On Public Relations and Indefinite Definitions

by Cryptographic DeLurk

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AN: Apologies if I'm a little shaky on actual canon. Most of my knowledge about the show comes from watching the Saturday morning dubs ten years ago, and then routinely binging on ygotas afterwards. This is also the reason for the English names. I wasn't sure about posting, but I had so little luck looking for Mai/Joey/Seto so I figured I might as well.

Takes place in some unspecified time post-canon.

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"You're a blight on society, Wheeler."

Kaiba threw the newspaper at Wheeler's dumb head and turned quickly back to continue reviewing the financial report on his laptop. He continued to watch Joey out of the corner of his eye, though. Seto could multitask better than the best of them.

Joey didn't look confused as the newspaper's pages fanned out and fluttered to the floor though. He just looked angry.

The secretaries had warned him in advance then.

Traitorous harpies.

They were always taking Joey's side against him, even though Seto was the one who signed their paychecks. Seto had half a mind to fire them all. The trouble he would have to go through to replace them all though…

Joey gritted his teeth and curled his hand into a fist. "Hey! This wasn't my fault. If anythin' it was Mai's fault! I wasn't expectin' her to kiss me right there just outside the store."

The store in question was Prada. Miss Valentine had exited the store decked out in the latest brand fashion accessories – a new jacket, thigh high boots, leather tote bag, and a pair of sunglasses resting on her forehead. (What was the point of buying new sunglasses, Seto wondered, if you didn't actually wear them over your eyes?)

"Mai Valentine is also a blight on society," Seto allowed.

"Don't you talk about her like that, Kaiba!" Joey said, jumping to her defence, despite the fact that he had placed the blame squarely at her feet a moment earlier.

Joey had exited the store in a frumpy old green jacket and a faded black t-shirt and carrying an obscene number of shopping bags. He had probably looked bored and worn out, but that wasn't in the pictures the press had captured. The press had captured him leaning eagerly into Mai, who had laced her hands around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. They had also captured the goofy look on his face afterwards, as he grinned a little bit too wide with eyes that looked a bit too lovestruck.

They apparently couldn't find any pictures of him like that with Seto. The picture with Seto made a poor juxtaposition to the one with Mai on the front page. It was at some evening social event, one that Seto had no doubt forced Joey to come to for the sole purpose of making him suffer, so that Seto wouldn't have to suffer alone. Joey was actually in nice clothes for this picture, a custom-fitted suit set, in a design Seto had picked out himself. The suit emphasized the breadth of Joey's chest and was accented to bring out the warmth in his eyes, but it didn't stop Joey from slouching over and looking ill at ease. And there wasn't a suit in existence that didn't clash horribly with that thuggish bleached hair.

Yes, the picture with Seto, dimly lit and uncomfortable, versus the bright airiness of the kiss with Mai in the middle of Domino's most expensive shopping district – they didn't match. A poor fit all around. Unequal in every way. But in their photo together, Joey was standing just a little too close to Seto. His arm was slung over Seto's shoulder, and a challenging and suggestive leer was plastered over his face. They didn't match, but they didn't need to. The suggestion had been made, and it had the horrible benefit of being true.

Joey bent over to retrieve the fallen pages of the newspaper, sparing the picture a small grin, before frowning and scratching guiltily at the back of his head. "So watcha gonna do about this, Kaiba?" he asked.

What are you going to do about this, Kaiba? Like it was his responsibility… Seto didn't bother to dignify that with a response. Seto had investments to review, investments that were actually paying off, unlike the mutt.

Joey lifted his arms up to lace his fingers behind his neck, before pouting, because he had never grown out of that petulant child phase – even after living through more than most people did in a lifetime.

Seto watched out of the corner of one eye.

The other eye was still scanning the reports on his computer. A twenty percent increase in profits in merchandise sales. The Kaiba Land in Tokyo recorded a loss this month, due to the cost for renovations and repairs to the Blue-Eyes Coaster. The Kyoto location had done much better though, with record levels of attendance. Product research and development was still consuming a ghastly amount of money, with no real breakthroughs. Tch! Lazy bums! He'd have to cut their pay. As soon as their paychecks were in danger, they always pulled through with something amazing. Necessity was the mother of invention, after all.

Lower down on the report was the amount charged to the select set of company credit cards Seto had issued. The amount was just under a million yen, which wasn't out of ordinary for a month's worth of miscellaneous purchases: the food and sake that Seto purchases at dinners with business partners, the snacks and coffee and make-up and medicine secretaries run to get for the television personalities, paint and plaster and cleaning supplies for the building manager to keep façade and entrance of the Kaiba Corp building pristine.

Seto didn't have time to review all the purchases personally. He'd have Mokuba review them later. Or Joey, since little jobs like this are about all he's good for other than product testing.

(As well as a couple other things that Seto has tried and failed not to bring into the business arena.)

Wheeler has his own company credit card, and that's the only list of purchases Seto will check himself.

And by checking it himself, he means he'll shred it himself because, although he's never been deluded enough to think that Joey spends the money on himself, he doesn't need it shoved into his face that he's funding Mai Valentine's shopping trips and dinners and hotel fees.

Like the press decided to do this very morning.

Joey's grumbled, not to Seto really, but it was pointedly loud enough so that Seto could hear. "And of course Mai's flying off to Paris this morning. Goin' to charm the shoes off all those high-class European suits. Leavin' us to deal with the problem all by ourselves. Typical," he grunted.

Seto snorted. Mai did have an uncanny way of running off when anything too serious and un-fun reared its ugly head, but it wasn't like she arranged it like this. Mai had been planning on attending the Dueling Tournament in France for months. Hadn't that been why Joey spent so much of the last few weeks with her anyhow? Going to the beach and the mall and everywhere together, before they would be separated for the duration of the tournament.

Mai would have been an even bigger fool to let something like the recent press release to stop her from going.

The fact that her absence suited Seto's needs well was only a bonus.

Joey finally had some free time at last. Seto wanted to close the top on his laptop and allow himself to eye up Joey conspicuously. To forget about whatever the finance reports had to say and call Joey over to service him at his desk.

But Seto had a board meeting in two hours, not enough time, as usual. Really he should not have been entertaining the mutt at all, right now, but he was still curious to see if Joey had anything interesting to say, despite the fact that everything he had said so far was utterly predictable.

But the curiosity still kept him from throwing Joey out of his office.

"You really don't have a plan, Kaiba?" Joey asked. He hesitated before continuing. "I mean, I wouldn't worry so much about what a bunch of tabloid crap has to say about us, but they sure made you look kinda bad… Even compared to Mai and me…"

Joey was approaching this with an amount of subtlety that Seto would never expect from him.

Which, of course, just put him more on edge.

According to the papers, Joey's a trashy immoral dolt who's willing to whore himself to another man if it meant a steady flow of cash to him and his sweetheart. Mai's a trashy immoral old hag, playing around at being much younger than she is with a man eight years younger than her.

But they still get to be the clever ones. Seto Kaiba is the incompetent hedonistic CEO who's too naïve, or at least too lost in his own pants, to realise he's being played. You're supposed to read the article, look at the pictures, and pity the poor lovesick idiot handing out money to a blond ex-thug for sexual favours. At least, you're supposed to pity him, before you realise that that lovesick idiot is the billionaire head of a successful company. Then you're just supposed to laugh.

It's so horribly funny that Seto has a hard time not laughing himself.

Because he doesn't need the article to tell him what he already knows is going to happen next.

She's flying to Europe and boating to Taiwan and safariing in Africa to escape it, but Mai's biological clock is going to finally catch up to her, and she's going to want a home and a kid and Joey's going to be the one to give it to her. And then where will Seto be?

But what else can he do? He doesn't have time for a proper relationship. There's a company to run and Mokuba to look after. And at least Mai does a half decent job of keeping Joey out of his hair and paying attention to him when Seto can't (which is always). Seto can't afford a proper relationship, but this one's in his price range, at least.

"Eh, Kaiba?"

Seto startled badly and jerked away.

Dammit! When had the mutt snuck up on him like that?! He was standing next to Seto on the same side of the desk, and had reached for Seto's hand.

And held on tight even when Seto twisted away violently in surprise.

Joey grabbed Seto's hand in both of his. He closed his eyes and ran his thumbs in soothing circles over Seto's palm.

"I was just worried about cha, yanno? I think you've been overworking yourself," Joey said. "I know I've been busy lately, but I'll be here to make sure you take some time to relax from now on."

Seto felt his face colour red and stopped to feel sickened by how much he was turning into a teenage girl.

He still let Joey hold onto his hand for a little too long, before Seto brushed him aside and swivelled in his office chair to return to work.

"It'll be fine," Seto said gruffly.

He closed the finance report pdfs and opened his email correspondence, choosing a couple of easy ones and typing up some short responses as he replied to Joey.

"This isn't the first time I've had negative press," Seto said, his hands flying over the computer keyboard. "Right from the beginning I've had to fight for this company. There was nothing but bad press after Gozaburo's death. And more recently destruction of my private island and the medical complications surrounding the Battle City Tournament drew some unfavourable attention. It all blew over soon enough."

Well, after the right people had been threatened and paid off, at any rate.

Joey still looked worried.

"And anyhow," Seto said, hastening to reassure him, "the main issue is that they're making me out to be soft-hearted and easily manipulated." Seto chuckled. "I'll just have to remind them they're dealing with Seto Kaiba."

Joey finally cracked a crooked smile at that.

Yes, apparently only blond idiot boys could manipulate him.

"Not to mention our situation sounds ridiculous enough to be unbelievable," Seto said dismissively. "Now, get lost. I have work to do for the time being."

Joey rolled his eyes and made his way for the door.

"You comin' over to my penthouse tonight, Kaiba?" Joey asked.

The penthouse. In the middle of downtown. At a strategic distance away from Kaiba Manor. The one that Seto paid rent for every month.

"I'm very busy," Seto said. "I have a board meeting in a couple hours. And I have to go inspect the repairs at Kaiba Land later today. I'll probably be too tired."

"I'll see you tonight then," Joey responded, just to be contrary. Because he knew Seto was just being contrary.

Seto cleared his throat, alerting Joey to stop and turn, just before he can twist the door handle and exit the office.

"Can you do me a favour?" Seto asked. "My brother should be studying for his upcoming English and math examinations. You're too much of a simpleton to make a decent tutor, but can you check in on him, make sure he's doing his work, bring him something to eat, wish him good luck for me?"

Joey snorted and rolled his eyes, but his answer was sincere.

"Sure thing," he called over his shoulder on the way out the door.

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AN: They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. But there are at least three photographs in this fic and it's only a little over two thousand words, so it seems I have paid under the market value. Oh noes!

I didn't intend to leave this so bittersweet. It's just my take on the situation, but I don't think the relationship(s) are unstable. It's just that Kaiba has not voiced his insecurities to Joey or Mai, so they haven't thought to reassure him that they're taking him seriously. If you disagree, that's fine. You can let me know and all.