Title: Keep Moving Forward
Author: slacker_d
Pairing/Characters: Sarah, Cosima
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word Count: 490
I can't do this without you, Cosima.
The first time she'd said it, it had been easier; easier to say, her voice only breaking a little. And Cosima's reassurances were so much easier to believe. Sarah wonders now if it's because they were on the phone, or maybe because Cosima still believed as well. There was still time and promising possibilities.
Obviously. I'm the geek monkey.
It was still easy enough to keep their sense of humor.
Now though, the oxygen tank and cannula tube make it real, so very, very real.
Even though seeing it on the computer screen had been bad, had been enough to push Sarah towards extracting Kira's bone marrow (the tooth had been one thing, but bone marrow was so much more invasive), they'd still been some room for hope.
But now, after seeing Rachel drop the bone marrow to the floor and ground their last hope into the tile (Sarah loves the fact that it was technically Cosima who took down Rachel. The bitch who took away their options, deserves what she got.) and witnessing Cosima struggle—and fail to make it up the few steps to Felix's bed, Sarah isn't sure she can pretend any longer.
I can't do this without you, Cosima.
This time, she barely gets the words out. How can she when her sister is trying to reassure her about dying? Sarah knows she'll be fine, she'll survive. She has to for Kira, for Fe, for Helena and Alison and any other clones that might be out there. But the hole that will be left behind—denial is getting more and more difficult—Sarah is terrified of a world without Cosima.
Forward through the looking glass with Marian bloody Bowles.
What could go wrong?
Sarah might be a survivor, but Cosima is the strong one. Cosima is the one who pushes forward. Sarah knows she's strong, but the inner strength it must have taken to be looking for your own cure, the stark reality always hovering in the air, is something that Sarah's not sure she's possesses.
They eventually drift off, both fighting it, the silence between them comforting, fingers still intertwined, each contemplating things they'd rather not. Sarah wonders how she can be given the gift of sisters, of Cosima, only to have her... It's one of her last thoughts before falling asleep and it makes for a restless slumber.
She leaves for Marian Bowles' house the next morning, knowing she has no choice. She has to keep moving forward and seeking answers. But it's difficult to leave. Cosima is still sleeping and Sarah spends an endless moment watching her, memorizing her, knowing that she might be coming back to a—she can't even think the words—is a real possibility.
After one more lingering look, Sarah prays to anyone who might be listening to protect Cosima and then quietly slips out of the loft.
Keep moving forward.