I Will
Disclaimer – I don't own NCIS or the characters. I don't own the "I will" list idea.
Tony sat on the plane for a while. He had a piece of paper that said "I will" at the top. He had writers block. He couldn't think of anything he needed to do for himself at the moment.
He was staring out the window and only remembering the last sight he had of Ziva. She had been standing out on the tarmac with a beautiful smile on her incredibly sad face. Tears were streaming down her face as her body was wracked with silent sobs that she was trying desperately to hold in.
His first idea came to him and he pressed his pen to the paper and wrote easily what he was thinking.
1. I will deal with this properly.
Tony wasn't going to go back to his old habits of how he dealt with difficult things. He wouldn't turn to alcohol and having a new girl every other night. He was going to be brokenhearted, upset, and angry if he had to be. If he needed to, he would talk to someone about it. He had always used the alcohol instead of turning to someone. He could still use movies, but he would not use the alcohol, because in all honesty, it was extremely unhealthy.
There were three things that he knew had to be put on the list, but they were last. They had to stay last, because of the order of things. He wondered what else he could put there, and he knew, but he was wondering if it should be next or right before the last ones. He knew it had to be next, because it was important.
2. I will wait for her.
Tony wasn't about to go and even try to give his heart to another woman. Ziva hadn't broken his heart, she had simply said that she needed to heal and see herself properly before she considered it. Besides, she loved him. It had taken Tony everything he had to deny it to himself for so long that admitting to himself that he loved Ziva took everything he had now. He wasn't about to let it go to waste, because if he was being honest, Gibbs rules made sense and rule five was that you don't waste good. This was definitely good.
He wrote down his next idea, because it had to happen. He needed to do this to continue on with a clean conscience as well.
3. I will tell Gibbs the truth.
There were many things that he had kept from Gibbs over the last nine years. He had to go back and talk about the undercover mission and following Ziva and liking her the first moment he saw her. He had to go back and talk about the summer that Gibbs was in Mexico and when Jenny had died. He had to talk about Jeanne and Rivkin, because they were important steps. He had to talk to Gibbs about his resolutions that had ended up landing him in a terrorist training camp in Somalia. He had to talk about Paris with Gibbs. He had to talk about the night Mike Franks died with Gibbs. He had to talk about the elevator and the death of Eli David with Gibbs. He had to talk about Berlin and their resignation with Gibbs. He had to talk about how he had found Ziva before he said he found her. He had to tell Gibbs everything and that was going to be a long conversation, but he needed to come clean about all the things he had been hiding from his boss.
He knew that was going to be hard, because Gibbs didn't like to talk, but he figured his boss would be willing to talk. He wondered if Ziva would stay in contact with him at all. He wanted to and he had asked if she would. She had replied with it needing to be a clean break, but that was before they had said goodbye the way they had. He had another item on the list.
4. I will always answer her when she talks.
That was important to him. He knew that he couldn't initiate the contact, because she had said she wanted a clean break from him and she wanted to do this alone. But, he was fairly certain she would call, text, and instant message at some point. Maybe even send a post-card. He would always answer her. He loved her. The last three things needed to be written down.
5. I will talk about Paris.
6. I will talk about Berlin.
7. I will tell her I love her.
These seven things had taken Tony the entire plane ride, but his resolution to have his list done by the time the plane landed was complete. As he put the period at the end of item seven the planes wheels touched the tarmac in Washington, DC after a thirteen hour flight home. He was relieved and hurt at the same time. There was no more turning back, not that there had been once he was in the air, but it had felt like he could. Now it was final. He was alone and he had to stick to his list.
He climbed off the plane to find his boss standing on the tarmac waiting for him with a stern look on his face. His eyes were curious and in pain. Ziva had called him. Tony could tell by the look on his face. Ziva had called, but what had she said to him? Had she said enough for him to know what he needed to share? Would Gibbs still let him share?
Tony had a resolution in mind and he walked straight toward his boss, looking him straight in the eyes, determined to get this done and keep going on. He made his way slowly to his boss and stood in front of him, still holding his gaze.
"We need to talk, Jethro," Tony said, using his boss's first name for the first time since he had first met him when he was trying to decide what to call the man.
Gibbs raised an eyebrow and looked curious. He was so used to hearing Tony call him "boss" that this sudden change made him aware that this man was not only hurting, but turning to him as a friend and a father-figure that he needed in his life. Gibbs nodded a little.
"Okay," he said quietly. "My place."
TBC
A/N – Here is my take, not that I'm happy about the ending of Ziva David on the show NCIS. But, it is what it is and I might as well make the most of it. I couldn't resist the thoughts that were roaming through my head with the approach of the first episode without Ziva in it. It will be a sad night for NCIS!