity, so much, we all love you so much, but he loves you so much more then us, you can see it in his eyes. Please wake up Caity, for us, for him, for yourself, just please wake up" Mitchie pleaded
"It's not your fault" Caitlyn whispered
"Caitlyn?" Mitchie asked quietly, afraid it was her imagination
"It's not your fault, it was my own stupidity" Caitlyn whispered once more, her voice failing to produce more sound
"Oh Caitlyn!" Mitchie exclaimed as she hugged her best friend carefully, "I thought I was going to lose you"
"Shh…not so loud, Nate's sleeping" Caitlyn reminded her best friend
"We have to tell the others you're up Caitlyn, they will be so excited" Mitchie whispered in an upbeat tone
"Not yet, I just want to wait a little bit before the commotion starts. I just want to ask you if you meant what you were telling me" The injured patient requested, as she attempted to move a little bit.
"Did I mean what?" The brown haired, brown eyed best friend asked.
"Did you mean it when you said you went to my house and saw my music?" The girl asked still frustrated her voice wasn't as strong as it used to be
"Yes, your music was beautiful, but I could tell we hurt you a lot through your music. It was especially evident that you were frustrated with Nate, it hurt him badly when he heard one of your songs, I had never seen him so upset or emotional until he heard your song It Still Hurts." Mitchie replied as she saw rustling of blankets in the corner of her eye.
"Why would he care, it's not like he really did anything, it was my own stupidity that caused me that pain, besides he has Dana" Caitlyn replied, disgust dripping off her last word.
"I can't answer those questions for you Caitlyn, I don't know what goes through his mind, all I can tell you is that he has been distraught since he last talked to you at the beach. He was upset when he came in the house, before we even knew you had been in an accident, and he has been barely keeping himself together since we found out you were in the hospital. You affect him in a different way Caitlyn, you affect him the same way he affects you." Mitchie replied trying to get her friend to understand what Nate had been feeling.
"I couldn't have affected him the way he affects me, he affects me the way he does because I love him, he…he doesn't love me in that same way" Caitlyn tried to inform the girl.
"How do you know that" a man's voice asked out of nowhere.
"What?" Caitlyn looked around trying to find the person the voice belonged to
"How do you know I don't love you the same way you love me Caity?" Nate asked as he stood up and made his way towards the bed.
"I'm just going to leave" Mitchie whispered as she made her subtle exit.
"What are you doing Nate? Why are you here?" Caitlyn asked, make sure to avoid Nate's gaze.
"I'm here because I care about you Caity, it was my fault you got into that accident, if I hadn't of gotten into that argument you would have been fine, you wouldn't be here in the hospital" Nate told her
"Yeah, but I would still be forgotten, so it's not like I helped you any, I'm just taking time away from you guys by being here. I'm taking time away from you all that could be spent with the other more important people in your lives" Caitlyn retorted, her voice finally coming back to its normal volume.
"Caitlyn Marie Gellar, don't you ever say or think anything like that again, there is no one more important to me then you. You are so important to all of us, more important they you could ever know, and I'm sorry we messed up, I am truly sorry that I messed it up most. I have been a mess these past few weeks, even before I saw you at the beach, because you haven't been in my life, you light up my life Caity, and I'm sorry it took me so long to recognize that, and that these circumstances came about from that, but you need to realize that I need you Caity, more then you know." Nate took a deep breath after his monologue then slowly walked up to Caitlyn and kissed her. Caitlyn didn't know what to do at first, but she eventually started to kiss him back until he pulled away. He held her face in his hands, then continued his monologue as he looked into her eyes, "I love you Caity, so much and I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me, I will never be able to forgive myself for doing what I did to you, but I need you to know that I really truly love you, and I never want to let you go again."
"Nate, please don't say those things to me, don't tell me things you don't mean, don't tell me those things because you feel guilty, I don't want to be pitied" Caitlyn pleaded.
"I'm not pitying you Caity, I really do love you, but if you need me to back of little bit I will, tell me what you want and I will do it, I promise" Nate replied, his heart breaking slightly as he realized good things might not come out of this.
"I need you to regain my trust, because right now your word doesn't hold much with me. I'm sorry to tell you that, but after everything I went through, I can't deal with you coming in and breaking me again" Caitlyn replied honestly.
"I'll do whatever you need me to, as long as I'm still part of your life" He told her, still holding her close to him.
"I'm going to go back to sleep now, promise me you'll be there when I wake up" Caitlyn requested.
"Of course I'll be here. I love you Caity" he whispered as he saw her fall asleep
"I…love…you…too" she barely got out as she fell asleep, but this time she fell asleep hopeful for when she woke up.
I've had this oneshot on my computer for a while, and I finally got inspiration to finish it. I hope you enjoyed it.
Marina