The lost tales of ratchet
Dear Ratchet! This is your long lost sister bolt writing to you! I have a sister? I thought me and azmith were the last lombaxs. well I was pretty small when our parents were killed. I had been staying with a baby sitter in the milky way nebula. The milky way nebula? What's in it? I've never heard of it. Its close to where your ship went down with clank. Really? The fongoids never said anything about it. Who are the fongoids? don't you want to meet me? The fongoids are a race of aliens who shun almost all technology save for two grummal net vendors and the occasional dropship, and yes I'd like to meet my own sister! We can have lunch on planet Quantos. They have an all you can eat buffet on Wednesdays. Sure but do you have a ship and coordinates? No, but you can pick me up in front of the Agorian Battle plex, and dearest brother, make sure you do not bring clank! Okay he's at the clock anyway I'll be there in fifty nano sacs! Clank : Ratchet! Wake up! You are having a nightmare! WAKE UP! What the…?klunk! I thought me and clank destroyed you! How did you live? Clank: Ratchet! You had a nightmare, and there's a call for you on the intercom! What are you talking about? I had a dream that I meet my sister and what call? Clank: but you do have a sister, don't you remember? She was kidnapped by the cragmites yesterday! that's it! Out of my way clank! I'm going to save my sister! Clank : Ratchet! Wait a minute! Remember the intercom call?
Maybe it's the cragmites…(ratchet is hurrying around the spaceship looking for ammo and weapons and he finds a r.y.n.o 5 and full ammo). This will be easy and play that call now! Commander qwark: Hello ratchet, I have unidentified voice transmission from the Delta\Gamma quadrant. Stand by…(muffed voice)Raacheet, yooou muuust coome tooo uuus annnd briinng 1 miiilliion dollllaars. What are dollars? Are you on trllium? We are from the future and we have your sister if you don't give us the money will have to do terrible things! Clank : ( in a whisper) Ratchet, I've got a lock on their location. Good where is it? Should I take my weapons? Yes! I think we will need backup so I've contacted the other space rangers. (Ratchet and clank strap into their seats)clank : get ready to blast into hyper space in 3 2 1...(clank is thrown to the back of the ship) I see you got more Zoni. Yeah sorry about that next time I'll tell you.(at the location)great! Out of fuel and the last depot was five sectors back! Ratchet laughed happily cause he loved to go and shoot stuff!(he had just spotted a poster ad. For battledome championships, with an entry fee of 100 gold bolts, you could win fuel supplies for life!) ratchet! We only have forty and the gold bolt mine is 20 sectors back! Clank, can you track down any of your robot pals that could give us fuel we need to make it? I know its short notice but… of course I have ten microbots and 30 zoni left In my storage. They will have no trouble getting to It!
So, after hours of delay, waiting impatiently for fuel and finally realizing that they did have extra fuel In cargo bay mislabelled "glitter dancing ball" ratchet and clank ,tired and cranky arrived at the rendezvous point with the kidnappers! Whew! Okay we're here where are the kidnappers? All of a sudden the lights went out. A small ball of light floated down from ceiling fallowed by another, until ratchet and clank were standing knee deep In glowing blue lights. ratchet bent down to take a closer look at one when suddenly KABOOM! Ow…what the ? Was that a bomb? No it was the sound of the door closing, trapping them inside. Then the two really uneasy adventurers heard the strangest cry…. Happy birthday bolt! Happy birthday ratchet! The lights went on, and all their friends were standing there with happy smiles. Ratchet 's sister bolt had a big grin on her face, as she came to hug her brother. What the… what about the threat? What about the million dollars? What are dollars anyway? Well my dear brother, I know how much you hate birthday parties! A million dollars is an ancient type of earth money, worth about 100 bolts. If you were wondering Earth is where I've spent the last few years. Come and join the party, here Is a present for you! Bolt presents Ratchet with a huge box! Ratchet turns into a whirlwind of ripping paper and waving arms. Inside the box, ratchet finds an envelope with two tickets to an all expense paid trip to Hawaii. Hawaii huh? Its on earth right? Sounds good to me! So all the space Rangers brought out the flower garlands called "leis". they all stared dancing the hula! Um…what are you doing? Its an old earth dance . Join in ratchet!
Okay can you teach me and what plant is that? Yes I will teach you to hula, and the flowers are orchids. Thanks! Those sound familiar… so ratchet and bolt and all their friends danced, sang and ate until the sun stared to come up, then they all collapsed in heaps. Snoring quietly.