The summer with the Fujiwaras was like something out of his childhood dreams, when he had still wanted so much for a loving family to take him away from the harsh realities of a life shuffled between people that only took him out of a sense of obligation. They were kind, they seemed to truly care for him, and they seemed to actually want him there with them. It was everything he had ever wished for, and more.
Which was why he knew, when it came to an end, it would be so much harder to let go.
Natsume had grown up lonely. It's nothing he was really sad about, per se. It was just how thing were, and he had learned very quickly that it was useless to cry about it. It was simply a fact and he came to accept as the years stretch on that his birthday wouldn't be celebrated, good grades and effort were not likely to be noticed, and it was almost always for the best if he just stayed quiet and out of sight. It was always best to not give the people he was staying with that week any reason to take notice of him. He became accustomed to keeping his head down at school, praying that the other students wouldn't take any notice of him and that the teachers would just glaze over him in their lessons.
That was probably why it surprised him so much when Touka pulled him aside to ask him about his day, to make sure he liked his lunch, or to chat cheerfully about little things. She seemed to like speaking with him just because she could, and not because she felt some sort of obligation to. It was the same with Shigeru, who was always a calm and steady presence, always gentle and willing to listen to anything his wife or his foster son had to say.
It was something that Natsume hadn't ever seen before, something he had never felt. With this couple, he found himself feeling safe, even when he had done something that would have incurred the wrath of anyone else. While it lasted, this feeling of safety and home, he cautiously allowed himself to enjoy it, and dreaded the moment he would do something to mess it all up.
.
The end began after a particularly rough week.
He had been kept awake for days on end by youkai who refused to leave him be until he found the forgotten shrine of their god. He had come home on multiple occasions with his school uniform torn and covered in mud, had tracked the filth into the house and over Touka's clean floors more than once. She had asked him if he was alright, and he'd told her yes, of course, but he had seen the way her mouth had grown tight and her eyes dark with worry.
Shigeru had pulled him aside and asked him about his failed math test. Natsume had smiled, lied, apologized, just like he had a hundred times before to other adults who acted like they cared, and ignored the guilt that roared to life in the pit of his stomach. It was so easy to believe that the man really did mean it when he expressed his quiet concerns in that soft, firm voice, his eyes kind and clear. Natsume didn't know how to respond to the kindness the man showed, so he just kept his eyes on the ground and his voice lowered. He didn't see the flicker of concern in Shigeru's eyes.
When he snapped over dinner a day later, voice loud and anger fueled by frustration and exhaustion, he saw Touka's eyes go wide and hurt and Shigeru's narrow with some emotion he couldn't find a name for. At the way silence fell after his outburst, Natsume knew that he had made an irreparable mistake. He apologized immediately and fled to his bedroom as soon as the meal was finished.
Later, Shigeru took him aside and spoke with him, words kinder than Natsume knew he deserved. He told him that if he had something troubling him, all he needed to do was talk to them about it. He told him that they cared, that they were there for him, and that they would do what they could to help him. Natsume had smiled, thanked him, apologized again, and then silently cried himself to sleep while Nyanko-sensei looked on with dark eyes.
The incident wasn't brought up again after that, but it was never far from Natsume's mind. He did his best to be even more polite, to stay quiet and clean and to not cause any problems. It was easier said than done.
Every time he made a mistake, he wondered if it would be the one to cause this happy little dream to come crashing down around his ears. When he had to come home with dirt on his knees or when he wasn't able to complete the little chores Touka would ask for his help with, he felt like a failure. He wondered which mistake would be the one to push the kindhearted Fujiwaras over the edge. After all, he knew from experience that even the most generous of people had a breaking point.
.
It was a nightmare that caused it. He had woken up screaming, crying out for a mother that was not his. The Fujiwaras had appeared at his doorway, still in their nightclothes and eyes filled with worry. He had assured them that nothing was wrong.
The next day, they were unusually quiet around him. They would fall silent when he walked into the room, eyes shifty and smiles far too wide. Touka was a horrible liar and it was apparent when she was hiding something.
It went on like that for days, their eyes always on him, their voices falling quiet whenever he walked past. More than once, he had caught them on the phone, whispering frantically into the receiver only to quickly say goodbye as soon as they realized he was home. Though they were more careful about it than others had been in the past, Natsume recognized all the signs.
They would be sending him away soon.
The realization hurt worse than anything else. It was worse than any wound a youkai could inflict, worse than any bully from his old schools. The fact the Fujiwaras had finally grown tired of him hurt worse than any abandonment in the past.
He had known it would happen, of course. He was a troublesome, damaged child. He knew the pattern, after having lived it time and time again for most of his life. But...well, he had hoped….
Natsume pushed the thoughts away with a shake of his head and went to his room to start packing. It was easy, methodical. He still had his box stored away in his closet, so he didn't even have to trouble them by asking for a new one.
Nyanko-sensei chided him, his grating voice poking and probing and demanding answers to things that Natsume didn't really care to think too much about. It was nice to know that, even if he did have to leave, at least his self-proclaimed bodyguard would be coming with him. It would be nice to not have to face whatever his new home would be all alone again.
The week wore on, and he didn't know how to tell his friends that he would be leaving. He had never had a chance before to say goodbye, and he had never really had more than one or two friends anyways, so it hadn't actually mattered before. So he didn't say anything; he just did his best to spend as much time with them as possible, to make sure they knew how much he valued their friendship and how much it meant to him that they had always been so kind to him.
He knew his actions and words worried them by the way their brows would wrinkle and their eyes would grow dark. When Tanuma pulled him aside to demand he tell him what was going on, to ask if he needed to call Natori or if there was anything he could do, Natsume almost cried. Instead, he had laughed it off, explained that there weren't any youkai bothering him and that he wasn't in any danger. Tanuma had still looked worried, but had accepted his words with a wary nod.
Natsume felt his chest ache, because how would he be able to stand losing such a good friend? He had finally found people who could understand him, at least a little, and who would believe him no matter what. The knowledge he'd be losing that connection hurt.
.
The first snow had begun to fall when Touka pulled him aside.
"Natsume-kun, would you please go to the store and pick up a few things for me?" she asked, her expression distracted as she handed him a list. She had smiled at him, soft and sweet, as she said, "When that's done, we'd like to speak with you about something, so please hurry back."
Her expression was kind, but Natsume felt a sense of foreboding build heavy and dark in his chest. He smiled back, trying to hide the sadness he felt, and said he'd be back as soon as he could.
The walk to the store was filled with Nyanko's idle chatter and demands for treats. Despite the way he rambled, Natsume could feel the slight chill of Nyanko's gaze on him, dark and assessing.
The girl at the register waved to him and winked when she caught sight of Nyanko-sensei. He came to this store often enough that the people who worked there knew him by name and would ask him how Touka was doing. It was easy, friendly chatter, something he had never known he would enjoy. That was just another thing he would miss; that sense of belonging and of a community that knew him as more than just the creepy kid who lied a lot.
"What do you think is going to happen when we get back?" Nyanko-sensei asked idly.
He was clinging to Natsume's back, pin-sharp claws digging into the material of his jacket. Natsume didn't look up from the two boxes in his hand, trying to decide which brand to get for Touka. He shrugged, the action made difficult by the weight of the fat cat on his shoulder.
"They'll probably just tell me that they can't take care of me anymore. They're kind people, so they'll try not to hurt my feelings and give a good reason for it. Money or time or something like that."
Nyanko didn't speak, but Natsume felt him shift his weight. He could feel the youkai's cool breaths as they brushed over his neck, ruffling his hair. He seemed to be waiting for Natsume to continue, so he did.
"It's not the first time this has happened. It's not a big deal. The people who take me in, even the very kind ones, can't always handle everything that comes with me being able to see youkai. It causes problems for them." He smiled, acting like the boxes he was still pretending to look at hadn't gone suddenly blurry. "I don't blame them at all."
Nyanko hummed, then snorted derisively. "You do know that if you wanted, the ones in the woods would be more than happy to have you come stay with them. I know a few shrines that you could live in, instead of going off to any more humans. I'm sure the small fry would be more than happy to worship you like a god. You would never go hungry or feel unwanted."
Natsume smiled but did not bother to answer. Nyanko did not try to persuade him further.
.
The walk home was a quiet, solemn affair. The snow had begun to pile up, covering the empty road with a blanket of white. His breaths hung heavy in the air and the only sound was the steady, comforting crunch of his footfalls as he did his best to ignore the tension and worry that built with every step he took.
By the time he arrived back at the house, his heart was pounding so quickly he was afraid that they would be able to hear it inside. Standing outside the front door, trying desperately to catch his breath, Natsume considered just turning around and going back to town. Maybe, if he could just put off the talk long enough, they'd change their minds….
But no. That had never worked before and it wouldn't work now, no matter how desperately he wished it to. After all, hoping for things had never worked out for him before, so why would it start now?
With a final calming breath, the cold air stinging his lungs, Natsume opened the front door and stepped inside. There was no welcoming call from deep within the house he had been secretly hoping he would get to call home one day. His chest felt tight.
Moving further into the entryway, he nearly stumbled over a pair of shoes. Nyanko yowled at being jostled, digging his claws further into Natsume's shoulder. There was the sound of tearing fabric, and he felt his heart sink, because that was yet another mark against him.
It probably didn't matter anymore, anyways.
Natsume looked down in confusion at the pairs of unfamiliar shoes that filled the front room and felt his heart sink lower. The Fujiwaras had guests. He wondered if these shoes belonged to the people who would be taking him in, after Shigeru and Touka had their talk with him.
Something dark and twisted opened in his chest, blooming like the ugliest flower in the world and swallowing all the warmth from his body. Something ugly inside of him whispered. He didn't want to leave. It wasn't fair.
He reached up to twine his fingers in his bodyguard's fur, stroking slowly and feeling the chill sink into his palm. He stood still for a moment, trying to remind himself that it wasn't the Fujiwara's fault. He was just a difficult person to care for. He didn't blame them at all.
It was a familiar mantra. While it didn't do away with the pain in his chest or the way his heart had apparently sunk into the floor in his fear and resignation, it made breathing a little bit easier. As much as he didn't want to, Natsume knew he would have to go into the room where an uncertain future waited for him.
"I'm home," he called quietly, his voice tight.
"We're in the kitchen!" came Touka's voice. She sounded terse, nervous.
Natsume swallowed around the lump in his throat and walked deeper into the house, telling himself that it was just his imagination that made the hallways look darker and more ominous. The house was just as warm and cozy as it had always been, and that felt wrong.
As he got closer, Natsume realized that the kitchen light was off. He frowned, brow furrowing in confusion. Why would she lie about where they were?
Stepping in, he clicked on the light.
"SURPRISE!"
He froze, eyes going enormous. There were no strangers in the kitchen. Instead, if was filled with his friends and the Fujiwaras, all sitting together around the table. They were all grinning, wide and cheerful, eyes alight with excitement as they waited for his reaction.
"What is this?" Natsume asked, his voice soft and bewildered. His hands tightened around the bag of groceries and the crinkling it produced seemed far too loud in the otherwise quiet room.
Touka opened her mouth to speak, but Nishimura beat her to the punch, his voice loud and excited. "It's a surprise party!" he exclaimed, arms spread wide and his smile stretching across his face. He was standing up, practically bouncing in place in his excitement.
Natsume was thoroughly confused. It must have shown on his face, because Kitamoto sighed and reached out to drag Nishimura back down into his seat with a loud clattering noise.
"You've been living in this town for a year now," Taki told him, her smile gentle and sweet. Beside her, Tanuma nodded. Natsume met his steady gaze, and the other boy's eyes were encouraging.
Natori watched the interaction with his head cocked curiously, eyes narrowed in understanding. Hiiragi leaned in close to murmur something in his ear, and the exorcist nodded, the first hint of a smile turning his lips.
"Takashi-kun, one year ago today we brought you into this house," Shigeru spoke up, his intense gaze focused on Natsume. The boy stared back, his eyes wide and lips parted ever so slightly.
"Oh dear," Touka tutted, her hands clasped in front of her. "I guess we should have asked if you wanted to celebrate it at all. I'm sorry, Takashi-kun, I'll—"
"No!" The room fell quiet, and Natsume blushed. He cleared his throat, trying to speak around the tightness there. "I-I don't mind at all. I just...I thought that—"
He broke off and ducked his head quickly, rubbing at his eyes with the arm that wasn't holding the groceries. Nyanko sensei leapt off his back, landing on the floor with a loud thud. That was the only warning the boy got before he was engulfed in a hug.
Touka's eyes were soft and sad as she petted his hair, her arms surprisingly strong as she held him close. With a muted sense of wonder, Natsume realized he couldn't remember the last time someone had hugged him.
"I hadn't even realized," he hiccupped, soft enough that even Touka wasn't meant to hear it. "I've never been in one place this long before. I'm sorry I thought- I mean, I didn't want to—"
She cut him off with a quiet noise of comfort, her arms tightening around him further. Before he could say anything else, Taki and Nishimura joined the hug, practically bowling the two over in their enthusiasm. He laughed, choked up but joyful. As Taki and Nishimura moved away, Natsume was left staring down at Touka. She smiled up at him, her eyes crinkling with the movement. He smiled back.
When he looked up, Shigeru was watching him with his dark, kind eyes. He reached out to put a hand on Natsume's head, ruffling his hair.
"This is your home, Takashi-kun. We want you here for as long as you want to live with us."
Unable to speak, Natsume simply nodded, blinking back tears. He sniffled, and managed a bright smile at his guardians. From the floor, Nyanko watched the family with narrowed eyes. Then, he turned and trotted away to wait by his food bowl, tail held high.
"Now come on, Natsume! We made all your favorites!" Taki announced, pulling him towards the table after he had been released. "We all worked together to make them, so I hope you'll love it."
"Yeah," he said, letting himself be guided to the table filled with the humans who loved him and to the dream he had almost given up on. "I know I will."
And here is the second prompt for Natsume Week! Wow, I'm on a roll. Lol. This was for the prompt "Celebrations/Get-togethers." I hope you enjoyed!