Holy crap that was so hard to write. I am so sorry. But I just really wanted to write a crack!troll and it was kind of refreshing. I just hope it doesn't affect my actual writing style now. Honestly though, this is gonna be kinda noncannocal, like my last VaatixLink fic, but that's how it's going to go. I'm not too worried. I also have seemed to mix up all of the games again (most of them being FSA and Minish Cap). Yay. It's mostly set in Twilight Princess Hyrule though, so just pretend I plopped Vaati into TP.

The fall of the kingdom meant certain demise. Zelda knew this, and so did I. So what did do when Ganondorf sieged the castle? I ran. I ran because Zelda told me to. She also knew that I was the only one who could save us all.

I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay and fight for her. It was only natural, of course. Zelda was my love, but more importantly, my princess. She only just knew it; we had been speaking about our feelings before the castle had been taken.

But, because she was my ruler, I couldn't defy her. And so I fled, barely having time to strap my sword to my back and grab my shield. I had a duty to do.

The last thing I heard her say to me was, "Find the mage. He'll know what to do."

The only problem was that I didn't know who the mage was. I didn't have the faintest idea where to even start. So I picked a direction and went with it, hoping fate would guide me to Hyrule's salvation.

I went north, to the Zoras. Ralis, their prince, had barely anything for me; only to search in the forest to the deep south. I knew what lay for me there, and although I really did not want to go, it was the only lead I had.

Ralis had told me that a mage going by the name of Vaati resided there. The name struck a familiar chord in my head and I recalled a time when one split into four and battled Gufu. He was a mage that had imprisoned that time's Zelda in stone.

I just really hoped that it wasn't the same mage; else Zelda and I were in some trouble.

It took three days to ride to the edge of the forest, stopping for a night in Ordon, and another two to get thoroughly lost in it, leaving Epona near the edge. I was near my wit's end—not to mention my food supply—when I stumbled into a small clearing.

Knowing that enemies prowled the forest at night, I kept my lantern hooded so that I could only see what was in front of me. Which would explain why I nearly pissed myself when something fell on me.

In the flash of light my lantern put off before going out, all I saw was a split second of lavender cross my vision. A mass fell on me as I went down and I struggled to my feet as quick as I could, shoving the thing off of me.

I drew my sword quickly, though cautious, and light filled the clearing. I glanced around, confused. I didn't do that.

Grumbling on the ground was a mound of all shades of purple. It seemed to be humanoid, and upon seeing it, more flashes of my previous self—rather selves—crossed my mind.

I jerked back a couple steps and tripped over my feet, tumbling back to the ground. My sword flew from my hand and was flung from my reach. Fumbling fingers groped around for my sword; I kept my eyes on the form in front of me.

Gufu.

The man groaned and sat up, throwing his long lavender hair from his sight. "What the hell do you think you're doing, wandering around with a hooded lantern?" Gufu turned and glared at me. "You could have hurt me."

I stared at him, aghast, my mouth slack open. "Hurt you…? You're Gufu." I scrambled toward my sword and stood, picking it up and holding it at the ready. "You're the one she told me to find?" I shook my head, not wanting to believe it.

Gufu stood lithely and twisted, causing his spine to crack loudly. I winced as he said, "Haven't been called that in centuries." He made an unappealing face at me. "I find I don't like it quite as much as I did then. Who sent you?"

I gripped my sword harder and snapped, "None of your business, Gufu. If she thinks you can help me, help us, she's sorely mistaken."

Gufu waved a hand in the air and said nonchalantly, "Oh you mean this kingdom of yours in shambles? Yeah, fat chance." The man looked me up and down, then cocked his head to the side. "Don't call me Gufu. Unless you want me to call you," and this he said sarcastically, "Oh Chosen Hero."

He stepped to me and held out his hand. "The name's Vaati. Wind mage." His grin was crooked and friendly, but I was feeling less than.

I swatted his hand away with the tip of my sword. "Don't come near me," I hissed, "You turned Princess Zelda into stone."

Vaati looked a little shocked before his expression fell and he laughed. "Come now, Green. That was before your time!"

Once again, a flash crossed my mind of different times. "I'm not Green anymore. I'm just Link."

If I hadn't been paying attention, I wouldn't have noticed Vaati's eyes glance me up and down. "No, I suppose you aren't." He seemed to sigh slightly. "I'll help you."

Vaati stepped toward me, and I hesitantly stepped back, though I lowered my sword, resting the tip on the grass. "You said not two moments before that you wouldn't. Why should I believe you now?"

The mage shook his head, smirking. A fang shined from the magic light Vaati held. "No, I particularly remember telling you 'fat chance'. That is not a 'no', Gr—Link." Vaati's face flushed a bit and he pushed his fringe away from his eyes. "But do you really want to do this?"

I shook my head in confusion. "Of course I do. Why would I not?"

Vaati's smirk grew wider and he disappeared, saying with the wind, "Because your princess is not all she seems."