If I can't have you chapter one
CassieBella stood in her room, listening to her music. Her blonde hair was bouncing around as she was dancing around her room. Her hair was straight and went to her shoulder blades. She of course didn't know all the words, but she still danced.
CasieBella was my beautiful baby daughter. She was four years old. She looked a lot like Nate. She had Nate's ears, hands, body structure, she even had his mouth. She didn't have his curly hair though. She had my straight blonde hair.
I was now 22 years old. Living by myself and raising CassieBella. Gavin my very best friend from Not So Secret was now a huge rockstar. He helped support us by helping pay some of the bills, and even sometimes taking care of CassieBella when he was on vacation from touring.
Gavin was my very best friend. And he was only that. He got married when I was 19 and CassieBella was 2. He asked her if she wanted to be the flower girl. And she said yes, as best as a 2 year old can. She looked so pretty, and everyone loved her. Gavin's parents thought that she was 'just the cutest thing'. Me and Gavin were like brother and sister. And Gavin's parents pretty much adopted me and CassieBella, as their daughter and granddaughter. CassieBella called Gavin's parents grandpa and grandma. So everything worked out pretty fine.
But there were a couple things that did not work out very well. One of things was that CassieBella kept asking about her father. She would look up at me and I would almost burst into tears from seeing Nate in her. She would look up at me and ask in her sweet, innocent voice, 'Mommy, where's Daddy?'. It killed me every single time, because I would change the subject. She was fine with that, for now. But she also happened to be a fan of Connect Three. She always wanted to go to a Connect Three concert. She always wanted to go backstage and meet everyone. Especially Nate.
The other thing was seeing Nate on TV. Seeing them playing live shows. I loved Nate with all of my heart. I loved him and always would love him. I tried dating a few people, but they could never compare to Nate. I didn't think that I would ever move on. Gavin told me to either move on or go and find Nate and be with him. I couldn't do either. I didn't want to do either.
"Niki! CassieBella!" I heard Gavin walk into the house. I saw CassieBella run past me and jump into Gavin's arms.
"Uncle Gavin!" I smiled and giggled a little. CassieBella smiled widely and hugged Gavin. He set her down and she jumped on the couch started swinging her legs back and forth.
"So Gav, what're you doing here?" Gavin smiled widely and CassieBella stared up at him.
"Well, I have a little surprise for you and CassieBella." CassieBella smiled widely and started getting more and more excited by the minute.
"I got backstage passes and third row seats to…CONNECT THREE!!!" I felt my mouth drop open. My heart started racing, and I felt myself pale. CassieBella however was jumping up and down and started screaming 'yay' over and over again. I looked at Gavin and I told CassieBella that I had to talk to Gavin and told her to either stay here or go to her room. She nodded and rushed off to her room. I smiled at her and then stared at Gavin.
"Gavin! You know that I don't want to go and see him!" I really did want to see Nate. I just didn't want to admit it.
"Niki, I know that you do. I know that it's killing you, that you can't see him." I cursed mentally. Gavin saw through my lie.
"Gavin, what about CassieBella. She doesn't know that Nate is her father." Gavin nodded and then answered.
"I know that Niki. But don't you think that he has a right to see his daughter? Or at least meet her?" I nodded and Gavin smiled and crossed his arms over his chest.
"But Gavin, what if he doesn't want her? What if he doesn't care? What if he is married to someone else? What if he has other kids?" Gavin rolled his eyes and sighed.
"Niki. He is not remarried. If he was, there would be divorce papers that you would have to pay. He doesn't have other kids. If he did, they would be in the news. He will care because he was excited to have kids." I nodded, and sighed. I didn't want to do this. But if I wanted to move on with my life, I had to do this. Gavin smiled and called out CassieBella. She came running out and jumped on the couch, listening attentively.
"Me, you and your mom are all going to go to the Connect Three concert!" CassieBella started screaming again and started jumping up and down again. I turned to look at Gavin and he gave me a look. He smiled and I forced a smile for CassieBella.
__________The Next Day____________
I dressed CassieBella in some jeans and a sweater. I pulled her hair into a ponytail, and told her to go and wait for Uncle Gavin, while I got dressed. She nodded and ran out of my room and sat down on the couch. I sighed and went to my closet.
I pulled out a long black tee-shirt. It went down to mid thigh and was semi-tight all the way down. I pulled on some dark jeans, and slipped on some sneakers. I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth quickly. I curled my hair in tight ringlets, and I pulled it into a loose side ponytail, and clipped up some loose hairs. I put on some perfume and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I noticed that not a lot had really changed. I looked pretty much the same, except that I was a little taller, and looked more grown up. I sighed and walked out of my bathroom, and into the living room. I saw Gavin sitting on the couch talking to CassieBella.
"Hey Niki. You look pretty." I smiled and nodded. Gavin got off the couch and pulled CassieBella off. He took her outside and put her in the car seat in my truck. He got in the passenger side, and I got in and gripped the steering wheel.
"Mommy, are we going to go?" I nodded and forced a smile.
"Of course Hunny." She giggled and I pulled out of the driveway. I drove down the street to the venue. I was still gripping the steering wheel. I was taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.
We got to the venue, parked, and I saw a lot of young girls and teens, I saw parents with their young children. I saw mothers and fathers, and almost broke down knowing that at the moment, I couldn't give CassieBella the family that other children had. I couldn't because I didn't have Nate. I was drawn out of my thoughts by Gavin pulling on my sleeve telling me to get out of the vehicle. I sighed and followed him. I followed him into the venue, but got distracted by seeing two people standing outside of the building. I looked over and saw that it was Becky and Shane. They were laughing and Shane's arms were wrapped around Becky's waist. I frowned and wanted to cry again. I remembered when me and Nate were like that. I turned away and followed Gavin and CassieBella.
Gavin walked over to the merch table and grabbed a tee-shirt. He held it up to CassieBella, smiled and then handed the guy some money. CassieBella smiled and pulled the shirt on. Gavin smiled and grabbed her hand and pulled her along, towards the back of the building. I followed and noticed that we were going backstage. The security guard stopped us and we showed him our backstage passes. We followed him and Gavin started smiling bigger. He knocked on a door, and I stood behind Gavin. He walked in and I followed slowly.
"Hey guys. You might not remember me, but I am Gavin." Everybody's eyes widened and they smiled widely. Nate came up and hugged Gavin, and I tired to shrink behind him. Nate looked at CassieBella and then smiled. He bent down to her level and smiled.
"Hi, sweetie. What's your name?" She smiled widely, and I hope that she didn't introduce me.
"I'm CassieBella. And this is my mommy." I froze and she went behind Gavin and pulled on my hand. I stood in front of everybody and paled. Nate looked up at me and he froze as well. I looked at everybody's expressions. And they were the same.
"Niki." I froze and looked around nervously.
"Hi, Nate." He stood up and just stared at me. I stared at him and then looked at Gavin.
"Niki. Why didn't you call me?" I glared at Nate and crossed my arms over my chest.
"Why didn't you try and call me?" Nate looked at me, but didn't answer. I looked at him, shook my head and excused myself. I walked out, sat down against the wall and cried.