Chapter 1: In My Life

Rick entered the dark room, eyes shut. He hears soft sobs, turning lower every second. There's soothing music playing, and he seems to get sleepier as he walks towards the white wooden crib. His heart races when he can't see his son.

"James?" He shouted, panicked. It didn't cross his mind that even if he was listening, he wouldn't answer.

"Rick?" Kate asked, turning on the lamp on the nightstand. She caresses her son's back softly, as if to assure him that everything was okay "What are you doing?"

"I heard Jamie and came to see if he was okay." He rubbed his eyes while walking slowly towards Kate and their son, who were sitting on the blue glider. "I didn't know you'd be up here already." He squatted next to the glider. "I'm usually the one waking up with him at night." Rick examined both Kate and James carefully. Kate was sitting in a lotus position, and James was lying comfortably on the top of her thigh, his bright green eyes wide open. "How did you hear him before I did?"

"I couldn't sleep. I was up here trying to find my old copy of Jane Eyre when he cried." Kate shook her body to create a slow movement for James.

"Jane Eyre, huh? I think my copy is downstairs if you want it." Rick got up to find a burp cloth, knowing Kate would need it soon. He looked through drawers, boxes and even the crib before realizing all the burp cloths were downstairs. "I'm going to grab a burpie. I'll be right back."

"Rick… Don't go." Kate said, her voice breaking. She reached out for his arm.

"Kate, what's wrong?" Rick grabbed her hand. He knew what it was. It was January 9th. Kate seemed fine through the day, but Rick knew how much she was struggling to stay strong.

"Just stay here, okay?" Kate's eyes were filled with tears. James was now fussy, making Kate's grip tighten around his tiny body. "Let's just stay here for a minute." She said, tears rolling down her face. Rick could see she had been crying. Her eyes were puffy, her cheeks were red and her top was wet.

"Okay. I'm here." Rick sat next to them, crossing his legs. He knew better than saying anything, so the three of them just sat there in silence.

...

Kate was changing James' outfit when Rick came inside the nursery, holding a large book.

"I found it!" Rick placed the book next the little boy, who was laughing at Kate's funny faces. James was wearing an onesie that said "My Auntie Rocks", dark wash jeans and dinosaur slippers. His giggles made Rick smile.

"Thanks!" Kate said, lifting up James from the changing table. She tickled his belly for a second and handed him to Rick.

"Is Lanie coming to visit today?" Rick said, reading the sentence on James' onesie.

"Uh… No. I just wasn't in the mood to pick an outfit so I just grabbed the first thing I saw." She answered, while flipping the pages of the book. "I gotta go. Esposito called, a body dropped earlier today. But I'll be back for dinner, okay?"

"Dinner? It's 8 am!" Rick said, confused.

"Blame it on Gates. The woman is insane." Kate asked, with a high-pitched voice she only used when angry.

"Okay." Rick held James close to his chest, placing a kiss on his head.

"I'll see you two later." Kate gave both Rick and James a kiss and stormed out the door.

"Okay, Jamie." Rick held the little boy up to his eye level. "How about we go and watch 'The Wiggles'? Rick took James' spit up as a yes and went to the living room.

…

It was a little over six when Rick started trying to get James ready for bed. It was dark outside and Kate hadn't even called. The worrying started getting worst as Rick's tries to put James down intensified.

"Come on, Jamie." Rick walked around the room with James on his arms "Desmond has a barrow in the marketplace, Molly is the singer in a band…"

…

Kate placed the key on the bowl and took off her shoes. It was almost nine, and when she didn't hear any noise, she assumed James was asleep and Rick was in the study. She walked up the stairs quietly. The door to the nursery was half-open, showing Kate the light coming from inside. She walked in, and saw Rick leaning over the crib, his body heavy over the rail.

"Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da, life goes on bra, la-la how the life goes on." Rick was singing James' favorite song quietly. By the looks of things, he'd been doing so for quite a while.

"Hey." Kate stood next to Rick, and let her hand touch his.

"Hi." Rick lifted his head, surprised. "How was your day?" He asked, sleepily.

"We can talk about it tomorrow. Let's go to bed." Kate placed her hand on James' belly "Goodnight, baby."

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