This is basically just proof that I need to stop writing fanfiction after watching old episodes.
I don't own Doctor Who or anything like that.
There was definitely something missing from the TARDIS, when the Doctor climbed on board. He was tired, a bone-deep tired that came from the recent loss of his friend and the adventure he'd just had with Donna. The thought of the fiery woman made his lips twitch, and despite her foiled wedding he felt she would find a way to spend the rest of her life happy.
But whatever joy brought by that musing faded as the Doctor's eyes strayed from the console and the familiar pain of great, great loss tore at his hearts as he caught sight of a jacket Rose had left. It was just on the floor, tossed with the carelessness of one who fully expects to come back and pick it up later. Reaching up, he ran his hand back and forth through his hair, staring at the garment as though it would somehow magically bring her back.
After a moment, the Doctor's hand fell to his side and his chest began to ache. She wouldn't be coming back; he knew that, he'd been through this before. Rose was safe with her family, he knew that too, and it helped—kind of. Hesitantly, the Doctor took a step towards the jacket, rubbing a hand over his chin. He didn't want to pick it up, didn't want to stash it somewhere because that might make her less real, almost as if it would be stashing away the girl herself, the one he'd traveled with and fallen in… No, he wouldn't even think that.
Strengthening his resolve, the Time Lord finally managed to scurry over and snatch up the jacket, pausing once it was in his hands. He held it tightly in his fists for a moment, staring at it, and then cautiously hugged the garment, imagining it was the pretty girl who'd filled it out just a day or two before. Her scent, imbedded in the coat, made tears well in his eyes and his chest ache even more, but with a sniff he pulled away and set it over a railing, not yet ready to give up the reminder of her. A slight smile crossed his lips as he remembered the last time they'd simply talked and laughed together, heading to her mum's flat back in London. It had only been a day or two, but already it felt like years had passed.
Stepping back over to the console, he set a hand on the controls and looked up.
"Alright, then. Come on, girl, let…" he stopped, blinked once or twice and looked back. Her room. The room where she'd stored her things and slept in would be untouched—it wasn't like she could've taken them with her. Swallowing hard, the Doctor considered. He had to let her go, move on like he always did, but… It was Rose, and he'd always been rubbish at forgetting people. The adventure with Donna had been a nice little escape, a good way to focus on something other than his friend's absence, but that was over now and he needed to face the grief he felt for his lost companion.
Once again, the Doctor stepped away from the console and made his way back to her room.
It was so Rose. She hadn't spent too much time here, but she'd still managed to give it the Rose Tyler flare, that feel that was so distinctly her. It made the pain of his loss even sharper and he shut his eyes tight, trying to work through the grief. Gasping, he managed to regain control of himself and stepped into the space.
That familiar scent bombarded him again, but this time it was somewhat comforting. She was still here, in a way, and smiling to himself he looked at the slightly messy room and chuckled as he remembered her tossing around clothing and the odds and ends she had, crowing to him about whatever planet they'd just been to and how amazing it had been. Slowly meandering about the room, picking up the garments and little trinkets she'd left and setting them more tidily around the space, the Doctor glanced to the bed she'd used. Frowning, he stepped towards it, paused, then set the shirt in his hand on the pillow and shifted the blanket. He'd been right, the triangle of white he'd spotted was the corner of a sheet of paper. Reaching slowly out, as if it might bite, the Doctor took hold of it and pulled it carefully out from under the blanket.
The sheet was hastily folded, a little crumpled. Carefully smoothing it out, he found it was a small note, and glancing it over, grinning as he realized it read entirely in her voice;
Doctor, I can't believe I even bothered writing this, but sometimes we get in trouble and, well, if something happens to me, I wanted… I don't know, you to have something of me, I guess. That sounds daft, but I think you get it.
So, I'm not sure what to say. Thank you, I guess. For taking me along with you because it's been incredible and I know I say that to you all the time, but I want you to know I really mean it. Every day with you is worth years back home and Doctor, I can't imagine a life without you in it, I don't want one.
Those words made his eyes water, but he continued reading.
I don't know how you'll react if something happened to me, I don't see why it would since we always save each other, but just in case I don't want you… Well, I want you to miss me, because I know I'd miss you and I'm not that good a person, but Doctor I don't want you to get that lost look like you do when you don't think I'm looking because I hate that. I don't want it to be my fault.
I don't have a whole lot to say, really, I'd rather say it to you, but… If I didn't get the chance to tell you, I do love you. I love you. I think that's all I want to say.
Don't let yourself be alone again! Not for long, anyway. You need someone to show off to.
That's it, you're yelling at me. Try not to be too rude, okay?
Rose.
And the dam broke, and the Doctor's knees gave out and he collapsed onto her bed, crying and laughing because now he missed her with a longing that burned but he also remembered being with her. The times they laughed together and saved each other. All that time together, the things they'd done… Like when she asked for chips after their first trip through time, dancing with her on the TARDIS with Jack looking on, hearing her try to imitate his Shadow Proclamation threats that Christmas Eve, when she kept trying to get the Queen Victoria to say "We are not amused," or her bad Ood jokes, or the time they just sat together in the apple grass, watching life progress on New Earth. They had done so much, and even though it was painful, it was all so good.
Finally, folding the letter and still chuckling, still crying, the Doctor wiped at his cheeks and tucked the paper into his suit jacket, knowing it would live there for a while. Rose was gone, but she was safe and he would go on, just like she asked him to.
"Allons-y." he whispered to himself, standing and exiting the room with a small, slightly wet smile on his lips.