New story, random ideaIi came up with, typed it up in like a half hour. Yeah, I'm in a sad mood again. Whatever, sadness appearently brings out my muse. Hope you like

Song is Better Than Me by Hinder

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you

Teyla sat on her bed in Atlantis. It had been little more than a month since John Sheppard had resigned from command in the city and she missed him. For almost 7 years he had stayed despite his feelings of guilt over lives lost. She had known that he carried the weight of every life that was lost in the city, even though the deaths weren't his fault.

She has a feeling that it was the most recent Wraith attack on Atlantis that had pushed his guilt over the edge. They had attacked so fast and so hard, they had lost so many friends during the attack. They had managed to fight them off eventually, but it took almost 5 days. McKay had died attempting to fix a new defense shield the city had received from Earth; Ronon had died fighting off Wraith that invaded the city. Teyla, herself, was seriously injured.

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

Teyla remembered John everyday. It seemed to her that there was no placed in the city that her and John didn't have a memory. Whether it was as simple as working out together in the gym or sharing meals in the mess hall, to the more personal memories like walking the halls late at night talking. She couldn't even go anywhere near his old room, which still went unoccupied, because of the memories there. His bed was the first place they made love, in front of his door was where they shared their first, welcomed, kiss.

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you

They had never had a proper goodbye. That was her biggest regret; that she never got to ask him to stay, to tell him it wasn't his fault. She knew how he felt, but none of what had happened in the last 7 years had been his fault.

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

Teyla hadn't known John had resigned until after she woke up in the infirmary. She cried for what felt like eternity when she found out. She also screamed at anyone who was near her, asking why they didn't stop him. All he had left her was a pile of photographs and a note. She read that night every night before she went to sleep, and she still couldn't figure out why he felt the way he did in the letter.

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend
I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end

As Teyla lay down that night to go to sleep she pulled the letter out of the drawer it was in next to her bed to read it again. She brushed her fingers over the fading letters, the somewhat smudged ink and the tear stained paper, both his and hers.

Teyla,

If you ever get to read this, I'm sorry I'm not there. I'm sorry for so much, for Rodney and for Ronon, and for waking the god damn Wraith. I'm sorry I cant be there for you. I love you and I didn't want to leave you, but I had to go. Please go on with your life, forget about me, please. You don't need a seriously messed up guy for your lover, you deserve more.

John

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this

You deserve much better than me

Please r&r, thanks