Disclaimer: I don't own Cowboy Bebop or the characters…
Hey everyone! I wrote this in Trig, since I had nothing else to do and I had a sudden rush of inspiration for some odd reason. Anyway, I hope you like this and please review!
The wind whispered in the cool night air, gently blowing her curtains. They unfurled like waves coming onto the shoreline. She watched them contently, picturing the rolling ocean. It's been a long time since she had last seen it, almost ten years in fact. And the factor that Mars has no ocean restricts her from seeing it. Anyway. Even though all that time has past, she can still smell the salty, stale air and feel the furious force of the waves pushing her down. She even remembers seeing a hurricane sweep away sides of houses and the ocean water come up were the sand met the grass, creating massive destruction. She never thought something so beautiful could have such a spiteful side like that. She didn't think anything sweet and divine could have a dark side. However, that was only until she met him.
"Spike," she murmured silently, letting her voice mingle with the wind. She took in a deep breath and then slowly breathed it back out. "It's been so long…since…you left."
Tears began to fill her eyes, making them appear to be shiny emeralds, like in a ring. As the tears flooded, so did all of her memories of him and all the pain and heartbreak she felt after he left. It was all too unbearable. Like slow, painful torture. Except this pain was slightly harsher than torture. But heartbreak's like that. It ripped her heart from her chest, leaving nothing but broken pieces of a love only she felt.
She wiped her eyes with her hand. "Stop crying. You're stronger than that," she scolded herself, but the tears kept falling, one tear after the other. "Men aren't worth crying over. Especially impulsive, selfish ones."
She tried endlessly to forget him, but her mind wouldn't allow her to. He was a good drug that her mind and heart couldn't get enough of. Even though she wanted him to escape her mind, a part of her wanted him to stay inside the many creases of it. She felt incomplete without him. She needed him in order to live. If only knew that…
If only she told him that…
The day he left came so suddenly like a flash flood. Only this flood had no recuperation. But she knew that once he left, he'd be gone forever. She wanted to make him stay with her and be together for all eternity. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, but she couldn't. All the words she wanted to say were tangled into a ball in the back of her throat. But even if she got the chance to tell him everything, she'd stop in mid-sentence and become mute. Sure she loved him, but when it came to telling him that, she froze up into a block of ice.
She remembers that day so perfectly. Every feeling, every word that was said, and even the smell that filled the air. It's like a movie that plays over and over in her head. It's the type of movie that she'd walk out of the theater on. She wished she could just press STOP and then put it behind her, but it isn't possible. Tiny embers of that moment still burn in the back of her skull.
"I'm living a dream I never wake up from," Spike said, his face just inches from hers. "I just want to know if I'll ever wake up from this. Leaving is the only way I'll find out, Faye."
"Spike, don't go," she pleaded. "You can stay here and we can be happy forever. Why don't you want to stay with Jet-" she bit her lower lip, feeling her emotions burning inside of her like molten lava "-and me?"
He looked her over, taking in her face bursting with sorrow. "I have no choice. I can't just disregard what I feel inside," he replied. "And even if I tried to, my past will only be right behind me, trying to take me out like it always does. It's a battle I can't win unless I fight."
She sucked in her burning tears. "I want you to know that I--" She stopped. She wanted to say "I love you, Spike," but those words stayed glued to her throat. They didn't want to come out. So she just stood there, with her mouth open, waiting for the words to roll out. But they never did.
He took one last look at her and started to walk away, ignoring the expression on her face. He may have known what she wanted to say, but he overlooked it. He didn't want her to say it, since he didn't want her to become too attached to him. He knew that he'd never come back and he didn't want any reasons to feel bad about it. He didn't want to regret it.
She shook that picture out of her head. She made herself think of something else. But like she had already expected, the absence of him on her mind made her want him even more. She tightened her fists and pounded them against the wall. She hated herself for not stopping him. She hated that she didn't tell him how much he meant to her. "Dammit!" she shouted to herself, as she rested her forehead against the wall.
"I had my chance! And I let it slip away!" she cried. She couldn't believe that she was crying so much. She has never shed so many tears in her life, not even ones of happiness. In the past, she never allowed herself to cry. She sucked up all the problems in her life and continued to live as if life was going fine. But now, she's not strong enough to do that anymore. She traded in her strength for frailty. She definitely got the lower end of the exchange.
As she leaned against the door, she heard a horn beep outside. She quickly wiped her face with her sleeve and walked over to the window. He was leaning against his spaceship, with an impatient look on his face. He waved her to come on, but she didn't care. She will never be ready to go. But then, no one ever is.
While she stood there by the window, her eyes caught something intriguing: the trees swaying in the breeze. They looked as if they were dancing to music only the could hear. The sweet symphony of the wind. The outside seemed so peaceful and she thought that maybe is she was out there, she could easily sway along with them. At the same time, another notion came to her. "Maybe the wind is a song sung by angel wings," she said thoughtfully, "from fallen angels."
She smiled a little, bringing a little hope back into herself. Because she believed that maybe he could be out there. Perhaps Spike hadn't left her at all. He only changed physical form.
Just maybe…
"Hey, Faye!" a male voice called from the bottom of the stairs. "Faye, where are you?"
She dried off her face with her sleeve and walked to the top of the stairs, where he was at. "What do you want, Jet?" she asked, even though she knew why he was there. She knew perfectly well why.
He gave her the universal What-the-hell-have-you-been-smoking? look. "Uhh, I came to pick you up."
"For what?" she asked, with her best I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about expression.
He rolled his eyes. He knew exactly what she was trying to do. "Stop stalling and come on," he said, and put out his cigarette by dabbing it against the wall. "I'll be in the ship. And if you're not out there within five minutes, I'm leaving for the cemetery without you."
He walked away, leaving her with a large knot twisted in the back of her throat. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to be reminded that he won't be coming back. And he won't be there when she comes back. He'll never be there…
She slowly started to make her way down the stairs, when she felt a sudden gust of wind. She wouldn't have thought anything of it, but the feeling of the breeze against her skin was different. It felt like pure silk being rubbed against her bare skin. The feeling made her back up a couple steps and look into her room.
She then noticed something really weird. The windows were completely closed. Not even the smallest amount of wind could penetrate through it. So how could there be wind coming from her room when all the windows are closed?
"Is someone there?" she croaked. Her throat was abruptly clear all of the sudden. She stepped closer to her bedroom door, uncertain what she may find in there. "Please answer me."
No answer.
She got to the door and cautiously scanned the room. After a few minutes, she concluded that no one was in there. She sighed to herself in relief. She lifted her hand to her forehead to wipe away the bead of sweat. "Faye, you're just imagining things," she said to herself, and turned back to face the stairs. "I really need to get some rest…"
She started to walk away, but as soon as she did, she felt the breeze again. And for the life of her, she wasn't imagining it. She really felt it. She quickly turned, expecting to see someone behind her. However, no one was there. Instead, she saw something that almost made her die right there.
Pure white feathers floated outside her window, falling down in tiny spirals in a slow-motion way. She quickly ran to her window and opened it. She reached out to grab one and held it in the palm of her hand. A smile slowly crept along her face. The feather felt so warm, which was odd since the air outside was so cold. It was very soft, like powder snow on a winter's day.
She held the feather to her cheek, taking in the gentleness and warmth of it. It reminded her of better things. And more importantly, him. Spike. She knew right then and there that is was no ordinary feather. No. It was a…
"A feather of an angel…" she whispered. "My angel…Spike."
Sleep well angel of mine…for we will see each other soon…
--
The End
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