Behind the Curtain
-a Tonks and Lupin one-shot.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter

There were extracts of dialogue from the book.

--

"Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus!"

I was always amused by the way she said that. I even liked the way she spoke my name.

"Good morn- Oops, sorry I didn't mean that." I watched her from the dining table as she bent down to settle the coffee table back into place. Every day was like this. Every day, she would come in and start greeting us cheerfully, only to stop mid-greeting to find that she had toppled the coffee table over.

"Oh do watch where you're going, Tonks!"

"Sorry."

I gave a light smile at the scene. Molly Weasley was looking over at Tonks. She had learnt from so much past experience not to place anything on that table anymore, because it was so vulnerable to "Tonks' Invasion", as she puts it. Tonks looked to my direction.

"Good morning, Remus."

"Good morning, Tonks." I smiled again. I would have liked to try greeting her Nymphadora one morning and amuse myself, but of course, I wasn't about to tease her again.

Again.

"Hello, Remus! This is Nymphadora Tonks, fellow auror." One of our group introduced. I thought I caught a glimpse of irritation flash past her face.

"Hello, Nymphadora, nice to-"

"DON'T call me Nymphadora!"

That was how we first met. Ever since then, everyone's been calling her Tonks.

She sat right across me. For a moment, our eyes locked, and there was something that passed between us that, for the moment, only the both of us knew. But I wasn't about to allow it. Her eyes were insistent. I finally let my gaze drop to the Daily Prophet, which I had absolutely no interest in.

That was also the routine every morning. The eye-game. I was always the first one to lose. It was only until a few days later after that morning when it finally broke out of her. That morning, no one was in the dining hall. It was an early start, I had woken, and so coincidentally, she had woken too.

"Good morn- Oops. I'm sorry, I always tell myself not to knock it over..." Tonks muttered, lifting the coffee table again. "Good morning, Remus."

"Good morning, Tonks." I gave her my usual little smile, then looked into my tea. "An early start today, isn't it?"

"It's not every day that everyone stays late in bed." I watched her walk over to a mirror hanging on the wall. "Oops." Quite suddenly, she fixed her hair to the usual flamboyant pink. "That's better." She newly admired herself in the little mirror.

Moments passed, and no one from the Order had arrived yet. Tonks took her usual seat across me, unusually quiet today. The staring game began again, torturous as ever. I knew if I performed my usual distraction of the Daily Prophet, it was a useless move, because there was no one around to distract her now. We stared and stared, and no footsteps approached to break this up. It was so silent, the clock's ticking could be called the silence-wrecker.

"Remus." she started, the pleading tone in her voice unmissed.

"No, Tonks." I finally looked into my tea, but the game was still on. "We can't-"

"Well, why not?" she demanded. Her fists were clenched. I could tell she would have very much liked to grasp something, but she did not have a cup of tea in front of her. "Remus, I don't care-"

"You deserve someone better." I said firmly, leaving my seat. I left her there, and from the corner of my eye, I thought I saw her head of vibrant pink lose its colour a little.

She shouted, "I don't care that you are a werewolf, doesn't that make you good enough for me?" after me, but I shut my eyes and walked away as quickly as possible. Maybe it would have been easier and less painful if I didn't return her feelings, but I DID. The fact that I know I love her made me turn her away, because I did not want to let somebody I love suffer what James used to say was my "furry little problem". She had no idea how agonizing it could get.

I had believed it was for the best.

At dinner, we were in our usual seats, except Tonks was very much quiet among the suddenly rowdy group in the room. I hoped nobody noticed anything in their anticipation for dinner. I didn't have to hope that hard, it seemed.

She would try again and again, and she never gave up. I only closed my eyes every time and turn away. I could not bring myself to lie to her that it was unrequited love, just to make her give up, so I could only do so much.

After countless times of explanations, I finally stopped in my tracks down the corridor while she was catching up behind me, turned round to face her. The sudden halt had caused her to hit my chest, and for a while I held her, stopping her fall. It felt good to hold her, but that was short-lived. I soon pulled away, grasping her shoulders in my two hands firmly.

"Tonks," I began, sighing, "let's not continue this any further. You've heard me. I am too old for you, and I'm dangerous. Let's put the matter down, shall we?" After a moment, I added, "I don't want to hurt you."

"But I told you I don't care-"

"But I care!" I cut in harshly, and turned to leave. I wouldn't turn back, nor even watch her from the corner of my eye, for fear that she might have tears brimming in her two large eyes. Remus, you're horrible, you probably made someone you love cry, I scolded myself.

Of course, being a werewolf in the Order, I had to make my "furry little problem" useful too. It wasn't long before it was decided that I should join my fellow werewolves, as a spy for the Order. It was obvious they were suspicious that I, unlike them, had tried to live among wizards, and it didn't help when my mind quite frequently wandered back to the moment when I and Tonks last spoke to each other, before I had to go on my mission as a spy, and she had to be stationed in Hogsmeade.

I was behind the curtain, packing, when I heard Tonks approach it. She didn't push the curtain away, didn't make a move to clear the barrier between us.

"Remus?"

I stopped packing at once, then approached the curtain, leaning against the wall right beside it. I could hear her breathing in the silence. I didn't push the curtain away as well.

"Tonks? Would you like to come in?"

"No, thank you. I'm comfortable like this."

I wondered if she was crying. Perhaps she didn't want me to see her tears.

"I see. Is anything the matter?" I asked softly.

She didn't answer immediately. She only sniffed a little. "It's getting cold, isn't it?" She was trying to laugh. Unfortunately, I could tell she was not very good at lying. "I'm just here to..." She paused a moment. "To say goodbye."

I wasn't sure why she said goodbye. I wasn't going to leave forever, was I? "Tonks?" But she had already left.

I learnt from Molly that Tonks had been to see her several times when off-duty, pouring out her grievances to her. "Honestly, you should do something about it. Although of course, I'd much prefer Tonks as a daughter-in-law than-" Molly paused, looking towards the stairs. "Her." I knew she was referring to Fleur Delacour, whom Bill was marrying.

There were occasional visits to The Burrow where Molly had invited a number of us over to dinner, but Tonks was never there. I suppose she knew I was going to be here.

That Christmas, Tonks wasn't there as well.

"...You are as bat as zat Tonks. She is always knocking-"

At the mention of Tonks, I felt unsettled. I had not seen her in quite a long time, and I wondered how she was doing. Mutual feelings were apparently not enough for us to get together. Because the problem was with me.

"I invited dear Tonks to come along today." Molly shot back at Fleur. "But she wouldn't come. Have you spoken to her lately, Remus?"

It took me a while to realise my name was Remus, for me to rise out of my thoughts and answer Molly's question. "No, I haven't been in contact with anybody very much. But Tonks has got her own family to go to, hasn't she?" I answered. That was true, I hadn't really been in touch with anyone ever since joining with my fellow werewolves.

"I got the impression that she was planning to spend Christmas alone, actually."

I knew that could be true, perhaps that really was true, I wanted to go see her, sit by her, but...

Remus, you can't. I sighed.

Later on, Harry approached me, and told me that Tonks' patronus had changed. I was surprised, although I shouldn't be. I knew the reason why. And the reason lay in that house at that moment. He asked me why it was possible. I answered slowly, "Sometimes... a great shock... an emotional upheaval..." I tried to get round not having to tell Harry the entire truth, and he was questioning further, and I feared the analysis he had come up with in his mind would be spilled forth. What if it was exactly the truth? What should I answer?

"Arthur! Arthur it's Percy!"

But Molly saved me from that fix. No, actually it was Percy. Although it was obvious the Minister was trying to pry out information from Harry.

That day the Death Eaters had broken into Hogwarts, Bill Weasley got bitten by Greyback, the same werewolf who turned me into one. Dumbledore was dead. They escaped. We were all gathered in the Hospital Wing, somewhere where the four marauders had sometimes been, from little accidents in our adventures. It looked like finally Molly had acknowledged Fleur as her daughter-in-law. But I had to tear away from the teary scene right then, because she spoke.

"You see! She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten. She doesn't care!" Tonks said suddenly, a note of exasperation and frustration in her voice.

I suddenly lost my firmness, I didn't know how to be firm with her now; it was an awkward situation. 'It's different. Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely-"

But she cut off my words halfway through. "But I don't care either, I don't care!" she argued. I stumbled suddenly, being unprepared as she seized my robes very swiftly, looking hard at me. "I've told you a million times..."

"And I've told you a million times that I am too old for you, too poor... too dangerous..." I repeated my points just as she had done so. It was all in truth. And the harder she stared at me, the more I stared at the floor, unable to meet her gaze.

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," Mrs. Weasley said from Bill's bedside. Oh, they would not help me get out of the tense situation.

"I am not being ridiculous." I argued. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole."

"But she wants you."

That was true. But the more I loved her, the more I wanted her to be with someone much better. Yet I was relenting a little already.

When Hagrid walked in, finally it ceased, but when I was alone, Tonks had found her way to me again. It seemed unlikely that we would end the whole affair. It had been some time, and every day, it went on, whether we were together or not.

I turned to look at her slowly, and was alarmed when I saw tears brimming in her eyes. A part of me ached. Remus Lupin, who appeared to have not cried in front of anyone yet, was crying inside. I got up from my seat, moving towards her. Subconsciously, I lifted her chin.

I am not embarrassed to say that was my first kiss. I never allowed myself anything of this sort, because I was afraid of hurting the others. This is what I claim to have restricted me from so many things. But now I wasn't. I could feel Tonks' fingers brush my cheeks.

For the first time, someone asked me...

"Do you love me?"

Finally I could meet her eyes.

"Yes."

And on the day of Dumbledore's funeral, I finally leaned over and held her hand tightly in mine. She smiled. We didn't need to hide behind curtains anymore.