Moving to La Push had supposed to help me out, get me out of the depression I had sunk into. Ever since that fateful day I had done a complete one-eighty, completely changed my outlook on life. Why should I rejoice everyday like I used to when every day reminded me what they would no longer see, what I should no longer see, yet here I was, living and breathing. Something they would never ever do again yet no body understood. Yea they all showed sympathy and some even went as far as too try and help my sinking moods. Yet they just encouraged me to go deeper into my shell, to sink further, hoping to sink far enough to end the pain. Only one thing in my life had stayed the same, only one thing kept me from going over the edge and that was Molluka, my BIG, black gelding, currently behind us in the horse float.
Molluka was the only one who stayed with me as I started to lash out, who always lent a helping hand as my temper rose and my patience for the world in general sank. My "friends" sulked off after the first couple times I lashed out, they didn't understand the guilt and pain that coursed through my body with every beat of my heart, with every breathe I took that got hitched in my throat. 2 weeks after they died, my brother, Jacob, came to see me. Seeing me in the state I was in, he hired a truck and float and packed up my old life ready for my new beginning.
The drive from sunny California to dreary Washington was a long and silent one, silent because I refused to talk. That didn't seem to faze Jacob though and he just drove on, humming a tune that was so off key, I was tempted to say something to shut him up. I didn't though; I just plugged in my iPod, sank further into the seat and watched the world go by as if nothing had happened. In a way it hadn't, they didn't know my parents so why should they care. They didn't know what it felt like to lose everything you held dear to you in a couple of seconds, for them to be ripped out of your life. I envied the light banter drifting in through the car window of families walking along.
As soon as we got there, I jumped out of the car and into the double horse float, making sure my baby was still ok. We had needed a double just because of the sheer size of my boy. Jacob went around and lowered the ramp, allowing me to back my horse off quickly. Looking towards the old shack that had belonged to my father before he moved to live with mum, I contained a sob and moved around to the side of the trailer where my tack was kept. "Jake I'm going for a ride k? I need to stretch Mollukas legs and familiarise myself with the surroundings before Monday" while all the while saddling up.
"Yea ok just be back in time for the bonfire later tonight" he yelled out from somewhere in the house. With a sigh, I swung myself into the saddle and set off at a trot towards a beach I saw earlier. From my house to the beach was a 20 minute ride, walking most of the way. I didn't mind though, it let me think and try to calm myself down. The ride was over too quickly, we ended up on the beach looking out over the crashing waves and multi-coloured pebbles. Describing it as breath taking would add insult. Slowly I nudged Molluka forward, getting him onto the sand before urging him into a full scale run, letting the wind whip my hair around as I bent over his neck. "Oi what do you think you're doing". A voice crashed over the whistling in my ears bringing me back to reality.