Scene 1
Scene 1
driving to party
Mom: Okay guys, when I pull my ear, I want to go home!
Dad: Got it.
Scene 2
enter party
Arthur: Oh boy, cake! CHOCOLATE cake! womp
DW: Come on Pal, let's go play!
Pal: rawr
Cousin Mo: Alright, I'll be...uh...in the bathroom… takes out crack pipe from underneath jacket
Dad: Hey, Steve, it's been so long!
Mom: Karen! Let's catch up with a glass of wine! grabs nearest bottle
Grandma Thora: I'm going to go take my medicine before dinner.
1 hour later
Mom, after 12 bottles of wine (thinking to herself): This party sucks man. I better get my hubby's attention. I'll just tug at his genitalia so we can go home.
Mom: David! I want to go home!! rips genitalia clean off
Mom: -- horrified and shocked
party stops completely
Arthur: takes baby bite of cake
DW: stops playing with Pal, who also stops playing
Cousin Mo: drops crack pipe and stares at Mom
Grandma Thora: drops medicine
Dad: face turns 8 different shades of purple
song stops, then "A Beautiful Morning" comes on
ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE
Arthur: smears cake allover face
DW: sits and stares into space
Pal: runs in circles and pees everywhere
Cousin Mo: runs into wall repeatedly
Grandma Thora: chugs pills and wipes mouth
Dad: SOMEBODY. CALL. NINE .ONE .ONEEEEEEEEEE!!
Mom: throws hands in air, forgetting she's holding penis
genitalia lands in unsuspecting party member's wine glass
Party person: drops red wine glass, which spills allover the white carpet
DW: revives from catatonic state, and picks up genitalia
DW: holds genitalia at arms length
DW: shocked, repeatedly gasps in horror
Remaining Party People: start running blindly around room
someone calls 911
THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY!
Dad: beats his chest while lying on the ground FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!! JANE, WHAT THE FUCKKKK?!
Mom: WHERE'S THE PENISSSSS?? WHERE IS IT??
Pal: in corner gnawing on genitalia
Mom: DW! GET IT AWAY FROM HIM!!
DW: shakes finger at pal bad dog, pal!
Mom: NOOO!! tackles DW and squashes dog in process
Mom: holds up bloody genitalia in hand I GOT IT I GOT IT!!
Scene 3: Hospital
genitalia floating in pickle jar
Doctor: looks at clipboard confused How…exactly did this happen?
Mom: fidgeting with handkerchief, utters muffled response
Doctor: What was that?
Mom: There…there was a terrible accident.
Doctor: I…see. I get one of these once in a while… looks at severed genitalia in disgust
Arthur: covered in cake It was ALL HER FAULT! SHE had all the happy juice!!
Mom: SHUT UP ARTHUR! Bitch slaps Arthur
Dad: groans
And thus began the continuing battle between Arthur and his Mother. It has been said that the severed genitalia symbolized Arthur's breaking off from his mother.
THE END