Author's Note: So, you've been sucked into reading my Matrix fanfic, eh? (inspired by the Matrix movies and in part by the 2003 MTV Movie Awards spoof of the Matrix Reloaded) Enjoy the story, and shameless self-promotion if you like anime, check out my Yu Yu Hakusho fanfic, A New Beginning. And don't forget, you have to review! (Or I'll send my army of evil parakeets after you.... and if you do, you get one of those cool white dreadlocks I stole from the Twins.)
One: -has a huge bald spot- Give us back our dreadlocks!
Two: -has an even bigger bald spot- Yes, or else we won't look cute anymore and the fangirls won't like us!
DragonGurl: NOOOO!!! What have I done????!!!
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Chapter One: The Cookies
Oracle: Sati, why don't you take these cookies around to everyone to see if they're ready?
Sati: Don't I get some?
Oracle: Of course not, honey. You're only a program in the Matrix. You can't really taste these.
Sati: But nobody else can either! What's the point?
Oracle: ................ Because I said so. I'm the Oracle, dammit! I know everything, remember? Just go already!
Sati: -leaves kitchen with bag of cookies- Hi, Agent Elf-boy! -lots of Elronds wearing the Smith suit and sunglasses barge into the Oracle's kitchen-
Agent Smelrond #1: Oracle, I have a proposition to make.
Oracle: What is it this time, Smelrond? I'd rather you didn't turn me into a dude again, thanks. I had a hell of a time deciding which bathroom to use, you know.
Agent Smelrond #45: Right.....
Agent Smelrond #12: Oracle, I want to be a real elf!
Oracle: What do I look like, the Blue Fairy?
Agent Smelrond #007: We are tired of everyone calling us Smelrond just because two huge movies I was in came out at the same time.
Oracle: I laughed every time I saw you in both movies, Agent Elf! Weren't you in that movie about the drag queens too?
All Agent Smelronds: -shove panties sticking out of their pants back in- Noooo.....
Agent Smelrond #2,987: Change us into one thing or the other and we'll leave you alone.
Oracle: Fine. I made these cookies just for all of you, because I knew you would ask me that. Take one, eat it and say, "I need a better haircut" 3 times, and you will get what you deserve.
All Agent Smelronds: -each take a cookie and eat it- I need a better haircut, I need a better haircut, I need a better haircut.... -all fall down and die while growing a huge afro-
Oracle: Now that's what I call a haircut!
Meanwhile.....
Sati: Neo, do you want some cookies?
Neo: -in his monotone voice- Yes. -takes a cookie and is about to bite into it-
Trinity and a couple random fangirls: NOOOO!!!! -tackle Neo and take the cookie away- You CAN'T eat this cookie!
Neo: Why?
Fangirls and Trinity: Because we love you!!!!
Neo: Why?
Trinity: -ignoring him and talking to fangirls- Why are you here?
Fangirl #1: Because we love him and you can't have him, you evil, ugly witch! -grabs Neo around the neck-
Fangirl #2: He's mine! -pulls him away-
Trinity: Fangirl #1---
Fangirl #1: -interrupting- Hey, I have a name, and it isn't Fangirl #1, you evil, ugly witch! It's..... -thinking of a cool Matrixy- name Mrs. Anderson!!
All besides 'Mrs. Anderson': -stare-
Trinity: -tackles Mrs. Anderson and kills her with a silver spork-
Sati: What's your name, Fangirl #2? My Papa says you shouldn't be here.
Fangirl #2: I'm Key, otherwise known as -thunder crashes and lightning strikes- the author! I'm inserting myself into this story, so deal with it.
Trinity: So you can live out your fangirl fantasies?
Key: Actually I don't know if I'm a fangirl of Neo or the Twins right now, so I'm just along for the ride. Neo saved me from the Matrix yesterday, right, Neo?
Neo: You saved yourself, kid.
Key: That's as impossible as you showing emotion when you talk! (Author dodges thrown objects) -Neo surprises everyone by not saying anything- By the way, Sati, where is your Papa?
Sati: Right over there. -points to somewhere behind Trinity, which is completely empty-
Key: -stare- Right... -looks at Trinity-
Trinity: -whispering- She has attachment issues.
Key: Oooooookay then.
Trinity: Why don't you take those cookies to Commander Lock and see how he likes them?
Sati: Sure! -skips away-
Neo, Trinity, and Key: -laugh sinisterly- Mwahahahaha!
Author's Note: Yes, that is my crappy fanfic. Feel free to flame it, cuz I will use them to cook my S'mores. Yummy! Please review, and tell me if you think it was funny.... This is my first attempt at comedy so far, so don't be too harsh..... :-P (I couldn't get the little asterisks things to work when I tried to put this on fanfiction.com so you'll have to deal with the dashes instead. If anyone could help with this problem I would appreciate it.