A/N: Well, technically, this is the first Naruto story I've written; it's just the second to be posted anywhere. My friends told me that it was just so damn random, it needed to be shared with peoples. If you really squint, and tilt your head slightly, you may see a bit of SasuNaruSasu believe. Done while listening to If You Were Gay.

Disclaimer: In all honesty, if I owned this wonderful manga and anime, the show'd be rated X for the sexual content. Much love for boy love. And the pizza man. And Deidara. And Tobi. And...oh wait where was I? Oh yes: DO NOT OWN.

It was a bright and sunny day. Or at least it would have been if it wasn't for the fact that it was night, and the thunderstorm that was raging outside. So, no: it was not a bright and sunny days. Naruto hated not bright and sunny days the most. It was not that he was afraid of the thunder or lightning, or God forbid the rain (come on! What kind of future Hokage would that make him?!) Oh, no: it was what the storm brought.

It brought...them...

Naruto swore that if he ever met a guy named Murphy, he'd kill him (1). And not the silent killing kind of the way. Oh yes, Naruto would enjoy that mission...

As to what...they...were:...they...were demons! ...They... always had him with Sasuke. Why Sasuke? It could have been anybody, but it had to have been the bastard. There would be a thunderstorm, much like the one that was raging outside of his apartment at that very moment. He'd get scared as if he was naught but a frail little baby whose mother was out of the house at the moment. Then Sasuke would hold him, and then he'd kiss him. And of course, Naruto would decided out of the blue, Hey, ya know, I really like this! And then, well...

Naruto shuddered at the thought. It made him literally physically sick as well as emotionally and mentally scarred and unstable at times.

"Hulloo, Foxy Foxy!" Naruto stiffened. Oh God not her...

Granted, she wasn't the worst of ...them... In fact, she didn't even place Top Ten, or Top Hundred. Naruto was even willing to bet she wasn't in the Top Thousand either. But she was random, at the best of ties, and she'd be damned if that didn't count for something.

"Not you again, Anne," Naruto groaned, not at all in one of his best moods due to the storm and what it brought. "Isn't once in a lifetime enough for either of us?"

"Oh goodness, no, you silly Foxy-Woxy! And I told you to call me Elfling!" she squealed all in one breath. It was disgusting, but at least she didn't launch herself at the ninja, like some of...them...had done while screaming, 'SasuNaru for, like, ever!!!!one!eleven!!six!' Why was he always bottom?

Not that he even wanted to be in the relationship, of course.

Naruto sighed. He knew from past experiences...experience...that she wasn't going to leave until she got what she wanted. Sadly, she could not be killed off: she was an author-ess and was immortal, or something. "What do you want?"

"No cute, endearing nickname for me like Elf-chan?" she asked, pouting, and making herself nearly as cute as a radioactive bunny. But she was tied with the mutilated one, though.

"No."

"Fine. I was staring at this Spongebob Squarepants plushie-" she held up said aquatical plushie to prove her point "-when I realized that you two are pretty similar!"

"Oh?" he attempted to feign interest, but he really was curious. He silently cursed it. 'Kuso...'

"Yeah!" She waved the rather large plushie around. "See, your hair is yellow, and Spongebob is yellow!" Naruto sighed; this Anne girl was one of the weirdest- "But wait there's more! Oh yes! Ok, look closely into his eyes. Now recall your own. See the similarities?! They're both blue! Right? Right? Oh yes! Plus you're both pretty slow," she added more to herself than to the blond ninja.

"Is that all?"

"Well, there is one more thing..." she added hesitantly. Naruto very nearly growled. The little freak knew just how to press his buttons.

"Yes?" he asked, but she only shook her head at him.

"No, I don't think I'll say," the girl said, barely supressing her very feminine giggles. Well, what did you expect? Manly giggles? Hahaha. Oh, no. This time, Naruto really did growl.

"Tell me," he threatened, his voice extremely low, his eyes turning red, and similarly colored red chakra surrounded his being. But it's not like Anne noticed. Now normally, this change in character would have caused any other normal person to piss there pants, but not this girl. Oh, yes. And that was for one (extremely stupid) reason only: she was so incredibly random, her mind nly focused on one emotion for a little more than three seconds, so she didn't have the attention span to be scared. though how she found the focus in her to spend this much time torturing him, Naruto did not know, and never would.

"Hmm...maybe I will," she looked from Naruto to Spongebob and back again, "but then again, maybe I won't."

Naruto looked murderous indeed. "I. Said. Tell. Me. And. You. Will." He bit the words out.

"Fine then," the girl said, and walked over to the seriously pissed off Uzumaki, leaning in really close. Then, just before she was going to say something, she shoved Spongebob into Naruto's face and shouted, "YOU'RE BOTH ABOUT AS STRAIGHT AS A CIRCLE!"

No one ever saw that Anne girl, who liked to be called Elfling, again.

A/N: Care to toast me with your magical flames of doom for killing the character's personality? Go on ahead: I HAVE FIREWALL! Hehehehe... I'm fire resistant! Hug me! Hope you liked!