Chapter 1

Recurring Nightmare

Java Jones, a small mundane coffee shop, is especially full tonight. This has been our constant hide-out, if you call it like that, for almost a year. Maybe it's because this is Simon and Clary's favourite place and they feel they belong here, like everything was back to being normal now that the war has passed. Jace, being Clary's boyfriend, goes wherever she goes, dragging me along. Maia is always here, too. Jordan is the lead singer of the band playing now on the small stage with Simon beside him playing bass. They look like they were enjoying their time there but if I'm to be honest, they suck. "By the Angel!" Jace exclaimed almost everytime he listens to them. I couldn't care less what else this place offers or who they put on the stage, I just want to be with these people as much as possible as I can. It's the only thing I could do to return their forgiveness: to be someone that is good.

We've also been hunting demons now and then, without much effort I must say. And fighting beside Jace—it's a piece of cake, as I heard the mundanes say it. And Clary is strong, too. Strangely enough, training and fighting Demons has become our brother and sister bonding, with the occasional visits from our mother, Jocelyn. I was still trying to adjust to the fact that I have a mother and Clary has been helping me how to deal with it. She's not forcing me, nor does Jocelyn, to become instantly like what a family is supposed to be and I've never been more thankful.

Everything may seem almost too perfect now but it wasn't always like this. A year ago, it was utter chaos. A year ago, two wars between good and evil ensued which resulted to nothing and claimed too many lives. The first war was led by Valentine Morgenstern. He was killed. The second one was led by his son. He is alive. And he is me.

We all cringed as we heard a loud feedback from the microphone.

"Sorry guys," Jordan said, laughing apologetically. "That was the mic being all too excited. Now, allow us to sing our last song for the night."

"Oh, thank the Angels," I heard Jace say.

"Why do you even come to this place if you hate them so much?" I asked.

Jace raised an eyebrow in a perfect mocking arch that only he could do. "Are you seriously asking me that?"

I shrugged. "Why? Don't tell me that asking you a question is now considered offensive?"

He stared at me some more as if I was the most stupid person in the world, which is going to be very offensive on my part if not for the fact that he look at everyone like that. "Yes," he said. "Because the question is offensive." He looked at Clary. "I do it for love."

Clary scoffed. "Please."

"You still doubt my love and devotion for you after all that I've done?"

"Okay," I said, standing up. "I don't want to hear you two discuss that topic in front of me so I'm going to go get some more coffee. Clary you want a refill?"

She smiled, shaking her head. "Nah, I'm good."

"Alright," I took my cup and put it back down, deciding to order an iced coffee this time. Walking over to the small bar, I looked at the same girl behind the counter, wearing the Java Jones uniform under the brown Java Jones apron. She's serving other people their coffees, too.

"Here you go," I heard her say to a guy as she handed him his drink.

"Hey Rae," I said. She turned and gave me a warm smile, like she always does.

"Hey," she said.

It's not hard to like Rae. Among all the mudanes I've had to deal with, she's the one I feel most comfortable to, which is strange because I don't know her that much. But she's easy to be with and always smiles at everyone. And one of the reasons I learned from life is that it's hard to keep smiling everyday and yet she makes it look like it's the easiest thing to do. "I'll have a new one," I said.

Rae's eyes narrowed curiously. "Why the sudden change of taste?"

I chuckled. "Still so full of questions. Just give me an iced Caramel Frapuccino, will you?"

"Alright," she said and then proceeded to make my drink.

Rae and I don't talk a lot and when we do, it's always playful and teasing, but our conversations are always short. So it wonders me how come there's no tension between us. With her back on me, I took the chance to study her. She has shoulder length hair that looked like black under the yellowish dim lamp, but I knew there's a streak of dark blonde highlight on her side bangs. She's wearing their Java Jones black shirt uniform with the café's logo on the back. She has this almost fluid motion as she move around to make my drink and she caught me staring at her when she turned.

"What?" she asked. Not "stop staring at me" or a complete "what are you looking at?" but just a simple, almost irritated, what.

I couldn't help but grin.

She finished my iced coffee by spraying whip cream on the top before putting on the cover. "Here you go."

I took it from her and our fingers brushed a bit. "Thanks," I said as I paid.

"Sure. Next time you wanna ogle on all of this," she waved her hand on her body, "you might as well just ask. I don't mind."

A bubble of mirth rose inside me and I laughed. Rae is such a surprising woman and I like that she's very unexpected. "I'll sure hold on to that." I saw a blush creep up on her face and I walked back to Clary and Jace smiling all the way.

I woke up in the middle of the night, gasping for air, with the memory of that crucial day in mind. I'm still not over that part of my life. It's like it makes me remember every bit of the details, and letting me experience the pain over and over again as a sort of punishment. I haven't had the same dream for the past couple of weeks, and now it's back.

The dream would always start with me being dragged to the centre of the large room and then Clary would take few careful steps towards me. When she was close enough, she took out her stele and crouched in front of me then started drawing a Rune. It was the only thing that has stopped me from claiming all the Shadowhunters' lives. A Mark Clary had created that released me from being consumed by the Demon blood which was the main part that had made me so purely evil.

My first impulse as soon as she was putting the Rune on me was to attack and kill her. I was that evil that I could take it to kill my own sister. But two very strong Shadowhunters were holding both of my hands, pinning me down, forcing me to kneel on ground so I can't escape. And I wasn't able to.

Clary stepped away as she finished drawing the Rune on my chest, near my heart. At first, I felt nothing. I even barked out a mocking laugh. I remember telling her all sorts of horrible words I could come up with. I insulted her—her power as the Creator, telling her it was useless and it wouldn't do anything to me. But she just stood there in front of me with her soft, unwavering, tear-stricken green eyes as she said, "Come back to us. Come back to me." And that was when it started.

I remember feeling my body burning, like I was literally on fire. Heat were radiating throughout my body as I fell crumpled to the cold and hard ground. I can't even remember the place. I was screaming from the agonising pain of it all.

As I was laid there on the ground, with all the Shadowhunters who are left alive watching me, memories were filling up my mind. Some I recognize, some I don't, while some I thought were only just dreams. And with one last glance at the girl with flaming red hair, the girl who has always been present in my dreams, I closed my eyes as I surrendered myself to the darkness, letting it swallow me into oblivion. And all I could think was, I'm going to die.

But I didn't. And when I woke up, I wasn't Valentine Morgenstern's evil son. I was a new guy. And the hardest part of it all was I knew I was once evil, but for some unknown reasons, all the despicable things I had done…I couldn't remember any of them. The only way I was made aware of my past actions was because Maryse, the head of New York Institute, told me everything the morning after I woke up. She had me seated on what would look like a library, with the Inquisitor, as they both took turns interrogating me. None of them didn't expect that I would have my memory erased, even Clary.

Maryse told me all the things I have done; all the people that I had killed; how I was able to raise a war unlike any other and almost put the entire Shadowhunters' race to near extinction. It was all I could do to keep on sitting there as I listened and not run for the door and tell her that what she was telling me were all lies. But I stayed. Just looking at her face told me they were all true. And I could feel it in me. I remember the transformation, so maybe it was the reason why I know I was once evil. I told Maryse that and I would like to think that that's the only reason why she was able to keep herself from killing me. After all, I killed her two children…

And with that, my dream would end; with me thinking about Isabelle and Max.

I shook them away from my head and took the book resting on the night stand. Jace recommended it to me and it is called Dealing with Depression. Apparently, it's a self-help book and of course, Jace specifically handpicked it from the library just to spite me. But why not give it a try? It might take my mind off that recurring dream. A dream of what once was a reality.