It was finally the night.
The one night I had been anticipating the same way that a child anticipates Christmas morning... only somewhere in my heart, along with infinite excitement, dread was brewing as well.
"Frank!" Sean called. I turned uneasily on my heel, away from the graffiti covered bathroom mirror and to face him. He was approaching me with a dewy can clasped in his left hand, "Here. It'll take the edge off the nerves"
"Thanks," I replied, taking the can of Stella. It was ice-cold on my sweaty hand as I popped it open and downed a swig. The cold swam down my throat in one stroke - it was brilliantly refreshing.
"We're on in ten," Sean reminded me before leaving. Butterflies fluttered up in my stomach again. I gulped more of the drink to kill them off. I was thankful for the drink - it softened the edge of the nervous kick in my gut that told me not to go out there.
I took big gulps, leaning against the wall unsteadily. I was shaking, my knees going crazy.
"Frank, we're on!"
Oh shit, I'm not ready...
I just need-
"Frank, come on!" I heard Matt order. I downed the last of the can and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
There was no turning back now - I had to get out there and do it.
The cramped venue was filled with hungry strangers, all wanting our music. The stage was creaky but my guitar was a comfortingly smooth feeling in my hands that made me feel a little more at ease.
"Good evening New Jersey," I started to introduced us, clasping the microphone with my other hand on Pansy's neck, "We are Scent of Shadows!"
The drums started rattling behind me and my hands found the notes and plucked out the sounds from Pansy. I started to get the buzz when the bass thumped beneath my feet and the crowd started to move. I played out the chords to 'Black Widow' until the song was over and I don't remember much of what happened after that. The show was a blur of shouts from strangers and semi-familiar drum beats, then eventually a finale of 'Shouting Kids'.
I jellied my way off of the stage and soon found myself slumped against the wall with another can in my hand.
It had been another good show, but nothing more than that. Not special, not amazing. Just good.
"We're going to Casey's party," Matt slurred, staggering past, "Comin'?"
"Uh, nah... thanks," I mumbled. I needed some air - my head felt like a shaken up bottle of coca-cola ready to burst.
"See you later then, man!"
He staggered away, Sean following with his lanky arm around some girl. I downed the last of the can and chucked it, then I decided to go out. I turned and went to the cork-boarded back door, swinging it open and letting the cold air hit me. The gooey mud and brown grass seemed to be home to no one, which to me sounded like a good thing.
I pulled out a cigarette I'd already rolled and clamped the end between my lips, rustling in my back pockets for my lighter.
"Shit," I murmured when I couldn't find it and I put my hands back through my hair with a groan.
"Need a lighter?"
I jumped to the sudden sound of a voice. A tall man had suddenly appeared in front of me, a smoking roll hanging between his dry lips. Floppy ebony hair, snow-white skin and eyes that said he'd turned to chemicals instead of sleep to keep himself awake.
"Gerard!" I grinned, "Hey, man, it's been forever!"
He grinned back and we hugged briefly, "Frankie!"
"What're you doing here?"
Gerard pulled a smug little smile, "I'm here with the band"
"Aw, sweet!" I smiled, "What're you called?"
"My Chemical Romance"
"...shit, that's good"
He laughed. Probably at my stunned face.
"Thanks to Mikey," He said. He suddenly plunged his hand into his pocket and produced a battered piece of glossed red paper, "Here"
It was a flyer for the show they were about to play. Lined with Gerard's artwork... beautiful as it had always been. It was good to see he hadn't changed a bit.
"Thanks," I replied, tucking it into my back pocket, "So how're the guys?"
"Great," He smirked, "You should come by after our set, we can hang out"
"That'd be awesome!" I beamed without really thinking. I realised only after how much I sounded like a fan girl.
He laughed, "I'll have to go. Set's about to start"
I gave a little nod and he suddenly produced a lighter, leaned in and lit the end of my cigarette. His eyes were more red up close but I suppose it was the flame, "See you later, Frankie"
I opened my mouth to reply, but he was gone before I managed.
And so he left me burning... he really hadn't changed a bit.