Kei couldn't remember shedding tears. He couldn't remember crying out loud, begging him not to leave him alone. All that he could remember was his last, painful breaths and the smell of his blood everywhere.

Sometimes, when he dreamed about it, he could still taste his blood in the back of his throat. And then he would wake up, alone, tears streaking his cheeks and feeling colder than he ever thought he could.

He tries to come up with explanations for what he did to him. Tries so hard to find the right excuses. But he knows it's futile. He knows he was selfish. He knows he wanted to die and he denied that from him.

...But then, hadn't he stopped Kei to kill himself too? Because he needed him? Still, he knows this won't make things right between them. This would never get them even.

He knows that he deserved the punishment. The cuelest, most horrible punishment that Sho could deal to him.

And so he will go on without him. Because he has no other choice.