If You Die Then I'm Alone
Rating T
Paring: Gregory House and James Wilson (establish, slash)
Disclaimer House and his love Wilson are not mine.
Timeline and Summary; What if House is the one with cancer at the end of the series. AU. 7.15 Bombshells. After Cuddy's break up with House House and Wilson got together, this is set after a year. (Wilson First person point of view) NOT A DEATH FIC, A Happy Ending FIC, Promise. Sick!House I am not a doctor, so, please.
A Christmas Nightmare
GH/JW
It was Christmas Eve morning, I woke up at 8 am to sounds of Greg vomiting in our bathroom, It had been over a week since, he had gotten over the flu, here he was sick again. A small nut of worry shot through me. "Greg, You okay, buddy?" I called. When I got into the bathroom I knelt down next to him, felt his head it's burning up. "May I check your temp?" He rolled his eyes and nodded anyway. It's 103.8. "Greg, You want Tylenol?" He nodded and I gave him a pill. After House relapse a year ago after the break up with Cuddy, I help him detox, and fell into a relationship, the best I ever had, better than the five months with Amber. I know that Amber isn't it for me deep down me. Now he is sick on our first Christmas together, as a couple, dammit. I help him to our bedroom, "Greg, what do you want to eat?" He shook his head, I sighed. I went out the bedroom door and turn on the Christmas tree. It's good we didn't have plans.
At 11 am I went back to the bedroom, He was asleep. He must not be feeling well for him not to be able to wake, Greg should be awake this time of the day. I check his temp again. It's down, now it is 103.5. it was still high, very high in fact. 'Greg, I am worried, please be okay.' I told my man. Cuddy called the home phone at around one, asking us if we want to come to do clinic. I rolled my eyes, told her that Its Christmas but most importantly Greg is sick.
After an hour, I check on him he was setting up and checking his mail. "I take your awake?" I asked. The bedsheets are wet with sweat, "Greg, can you stand, I need to change the sheets." He went to the living room and have some clam chowder. "Jamie, Cuddy texted me, today about clinic." That woman is amazing in a bad way.
At 3 PM, he started to feel bad again. I help him to our bedroom. He looks gray, pale, and sick, I check him again its 104. "I need to ran you an ice bath." Since it's below freezing, I don't need ice. So I did it but as soon as his feet hit the bath, he started having a flashback. And started with the apologies to his dad. I obviously know about the shitty childhood he had. But as a doctor, I know how his fever when untreated is very dangerous. After 30 minutes or so his temp is back to 101.5, I help him out of the tub.
After we went to the bathroom we settled on the bedroom watching on his computer I bought a Christmas movie from iTunes until we got to sleep at around 10 pm. Greg kept a pretty high temperature hovering at 102 to 104. I am worried about him this isn't normal even for him. I kept thinking the worst. It can't be happening to us we are just becoming happy.
On Christmas Day he woke up at in a cold sweat. Oh shit. This isn't good. "Greg," I gave an ultimatum for the fever. "If your temperature today don't go down, I am taking you to the hospital tomorrow, okay?" He rolled his eyes even with the fever the man I love is here. At 10:00 I help him out of the bed. Out of the blue, he apologizes to me "I am sorry, Jamie, for being sick on Christmas." I smiled at him with a genuine smile on my face. Then we did presents, I gave him season tickets to the Flyers games, an iPad and pair of an Air Max 90's. Then he gave me a Rolex watch with the engraved message from your GH. We ate dinner, well, I ate and he sat there with me, telling me that this is the best Christmas ever.
At 6:00, His temperature is still hovering at or near 103, I notice blood coming out of his nose. Oh god, House has, I can't even say the word even to myself. Cancer. God, Please let him be okay. I need to tell him. How do you tell the most important person in your life that he might have cancer? "Greg, I am sorry we need to go to the hospital." He didn't respond but he went to our bedroom. He already suspected about that, there is something wrong.
I help him into a bundle and I bundle myself as well. I need to calm down, for him. We arrive at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital 10 minutes later. Thirteen was working the ER when we arrive. She asked me questions about his symptoms, The only thing I told her what is going on with him. "Wilson?" She asked me. "Are you sure, it's Leukemia?" I nodded and sighed. "He had been sick since two weeks ago," I told her. "Fever, Night sweats, nosebleeds," I said. "Okay." She replied, "We need to do the lab test."
I took my love in his hospital room. "I am sorry, buddy, I know you are sick but I need to get your blood to the lab." He didn't respond but as soon as I got near the door, he spoke, "Wilson?" Can you be my doctor? How can I answer this impossible request, he is my partner. He's looking at me with those big blue albeit glassy eyes, "I trust you, James, PLEASE." He said. Greg doesn't say please not in a serious way. "Okay, but I need to speak with the witch first." I joked. And he looks happily at me.
Luckily, for me, there aren't any people in the lab on Christmas Day, so I did his blood work myself. Thirteen followed me. I had to rush the lab test. As I saw his blood on the microscope, I almost cried. I froze. I stump my feet angrily. Then I ran a CBC panel. He definitely had Leukemia. The only consolation I got is the fact that his leukemia isn't as bad. We caught it early. I need to confirm my diagnosis with a bone marrow biopsy.
I need to call Cuddy about House's request and I did. She answered at the first ring. "Lisa, Greg. has. Cancer. its. LEUKEMIA." I need to ask you a question and please answer me. "House requested me to be his doctor." I heard a sigh from Cuddy, then she said. "It's unethical to treat your partner but because you're the best oncologist in this hospital, I allow it but please consult with Browne." "Lisa, I can't thank you more, he will be happy."
After the call from Cuddy, I went to my man's hospital room, I sat on the visitor's chair. Greg looks pale in the hospital room, he was asleep. "When I did the LDLT," I began. "You told me that if I die then you're alone. Greg, If you died then, I am alone too, please FIGHT for us. I love you, you know." Then I kiss him on the cheek. He lost weight, I observed. He woke at around 2 am. "How are you feeling, Big guy?" I asked. "Like shit." He told me with a wince. "Okay, Greg, you have cancer, It's not too bad." We need to do a biopsy of the bone marrow." I told him stroking his cheek. "How about my request?" He asked me. "Yes." Lisa said Yes." I hug him. I need to consult with Browne on this. I climb in next to the bed. I snuggle into him. I hope I have many more years with my man.
The First Week
GH/JW
The next morning I woke at around 9:30, I will be filling for family leave to take care of him. I walk to Cuddy's office. She was there waiting for me. "James, how is he doing?" She asked looking at me. "He is hanging in there." He will start the first round today." I handed her Greg's file. "It's not bad," she told me. "I need to file for family leave this next six weeks. "She just nodded. "James, take care of him, all right." I left her office.
I went and see Dr. Richard Browne. I want to 'consult' with him about Greg's file. I knock on the door. He answered. "Wilson, everything, all right? you look like shit." I need an oncologist to consult with this file." I toast him Greg's file." It read House, Amadeus Gregory. He looked nervous for good measure He is the best doctor in the hospital and his boss's partner. "So he needs Chemotherapy." He toasts me back his file. I need to file at HR, so I went to HR, it is effective immediately. Then I order in his medications. I called our cleaning person, he needs to clean the place for our return. I set up a biopsy room for his bone marrow biopsy, Chase will be handling, I can't stick a big needle through his pelvis.
With everything in order, I went to his room. My love is asleep facing the door. Thirteen was there. The get well message written on the balloon and a card written by everyone in his department is huge for him. See, Greg believe that he isn't worth anyone's sympathy. Thanks to John House my man confuses pity and sympathy every time.
I was seated in the chair in the on the visitor's chair, stroking his hand for hours, when he woke up at noon. "Good, you are awake, buddy," I said kissing his forehead. He rolled his eyes and said. "Quit being a sap, James." Then his face turns dead serious, "I think we should marry in case…. " I knew what he was trying to say, 'In case I die.' I held the love of my life in my arms, "You're not going to die, you saw your file." 80 percent you live. I know what will be his protest but he never told me. Because he was crying, like a little boy. 'if god, you're listening to help my man deal with this cancer.' I prayed to a god that may not exist.
Then Chase was there I gave him a sedative. I have a syringe of Ativan in the apartment all the time Because of the panic attacks he experiences. My man had PTSD from his childhood. And I pick a syringe here. So I extricated him from me. Chase did the bone marrow biopsy. I examine his marrow, its AML, "Okay, we can do this." I told him.
House was wheeled into his hospital room he lost a lot of weight. I didn't want him to survived cancer and lost the ability to walk because he lost too much weight that his muscles atrophied. I will be talking to him about placing a feeding tube. He had one right around the infarction, he lost weight at that time because of the pain. As soon as he woke up from a fitful sleep. He woke at around 3:30 in the afternoon. "Greg," I said. "We need to talk?" He stared at me like I killed his puppy. "Okay, Greg, after this. "I want to put a feeding tube on you because you need the calories. He just nodded at me, He is very scared of what will happen to him. Chase did the gastric tube placement. We didn't start the Chemotherapy today, but it is all right. I slept in the hospital bed with him. As I was falling as sleep I told him "I love you, buddy. Please don't die, because If you die then I'm alone."
The next morning, I woke up at around 7:30 to Greg wide awake. "Do you want to eat?" I asked. He gave me a dirty look. We walk through the chemo lounge on the third floor He didn't say a single word when a nurse put the needle in his hand. I gave him his feed, ensure a multivitamin supplement on his G-tube. "Wilson, When am I going home, or can you bring my iPad. I want to set it up." The patients in the chemo ward looked at us. Some of them are my patients."Guys, He is a doctor, Doctor Gregory House, he is also my partner." The patients accepted this fact." and live us alone. Then I answer his question. "When your white cell is down. I will ask Chase to get your IPAD."
Thirty minutes into his treatment, Greg broke out into a cold sweat, he vomits twice during the hour. When we went to his back to his room my man was exhausted. He slept for 5 hours straight. In this time I went home and get his iPad, I set it up as well. I allowed time for myself to cry. Then I went to the hospital back to his room. House was awake. We played on his iPad that afternoon. He snuggles into me until I gave him his feed. And then he slept for seven hours because of the morphine.
In the morning I help him to his baseball shirt, and jeans, he lost so much weight that he can fit into his high school lacrosse jersey. I took his blood. House was so weak, I am very worried he can't take this two weeks of Chemo. But he just hangs in there throughout his treatment, he was throwing up 5 minutes into his treatment I hold his left hand and to my right interlace like we were just watching Television at home. After his treatment that day I let him rest in his bed.
He was doing alright for next the 5 days of chemo, Cuddy, Chase, and Thirteen stayed with him in the rotation. House's hair didn't fall in that week which happened in 10 percent of patients. We will be coming home tomorrow.
Middle of the Night Emergency
GH/JW
It was 10 degrees the morning we left, So I helped my man to a thick wool coat an wool sweater a thick cotton shirt and thinner long sleeves t-shirt and rolling stones shirt so that the infection will not invade his body because it's cold outside. House, even if I encourage him to eat solid he can't. He drinks though, coffee, milk or chocolate milk and orange juice, he is too nauseous to eat. I gave him his Ensure through his G-Tube. I helped him to the wheelchair.
I brought my stethoscope home to monitor his lungs, I got Ativan, antibiotics and anti-emetic, IV Fluids. And an oxygen tank I also borrow a heart monitor. I clean his former room off, I made it into a 'clean room' for him. I can handle him at home. "Greg, would you please put your face mask on," I ordered. We were at the clinic getting the medications.
On the ride home, he fell asleep. "How am I going to pick you up. We are home, buddy. " He rose long enough to glance over me. I need to go up to the 10th floor and get the wheelchair. I can't leave him here. I told myself with a sigh. Lucky, our neighbor Nora Kulinski from the same floor came to our side. "Can I asked you a favor, Nora?" She nodded. "Can you get his wheelchair from the guest bedroom?" She knows about cancer I have to admit it to her when she saw me cry a week ago. Luckily she came through, and We help him to the chair.
I should have closed the door because Greg was feverish. What the hell am I thinking, he's immune-compromise, I should bring him back to the hospital but when I saw his face, a contented expression on his face even if he's sleeping. I decided to play it by ear.
I put him straight to his former bed, I carry him from the wheelchair. He lost so much weight that I can lift him, of course, I can't lift him 'easily' but the fact remains I can lift him. I am literally scared. I observe his face before he woke up at around one. I set him up. I hook up the IV line. Put the heart monitor. I gave him his antibiotics. And I lie there next to him. 'Before I fall into a fitful slumber, I knew sooner or later I need to bring him back to the hospital. When he woke, he was confused. I check the monitor for his temperature and it's the highest I ever saw it. It's hovering around 105. 'Goddam!' I put the heat down. He was shivering on the bed, mumbling apologies, to his father. "Greg, You have a fever. It's me, Jamie Wilson, your man, I love you." I kept repeating it to him. "Your not in Mane," I said. You're in your room in New Jersey." I gave him a shot of Ativan. And lay with him stroking his hair until I fall asleep.
That night I woke up at around 7:30 his fever is down. It was 102. He ask me a question, I couldn't help to get mad at him. "How long Will it take for me to die, if I stop all treatment? What the heck? Am I hearing what I am? Apparently, it shows on my face. Greg sighed loudly and said, " Relax I am not suicidal, not after I got you, No Way! I am not leaving you. I will fight this cancer." Then what are you talking about? I thought but I said; "I am not going to let you die." He nodded at me. "I know about the pain, my man's childhood suck, Stacy betrayed his trust, Cuddy dumping him, and this cancer. No person should have a life the way he lived, but as Mick Jagger said, You can't always get what you want but if you try sometimes you get what you need.
At 11 pm, I saw Greg's face went pale, and sweating, I need to get an ambulance here. But he shook his head, "We. need. to. wait. this. for. a. few. hours. We. know. what. this. is." He told me, with clench teeth. "You have Pneumonia, Greg," I told him. "What's wrong, buddy?" I asked when I saw his face go paler. I was cradling his head in my arms, hugging him tightly. He was in and out of consciousness. I am his medical proxy and his doctor so I called an ambulance, I told the ambulance to bring him to PPTH.
At the hospital, Dr. Robert Chase was waiting for us. "He had Pneumonia, I had been giving him antibiotics at Home." Chase tug at my sleeve to get my attention. "You shouldn't have taken him home." He is right, but my love is depressed at the hospital. Greg was brought to the intensive care unit, and his blood was tested. He was positive for bacterial Pneumonia plus his white cell count is high. I waited in his room for him to wake up. Greg looks as though death ran him over. "I love you so much, buddy." I had wished for a week that this is just a bad dream.
When I woke up the next morning my love was asleep. But he didn't want me to worry so he wrote a few words for me. "I love you, too. Quit being a sap, Jamie. Love, Greg." As soon as he woke up close to noon, he ordered me to get a shower. "James, You look like shit, go and take a shower." I smiled at him. I brought scrubs for me. He was wearing his rolling stones shirt and sweatpants. We were watching his soaps when Cuddy arrived. "How are you feeling, Greg?" She asked. He is watching tv, what do you want, Lisa? I asked. "Nothing," Lisa said. "I just wanna see how my employee is doing." I rolled my eyes. "He will be starting his second round of chemo tomorrow." She left us alone.
The Past Will Hunt You
GH/JW
The next day he started his next round, the last round, we hope. I sat with him interlacing our fingers as usual. When he complained of heart palpitations. "I think I am having an arrhythmia." He told me. I called a nurse, "Get a crash cart in here, stat."In no time I was with him on the floor, I was on the floor doing paddles on his chest two times when he came back. Normal sinus rhythm, I breathe a sigh of relief "Greg, you're with us, buddy?" When he blinked, my relieved is evident in my face. I kissed him. Crap, I realized he has heart problems even before this cancer thing. The chemo is just the icing on the cake. He didn't even lose his hair I would gladly have his hair fall but not his heart. After this one, there will be four days to go.
After his treatment that day, Chase and Thirteen were seated with him in his room consulting with the case in his absence. Chase was chosen to be his substitute`, not Foreman. I think House liked Chase more. "Its not Lymphoma, right, James? He asked. No, LDH is normal. I replied. "What I asked 45-year-old male Fever, constant fever for over three months," Chase said when House asked the symptoms. Greg sighed. Is he Jewish? House asked. "Because if he is I figured it out." Chase looked Thirteen before saying in unison. "It's Taub." Greg's face looks shocked. "Test him for Mediterranean Fever." He ordered.
After the minions left, Greg had this faraway look, He looked sad, About Taub, I guessed so. "What's up?" I asked. "I didn't catch it sooner." He said in a sad pathetic voice. I edge closer to him, hugging my love tight to me, he maybe seven years older than me but he always seems much younger. He may not like Taub or Foreman but like most doctors or people in that matter, he hurt for people especially people he knew, When Foreman got sick, he lost all objectivity, When Cuddy got sick he used drugs to cope with losing her. "I know you are observant, the most observant and genius person I know but you didn't see this coming especially if they didn't want you to know. Greg sighed. "Jamie?" He called I was moving from the bed to get his feed. "Thank you!" It gave me a big smile.
"I wanna go to Japan." He told me the next day while having his chemo. "What?, you wanna endure a 17-hour flight to go to—-" He cut me off "Japan is where I became a doctor, then after I go I am going to quit my job and become a theoretical physics professor." He said smiling. "Greg, wow man, I am impressed, you didn't accept change too well, are you serious?" I asked. "Yes, I am bored, Jamie, patients they lie, illness don't cut this for me, Plus. Don't you want to move someplace else you told me." I was shocked I know he didn't like change. True, I want to move, to change the scenery for a long time, since after Amber died, but he is in New Jersey I was miserable than a month after I had resigned my job. "You need a Ph.D.," I told him. He was smiling at me. "When we met, I was a second-year resident in 1991, I was 32 years old. I got my medical degree when I was 30, five years late, right. I finish college at 20. I got my masters at 22, I have my Ph.D. at 23, You never knew because I didn't say something about it." He told me as nonchalantly as possible. "Okay, We'll go to Japan."
The next day while I was giving him his morning feed he said: "Can I keep the G-tube on?" What the heck is he talking about, I thought to myself. "Greg, Why?" I said and was surprised when my love gave me a straight answer. "Before I had Cancer, I don't like eating without you, because I could n't keep food down. I ate junk food every time because I couldn't eat. this is a way for me to put some vitamins on and I can stick to eating junk." Since the initial Vicodin withdrawal House had been eating less and less. He is just eating to stay alive. It made sense, perfect sense as his doctor and partner to keep the feeding tube on. "Okay!" I told him, hugging him tightly.
He was getting his treatment that day When a phone call from his mother startled us both. "Greg, are you picking me up, I am going to be there in two hours, honey. I am at the airport." He looked shocked at me. "What on earth am I going to tell her?" Blythe doesn't know about us, and secondly cancer, my parents knew and are supportive, his mother I think will be super supportive as well. "What do you want to tell her?" I asked. "Nothing, You just meet her and tell her that I am not feeling well." He said pouting slightly. "No, you can't tell that," I said. "Plus, you told me that your mother is the human lie detector." I continued, smiling a sad smile. "Okay, tell her everything." He said defeated. "Greg, everything is going to be fine," I said hugging him tightly. "I will be back in an hour, Okay." While we walked to his room.
I picked his mother up from the airport, how will I tell Blythe that his son is bisexual, sleeping with me and has cancer. When the woman saw me, she looked disappointed as if asking me 'where is my son?' This is what I am telling him earlier, 'Damm you, Greg, your an idiot for sending me.' We drove in the car in an awkward silence. Then she spoke, "James, I was calling Greg earlier in the week, he isn't picking up his cell and his home phone was disconnected, and I am worried." She said in a flat voice. I took a deep breath and spoke in an even tone, my doctor tone. "Greg isn't doing well this day, he has, Cancer, Leukaemia." It took a while for his mother to register the information but when she spoke there is a knowing looked on her face. "You're taking care of him, right. I mean, James, you're with him, you're together." I was surprised when she added. "Oh come on, I am very happy for you both, I just want to make it clear, that I am not supportive of your relationship with Greg, But you make my son happy, So I am fine with it.
When we got to the hospital, I brought her to his room, Greg was talking to her when I left. She knew or even participated in his abuse he suffered then she never stopped John House. I heard him screaming at her then the heart monitor went off. "Greg, Stay with me," I said while I press the paddles in his chest. Then he came back. Like usual, I breathe a sigh of relief. Then I went out with her. "You could have killed him," I told her. She left. I went back to his hospital room, he is having a flashback in this flashback he was apologizing to his father, It broke my heart. First I gave him Ativan, the second I hug him told him "It's me, Jamie, Your safe, I love you." The next afternoon Cuddy mentioned apparently Blythe came to her. But Cuddy told her to get out and if she went back to the hospital then she will be arrested.
The next afternoon after his treatment, he opened up to me about the abuse. "How am I suppose to love her if they abuse me, but I really love her." He said. He was crying, the first time I saw him about everything. I know you loved her he is your mother. "Remember two weeks ago, when I told you I want to marry you?" I nodded. "That is because If I die there will be a diabolical plan my egg donor will have on you. So that in this state, you will be my next of kin." Greg was crying into my arms this time. "Umm…can I asked you for details?" I asked hugging him tightly. Greg sighed loudly, then after a few minutes, he told me. "She used to participate with the abuse, they put me in ice baths made me sleep outside, I know I wasn't the easiest kid ever, but I didn't deserve all of those crap I got from them." His therapy is working, I thought. "No, you don't!" I said kissing him on the forehead. He resumes talking, "She was brainwash, Stockholm syndrome. But you know the saddest part ever is that they punish me for the simples amount of wrongdoing if I did something like to wet my bed they would let me sleep outside, that sort of things. Now I realize that that was abuse." You're doing well. I thought but never spoke. "Your safe now, big guy, I love you so much, Greg! Shh, shhh. You need to cry, cry it out!
The final two days of his treatment went so well. I check his blood, that last day, there wasn't any cancer cells left in his system. I ran to his room with a big grin on my face. Cuddy, Chase, Foreman, Taub, Thirteen and the nurses usually assign to his patients care were all there in the room with him, they had planned a party for him. I clink a glass for them to get everybody's attention. "Attention, everybody, Greg, I need to speak with you in private!" I told him rolling my eyes. "You can tell them, They were my family." Okay, Its true this is family, I am his family. "Okay then, Greg, the final blood work shows no AML cells, you still need consolidation treatment for one more week and we need to check you every six months, but its over. "Thank you, Jamie, now I can do this." He took an Alive pill with some red wine, wait 10 minutes and asked me a question. "Jamie, I love you so much and, I want to live with you forever. Will you marry me?" There is no question. "Greg, I love you so much, the answer is YES."
Epilogue:
After his consolidation therapy, House resigns from his job as a doctor. We will be moving to San Fransisco. I decided to not be an oncologist anymore, he will be my final patient, as an oncologist. I choose psychiatry to help with young kids like him. I did my residency at PPTH. He got this job at Stanford University. He taught me how to play guitar and piano, we play duets sometimes. We bought a nice condo with two bedrooms two baths. Its a nice Condo in a nice neighborhood. Greg was still using the feeding tube. He can really eat now though. He is challenged by his new job, as per me I love my job so much. We got married as soon as California's Proposition 8 in 2013 was over. I am happy and contented now that I have him.
~The End~