Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Gravitation nor the song I used for this as well. That belongs to Pink.
Pairing: Eiri Yuki x Shuichi Shindo
Genre: Romance/ Angst.
Summary: Eiri thinks about his behavior towards his lover after a fight. This time Eiri has to wonder if the singer will leave him for good.
Warning: violence mentioned, bad language,
PLEASE DON"T LEAVE ME
God when had things gotten so far out of controlEiri wondered as he stared at the door to the bedroom. Another day, another fight. Now listening to the scuffle as Shuichi stuffed his belongings into bags, Eiri wished he could take what he said back. All because the boy had come into let him know he was heading to bed, thinking that the youth wanted him to go as well. Rejecting the youth was a habit with him, but Shuichi had never looked at him with fear in his eyes before. So many times before Eiri had tossed him out of the house when Shuichi was being irritating. Though this time Eiri crossed a line he never should have. He had raised a hand in anger towards his lover. There was no reason he should have done so. The only excuse he could give was the frustration of writers block. That was no reason to take it out on the youth. Eiri couldn't shake the remembrance of the look of fear the pink haired baka had on his face. Thinking back Eiri couldn't help but hate himself for what he had done.
Da da da da-da
I don't know if I can yell any louder
how many times have I kicked you out of here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da da-da
Eiri had hit a stumbling block in the writing of his latest novel. Reaching for the pack of smokes that had been on the edge of the desk, only to find out it was empty. Occasionally a soft thump could be heard as Shuichi got himself ready for the next day. With the deadline fast approaching, the youth was doing everything to not make his lover angry. Though at this time it seemed as if everything the boy did always made him angry. Shuichi had just come in to say good night to the author. The anger at running out of cigarettes coupled with the frustration of trying to write, Eiri cut loose. " Why the hell do you have to make so much noise?" the blond snarled.
" But Yuki, I..." Shuichi had said in a small voice.
" I don't care what you wanted. God all you ever do is push and push. Why the hell can't you leave me alone." was shouted at the boy.
"I'm sorry." was the subdued reply.
" Sorry, sorry sorry that's all I ever hear. Doubt you ever really mean it. God I wish you'd leave me the fuck alone." With that he flew out of the chair, his hand drawn back to strike the youth.
Shuichi saw this and coward down in fear, the blow coming out of nowhere. Eiri too saw what he had done and then noticed the fear that swarmed in those violet eyes. With the few seconds the Eiri was distracted, Shuichi scrambled for the door and fled. The sting in his hand being mirrored by the pain in his heart at seeing the singer look at him that way.
I can be so mean when I want to be
I'm am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
but my heart is ... broken
Eiri used his past as an excuse to hurt the singer. Shuichi had proven to him that he would never do to him what his sensei had, but old wounds still lingered. He always needed to be sure that the singer meant what he said. That no matter what, he would always love Eiri. Never had the youth given him reason to believe that he was insincere. What Yuki Kitazawa had attempted to destroy the youth had fervently worked to put back together. One broken piece at a time. Even after Shuichi had suffered the same way he had done, Shuichi was more concerned with everyone else. Where Eiri had hid behind his broken heart letting it control him.
da da da da-da
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always come right back to this
Please don't leave me
Eiri thought about how he behaved toward his family compared to how he treated Shuichi. For the most part he ignored his family if he could. Only with Shuichi was he as vicious as a dog gnawing on a bone. Why did the brat put up with him? What the hell did the youth see in him to put up with that kind of behavior. No one should ever be treated the way he treated his lover. Now it seemed as if he had crossed a line that he should never have. Never before had he thought he would strike the youth. When he saw Shuichi draw away from him as if he was Azawa, then Eiri realized it was to much. Before he could say a word, Shuichi had fled as if the hounds of hell were on his heels. For an extra line of protection, Shuichi locked the door. Not once in all the time they had been together, had Shuichi locked the door to keep him out. That said more than all the yelling in the world. The sound resonated louder than a gun shot.
how did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Can't you tell this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise
Regretfully Eiri sank down on the couch. The one that he made his lover sleep on more times than not. He wished with all his heart to erase the look on the youth's face. He could hear Shuichi scrambling to gather his clothes in the bedroom. Occasionally he could hear the broken hearted cries of the youth as he gathered his things. He was already calming down as he had grabbed the pack of smokes that he had left in the freezer. He knew that he was finished writing for the night. The only thing he could think about was Shuichi. He knew the youth wasn't alright. Eiri had struck him. He knew he had to be thinking about the night that Azawa had attacked him. Only this time the face was not that of a stranger.
da da da da-da
Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it always comes right back to this
Please don't leave me
He really needed to let Shuichi know how beautiful he really was. It was really hard to be down around the youth. His smile helped chase away the shadows hanging around from his past. Sure his song writing was terrible as far as Eiri was concerned, but he gave his all when he sang and somehow brought the song to life. No one exuded the light the way that Shuichi did. No one was as positive as the singer. Shuichi had the patience to fight for what he thought was right, fought for what he believed and was his strongest supporter. No one saw the broken child behind the mask quite the way that Shuichi did. When Mika and Tomah said he should break up with the singer, they weren't looking at the bigger picture. Finally it seemed as if Eiri might have something to do with his family, but only because of Shuichi. Eiri finally started to heal from the wounds of his past. Again only because of Shuichi. Never did Shuichi really complain as to how badly the writer was treating him. He needed to remember that Shuichi carried his own scars as well.
I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I can't be without you, your my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry
Watching as Shuichi appeared from the bedroom, Eiri knew he had to make amends. Something about the way the youth was holding himself warned Eiri that he needed to. Never had the youth looked so lost and alone. It was if his whole world had imploded on him. For once Eiri couldn't be the selfish bastard that he could be and do everything to help his lover. So as he saw the shadow of the youth heading for the door he got up from the couch to intersect the baka. Stopping in front of the one who owned his heart he could only hope that Shuichi would listen to what he had to say. Tilting the youths face up to look at him Eiri could only plead. " Shuichi,please don't leave me."
da da da da-da
Please Please don't leave me
Baby please don't leave me
No, don't leave me no no no
You always say how I don't need you
but it's always gonna come right back to this
Please don't leave me.
Looking deep into violet eyes, the author could only hope that whatever Shuichi saw in him, he would again. He had never understood why the youth wanted to be with him, but he never wanted to loose him. Eiri seemed to realize that his wish may not come true. It never took the youth this long to decide to forgive him. Though he had thrown the youth out before he had never raised his hand in violence toward him. That might be the thing that made Shuichi leave. Never had he ever seen the lingering ghost of fear in the boys eyes. The look that he caused. Slowly Eiri began to despair. Eiri sank to his knees, wrapping his arms around the youth's torso, burying his face into toned stomach. His heart was dropping the longer the silence went on. Never had Shuichi failed to wrap his arms around the author. Slowly as if fright had stiffened the boy, Shuichi's arms wrapped around the author. For once Eiri's heart really despaired. Never had the youth been so hesitant with him. Slowly the youth started to respond to the author. Eiri couldn't help the tears that escaped when the youth began to stroke his hair.
" Don't cry Yuki. It wasn't your fault." was the soft response. " I'm sorry I was bothering you. Sorry I was so loud. I'll try to be quieter next time."
" No Shuichi," Eiri growled watching as the singer flinched. " I'm the one who's sorry. There is no reason I should have done that. You weren't being to noisy. I just hit a block in my writing and then found I was out of smokes. I never meant to hurt you. You were only saying good night"
" No really, I'm sorry I was being so loud. I won't bother you again. I'll go stay at Hiro's. I know it was my fault that you were angry. You're right I'm just a brat." Eiri glanced up to see dull violet eyes staring at him.
Eiri slowly climbed to his feet and drew the youth toward the couch. Sitting Shuichi down beside him,the blond held the youth tightly to his side. " Listen to me Shuichi." the author said. " It wasn't you that was being to noisy. In fact I hardly heard you all night. I just was frustrated with the way the novel was going as well as had run out of smokes. There still is no excuse for what I did. It's me who has to say they're sorry. Stop blaming yourself for my actions. You did nothing wrong. So please Shuichi, don't leave me."
" Okay I'll stay here." Shuichi quietly replied. He went over to his bag and drew out his night clothes. Still the youth was to subdued for the author to feel happy that he got his wish. Seeing the boy come out of the bathroom and stop at the hall closet to pick up the blanket he had stored there, Eiri fully realized that the boy wasn't heading to their bed. Before Shuichi had taken out the bedding Eiri stopped him. " Please rest in our room tonight. It will be more comfortable than the couch." Shuichi finally really looked at the author. It took a few minutes before a small smile appeared on the singers face. Finally Eiri felt the weight lift off his heart. He had learned not to take his love for granted, but it had been close. As he held his little songbird he couldn't help but think. Please don't leave me.
Please don't leave me.