Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, etc. etc.
Chapter 1
I turn the water on to take a shower when I remember how Johanna seemed to not have taken a shower since she was rescued from the Capitol. We were finally placed in a room and I asked to be roomed with her instead of my family because… Well, because then she would be able to get away from the hospital, after all, another rule here in thirteen is that you can't be roomed alone. Since then we've motivated each other to keep on training. We both want to get our hands on President Snow and see him dead and she accepted the fact that I am the one to kill him. I wrap myself with a towel after I finish cleaning myself up and go into the room right after Johanna closes the door when getting in too.
"Gonna pay back that striptease I gave in the elevator?" She says walking over to her bed.
"No." I answer rather bitterly "It wouldn't be half as good as the one you did." I finish; it will be better for both of us if we get along well and it's the truth. I was infuriated when it happened because, when I saw her there, completely naked, it felt like. I don't know. I was burning inside, so it obviously was anger. And Peeta, laughing at me to pretend he didn't like it. Ugh. I just don't get it. I place the towel on my bed and go to my side of the wardrobe to get dressed pushing away the image of Johanna oiling her naked body in the Training Station. As I get dressed, I feel Johanna's eyes on me. It feels like she's observing every movement I make and suddenly I wonder this must be how a prey feels like when hunted. When I turn around it seemed as if she was scanning my body, but she looks away too quickly for me to be certain.
"Are we training today or you're going to give up because of that broken rib?" she asks playing with the bed sheet's corner.
"No, we have to keep training. I need to go to the Capitol and kill Snow." I answer firmly. "Johanna. Can I ask you something before we go?"
"Sure. Go ahead" she says uncertainly.
"Well. I'm sorry if this bothers you. But I've noticed how you don't shower and you seem to be very against getting in contact with water in general. Why? Is it because of the last Games?" I ask hesitantly. I don't want to anger her with my questioning. Her immediate reaction is to sit up and cross her legs; her face acquires a stiff expression.
"They" she clears her throat, "they used water to torture me with- They… Well, I think you can get an idea. You saw how Peeta ended up after they had their little fun with us."
"It's okay. I get it. I can help you with that." I say as her face softens. My heart eases as I see her expression. All I want is to see the real Johanna back. Unbreakable and fearless; not pretending to be it. I'm sure that if she loses her fear she'll be normal again, almost as if the Capitol had never gotten her.
"Sure you can, girl on fire." She smirks and winks at me, "let's go train and get our permission to kill Snow." She finishes walking out of the room, swaying her hips.
In the training I get permission to go the hospital to get an accelerated healing for my ribs for me to train properly and get in shape for the Capitol. It even helps me to distract myself from Peeta. Not that he matters now. He's not really Peeta anymore. The treatment brings me a lot of pain, but it heals as promised and I get to train more efficiently and help Johanna out with her shaky hands.
When I get out of the shower, Johanna is sitting on the bed taking her shoes off.
"What is this? You really want to pay back that striptease, don't you?" She says jokingly. I chuckle.
"No, no. I told you already, my striptease wouldn't be half as good as yours." I stop remembering my promise to help her. "Why don't you go take a shower Johanna?" her face whitens as I mention the shower.
"Maybe later." She says not looking me in the eyes.
"Johanna," I approach her "I'll help you. I'll be there with you. I promise the water in this shower isn't dangerous." I finish trying to sound cheerful with the joke.
"I don't know, Katniss." I put my towel down and stretch out a hand waiting for her to hold it so I can take her to the shower. She forcefully tries not to look at me, but her eyes hesitantly observe my naked body. She seems to be numb as her mouth softens; but when she holds my hand, her grip is firm. "That was good enough for a striptease" she finally says and lets me lead her to the bathroom.
In the bathroom, I take my time to strip her. I help her out of her shirt and enjoy the view of her slim but solid body as my insides bubble with fire. She turns around for me to help her with her bra. What is happening to me? I open it and, as its straps fall down her arms, I surround her waist with my arms leaving our faces side to side. I feel as if I was watching this happen, for the feeling of controlling my own actions is completely gone. I rub my lips on her face, neck and shoulder, caressing her as my heart races a bit. I play with the zipper until I open her pants and slide my hand down. Her stomach shrinks as she grabs my forearm in an attempt of preventing me to do whatever she thinks I'm about to do and stopping me from not doing it. I pull her pants and underwear down, slowly, feeling her pulsing heat. I take her in and, placing her behind me to protect her from the water, I turn the water on.
"Now, trust me. I'll go first, then you come in with me, alright?" she nods firmly. I adjust the temperature of the water and enjoy it to give Johanna time to prepare before I start pulling her in with me. I hold her hand and walk back until my back reaches the wall. Preparing myself to how she's going to react, I lock my eyes with hers and say, "I promise you, it won't hurt." I keep on gently leading her in. She pulls away when her hands reach the water, but I squeeze her hand in an attempt to comfort her. She shakes horribly as I lead her in and I can hear her suppressed screams that turn into painful groans. When she's fully under the shower her whole body trembles with fear and her grip starts to hurt my hand. Trying not to startle her, I get closer and hug her by her waist. Johanna does the same to me and puts her head on my shoulder making me shiver with her soft but haste breath on my neck. I feel the pressure between her breasts and mine demising as her heart acquires a stable rate and her body shakes are more controlled. We stay in that same position for a while as I wonder what is going through Johanna's mind and why in heavens and hell I actually feel like the girl on fire. "Are we done?" I ask after a few minutes.
"Yes" she whispers softly as if she was afraid to break the silence—something I never expected Johanna to worry about. I give her soap for her to wash her body while I wash her hair. She takes her time cleaning her body, so I massage her head while she does it. She goes under water again, this time with more control than before; yet I find myself embracing her again, almost as if I couldn't help it. The water turns of by itself; it probably was someone who keeps the water usage under control here in thirteen. We'll probably get some kind of punishment for it, but really, what can they do to Johanna Mason or the Mockingjay? We stay there for a while. Johanna's head on my shoulder, my arms around her waist, hers around mine with her hands unconsciously on my bum.
Johanna abruptly stands straight and clears her throat. She seems to be flustered and avoids eye contact. Suddenly, cold and emptiness invade my body as if the winds of winter were blowing on me and all I want is to bring Johanna back into my arms to feel warm again, to feel whole. What am I saying? I shake my head in a useless attempt of waving the desire of having her with me away. I go to the room and take the towel. I start running it through my body, drying it slowly, when I feel a heat growing from my back and spreading to my chest and legs. I turn around and find Johanna leaning on the door, still wet, and watching attentively with that smirk in her lips. I feel my body burning as my cheeks blush. I walk to the bathroom, but Johanna closes the space between us. Our noses almost touching and her smell invades my body making it hard for me to think. I clear my throat in an attempt of bringing my mind back and squeeze my way into the bathroom. Johanna follows me after she closes the door behind her. I leave my towel and take hers.
"Apparently, I'll have to do this too." I say trying not to sound pleased by the thought of it.
"Apparently, you have no problem with that," she comes to me swaying her hips, pacing like cat "after all, you offered yourself, brainless." she finishes with a wink. I roll my eyes and start to run it on her body; her face, her hair, her arms, her breasts, her waist, her back, her legs, her feet. Running up, running down, in a repeated and leisurely caress that I wish will never end. Her body is much more delicate than I expected the ax throwing killer to be. She places her foot on my knee so it's easier for me to dry her leg. And I see myself running her legs with my lips instead of the towel, and reaching her heat, and hearing her moan and my body is on fire, and I shake my head and finish what is really happening. No more fantasies. Since when do those thoughts come to my mind? Never with Peeta, or Gale, or Finnick. Nobody. But Johanna. She is… Ugh. I'm going crazy. "If you keep going on with that you'll leave me with a rash on my legs and I don't want that" she says moving her leg away and walking out of the bathroom. I stay there, feeling empty again. What have I done? I stand up and hurry to my room. "It's dinner time" she says while dressing. I nod and go dress myself.
During dinner Johanna amuses herself with Peeta struggling with reality. I watch her laugh and pretend to be sorry that what she says is disturbing. I eat all the food I can; Gale even gives me some of his, but it doesn't matter how much food I get, I'll still be hungry. She's the only one who can satisfy my hunger. The images flash in my mind again. The water running down her trembling body, my hands around her waist, her breath on my neck making me shiver, my hands feeling her body through the towel, and her smell; not that smell she had while she didn't wash her body, but Johanna's smell in all her purity, invading all my senses and driving my mind far from reality by simply standing close to me. I stand up abruptly not being able to take this anymore and go to back to our room for reflection time. Maybe if I had more time with her in hospital without Gale interrupting I would be able to understand what is going on in my mind. Why was there an slight discomfort bubbling in my stomach when I found her in my bed every time I woke up and suddenly I would feel lonely when she left the bed, even with Gale there. Ugh. I roll in my bed in a useless attempt to sleep. This night is sleepless. My body aches with the memory of her body attached to mine and freezes when I hear for the first time what seems to be Johanna crying in the night. Whispering softly, "Why? Not this again. Not again." My heart shakes and I feel the impulse of running to her bed and comforting her, but what if I'm unwanted? What if I just set her to cry even more? I can't risk the connection we're building.
A/N: This is my first fic, so please be gentle and enjoy ;-)