Author's Note: I am Chaser #2 for the Falmouth Falcons. This is written for Round 12 of the QLFC. My prompt is: Write a HUMOROUS story about DUMBLEDORE AND GRINDELWALD. My optional prompts are:
(style) letter!fic
(word) instinct
(word) mystic
The Pranks of Aberforth Dumbledore
From Bathilda Bagshot to Alecto Bagshot
3rd July 1899
Dear Alecto,
Thank you for the lovely ginger newts. You have the magic touch with biscuits.
Our great-nephew, Gellert Grindelwald, has come over for a visit. I was delighted to see him, and you were right: he has grown up to be even more handsome than his father. I plan on introducing him to some of the fetching young witches in my little village.
I already introduced him to my neighbor, Albus Dumbledore. I know that I don't have to remind you of that family's sad saga. Now Albus, at his young age, has become the head of the family, and I'm quite sure that he will enjoy having a friend such as Gellert.
Your loving sister,
Bathilda
From Alecto Bagshot to Bathilda Bagshot
5th July 1899
Dear Batty,
What a pleasure it was to receive your letter. I know that Gellert is in good hands while he is staying with you. As for introducing him to witches, I'm sure that I recall the Abbott family has a lovely daughter. You might try including her at your table for tea some time; maybe the combination of good food, pretty companions, and lively conversation will help turn his head in the right direction. Cousin Edwina always despaired of pairing him off with eligible young ladies in his own hometown. Of course, sending a young lad off to an all boy's school is a recipe for disaster, if you ask me. They're at such a vulnerable age, and right when they begin their trek into adolescence, they're whisked off to the one place where no female dare tread!
Love from Your Sister,
Alecto
From Albus Dumbledore to Gellert Grindelwald
15th July 1899
10:00 pm
Dear Gellert,
I overheard some of the girls talking about you at your aunt's tea party. One of the girls thought that you had the "mystic touch." Another girl admired your wand work, while a third witch thought that you had "natural instincts." I'm not sure what all that means, but they did seem to be admiring you.
Albus
From Gellert Grindelwald to Albus Dumbledore
15th July 1899
10:45 pm
Albus,
Why are you bothering me with witches' gossip? That's all that young witches are good for, and I'm not sure that old witches get any better with time. Did you find any of the books I mentioned? I know that some of them are going to be very hard to locate. Do you have any suggestions as to where we can begin our search?
Gellert
17th July 1899
Dear Alecto,
I followed your advice and gave a little tea party two days ago. I invited some of the local young witches and wizards, which gave Gellert an opportunity to meet some of the other young people here in Godric's Hollow. But he spent all of his time talking to Albus and a few other boys and ignored the girls completely. Sissy, I don't understand; when there are pretty young girls around, all the boys want to do is show off their wand work to each other. I despair of helping our nephew meet some witches his own age.
Your Sister,
Bathilda
24th July 1899
11:15 pm
Albus,
My aunt has concocted another scheme to introduce me to the local eligible witches. I do not have time for these ladies in their very best robes and their very best hair and their very best smiles. They all seem like vacuous mannequins. My aunt does not respect my time; I don't want to waste it in idle chit chat.
Where do you want to meet in the morning? I have several interesting concepts I found in one of my aunt's history books. I have to admire her personal library; she has more books on history than the local Muggle library. Bring both your lunch and tea with you; that way we won't have to come back until dark, and I will have avoided another bout with the ladies.
Gellert
24th July 1899
11:30 pm
Gellert,
Let's meet behind the Muggle library; we can leave from there undetected. Bring your broom; I would enjoy a little ride in the fresh air.
Albus
24th July 1899
11:38 pm
AD,
What is it with you and the broomstick? Do you realize how much time it takes to fly somewhere versus simply Disapparating? I'll agree just this once, because we will be gone quite a long time and might be moving around a bit.
GG
24th July 1899
11:41 pm
Gellert,
I'll meet you at 10:00 am. I have to make sure that Ariana is settled in for the day with a project that will occupy her. Aberforth usually spends the morning with his goats, and then he can take care of her in the afternoon and evening.
Albus
26th July 1899
7:00 pm
Dear Gellert,
I am so sorry that you were exposed to that huge patch of stinging nettles. Of course, Aberforth didn't know that there were stinging nettles on the ground when he knocked you off your broom—that was just bad luck. He's young and eager to show off, and he is quite proud of his flying skills. He's been practicing all summer, hoping to join the Quidditch team at Hogwarts this coming year, and he just got too enthusiastic. That's why he followed us—to show off in front of older boys—and he wants you to know that he is very, very sorry.
Your aunt said that you will be coming home tomorrow and that you would need to rest for a few days. I would be happy to bring over a few books, or we could play some Wizard's Chess, or anything else you want to do while you are recuperating.
Albus
26th July 1899
8:38 pm
Albus,
Your little brother is a menace to society and he should be banned from riding a broom ever again. He would never even make it through try-outs at Durmstrang, much less onto our House teams. Of course, Durmstrang has extremely high standards; maybe his skill level would be passable on a Hogwarts house team.
Some Wizard's Chess sounds like a good idea, as long as you are leaving Aberforth at home...
Gellert
9th August 1899
9:30 pm
Dear Gellert,
I had an interesting visit from Anwen Abbott this morning. She came around bearing a gift: a cauldron cake with pumpkin frosting. Said she had been meaning to stop by for a while, and after she made the cake, had thought, "I'll bet those Dumbledore boys don't get too many cauldron cakes since their poor mama passed away." So she hurried right over, and I have to confess, the cake was just as delicious as any I've tasted from Honeydukes. Not quite as good as your Aunt Bathilda's, but close.
Then she asked some purely "innocent" questions about you: how long had I been your friend, how long were you staying in the village, was there anything she could do to introduce you to the village, did you ever enjoy going to the theater to see a play, or maybe going to see a Quidditch match? She asked me everything she could think of except your shoe size and what your wand was made of! She mentioned the "mystic touch" thing again as well. Before she left, she made me promise that I would let you know that she had stopped by, and she made sure to let me know that she would be stopping by again.
I asked her why she came to see me instead of you at your aunt's house, and she blushed and said that she had already been there and that your aunt said you were out of town for a few days but would be back later in the week. I didn't know that you had gone anywhere… Although, of course, you don't have to let me know everything that you're doing, I was surprised to hear that you had left town without mentioning it to me. I do hope that you enjoy yourself, wherever you're traveling to, and I hope to see you again when you return.
Your Faithful Friend,
Albus
9th August 1899
10:00 pm
Dear Faithful Friend Albus,
What a dalcop you are. I haven't left town! I just told my aunt that because, otherwise, these girls are going to be bothering me night and day.
What did you do with the cauldron cake? I believe that I deserve the biggest piece, seeing as that's the excuse she gave to find out information about me.
Gellert the Not-Missing
9th August 1899
10:30 pm
Dear Gellert,
The cauldron cake is right here on my kitchen table; you're welcome to have a piece any time you care to stop by. If you don't hurry, however, it will be gone. Aberforth is a growing boy, and it's all I can do to keep him from devouring it whole.
Your Friend,
Albus the Full
10th August 1899
7:00 pm
Albus Dumbledore,
WHAT IN MERLIN'S BEARD DID YOU DO TO THAT CAULDRON CAKE? It burned my mouth so badly my aunt had to take me to St. Mungo's! Thankfully they had a cure, or your little sister would only have one brother left. What are you playing at?
Gellert the Very, Very Angry
10th August 1899
7:30 pm
Dear Gellert,
It was Aberforth. He said that he meant to play a prank on me. He didn't know that you would be eating the rest of the cake. Please accept my apology; I had no idea that he had jinxed the cake. What do you need? I can't get away tonight—Aberforth isn't here to stay with Ariana—but I can visit you tomorrow.
With my deepest apologies,
Albus
10th August 1899
8:00 pm
Albus,
What a git you are. I will be home before you can visit me tomorrow. I can only eat soft foods for the next few days, so you can greet me with a tub of No Melt Ice Cream on my return to Godric's Hollow.
Gellert
10th August 1899
11:30 pm
Gellert,
Will do! Anything else?
Albus
10th August 1899
11:45 pm
Albus,
Yes, make sure your toad of a brother stays out of my way. I do not suffer fools gladly. In fact, if he weren't your brother, he'd be wishing he was dead right about now.
Gellert the Unforgiving
11th August 1899
Dear Alecto,
I've become quite annoyed with Gellert, frankly. He does not appreciate my attempts to introduce him to suitable young witches. Gellert and Albus send each other an owl at all times of the day and night, waking me up with its scratching at the window.
To top it all off, I have had to take him to St. Mungo's twice since he arrived! Once because he fell off his broom and landed in a big patch of stinging nettles, and again last night, because he ate a jinxed cauldron cake. Gellert said it was just a prank, but how many pranks end up sending you to St. Mungo's?
Love, Bathilda
14th August 1899
Dear Batty,
How about if I come for a visit over the holidays? I would love to have some of your cauldron cake. I could also see how Gellert is getting on, and maybe having another person in the house will take some of the pressure off of you. I could also take him home with me after the holidays—give you a little break.
Your Loving Sister,
Alecto
22nd August 1899
Dear Sissy,
Oh, do I have news for you, my dear! Grab a cup of tea and settle down for this.
As I might have told you before, Aberforth Dumbledore is Albus's younger brother. He never had a head for academics—he was always a salt-of-the-earth kind of boy. Had a special fondness for goats, if I recall correctly.
Well, apparently Aberforth thought that Gellert and Albus were getting too big for their broomsticks. He set up a special target outside the barn that houses his goats, and he invited Albus and Gellert to come try out a new type of dart shooter. He set up Gellert and Albus in just the right spot and handed each boy one of these shooters, which apparently didn't look too big or menacing. Aberforth lit the fuse that comes out of the tube and told the boys to aim. Well, when that fuse reached the combustible materials inside, the darts went shooting out the front end as they were supposed to. But it had such a strong kick-back that it sent both boys flying backward, and they landed in a large pile of goat manure. I believe that Aberforth had positioned them for exactly that reaction! Aberforth laughed so hard, I could hear him when I was walking down the street to the shops.
Gellert, understandably, didn't think it was quite as funny as Aberforth did, but even Albus had to laugh and told Gellert that he shouldn't be so serious: it was a funny prank and no harm was done. Poor Gellert; there was no dignity in coming home smelling like goat poo. He took a bath, of course, and I was happy to lend him my bath salts. I think that he threw his clothes away, however, because they never appeared in my laundry basket.
Well, young men will play their pranks, and I hope that Gellert doesn't let his pride keep him from moving past this. Gellert has no brothers or sisters, his poor mother dying in childbirth like she did, and I don't know if he understands the give and take of young people.
Smiling,
Batty
22nd August 1899
10:00 pm
Dear Gellert,
Please don't let Aberforth's prank upset you too much. He was only playing around, and you can't take it personally. He doesn't have many friends, and now our friendship has made him a little lonely. In fact, I'm sure that I was his real target, and you just happened to be there too.
Your friend,
Albus
22nd August 1899
10:30 pm
AD,
Don't worry about me, Albus. I give your little brother about as much thought as a dog does to an individual flea.
GG
24th August 1899
Dear Batty,
I cannot stop laughing! That is the funniest thing I have heard in years! I can just imagine Gellert landing with a big plop in a pile of manure. I stop laughing, begin to do something else, and then that image comes back to me, and I begin to laugh all over again.
I don't think that Gellert will take that harmless prank to heart. After all, he did attend Durmstrang, and my understanding is that those boys spend as much time on pranking each other as they do studying. Do you remember the Webster boys who lived down the lane from us? Those boys lived to play pranks on each other, and they were always tight as thieves. In fact, I think that they all married local girls and had a troop full of their own children. I know that once a year they hold a family reunion, or they used to, before their father died. I think their mother went to live with one of the boys and their family.
Anyway, boys will be boys, this too shall pass, and so on and so forth.
Still Laughing,
Sissy
25th August 1899
7:30 pm
Dear Gellert,
You are correct. I just wrung out of Aberforth the confession that he has been deliberately pranking you. I'm sorry that I didn't believe you, or realize the truth.
Albus
25th August 1899
7:48 pm
AD,
So—what are you going to do about it?
GG
25th August 1899
8:02 pm
Gellert,
I will bring him over in the morning so that he can apologize to you.
Albus
25th August 1899
8:11 pm
AD,
Forget it, I never want to see the little toadstool again.
GG
25th August 1899
8:42 pm
Dear Gellert Grindelwald,
Albus said that I must apologize for my pranks. I am not the slightest bit sorry, but here is my apology.
Aberforth Dumbledore
25th August 1899
8:50 pm
Aberforth,
Why you little git, I knew that you were doing all of it on purpose. Just stay out of my way and if you ever do anything like that again, you will be very, very sorry.
Grindelwald the Very Very Angry
25th August 1899
9:02 pm
Gellert,
Just so that you know, I have employed some anti-jinxing charms around our home, in case you get any clever ideas about retaliatory justice. You know that I don't approve of what Aberforth did, but I can't let you harm my brother.
Albus
25th August 1899
9:10 pm
AD,
I have several suggestions about how you can punish the miscreant...
GG
25th August 1899
9:18 pm
Gellert,
I'm sure you do, none of which I think I would find appropriate. Rather, why don't we just leave earlier than originally planned? Instead of waiting for Aberforth to return to Hogwarts, we could just leave now. He can certainly get himself off to school, and then we will be out of range of any more pranks he might think up.
Albus
25th August 1899
9:32 pm
AD,
You are weak. Are you sure that you are man enough to do what it takes to put our plan into action?
GG
25th August 1899
9:42 pm
Gellert,
For the greater good; yes I am.
Albus
25th August 1899
9:56 pm
AD,
All right then. We leave tomorrow.
GG