Hello, hello, hello! I'm back, with a new story to tell! Of course, it's Zutara. I don't own ATLA, and let this be a disclaimer that applies to all of my chapters.
I hope you all enjoy the first chapter of Winter, and please, come back for more!
-nightfall26
Prologue, Zuko's point of view.
"Katara, hand me that knife, will you?" I called from my spot on the ladder. A water whip hovered next to me, clutching the requested knife. I smiled and picked it up.
"What are you doing up there, anyways?" She called from beneath me, her hands on her hips and her brow furrowed.
"I'm fixing something!"
"With a knife? On the roof?" Katara's tone was all disbelief, but I couldn't help but smile.
"Yeah, with a knife, on the roof. There's still confetti up here from the party last month!" I wedged the knife inside of the device that was implanted into the tile, turning it until it released the mechanism within.
The statue on the center of the garden of my father split down the center. There was a gasp from below, and I muffled a chuckle.
"Look, now you just pick up one half, and I'll pick up the other, and it'll be gone. Azula designed this just in case she wanted a statue of herself here."
"Well I guess we should be thankful for her vanity, then." Katara laughed, extending a hand to help me down from the ladder. I grabbed it gratefully. I'd fallen off a ladder the past week and sprained my ankle, so now Katara had taken to following me around and helping me with everything.
Not that I minded.
"Katara!" Aang's voice echoed in the hallway next to us, and before long, the bald monk bounded into the courtyard.
"Katara, I've packed your things, it's time to go! Come on, Appa's waiting!" He said excitedly, grabbing her hands in his. Her face had frozen mid-smile and dropped to a confused gape. My heart froze.
"What are you talking about, Aang?"
"I just have a good feeling today. I think it's time to go back out into the world and help people again! They're gonna need us, 'Tara. Thanks for letting us stay here, Zuko, really." He turned to me, grinning ear to ear before pulling Katara along behind him.
"See you later!" Aang called over his shoulder.
Katara wrenched herself from Aang's grip long enough to dash to me and throw her arms around me tightly.
"You take care of yourself, Zuko. Okay?" She whispered, and the distress in her voice made me wrap my arms around her waist and brush my lips against her ear. A shudder worked its way down my back at the contact. I wanted, in that moment, for her to stay. The Waterbender had become my best friend.
"I'll miss you." I murmured.
With one last desperate glance, Katara ran after her boyfriend.
And then she was gone.
Eight Months Later.
Mai's face often reminded me of winter. I couldn't put my finger on why, but every time my eyes wandered to her face, I felt cold. Maybe it was the condescending way she talked to me. It reminded me of my sister, in an eerie, terrible way. Or maybe, it was the chilly bite in the way she looked at me. There was no love in her eyes, no respect, just emptiness- a vast wasteland of snow and ice that only reflected my own image back at me.
Was something wrong with the way I treated her? Was her life here inadequate?
Questions like this often plagued my mind and kept me up into the wee hours of the morning. The war had ended a year ago. The people were adjusting well to my rule, and the Fire Nation was thriving once again. Repairs were well underway. My palace was returned once more to its former splendor, and my home Nation was a place of peace. My wounds were healing. I was slowly getting used to the pacing of royal life, of going to bed with embroidered coverlets instead of sleeping on the ground.
I was content in my routine. Every so often, letters from my friends would trickle in and I'd get a taste of what life was like out among the other Nations.
Aang wrote me every other week, updating me on worldly events and the general upkeep of peace.
Sokka wrote me once a month, detailing his various culinary adventures as well as his relationship woes. After his sister had been placed far out of reach from me, he'd actually warmed up to friendship quicker than I'd expected. He and Suki were engaged to be married, but it was obvious that she had the control in the relationship. Sometimes he got a little out of hand with his descriptions of their... activities, and I'd have to struggle through a page of things I had never wanted to know about Suki.
Toph even wrote me once. It was short, to the point, and awkward, but at least she'd cared enough to send something, even if it was smudged with mud.
Katara had never written me. This irritated me; the Water Tribe girl and I had been better friends than this, I'd thought. There had been such a fiery spark in her eyes when I'd seen her last; a light in her smile and a spring to her step that I'd liked to think was only for me. Obviously, by the lack of communication between us, I was proved wrong.
A knock sounded at my door, and I leaned backwards against my headboard, book in hand. I'd gotten lost in thought.
"Come in." I called, rubbing my eyes tiredly. Mai slipped in, shutting the door behind her soundlessly. Her black hair was falling to her hips now, a straight, harsh line of inky dark that made her face look all angles.
"It's late. You didn't eat dinner."
"I haven't done anything all day, Mai. I've just been trying to catch up on all this legal stuff that I'm required to know by heart. I've got like three billion textbooks to absorb in a week." I snapped, slamming my book shut and tossing it onto the pile next to my bed. She walked to the end of the bed, crawling onto the comforter with an animalistic gleam in her eye.
"Do you need to... unwind?" Was she seriously trying to sound suggestive? I didn't answer her. She was behaving oddly, Mai had almost never made any advances towards me. It was rare enough for us to kiss, let alone anything else.
For the first time in months, I really got a good look at her. Her bones jutted out from beneath the pale skin, making me wonder if she was the one who needed to unwind and relax. Her skeletal form was unappealing to me anymore.
As she continued to get closer to me, I decided this was the opposite of what I needed.
"Mai, I don't have time for this. I have to get back to work." I shouldn't have been telling her this.
"I'll sleep in my own room tonight." She shouldn't have had to.
We both knew that there were a lot of things that shouldn't be happening between us and a lot of things that should be.
But we both knew that this was the path we had chosen.
Sure, right after the war had ended, our romance had burst into flames. I was the war hero, Fire Lord Zuko, the mysterious exile that had risen from the ashes to regain his honor. Women literally were falling at my feet; including Mai. But as the weeks went on, we both began to see that there were fatal flaws between us. Suddenly, there were so many problems and fights that went long into the night and cold shoulders and silences that shattered my nerves. Suddenly I felt as if I was back on the battlefield. Suddenly, I began to see my sister in the way Mai acted.
Somewhere along those realizations, I fell out of love with her.
At events, we took care to use smoke and mirrors to put our best faces forward. We held hands, smiled, even on occasion hugged. These things brought a cheer from the crowd often times.
But I never told anyone that I hadn't kissed her in months.
"Zuko, tell me about your mother."
"I'd rather not."
"Seriously. You'll feel better."
"Katara, you don't get it. I don't talk about my mother to anyone, ever."
"Well then, I'll be the first."
"Don't you have someone else to pester?"
"Aw, come on, Zuko. You know you don't mind."
"I never mind you."
A gasp tore from my throat, yanking me from sleep and back into reality.
I'd dreamed about Katara again.
I kicked myself awake at sunrise, trying to pull myself away from the blue-eyed girl that plagued my mind. I kept telling myself the same thing over and over- that it wasn't what I thought it was, that Katara was my best friend in the whole world and there was no way in Agni that I could think of her that way.
After the war, she and Aang had stayed at the Palace for about two months to relax before heading off. Aang was often busy, discussing important topics with important people and trying desperately to grow up.
Katara was with me, most of the time. At first it was just business, made up of conversations about our differing cultures. We took walks together through the gardens, we had lunches together, we'd even taken to meeting in secret places so that Mai didn't get jealous.
But it was just because my best friend happened to be a girl. It wasn't because I'd harbored any actual romantic feelings towards her. Not that I wasn't attracted to her, I mean, she was lovely. She was everything to me; she understood me, and the topics of our conversation had taken a turn for the incredibly personal. I cried in front of her. She cried in front of me. We bared everything to each other and trusted one another to be gentle.
Before long, my Fire Lord duties started to take over, creating less time for her and I. We began meeting early in the morning to bend together to avoid Mai's suspicion.
It didn't matter that I blushed every time I saw her in her wrappings while she bended.
It didn't matter that I noticed the way her hair curled, or the way her hips moved when she walked, or the way her eyes lit up when she saw me.
Because I just couldn't afford to think like that.
Mai came to me minutes later after I'd woken up, her eyes speaking of a restless night. I forced my usual tight smile and put my arm around her, patting her shoulder to reassure her that everything between us was okay.
Not that either of us believed me, but this was our routine. I guess that we'd become comfortably numb. I hurried getting ready this morning, spending the least amount of time possible in the water so that I could spare my mind the torment.
As my messenger hawk flew to my window, I wrapped a towel around my waist for decency and unclipped the letter from its foot. With a sharp howl, the bird pushed off from the stone windowsill and off into the country side. It was a simple note from Aang informing me that he was settling down in a nearby village for the time being, and had asked Katara to marry him. That made me wince. It hurt, and I didn't know why, but knowing that that beautiful, beautiful girl was going to marry the Avatar- who was barely out of childhood- created a deep pain in my chest.
I stared at the piece of paper for a long time, my heart grinding to a halt with a sick thud as I read the words that followed.
Zuko, I woke up this morning and she was gone. All of her things were packed, there was no note, no trace, nothing. She's gone, and I don't even know where to look.
"Zuko, what's wrong?" Mai was standing in the doorway, running a comb through her wet hair. I rolled up the note and placed it on my end table.
"Nothing, I'm just not feeling good. I think I'll get dressed and go down to have some breakfast." I murmured numbly. She wouldn't understand. Never in a million lifetimes could she possibly understand the worry that was pulsing through my body like a drum beat. Katara was the only friend I'd ever had that could look me in the eyes and tell me that she had felt the same suffering that I had once felt.
"You can cry, Zuko. It's okay. My mother's gone, too."
"You never eat breakfast." My girlfriend said pointedly. I shrugged. Her words meant little to me at this point.
"Well, maybe I should start." My response came out a little harsher than I'd meant it to, and she pursed her lips before turning on her heel to walk back into the bathroom.
I wore simple robes, the same robes that I'd donned while traveling with the Avatar. My hands had pulled them from my closet without thought; my feet took me to Uncle's chambers without me even knowing where I was really going.
His eyes were concerned as I told him of Katara's disappearance. I hunched over, my elbows on my knees and my head hanging down.
"You know what you have to do." He said quietly. My head snapped up so I could look him in the eye.
"It's not my job to go look for her. That's Aang's job, he's her boyfriend." I snapped, acerbic. Wasn't he almighty? Wasn't he supposed to stop everything in order to win her over and go galavanting off into the sunset to save her?
"You do realize that he's going to look in all the wrong places? Zuko, you know her."
"He knows her better than I do, Uncle, be realistic."
He was silent for a moment, picking up his tea cup to sip at it for a moment. When our gazes met again, his eyes were sorrowful.
"I remember that night after the war, at that beautiful party you threw. You danced with her, and you were happy, weren't you?"
"Of course I danced with Katara, she's my friend. Get to the point."
"You looked at her as if she were the only woman in the room."
I froze. I remembered that night, I remembered dancing with her, and laughing, and feeling right at home with her. I remembered the desperation in her eyes as Aang pulled her away to dance with him, the tight fear that held her prisoner.
"Do you know what it feels like to be in the arms of someone you're supposed to love, and yet, feel completely alone?" I knew now.
"Zuko, I've loved you as my son for many, many years. Don't think me so old that I can't pick up on simple emotions. You care about her."
"Of course."
"Then help her."
The rest of the day passed in a blur. I sat through a boring meeting about agricultural needs, I had lunch alone, and I took my walk alone. This day was no different than most, I supposed, but yet, everything seemed completely meaningless to me. Even my mother's garden was a place that held little solace. I remembered Katara flicking water droplets from the fountain at me, giggling at my frown and telling me to lighten up.
I went to bed alone again that night.
Had Katara really wanted to be with the Avatar? She'd been expected to be, certainly, but was it her wish as well as everyone else's?
My thoughts kept me up until the sun's rays burned my eyes.
When I struggled out of bed in the morning and down to the library to get some more reading material, a bleary-eyed and distressed Avatar was wandering the halls. He was asking every person he came to if they had seen me.
Why had he come to me? Had he come here to try and get information on where Katara could be?
Or perhaps he'd thought she was here.
No, she wouldn't come here. There were too many memories here for her.
It was then that I knew that he would never know how to find Katara. He'd look, yes, diligently. But his searches would always turn up empty.
It was up to me to find her, I realized. I raised my hand, skimming the pads of my fingertips along my scar. Aang didn't know pain like Katara and I did. He didn't know what it felt like to have to run from something.
Before he noticed me, I snuck back into my room to pack quietly. From there, it would be down to the docks for the first ship to the Earth Kingdom. She would want to be somewhere unfamiliar, somewhere new to start over and clear her head.
Katara and I were one and the same, made up of quick tempers and soft apologies and a past that told a story. If I didn't have her, I didn't have anything.
"Zuko."
Mai was lounging on my bed in the shadows of my room. I gave a start, stumbling backwards and almost falling into my armoire.
"Mai. What are you doing in here?" I sounded accusatory. I didn't mean to. None of this was her fault.
"I used to sleep in here every night," She ran her hands over the silken sheets absentmindedly, her face expressionless, her hair slipping over one shoulder carelessly.
"But now, when I come to you, you're too busy. There are too many things going on in your mind. You snap at me, now, as if I'm nothing to you."
I felt genuinely bad. Mai hadn't meant for our relationship to fail. She hadn't wished anything bad upon me, she'd simply tried to love me in her own way. But now, I knew that this life wasn't one I wanted to share with her anymore.
And she knew that too.
"I read the note that the Avatar sent you. I get it, Zuko. I get that you've never really gotten over your thing for Katara."
"Mai-"
"Don't interrupt. A woman knows when the man she loves looks at her and sees someone else. Go after her, Zuko, and I hope that you find more happiness with her than you did with me. Don't expect me to be around when you get back." She slammed her hand against the door as she left, leaving Aang's note pinned to it with one of her stilettos.
I knew I deserved the bitterness in her voice. An odd sorrow washed over me, a nostalgia that reminded me that once upon a time, I'd loved her. It had been her embrace that I'd craved, not so long ago, and her lips that I'd stared at in hopes of a stolen kiss. But those were memories from a different time, a time in which I hadn't been scarred and broken and tainted.
I quietly packed my things, solemn, and then hurried downstairs. I'd left a note for Uncle, asking him to tell the council I was going on a tour to visit the Nations and observe the various ways of life. I'd also asked him to rule in my absence. My throat was tight with worry.
I slipped onto the cargo ship unnoticed, a trick I'd picked up from my exile, and perched on top of a crate in the hold below deck. It was a few days ride to the Earth Kingdom, so I'd packed some food as well as funds for my search.
"I'm coming, Katara," I whispered.
"I'm coming."