AUTHOR'S NOTES: Yo. I was bored, so I decided to write this story. It's based off of one of my personal favorite arcade games, Dig-Dug. You ever wonder what ol' Dig Dug has to go through on a daily basis? Here's a chilling insight. This was originally meant to be under twelve-hundred words long, but I really got into it. It happens.

Dig-Dug and all related characters and elements are trademarks of and ©Bandai Namco. I own nothing except for the story, plot, and any characters I created that may occur.

PLAYER 1

READY

Everything around me just doesn't make sense anymore. I thought I had figured it all out. Honestly, what does a gardener have to worry about other than small rodents and insects?

But then they came.

Where the hell did they come from? Are they aliens? Demons? Monsters? Mutants? Goddamn it, I wish I knew.

But I know it doesn't matter. All I know is they want to hurt my garden. My life's work was in danger every day of the week. Day after day they would come back with more and more of their kind in tow. I've managed to fend them off every time the past four days.

Why? Why my garden? Why here? What do they have against me? I'm just a simple man minding my own business. Why must they harass me like this?

That's enough questions. I'm never going to receive any answers like this. I'm not sure that I even want answers. All I want is for them to leave. I look outside my window to see the monsters returning to my garden. It's a small garden, probably no more than twenty feet in terms of length and width. The crops have yet to grow in a massive scale due to those monsters that burrow themselves underground, preventing any chance of growth. As I speak, they are heading underground through the hole I had created, connecting to several caverns underneath the soil.

There was no time to waste. It was time to go back to work. Before I head out, I need to get my tools. These will assist me in the fight. I walk downstairs to the basement to fetch them. I keep them in a steel gun safe locked by a four-digit code. You can never be too careful when there are giant monsters on the loose. I punch in the code (2891) and the double doors open automatically. The first item I take is a white jumpsuit with two red chevrons pointing downward printed on the chest, along with a white helmet. It's not exactly practical, but it does provide minor protection when roaming around underground.

Included with the outfit is a beacon the size of a road flare. This device serves to transport me to the location I place it in, but only on one condition. If I'm ever overwhelmed down there, the suit is programmed to warp me back to the beacon I planted. It's good for up to three tries on a full charge. If, God forbid those three tries are elapsed, I don't know what would happen. Two pairs of red boots and the blue gloves complete the outfit. Next, I grab my trusty drill to dig through the toughest terrain I may encounter.

Before I finally leave for the battle, I grab the only weapon effective against the beasts out there: a bicycle pump. I know it sounds absurd, but this is the only thing that can kill them! I tried using the drill, but it didn't make a dent on their tough skin. When they first appeared, I foolishly tried using a shovel to fight them off. It was a miracle I ever got out there alive.

The point is that I am alive, and I'm here to defend my garden. I exit my home and head down to it, ready to face the monsters. As I face the entrance to the underground, I listen in to my adversaries down there. All I hear are faint footsteps and strange robotic sounds. I don't have a clue how many of them are down there. There were four of them the first time I had to fight them. The next three days there were five of them! I take a deep breath, count to three, and climb down the hole.

It's dark, but not enough for me to make my way to the center with difficulty. Once I've reached the center of the underground, I plant my beacon to the soil below me. It emits soft beeps and blinks blue every few seconds. Despite this, the monsters never consider destroying it. Anyway, I stand back up and look to my sides to find two short paths both leading to dead ends. I decide to take the path to my right and take my drill out. I consider drilling straight ahead, but something above me catches my attention. I glance to the ceiling above me and can make out small footsteps. It's a monster, no doubt. Should I fight it head-on, I ask myself. I think of running away and letting it be while I take care of the other threats down here, but maybe I can catch it by surprise.

That settles it; I'm going for the kill. I drill upwards and unearth a small crevice behind the dirt. To my disdain, it's completely dark. I know it's there, but I can't risk throwing the hose of my bicycle pump in there and miss the creature. That would only leave me vulnerable. Seeing no other options, I climb upwards, hanging on to the dirt on one side. I continue for a few more feet, no longer hearing the footsteps. It knows that I'm here. But will it strike first? Perhaps it's scared of me, I pondered and secretly hoped. Regardless, I continue my tread upwards, closing in on the monster. I reach for the bike pump on my right side, looking away for a moment.

That was a fatal mistake. As the next thing I know, I'm blindsided by an ear-piercing screech that sends me tumbling down the hole. I land flat on my back, feeling paralyzed for a second. I let out an excruciating groan as I struggle to get back to my feet. I desperately try to stand up, only to collapse back to the ground in exhaustion. Instead, I slowly crawl towards the opposite side of the cavern. Suddenly, I hear something fall behind me.

Oh no. I turn my head back and see it glaring at me. Apparently, it's known as a "Pooka". It looks like a giant tomato with small white legs and what appears to be a white tail behind it. It's as big as a refrigerator and just as durable. The most damning thing about Pookas is that they all wear giant yellow goggles. Whatever purpose they serve is beyond me. As I try again to get up, it starts to creep towards me. I make it to one knee before it gives out, sending me back to the cold earth below. It continues to stalk me as I lay in the dirt. Desperately, I grab the wall of soil next to me and pull myself upwards. I manage to pull it off, only to feel lightheaded as soon as I stand. I tremble as I take a step back and see the Pooka in front of me continue to close in. I reach for my pump, but I'm so damn terrified I can't even grasp the hose with my trembling hands. I finally get a good grip, but curse myself as I drop it by accident. The Pooka senses my fear and goes for the kill.

Well, I won't let him. I grasp the nozzle with both hands and jab the Pooka in the chest (or stomach?) with it. It stays in its place, but its eyes now tell of distress and terror. I place both hands on the pump handle and push it down, inflating the Pooka like a balloon.

We all know what happens to balloons when we put too much air in, right?

I pull it upwards and push it down. The Pooka inflates even more as a result. This monster is fit to burst any second now. Its eyes are filled with tears that the goggles pool up. I almost felt bad for the poor thing. Does it mean to hurt me? I ponder this for a moment, only to repeat the technique I had done moments ago

POP!

The monster is no more. As far as I'm concerned, they are all trespassing and they must all be terminated. There is no time to feel sympathetic for these beasts. This time, I'm digging behind me. It's quieter in this direction, but maybe that's what they want me to think. I intend to drill straight forward, but change my mind and bring the drill downwards. I plan to go more underground to find these beasts. I've already killed one Pooka; I don't know how many more are left.

I drill deep underground. I notice that the dirt changes color the deeper I get. It's a good indicator of how far below I am. This will definitely be of use later. I drill deeper below, noticing once again that the color of the dirt has changed. Clearly I'm going way too deep. I think better of it, so I proceed to dig to my right instead. I wonder why I haven't encountered the others yet. They must've heard what I had done to their little friend earlier. Maybe I'm underestimating them. They may look silly, but they are definitely no laughing matter. Especially the dragons.

Yes, you heard me correctly: dragons. They are known as "Fygars" and they are not to be taken lightly. Giant green dragons with red wings and feet. The only thing really off-putting about these freaks is their cartoon eyeballs. Don't let these lizards' goofy appearance fool you. If you see their wings flash, you better get the hell out of their way.

THUD

Speak of the devil. I turn around to see the reptile I was just describing. Before I could even think fast, it charges right at me! I run the opposite direction, never daring to look back at my pursuer. I can hear it squealing in glee as it gives chase. God, I hate how it taunts me. It's time for evasive action if I want to get rid of this pest. I take my drill and plunge it downwards, drilling myself to another level underground. There's no time to lose. I continue drilling and then I drill through the soil to my left, successfully pulling off a u-turn. Never skipping a beat, I drill forward, leaving the beast in the dust. I finally take a peek behind my shoulder. The Fygar is nowhere to be found.

I wipe the sweat from my brow and breathe a sigh of relief. Hopefully I can have a moment's peace before I go hunt down my pursuer. I lean my body to the wall of soil aside me. I think now's a good time to-

Wait. What's that? I turn around, but I see nothing but faint light. Nervous, I grab my drill to continue my push forward. But I just can't shake the feeling like I'm not entirely alone in this cavern. I turn around, albeit reluctantly and drill forward as planned.

Try as I may, I can't help but look back one more time. There's nothing there, same as before. This is just getting ridiculous. My nervousness is getting the better of me. I should've just killed the Fygar when I had the chance. I decide against drilling forward and start to make my way back from whence I came.

Wait a minute. I hear the familiar squeal once again. Goddamn it, where is this thing?! I turn back around frantically and am greeted with a transparent outline of the Fygar's eyes and mouth.

Shit. I forgot they can do that. The dragon now makes itself visible. Its wings flash white as I try to go on the offensive. I reach for my bike pump and charge forward.

FWOOSH! The next thing I feel is a scorching hot pain strike my body. The embers burn through my suit and I collapse in defeat. I could do nothing more but watch as my entire body disintegrates.

I'm back at the center of the underground. Remember that beacon I mentioned earlier? Well, it saved me from impending death as it continues to blink. The blue light looks dimmer then when I originally placed it here. The energy it took to bring me back here was quite a lot. I only have two more tries left to take these monsters out. I'm definitely going to make them count.

This time, I'm going to dig through the path past the crevice where I encountered the Pooka. I'll get my revenge on the Fygar that burned me later. For now, I'll look for the rest of the beasts. I pass through the hole and look up. You know what; I haven't been digging through the upper part of the underground yet. There's bound to be at least one monster up there.

Well, that settles it. I drill to the ceiling and climb my way up. The soil is solid enough for me to hold on to as I climb upwards.

Just as I suspected! Another crevice is here. I poke my head out the hole and spot one lone Pooka. It's pacing back and forth, completely unaware that I'm watching it. If I keep quiet enough, I can surely get the jump on it. Slowly, ever so slowly I climb out of the hole. I crawl on all fours toward the oblivious creature. Its back is turned, so I reach for the hose of my pump. I grasp it with both hands and make my move. Like a tiger pouncing its dinner, I jump towards the Pooka, sticking the nozzle on the back of its head. It squeaks it pain and turns around to see me prepping my bike pump. It stumbles towards me as a last resort. I'm too fast as I pull the handle upwards and downwards, stopping the Pooka in its tracks. I do it again, filling the giant tomato with air. One pump later and the monster is no more. The pop echoes through the cavern, almost deafening me.

Fearing that the others had heard that, I rapidly climb down the whole I came from. As I make my way down, the soil gives way, almost making me fall to the ground below once again. Luckily, I keep a firm grasp of the dirt wall and save myself from a possible broken bone. I regain my footing and continue downwards. Finally, I plant both feet to the ground. I look forward and find myself face to face with another Pooka. Its angry expression makes it known that it had heard the death of its friend. It charges at me head on, making me jolt in response. Desperately, I drill downwards to avoid the creature. It may have taken me by surprise, but I can surely outrun it. I look above me to see the Pooka glare at me. I continue to dig down, ignoring its death stare. I dig through a thin patch of dirt and plummet towards another chasm below. I land on my knees, no doubt bruising them. I emit a pained howl and rub my sore knees. I see a patch of blood pooling through the fabric of my suit. I'm then greeted with a roar opposite from my position.

Another Fygar, I confirm as I glance back at it. It's not the same one as before. No, this one was waiting for me to find it. Well, it didn't have to wait long, but I'm not giving it an inch. I take the drill and dig through the earth at my feet. The last thing I see is the dragon's wings flash white as I descend further down. I duck my head and avoid the fire blast. I narrowly miss it by several inches. The temperature is sweltering and I start to sweat once more. I'm able to dig further down, and then stop to dig my way around the chasm, hoping to give the monsters the slip. I figure that I can take them down easier if I separate them. It's not a good idea to face more than two of these creatures at a time. It's easier to get overwhelmed. Trust me.

I keep digging forward, not knowing what I'm going to encounter next. I take a peek behind my shoulder and am pleased to see nothing. However, I can hear the monsters crawling down here.

I got an idea to evade these freaks. I drill the dirt above me and start climbing my way back to the chasm. I figure that since the cavern will split into four directions once I drill through, I'll return from the original hole I entered from, with the monsters none the wiser. Everything goes according to plan as I finally reach the chasm where I fell. I don't miss a beat and continue my way upwards, drilling away the dirt above. I decide to pause and look down. To my surprise I see the two creatures climb their way towards me.

Crap. I didn't expect them to get here so soon! I snap back to reality and continue my way up. The sound of the drill isn't loud enough to drown out the Pooka's screeching and the Fygar's growling. Good Lord, I hope I reach my destination soon.

CLUNK!

What's happening? The drill struck something, it seems. Damn it! This is not good! I tilt my head back down to see the monsters getting closer. Oh, no! I can't help but hyperventilate as I'm stricken with an overblown sense of panic. I got to get out of here! I pat the dirt away from the object I struck. It's brown and very thick. It also seems to be round. I continue to pat away the dirt with shaky hands. The object the starts to shake, making me gasp in response.

It's going to fall down! In a moment of pure desperation, I use my bare hands to claw away the earth to my left. I'm too scared to even reach for my drill. I manage to make a hole big enough to burrow myself in. It's a tight squeeze, but I'm able to fit inside, holding my knees close as I fit my entire body inside. The object continues to shake and soon enough falls down the hole. I stick my head out to watch it drop through the cavern below. It creates a loud thud once it strikes the solid earth, breaking in two. I'm awestruck at the spectacle that I just witnessed. Here I was, close to sudden death as this thing came very close to squishing me.

But what of the Pooka and the Fygar, I ponder. I descend to the cavern below to get a closer look at what had fallen. I get close enough to identify the object as a large boulder. What was more amazing is that underneath it were the two monsters that were pursuing me. I poke the dragon's nose, curious to get a reaction from it. I am met with nothing; it's dead. The Pooka is flattened like a pancake. I chuckle at the scene, but more relieved to confirm the deaths of the two.

That's four down. I still have another Fygar to take care of. I leave the area promptly, heading back to the center of the underground where I started. What luck! I find a turnip there ready to be harvested. It's bigger than my head and heavier too! With all my might, I lift the vegetable from its root and stick it in my belt for safe-keeping. My joy is cut short as I spot another pair of transparent eyes and a toothy grin descends from the dirt wall across the cavern.

I'm not going to fall for it this time. I hurl the pump hose like a javelin at the phantom Fygar. It lands right inside the dragon's mouth, lodging it inside the throat. The beast turns visible and I watch it choke in agony, struggling to remove the nozzle from its windpipe. I swear I can see it crying while it rolls around like a log bouncing off the walls. I cringe at the sight of this. It's time to put it out of its misery. I'm making it a quick kill just for this poor thing. Three pumps of air later and the Fygar is no more. I didn't intend for it to suffer so much, the poor bastard. It was just an unfortunate circumstance.

What's done is done. I head towards to where I think the Fygar that took me out earlier is wandering. The previous paths I dug are littered with the footprints of the monsters that I had killed earlier. I don't think that these beasts really think about where they wander. All they want to do is destroy my garden and the defender of it: me.

I've already proven that I'm not going to let it go down without a fight. Now I have to show that Fygar who he's pissed off. I climb down the various holes I've created and creep through the catacombs in search of this pesky dragon.

It's hiding from me. I just know it. Show your face, damn coward! I'm clearly starting to get irritated. When I get back to my house, first thing I'm going to do is pour myself a tall glass of lemonade. I just hope there's still some in the fridge.

Wait. What was that? I pass through the cave where I first encountered the dragon and am able to spot two red feet climbing up a hole in the ceiling right across the opposite side.

I found you. I drill myself upwards with the intention of catching it by surprise. I pop my head out through the dirt like a gopher, scaring the dragon. Next thing I know, it turns invisible right in front of my eyes! I watch it ascend past the ceiling, no doubt heading towards the exit. It's trying to escape! That's what these things do when they get cornered: retreat. This only happens when there is only one left. This Fygar is the last monster down here.

What a queer circumstance I am faced with. Here I am with the Fygar that burned me to a crisp and he happens to be the final enemy I must take down. No better word than "revenge" best suits this moment right here.

I'm sure as hell not going to let this one get away. I wiggle myself out of the hole and drill a new one in the spot I saw the Fygar disappear to. The dirt particles bounce off my face as I continue drilling upwards. It doesn't sway me one bit. I finally reach a cavern above and crawl out. I catch a glimpse of the Fygar rush towards the center of the underground from where I started. It turns around and sees me climbing out of the hole. Its wings flash upon locking eyes with me. I let out a rather embarrassing squeak and cower back into the hole, narrowing avoiding the fire blast. The embers clear soon after, so I crawl out of the hole once again. The dragon is nowhere in sight. I charge my way towards the hole in the center and look up to find it climbing its way out to the surface!

Drastic times call for drastic measures, it seems. I take the hose of the bike pump and take aim. I think I have a good angle, so I hurl it towards the fleeing dragon.

Damn! I missed it. The nozzle recoils back to me, but I'm too crestfallen to even care. There's no way I can hit it from here; the length of the hose isn't long enough.

Hmmm. I ponder for a moment.

…

I got a better idea.

Oh, I got an even better idea. I back away from the exit and turn to the cavern trail facing west. I pass by the hole where the boulder fell from and crushed those two monsters earlier. I dig through the dirt ahead of me, continuing my mission to the end of the cave. Suddenly, I strike hard soil. I have reached the end point of the underground. Now it's time to go up, I note and start chiseling through the soil above. I race to the surface with gritted teeth and determination to beat the Fygar to the finish line.

I pause as I reach the highest point of the chasm I've dug. It's quiet. It's too quiet. Soon after these thoughts escape my mind, I hear distant footsteps.

It's getting closer. Like a trapdoor spider, I lie in wait for my prey to arrive. The steps get closer and closer. I grip the pump hose with my hand, spinning the nozzle with my fingers. The anticipation is killing me. I just can't let it escape. I foolishly let a Pooka flee the first time I came down here. The next day, it returned with four of its bloodthirsty friends. I was lucky to even survive that.

I'm not going to go through that again. I'm tempted to take a peek outside, but think better of it as I worry that I might scare it away before I have a chance to terminate it. At last, it draws near. I can sense it. The footsteps echo around me, indicating that it's indeed directly underneath me. With an angered roar, I jab the nozzle upwards, pushing through the earth. I strike the dragon's white belly, stunning it momentarily. Now's my chance. I take the pump and push the handles down. The inflated belly covers the hole I'm under, but I pay it zero attention and pull the handle up. Another push down and the belly starts to squish my head. I can hear the Fygar's feet shake frantically as it tries to escape.

There's no point, my friend. It's over for you. I pull the handle once again and push it downwards one final time.

POP! The sound rings through my eardrums and causes me to clutch my ears. I feel as if I'm going deaf. Tears attempt to leave my eyelids, but I prevent this from happening. My top priority is to get out of this hole I'm in. I claw the soil on the surface and pull my way out. My body collapses once I'm finally outside. The ringing fades away and I take a deep breath of air.

I did it. I survived the onslaught once more. I sit up to reflect on what had transpired today. I took a Pooka by surprise and executed it. I crushed two monsters with a boulder! A Fygar had taken me by surprise and set me on fire. Had I not had my beacon planted, I wouldn't be here right now. My garden would be no more without me defending it. Speaking of which, I have to recover it from the underground to charge it again. I'll do it later, though. Right now I just want to go back to my house.

There will be more of them. I'm sure of it. The thought lingers like a bad cold as I limp back to the house. My knee is killing me. I pull out the turnip I had taken earlier and blow the dirt off. I wonder how much I can get for this thing. It was definitely worth the effort. I give it a kiss and continue my way towards the house. I got another long day ahead of me.

Round six begins tomorrow.

If I saw a Pooka in real life, I'd run. I'd run as far away as I can.
-Mister Nanook