In Your Head

by Castellans

AU - As Voldemort takes a new turn in his reign of terror, Lily Evans leaves her home and all that she has known in attempt to find some salvation in the crumbling world. As it happens, four men decide to do the same thing; and though she doesn't necessarily enjoy their company, Lily knows that she needs their help, because everyone knows how difficult it is to go North.

A/N: I'm going to state straight off the bat that this fic is probably almost entirely AU – I'm talking plot-wise, if we're talking character-wise then all credits go to JKR. If you're confused, well I guess we're in the same boat, because I haven't really thought about the logistics of this fic yet. But really all you need to know is that Voldemort decided that it would be way more exciting to turn Muggles into Inferi – or 'Zombies' as they're coming to be known – instead of killing them (because all that killing takes an awfully long time). If there's anything else that I feel you need to know, I will not tell you... probably...

So I came up with the idea when I was discussing various career options while running from Ianto zombies that weren't there, with my friend, when it was very dark, and there were a lot of freaky hedges. At this point I had come to be interested in Zombie!Films, so I watched Zombieland literally seconds before I typed this. So I guess I'm going to credit Zombieland too, even though I should in fact credit the hedges that are to blame for this potential literary disaster.

'Nuff said. On with the fic.

Disclaimer: JKR, Zombieland, and Joss Whedon.

000

They say the fat ones go first. Who 'they' were, she had no idea, but it was blatantly obvious when you could see a 'Zombified' version of your sisters ginormous boyfriend jiggling towards you with what had to have been a mixture of blood and phlegm dripping down his ten chins.

Funnily enough – for one had to see the funny side of these things – Lily actually thought that the whole 'Zombie' thing was an improvement from the original Vernon Dursley; mostly because instead of talking, he just made weird, gurgling screeches.

Oh, what would Tuney say if she came home from her job at Barista's Boutique to find that her boyfriend had chosen to chew someone's head of instead of eating the honey-glazed ham she had cooked for him? Lily laughed outrageously and wholloped her ex-future-brother-in-law's head with a frying pan before he got near enough to eat her. The collision had caused a sort of rippling effect down his body, and as he fell to the floor, she stomped on his face for good measure (also because you could never be too careful). Kneeling down beside him, she pocketed the wad of money Vernon had been carrying since he got a payrise a week prior. Thinking about it, she realised that whoever was in charge at Grunnings probably knew that screws and nails were no good for killing Zombies and packed up shop, giving all his employees some cash because the most likely wouldn't live long enough to spend it.

Maybe screws and nails weren't the best things to use for Zombie-Killing, but other construction tools really came in handy. Grabbing the keys off the table in her sister's front hall, Lily left an envelope in their place and exited the previously pristine house.

Outside was dark, and even though she had her wand she wasn't stupid enough to use it – no use drawing unwanted Zombie-Attention. The street lamps were, as always, poorly lit, but she would have to make do until she got to a more concealed area. Sticking the keys into the driver door, she had a quick glance around before opening it and popping the boot. She checked the boot to see if it actually had anything useful in it – about five hammers and a chainsaw – before hopping in the front seat and backing out of the blood-stained driveway of number four, Privet Drive.