Author's note: This is my first Gilmore Girls-fic (Sorry all my HP-mates!) and of course it is Jess/Rory. This is Jess's way of processing Rory's actions in 6x18 "The Real Paul Anka". Please review.
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Dear Rory,
I love you. After these years, all the changes I've gone through, all of the rejections and tears and goodbyes. I still am as much in love with you as I was that first time I saw you - the bookish, beautiful, complicated person that you were then and still are to this day. How else could you explain what happened earlier tonight?
You kissed me. I probably kissed you first, but you kissed me back. Did you know that you still smell the same way you did three years ago? Coffee and flowers and heaven. You tasted like coffee too, which isn't very surprising, is it?
I can't believe that I never will taste you again, that we never will read together again, never listen to music together again. You will never ever again look at me like you did tonight. I don't think you know how much that kills me, and what lengths I would go through to change that.
You have a boyfriend. A rich, smooth-talking, disturbingly handsome boyfriend who probably loves you, underneath all the shit he puts you through. I know this because I know you, Rory, and I know that you never would be with someone who treats you like crap. I bet you learned that lesson after our relationship, right? I wasn't a perfect boyfriend, I know that now, but at the time I did what I thought was fair to you, if that makes any difference. And by leaving, I thought I was doing you a huge favour. Turns out I probably was, but that doesn't really make me entirely happy. I hope it makes you happy, though.
I'm rambling now. I guess what I'm trying to say by writing you this is one thing – thank you, Rory. Thank you for giving me the best year of my life, thank you for trying to straighten me out (looks like you were successful in the end), and, above all, thank you for giving me a small peek into heaven – because that's what being with you was like. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you this years ago, because you deserve to hear it every day.
And now I've realized that I sound like a complete idiot. If I ever have the guts to mail you this, please don't laugh. Or, on second thought, please do, because you seem like you could need a laugh right now. Glad to be of service.
I love you.
Jess