She'd up and left almost immediately once he'd pulled out the equipment for his Prop Comedy Routine. A pang of sadness ran through his heart. She'd closed her book loudly, and withdrew to the confines of her room, not noticing the scrap of paper that'd fallen from the pages within. Once he'd finished, he'd cleaned up his mess and returned his props into his closet. Stacking them away neatly (surprised?) he'd noticed a sheet of paper that didn't belong in the pile. Pulling it carefully from beneath the banjo case, he started to read.
Across My Arm
I drag across my arm, the blade,
In hopes my pain, in time, will fade.
The crimson line grows wetter still,
The sight, up my spine, sends a chill.
It's times like this I often wonder,
'Should I make that fatal blunder?
Should I drag the blade too deep?
And fade into everlasting sleep?'
I think about the friends I've known,
I feel the sadness they've never shown.
One, I know, he tries to hard,
His mentor left him deeply scarred.
The next, although she seems naïve,
Has seen worse than she lets believe.
Cyborg, I can feel his pain.
He misses being simply plain.
The last, he hides his pain so well,
But sometimes, I can feel his hell.
There is one who, I will admit,
Makes it hard, on life to quit.
I know I show I've never cared,
But the truth is, that I'm really scared.
If I tell him how I really feel,
I'm not sure how, with it, he'll deal.
When I'm down, he tries to bring the cheer,
Even if I don't want him near.
Deep inside, I often wonder,
What he'd do if I made that blunder.
Maybe I'll stick around a while,
Maybe one da-
Beastboy's eyes frantically searched the front and back of the page, searching for the rest of the poem.
"No, no, no, where is it?!" he shouted to himself. He began looking through the pile he'd neatly packed away, throwing everything in all directions. "Come on, come on..."
"Lose something?" a monotonous voice asked. Beastboy shrieked, standing quickly while hiding the page behind his back. His breathing became a quick pant from the shock.
"Why...must...you...do...that?!" he asked loudly. She raised a thin eyebrow.
"All I did was ask if you lost something" she answered evenly, toying with him. She noticed a corner of the page he'd been holding behind his back. "What's that?" she asked, pointing to the paper. His eyes began darting around the room.
"Uh...nothin'..."
"Mhm. Yeah, because 'nothing' needs to be hidden once someone enters the room." She crossed her arms across her chest, leaning on the door frame. "So, are you going to tell me?" Beastboy was nervous. Here he was, holding a private belonging of Ravens, and he knew how she'd react if he'd told her. He thought back to the poem, concern filling his eyes. "Well?"
"Okay, but on two conditions." She raised her eyebrow once more but nodded. "One, you can't get mad. And two...(sigh)... Two, you have to roll up your sleeves." He noticed a slight widening of her eyes, across her otherwise emotionless face.
"Beastboy, that's stupid" she spoke confidently, the tiniest hints of worry in her voice. She turned to leave the room. "If that's all I'd need to do to know what it is, then it must not be too import-"
"I drag across my arm, the blade." She froze, mid-step. Eyes widening, her breath caught in her throat. "In hopes my pain, in time, will fade." He looked up from the paper to her. Slowly, she turned to him, tears brimming her eyes. "Raven, please roll up your sleeves." He could feel a stinging in his eyes as well. "I need to know this isn't true. Please prove to me it's not."
Her gaze found the floor, a few droplets falling from her eyes. She stood that way for a few moments, silence filling the room. Slowly, she nodded. She hesitantly reached for her right sleeve, cautiously rolling it up. It was bare. Beastboy sighed. As she reached for the left, her hand began to shake lightly. He took a few steps closer to her, taking her hand in his. She looks away in shame as he begins to roll the sleeve back. He gasped, as though holding something hot as he took in the sight. Red scars marked her arms in a criss-cross fasion, no real order to where the scars are made. His hand trembled lightly.
"Rae..." Shock filled his body as he stared mindlessly at the collection of scars. A sob erupts from the girl, bringing him back to reality. Quickly, he closed the door, giving privacy to the two. Lightly tugging her arm, he pulled her to his bed and sits her down. Sitting beside her, he's silent. Only her sniffling filled the room. Finally, he spoke up. "Rae...why?" His voice is filled with pain and he's close to tears himself. She looked up to him, but shame filled her, and she looked away. He gently brought his fist under her chin, turning her head back towards him. "Please, Rae. Why?" he asked She took in a deep breath.
"It-It's how I deal with things..." she spoke softly and shyly. "Whenever I'm feeling down, or something's bothering me, I keep myself distracted on the physical pain instead of the emotional." She began sobbing loudly, letting her tears flow free. "Oh God, I need help" she cried, bringing her hands up to her face, crying into them. He took her into her arms, hugging her tightly. He was surprised when she hugged him back, more tightly than him. She began crying into his chest as he ran his hand up and down her back in a comforting motion.
"Shh shh. It's Okay, Rae. I'm here." He spoke in a soothing tone. Slowly, the sobbing shallowed into deep breaths. "Do you feel any better?" he asked. Feeling her nod against his chest, he continued. "Raven, I don't like this. I don't like you hurting yourself... I want you to know that if you ever, and I mean ever need someone to talk to, promise me you'll come to me?" He backed up slightly, and she looked up, meeting his gaze. "Promise?"
She looked unsure at first, but then spoke in a hoarse voice, throat sore from crying.
"I-I promise." She brought herself back into his embrace. "Beastboy?"
"Hm?"
"...Thanks..."
The two sat in a comfortable silence, Raven eventually succumbing to sleep, exhausted from all of the emotional displays. Beastboy carefully laid her down onto his bed, taking care in gently rolling her sleeves down so she wouldn't wake up. Grabbing a fresh blanket, he'd covered her up. Slowly and quietly, he crawled onto the bunk above, arms folded behind his head.
I wonder who she was talking about in that last part he thought to himself. Cyborg? Nah, he doesn't try to cheer Rae up. Starfire? Maybe...well...nah. She tends to bother her a bit. Robin? He chuckled quietly. Definitely not. He's way to serious. Hmm... His eyes widened in realization. It's me! Raven has feelings for me... A goofy grin crossed his face. Slowly, he drifted off to sleep, a slight doze in the afternoon never hurt anyone.
-LATER-
Yawning, Raven woke in a daze. Sleepy eyes scanned the unfamiliar room. Slowly, the memories came back to her, and she realized where she was. It didn't smell as bad as she'd thought it would, with the garbage and pizza boxes that littered the floor. It actually smelled...nice. Taking in the scent, she noticed it smelled like him. Earthy, like the woods. Her eyes dropped to the bed, and she eyed the blanket she'd been under. Blue? I thought his was- A light snoring cut off her thoughts. She looked up to see a foot hanging over the side of the top bunk. A slightly amused look crossed her face. Suddenly, her eyes widened. Beastboy knows... The reality hit her hard. He knew her deepest secret, her most shameful act. And yet...he comforted me... A loud thump drew her from her thoughts. Shaking her head, she looked to the floor, only to see Beastboy lying on his back.
"Ow..." he wheezed. Slowly he got to his feet, rubbing his back. Noticing Raven looking at him, he smiled. "That's why I don't sleep up there..." he said with a chuckle.
"Beastboy..." she said seriously, sobering him up quickly. "Did anyone else read that?" She sounded desperate. He sighed.
"No. I found it when I was packing up my props. As far as I know, this is only between you and me..." he looked to the floor. "Raven...do...do you want help? Like professionally?" he asked, voice laced with deep concern. It was strange, hearing his voice like this. She looked away from him, guilt building in her chest.
"I'm not sick...I don't need professional help..." she growled slightly in frustration. "It's not like I like doing it to myself." She stood from the bed, walking towards the window. "And I'm not crazy. I don't need some stuck up doctor telling me he understands me, when I know he's only saying it to get his paycheck." A black aura surrounded Beastboy's lamp. He noticed and quickly tried to calm her.
"Okay Okay, no psychiatrists. What about unprofessional help?" She turned to him, raising an eyebrow. He stood beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "What about me?" he asked calmly. Raven's heart fluttered lightly. "You helped me get through my troubles with the Beast. It's time I return the favor." An amused expression crossed her face.
"Beastboy? Being serious? I think the world's coming to an end."
"Raven making jokes? Maybe it is" he said with a grin. He grabbed her left hand and she jerked it back slightly. His smile wore off. "Raven, I want to help you. Will you let me?" She nodded hesitantly.
"Should we tell the others?" she asked him.
"That's your decision, Raven."
"...Rae..."
"Hm?"
"Call me...Rae. I think you've earned it." She pulled him into a small hug. "Thanks for being here, Garfield." As she pulled away, his hand went behind his head, rubbing it nervously.
"Hey, what're friends for?" he asked with a smile, fang poking out.
"Come on...let's go tell the others..." she said rather hesitantly.
"Are you sure, Rae?" She looked up to him, a very slight smirk tugging her lips.
"Hey, maybe it's time I start opening up some more" she said, turning and heading out the door, Beastboy close behind. As they drew closer to the door of the Ops room, Beastboy's animal senses picked up on Raven's nervousness. As they stood outside the door, he gave her hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze, reminding her that he was there for support. She looked into his eyes, seeing the deep caring they held for her. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward, the automatic doors opening in an almost silent hiss. The pair looked as their friends sat around the small island in the kitchen. Cyborg holding a large sandwich, Robin a cup of coffee, and Starfire a small bottle of mustard with a straw sticking out.
"'Bout time you guys got here" Robin said, trying to hide his excitement. "Cyborg's about to one-shot this sandwich."
"Oh yes! Friend Cyborg has never attempted such a feat with a meal this large. You must join us!" Starfire said, floating towards the two. Raven's heart ached, knowing this news'd ruin the entire mood of the tower. She took a deep breath, bringing her hood up around her face.
"I'm afraid not, Starfire. I've got some news, everyone."
"I knew it! See, Cyborg, I told you her and Beastboy were together!" Robin shouted. Cyborg began grumbling, digging through his compartments for a twenty. Raven and Beastboy blushed deeply at the comment.
"That's...not what I was going to say..." Raven continued. "I've kept a secret from you all, but Beastboy figured it out today, and I think it's time I come clean. I just hope you don't think badly of me for this..." slowly, her hand reached for her sleeve. She was glad that her hood was up, so nobody would notice the shame stricken across her face at the collective gasps that's surrounded the room. Feeling Beastboy's hand on her shoulder relaxed her a bit. Starfire was the first to speak. She floated towards the two, hands covering her mouth, and tears brimming her eyes.
"Raven...why would you inflict bodily harm on yourself?" she asked quietly. Raven sighed deeply.
"I...wasn't in a good place, Star. I took my feelings out on myself." She looked over to the other two. "It was nothing anyone did. I've bottled up my emotions for so long, I've lost sight on how to deal with them. But Beastboy said he'd help me learn how and help me get better." A small smile played with her lips, almost daring them to curve at the idea. It was a long road ahead, but she knew it'd be worth it.
-3 Weeks Later-
Raven and Beastboy'd been spending a lot of time together. They'd just talked and hung out. The test was that Raven'd have to be more expressive. She'd have to openly share any thoughts and feelings she'd had. Most of their time was spent with Raven ranting about things, and Beastboy listening, being the occasional shoulder to cry on when a painful memory resurfaced. Especially once they'd talked about Malchior. It'd turned out quite well. Raven's cloak was almost white by the time Beastboy'd finished helping her.
Loudly, Beastboy entered the Ops room, scaring its three occupants.
"Introducing! The New and Improved! RAVEN!" he shouted, motioning towards the figure behind him. Raven smiled brightly as the other Titans' eyes widened at the change of her cloak's color.
"Your cloak-"
"And your mouth-"
"You're smiling" Starfire commented, a graceful smile playing at her lips.
"Yes, I am. I feel much better now that Beastboy's been able to help me" she said, wrapping her arms around him.
"That's not even the best part" Beastboy said suddenly. He rolled up Raven's sleeve, revealing an almost clean arm, light, almost barely existant scars the only blemishes on them.
"Well, alright!" Cyborg said with a smile.
"Good job, Raven. I'm happy for you" Robin said, making his way over to her. The others followed, and a group hug was commenced.
Later that evening, Beastboy stood in front of his mirror, brushing his hair after his shower. He eyed himself, and his suit, for no particular reason.
"I always knew you were your own best friend" a voice spoke with newly found confidence. Beastboy turned to see Raven leaning on his door frame.
"You know, you can't go around just making jokes now. That's my thing" he said with a smile.
"But that's just it, Gar. I can now. And I have you to thank for it." A faint blush came to her face. "If it wasn't for you, I don't know how long I would have lasted."She lept forward grabbing him in a hug. "Thank you." He hugged her back tightly.
"Raven, I'd go to the ends of the earth for you. It's what people fo when they care about each other." The two stood in silence for a moment. "Hey Rae?"
"Hm?"
"That last verse of the poem, was it about...me?" he asked. Her heartbeat lept.
"Y-yes, Gar. It is." Her hands trembled lightly. She backed up to look him in the eyes, "You've been the light in my dark life for a long time. It's because of you I made it through my rough times. And I think..." She brought her head onto his chest. "I think I'm in love with you." She'd heard him gasp through his chest.
"Well, I suppose that's good, all things considered" he said with a laugh. She looked up at him, puzzled.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you think you love me, but I know I love you." Slowly, he leaned his head down, she brought hers up to him. Before either of them knew it, their lips met in a soft embrace, pink meshing with green. A moment later, the two stopped, panting for breath, a heavy blush across both of their faces. Raven looked away shyly, while Beastboy's smile never faded. "So what does this make us? Boyfriend and girlfriend?" She winced slightly at the names.
"No. That sounds too childish. We're just two people, who happen to love each other."
"Two 'In Love' people?" he asked, an eyebrow raised. She smiled.
"Yes, two 'In Love' people."