Note: Alfred writes on long, rectangular, lined sticky notes and has very small handwriting. Bruce writes on yellow square sticky notes, and his handwriting is very messy.
Part 1: Artemis Crock Arrives
—-
Alfred –
We are out of the coffee brand Dick likes and short on eggs and peanut butter. Do you think you could get some more at the grocery store?
Working on an intensive background check. Need protein.
- B
—-
Master Bruce,
Considering Master Richard's age, I do not thing it is wise to encourage his recently developed addiction to caffeine. It might stunt his already lacking growth, and in addition to his nightly vigilante activities, it disrupts his sleep. A thirteen-year-old should not have such dark circles under his eyes.
Jif brand peanut butter and eggs are not the most efficient source of protein, considering the saturated fats inorganic peanut butter and egg yolks contain. Might I suggest smoked salmon with low-fat cream cheese on a whole-wheat bagel instead? I would be more than happy to prepare if for you. There's no need for you to make breakfast yourself.
Sincerely,
Alfred
P.S. Your background check on Miss Artemis Crock? I see. Of course, I have no say in the matter, but personally I find it slightly inappropriate for a full-grown man to pry into a younger lady's affairs.
—-
Alfred –
How did you know about Crock? Oh. I left the file open in the kitchen, didn't I? Usually, I would agree with you, but it's a matter of importance. We're considering her as a candidate for the Team.
Caffeine does not affect growth. Dick can drink what he pleases.
- B
—-
Master Bruce,
I'm sure she's an upstanding girl if you're considering her so seriously. She has good grades and no record of personal misconduct. Although her expression in her picture was slightly intimidating, I have a feeling she is a gem that simply needs a bit of polishing.
Caffeine causes loss of sleep, and lack of sleep can impair a young man's growth. I will not be buying that blend of coffee any time soon, so if Master Richard wants coffee, he will have to get it somewhere else. Also, tell Master Richard if he needs something of me, he should ask me about it himself.
Sincerely,
Alfred
P.S. Also mention to Master Richard that I've forgiven him for the chandelier he demolished. As long as he does not plan on swinging like a monkey off of our light fixtures in the near future, we are on good terms.
—-