Broken And Fixed Again
Kylo Ren made a different chose when he asked his father to help him in that fateful moment on Starkiller Base. I do not know if I am planning on continuing this.
He was being torn apart. Never sure anymore of who he was. Kylo Ren or Ben Solo? His mind said Kylo, destined to be a worthy and powerful Sith. But it was his heart that fought for dominance as Ben. He was week, his Master said he was weak.
This was to be his Trial of Sacrifice, to kill that which he loves most. But now, with his father facing him, unshed tears in his eyes, and forgiveness in his voice, he could not.
"I know what I have to do…"
He couldn't fight anymore and his father was so close. He could remember when he was just a boy. The first time his father let him sit on his lap in the Falcon at four. The first story he could remember of his father telling of his adventures aboard the infamous ship at five. The first time he Force-Moved the kitchen table at six. And his father always looked on with pride in his eyes and praise on his lips.
"I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do it."
How true that was. It was a war in his mind, even now, as he holds his Lightsaber out, the Dark whispering sweet nothings of death and hate in his ear, wanting Han Solo's blood. It was a roar that felt as if it would consume him and never let go. It was anger, electricity, the all-consuming fire, the twisting knife.
The Light was so much quieter though but maybe, that was what it's power was. A humming softness that spoke of love and peace, as if holding out a calming hand, to sweep him away from the Darkness. No matter how loud the Dark was, the Light was always there at the back of his mind. It was a soft breeze, a soft touch, comfort, a parent's love.
His eyes were locked with his father's, as the man grasped the 'Saber in his own hands. He could not do this anymore. It was killing him. If this continued, he may never find who he truly was and what destiny wanted for him.
"Will you help me?" His voice broke then, eyes breaking away for a second as tears threatened to fall.
He could see the traitor and girl high above, watching on with fear in their eyes. For his father most likely, scared that he made a mistake in confronting him. He was not sure if they were right, yet. He needed to breath, needed the strength to do what was necessary. He looked back down, eyes connecting briefly with the Wookie's. He was so close, blaster at the ready should anything happen to his closest friend.
His eyes are drawn back, though, almost immediately to his father's as he steps even closer, gripping the Lightsaber as hard as he could, hoping maybe that if he doesn't let go, his son won't be able to disappear. But that isn't his choice.
"Anything." His voice is like broken glass, wanting anything for Kylo Ren to be Ben Solo once more and not the evil bastard that has done heinous acts in the name of the First Order and the Sith.
He feels them, then. The tears that haven't shed, finally uncontrollable at the sound of his father's heartbroken voice. And suddenly, the whisper of the Light has become so much stronger and the tendrils of Dark screeching in pain at such a beautiful feeling. He feels his mother for a second, reaching out into the force, finding a way through his shields now that the Light has a firm grasp on him.
It's alright, Ben. What a beautiful voice, his mother's voice and the tears came fiercer and a sob ripped from his throat as he could almost feel her hand caressing his cheek, wiping away the tears.
It's alright, my sweet boy.
"It's alright, son." His father this time, as if hearing his wife's words, "I would do anything for you to come back to me and your mother."
He shook his head then, "I can never come back." His father's grip tightened, the strain of his gloves easily heard, "But I cannot stay either."
He asked again, "Will you help me?"
It took longer this time for the man to answer, heart break clearly felt through the Force, even as the calming aura of his mother's presence washed over the two of them.
He did answer, though, repeating once more, "Anything."
He nodded then, letting go of the Lightsaber and taking a step back, "Leave, run away and never come looking for me again." And another step back.
That is when the first blaster went off and the roar of a Wookie echoed off the metal walls.
"Run!" He screamed, not just to his father, but the three others watching on, firing their own blasts at the storm troopers.
His father was still standing there, covering him from fire. But he was not defenseless, even without his Lightsaber. Perhaps, that was his crutch, the 'Saber. No, his real strength was in the Force he freely manipulated.
He raised his hands, fingers spread wide and suddenly everything was still, bolts frozen in air and halfway out of their blasters, bodies held still in panicked confusion.
"I said run!" His voice loud over the quiet that had only seconds ago been mayhem.
His father looked back at him, and he could see the refusal on his lips. Liar. He thought. You said anything.
But he did not let the man deny his request. One hand moved from its prone position, only needing one to hold the Stormtroopers and bolts in place. He pushed outward with some effort to be as gentle as possible, something he has never done before. Despite this, his father still flew far faster than what he had meant to but the Wookie caught him.
"Take him and leave." He pulled his hand back and a jerky wave and the detonator flew from fury hands and into his, "Or you'll be blown away as well."
Chewie nodded, reluctance felt in the Force, but still he turned swiftly and took the struggling man with him. The two above followed shortly, giving him a short look. He did not wait though. He breathed in deeply and in a swift push, the bolts were flung back, hitting all the Stormtrooper's directly in the center of their chests.
He made his way quickly out the door, sure that the others were already moving swiftly through the snow to the Falcon some ways off. He was almost certain it was his father's ship that lay beyond the
distance. But that was not his goal. He turned swiftly to the right and began to run, the detonator heavy in his hands. When he was sure he was far enough away, he pressed the button.
The explosion rocked the ground, nearly sending him sprawling. He stayed on his feet through with the help of the Force and continued running. He could hear the X-wings swooping in and he picked up the pace. It was only a matter of time before the turmoil began in the base. He could see the hanger up ahead, nearly deserted with how many of the TIA fighters had already been launched.
He could feel it now, the warm buzz of the Millennium Falcon's engine. They would be safe and on their way to the Resistance. His father would may never forgive him for this, for forcing him to abandon his son. His mother though, she has not left him since their bond had been opened through the Light. Chewie, he was never sure about, but one thing he knew was that the Wookie would take care of those he loved no matter what and for that, he was thankful.
The traitor, he was a different story. It was weak, but the Force was there, swimming just under the surface, ready to be trained. He may not be a prodigy, but he had a Destiny that was far more meaningful than any he could have hoped for. The boy would grow to be a fine Jedi should he chose.
It was the girl, though, he worried for. His Master-former, he would hope-was interested in her. He knew that now. She was powerful, mastering the Force, even in such an imperfect way as that, should have been impossible. Able to turn his mind against him during her interrogation. He doubted even his mother, with all her familiarity with the force, could have stopped him from seeing her into her mind.
He knew now why, though. The familiarity of the girl had been nagging at his mind, trying to connect the dots. It was only now that the light returned to him that her presence fully registered. She was, after all, her father's daughter. He did not doubt, should she seek teachings from her father, she would one day out class them all. And Snoke would seek to corrupt her just as the Sith Lord had done to him. The girl was stronger than him though. She would not succumb so easily. He had faith, something the Darkness never allowed for.
He reached the hanger bay and was immediately overwhelmed with the panic. He should have expected this, but in his rush, he had not thought of the many First Order personnel seeking escape. It was madness, none even paying the boy any attention in their dash for freedom from the imploding planet.
Calm, child. It was his mother's voice, once more, The Force will guide you. Clear your mind.
He closed his eyes, following his mother's words. Words she had spoken hundreds of times throughout his childhood. He knew them to be true as always they were. He walked on, feeling the pull that he had denied for so many years, eyes closed and ears shut out from the fearful men and women around him. He bumped into several bodies but never stopped moving until the pull finally subsided.
He opened his eyes and found himself facing a ship. It was old, one of the many cargo ships that brought in supplies, but this was before the base had been finished and was likely not used since the planet sized Death Star had been created. It would be completely undetectable from any scanners the First Order ships had. They would be monitoring for X-wings and TIA fighters, and other battle speeders. Not a ship with so little offense capabilities and not enough upgrades to register as hostile.
As he made off with the ship, along with thousands of other fleeing crafts, he looked back as the planet was engulfed in the very energy used to destroy so many lives taking with it only a fraction of the forces the First Order has. But he was happy none the less, overcome with the suddenly very strange feeling that he had not felt since before he was ten and being sent away to his uncle's Jedi Academy to control his growing powers. A time back when he and his mother and father were happy together. A time when there was no war, or Sith, or First Order.
He looked on as what appeared to be a sun formed in front of his eyes. He was not sure if the ball of flames and gases would keep it's shape with how it had been created, but it was a fitting end for the Starkiller Base.
He slipped away, unnoticed as the thousands of ships went to refuge with the First Order Star Destroyers. Already, the massive ships were coming in bulk all too late to put the fight in their favor. It was over and even now, he could feel the furious at the back of his mind, that small piece of him still holding onto the Dark Side. His former Master's anger was like a tidal wave, pushing against his consciousness. For once, he wished he had his uncle's Will to push back against the Dark that threatened to pull him right back in.
Until his mind was his again, he would need to cut all ties with the Force, Dark and Light. And just as his hand hovered over the hyper drive, his mind, like a vice, cut all connections from the very thing that made him who he was. It was like ten thousand bolts of Force Lightning coursing through his veins. He screamed out in agony, along with his mother's frightened cry as everything went dark. He was only vaguely away that the hyper-drive had been engaged and the swirling blue was the last thing he saw before he passed out.
END
I have, if any of you haven't noticed, a shit load of other stuff I am working on and I really haven't updated any of my works in quiet awhile. I feel super bad but I just couldn't help writing this right after I went to go see the movie. It was so freaking sad when Han died and I feel like they did not do Ben Solo justice.