Reyna tries to convince herself that she functions solely by logic.
She's escaped the utopia of an eccentric sorceress, unraveled the enigma of how demigods' minds operate, established a legion fundamentally based upon her own willpower and strategy, and calculated the exact movements of her opponents. She rises each rank with seemingly little effort, contemplates every word before it leaves her lips, counts her footsteps like a mantra as she steadily climbs her way to the top.
Logic is a prison that maintains order in her life, and it's the closest she's ever come to tasting happiness despite how the bitterness lingers on her tongue.
That is until love comes along.
For love is completely illogical. It's pure emotion, inevitably catching sounds in the back of her throat before they tumble out clumsily speckled with stutters. She can't help tripping over her own feet and skipping over the number of steps she takes before she reaches his side.
Love is a set of uncontrollable chemical reactions, a swarm of hormones buzzing around her body like bees. So when Jason looks at Reyna with those electric eyes and smiles at her with those pearly teeth, there is nothing she can do to stop those butterflies from making her giddy to her core, making her world crash around her, drowning her in the bliss.
She is no fool, but her heart cannot say the same. She isn't careless, but nothing ever matters anymore when she's with him. She's usually tightly wound, but everything feels safe in his arms. She feels wanted by his words, encouraged by his selfless care for her.
Reyne thinks she may have found love, even if she can't accept it.
So when Jason disappears, she loses herself as his memory begins to fade. Withering under the constant sting of the reminder that he's gone becomes a slow torture but she accepts it gladly with the desperate hope he returns soon.
When he comes back, she expects the hurt to stop, her heart filled to the brink.
That is until she sees the girl standing next to him.
Piper is breathtakingly gorgeous. A natural beauty. She's simply majestic, with a melodic, warm voice to match her graceful movements. Her smile is bright, like stars. Those eyes are crystal clear, brimming with kindness yet fierceness. They turned millions of colors in the sunlight, glinting beautifully everytime she turned in any direction. She is fragile and delicate, but she is one of the strongest women Reyna has ever known, a warrior on both the battlefield and through her own personal struggles. Piper is well-rounded, clever, pretty, and more. She's perfect, and–
Jason is in love with her.
Reyna sees the way Jason looked at Piper. He adores her. He would sacrifice his life for her. His eyes go electric as he breathes in her every detail, every perfect imperfection, completely smitten. He flashes her his blinding grin while grasping her in his embrace.
An embrace familiar because to Reyna, itfeels like home.
Piper's choppy hair is one of her many quirks. Her broken past does not define who she is; it simply spurs her motivation to move on, to live her life as a tribute for those who fell behind with dignity and honor. She is the reason Jason fights day by day, the reason he doesn't give up. Piper is everything to him.
Reyna desperately clings to the hope that she may have been his everything before the gods turned fate against her.
So she drowns herself in the emotion despite being suffocated in her feelings, forces herself to choke on the hurt, the confusion. She grows to like how the pain cuts her tongue everytime she speaks.
The way Jason clutches Piper's hand looks like he's afraid she'll disappear into thin air if he ever let go.
Then again, that's exactly what he did to Reyna, because she never held onto him tight enough.
But that's not his fault, is it? He's wiped of all memories. There's no way he could remember Reyna even if he tried.
But how come Percy remembered Annabeth? How come they had their happy ending?
And even if it isn't Jason's fault that he forgot Reyna, why Is she still hurt? Why Is she still feeling pain? It's completely illogical, a set of unnecessary reactions that cause too much grief with no explanation, and even though she believes in gods, she's sure they did not create the mistake of chemical imbalance in her head.
She tries to ignore the voice in her head that tells her he never truly loved her the way she loved him.
Through the years, she tries to deny it. Through the months and weeks, she runs from the thought of it. Through the days, hours, every single excruciating minute, she tries to escape it.
Yet every second, it's the only thing on her mind. It's the air she breathed. It's what allowed her to survive the time she spent without him, and the time she spends with him now that he's finally returned.
She loves him. She loves him so much the essence of him runs through her veins in a deeper concentration than her blood. She loves him so much she grows to love the torture of seeing him with someone else, loves him so much she's happy that he's content during her suffering. She loves him so much she lets him go, even if it means letting herself collapse alone.
After all, she fell for him first, yet all this time, she thought he might have caught her by now.
Because love holds no logic–
and Reyna loves Jason Grace.