Subject: help
By: ChaosDragon013
Genre: Angst
Summary: somebody save me...I don't want to die...
Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh but I do own this fic.
Note: This fic is dedicated to the deadchipmunk
I walk through the door and flop on my bed. I was so tired of it all...all the little things were piling up, it was becoming too much for me. I mean, it should be nothing, like the idiotic dog eating my brownie, people at school sniggering at me, getting a lower grade that I thought on a paper...just small things, nothing major. But, everything recently...it was all building up. Also, my mom wouldn't leave me alone. She wanted to 'talk' like when she said that I was 'unpleasant' to be around. SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING!! Sometimes it all is just to much, I end up crying. She thinks that these talk help. They don't I always feel worse. She just asks me why I'm acting like this, and won't take anything seriously. Sometimes she finds it funny. I'm sorry, I don't see how feeling that I should drop of the face of the planet funny. She always has an answer how SHE didn't do ANYTHING at all. I'm so sick of it. Speaking of sick, I am. Another problem with me. Recently I just feel like being alone or with Tori. Tori is my girlfriend. It took so much courage to tell mom that, and there was so much...fear. What if she didn't understand. Well, she kept asking if we were having sex and talking about keeping my virginity for 'the right one' who I'd marry. Well, I want to marry Tori. Is that good enough? Of course, I said no.
Anyways, getting back to the issue, I have had a lot of stress, and finals haven't helped any. So all this has been adding, and I feel like I'm about to break. How does that one song go? Even those that never frown eventually break down. Is that is? Well, that's how I feel. Though when I showed that to my mom, with a note saying: 'To quote a song... 'Everything falls apart even the people who never frown eventually break down' And I'm close. So...sometimes I wish you would just let things lay.' She laughed, talking about how I frown all the time. I tell her how I feel, and then I feel worse. No one knows how this feels, I lie, saying that I'm okay. Tori has seen me...seen me crying in my bed. What she thinks, I don't know. All I care about is me at that moment, no one else's feeling matter for a few minuets. Its so nice in a way, but I am too busy crying my soul through my eyes to really notice. Or care. Even if Tori sees, she doesn't always know how to act. I want to be hugged, be told that everything is okay...I want to hear 'I love you' instead of 'I love you too'...I want her to say it, not me...I want to know I'm loved, needed. Especially with how I've been feeling lately.
I sigh, and head over to my computer. I feel the sting as tears leak out of my eyes and slide down my face. I feel so alone right now...like no one would miss me if I killed myself. Or cut. I use to do that, but I've stopped...because of Tori. But, Tori...she's not here...I open my e-mail and see a story I had started on the other day. I really want to become a writer, but I feel like I'm not good enough...it's just some stupid dream I have, it will never come true...huh? oh, e-mail's open...
From: yamitenshimsm.com
To: chibitenshiaol.com; changeofheartmsm.com; dragonofdeathKC.com; pharaohisaidiotjuno.com
Subject: help
oh gods...I am feeling so awful right now...please, I don't care who, but someone,
give me a reason not to kill myself. I fell so terrible and rotten and I feel like no one
would miss me. What's wrong? Is it me? why am I so invisible? maybe if I write a story
and put another character into my shoes then...then I won't feel so bad...
-Shizuka
ps
sorry for bothering you.
I close my e-mail and turn off my computer. I look at the mirror...all I see is a pathetic, ugly 15-year old girl with reddish hair. I see my eyes that look red from all the crying I've been doing, and I have to say...I look horrible. My mom is demanding to talk, but I don't want to...I want to be alone. I miss my friends and doubt that Tori will be able to call tonight. Damn, I feel so alone. To people at school I am invisible. Why do I think my life is worth something...I guess I just need to sleep...
Morning. I go to school, suffer through the English final and run a mile for PE. I turn in my lock and walk home with Tori. She'll be staying over today to study. That is a very good thing. I really want to help her with all her algebra. Well, maybe we should take a nappy first...We'll just study after this. Oh, I should check my email...huh? Two messages? I probably shouldn't have sent that email, but it's too late now...
From: chibitenshiaol.com
To: yamitenshimsm.com
Subject: Re: help
ARE YOU
MAD?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
You still have so much to offer to the world... even if it's in the smallest
of doses. Everyone does. And please think no more along these lines
because there are so many assholes in the world.. and You aren't one of
them. Please don't take the life of a good person.
A mother and father willl grieve.
Friends will grieve.
You are someone's world...
Shizuka Jounonchi would be missed.
From: chibitenshiaol.com
To: yamitenshimsm.com
Subject: PS
And don't apologize. I needed to be bothered. Least anyone could do for an
excellent reviewer and a flourishing writer.
I smile and print them out. Then staple them together...I smile, Yugi...you knew just what to say. I put the papers on my desk and lay down next to Tori and wrap up with as blanket. I feel so warm and safe...huh? What's the yelling about? What?! Her mom? But...I thought...NO! NONONONONONO!! Why?! DAMN YOU! NO! I DON'T WANT TO TALK MOM, I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE. ...please...Tori's gone...I should have said something...why? Why couldn't I have?! Why? Tears run down my face and I taste their salty taste. I feel so bad...like I should just leave or something...but...
You are someone's world...
but...
And please think no more along these lines
why? Why would it matter?
because there are so many assholes in the world.. and You aren't one of them.
but....I'm not able to hold on...I'm letting go...
Please don't take the life of a good person.
but...maybe I can...I can hold on...after all, I am important...and I am someone's world....I hug my letter then start up my email...
There's someone I need to thank
From: yamitenshimsm.com
To: chibitenshiaol.com
Subject: arigito
Yugi, I just wanted to say...thanks...it was just what I needed. Arigito yugi...
thanks
-Sizuka