Kirk's Holiday Poem

Disclaimer: Not mine. Theirs. Don't hurt me. Apologies to the poem "A Visit From Saint Nicholas", and its author, CC Moore.

Genre: Humor

Rating: T

Summary: Kirk writes a poem about his holiday…

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It was the night after Christmas and all through the Hollow

Not a creature was stirring, not even a swallow

The stalkings were done with my usual care

So no one would know I'd ever been there.

I put on my birthday suit and favorite cap

And finally lay down to take a quick nap.

I knew I had no more than an hour or three

Before Mother started yelling at me.

I tried counting sheep but they're far too fluffy,

And I tried counting marshmallows, all sweet and puffy,

I even wanted to count pillows, which scare me,

Just to knock myself out, I'd dared me.

I lay and I lay and I lay in my bed

Visions of my friends dancing in my head

There was Luke with his order pad and rag

And Lorelai, with that huge shoulder bag

Gypsy there with all her wenches and sockets

And Taylor, counting up town meeting dockets

Starlight shone down on Andrew and his books

While Lulu sent me long loving looks.

All was well outside and inside my head

Nary a reason for me to feel dread,

When there came from the darkness such a clatter

I sprang out of bed to learn what was the matter.

And there in the doorway stood my mother!

Yes, it was she, and darn it, no other.

"Kirk Gleason, get up, I need you," she said,

"Come fluff the pillows I have on my bed."

My eyes all stinging from wanting sleep,

I walked down the hall, ready to weep.

But Mother hates tears, she's said to me,

And I kept up my chin, to be manly.

I touched the wicked white lumps

Full of odd smells and twisty clumps,

And it was all I could do not to shiver,

Though I admit my hands did quiver.

I shook and I tamped and I snapped them about

I fluffed and huffed to get the lumps out.

At last, when all eight pillows were poofy with air,

Mother lay down, like I wasn't even there.

The pillows sucked her down in their grip,

She vanished from view, quick as a snip,

And as I ran desperate into the night,

I could hear her call, "Turn out the light!"

GG GG GG

Red-faced and beaming, Kirk waited.

The town of Stars Hollow, gathered for the First (Last) Annual Holiday Poetry Contest, waited.

At last, Lorelai Gilmore cleared her throat. She elbowed Luke Danes, and spoke.

"That was… Very different, Kirk. I don't think I've ever heard anything like it."

"Really?" squealed Kirk happily.

"Really," said Lorelai firmly, "but just one thing. I know you, um, believe in, uh, really expressing yourself, but, um…"

Kirk nodded, ready for the constructive criticism.

"Did you have to read it in the nude?"

GG GG GG

AN: It came to my head. I had to get it out. And, possibly, we know why he has a thing about pillows. Happy New Year!