Chapter 1
Regret

"Gojyo."

The redhead looked up to the rearview mirror where he met Hakkai's green gaze, "Yeah?"

"You ok?"

"I'm fine."

Hakkai's brows knit together in his worried mother expression, "We've been sitting in the car for five minutes and you haven't moved…"

The hanyou only just noticed that they were indeed parked outside their inn for the night and also took note of the missing monk and monkey. Hakkai stepped from the jeep which chirped lazily as Gojyo ran a hand down his face. "Gojyo, are you sure you're alright? We all feel a little down today."

"I miss her man, that's all."

He swung his leg over the back and so badly wanted to reach back and hold out a hand for her, like he always did. Although she didn't need help getting from the car she accepted his hand every time. She would bounce on her toes and punch his arm as he smirked at her, then would usually join Hakkai on their stroll into the inn. But watching Hakkai's single figure was a boring sight. One he should be used to, after all, she'd been dead for a year now.

"What the hell took you so long Kappa?" Sanzo glared at him as he entered the lobby a few seconds behind Hakkai.

"I'm not in the mood monk."

"Tch. Whatever." The blonde sparked up yet another cigarette. There was no woman to take them from him and raise her brow, poised expertly above her hazel eyes. The monk never retaliated either, in fact, his violet gaze would soften just a touch. It was a look Gojyo never missed, because he knew that underneath all those vows of celibacy and that scowl on his face, the monk might have loved her.

"…jyo…Gojyo!"

"Huh? What monkey?"

"Are you thinking about Nai?"

And then there was the kid. Completely oblivious to the pain even her name caused. He ruffled the boy's hair, "I was."

The boy nodded solemnly, "Sanzo says that if we think about her too much we'll giver her a headache."

Gojyo enjoyed an inner chuckle at that one, it was more like thinking about her too much gave the blonde a headache. Serves him right; how can you be friends with a woman like that for as long as the blonde had and not feel anything? But then again…Gojyo hadn't exactly said anything to her either, just teased her here and there. He was almost sure that if she was still alive and he tried to really talk to her, she would think he was joking.

"We're getting our own rooms tonight." Hakkai's voice once again brought the hanyou out of his thoughts. The healer handed the man a key and smiled reassuringly. "Try not to stay up all night Gojyo, get some rest."

Sanzo lagged behind as Hakkai followed Goku up the stairs, he narrowed his gaze on his companion and approached him, "What the hell is your problem?"

"Like you don't know what today is."

"I'm well aware Kappa but it doesn't mean I want to see your soggy face all damn day."

"Then don't look at me."

"Do you really think not looking at your ugly mug will help!" the blonde hissed and stepped even closer, "Knowing that you're thinking of her when you have no right makes me want to put a bullet in your skull!"

"No right! What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means exactly how it sounds. You're the reason she's dead anyway! She called on you!"

Gojyo took a step back, pain covering his features, "That's not fair…"

"You let her die Gojyo. It's your fault."

"Um, sirs? I'm sorry but you're disturbing the other guests." The young maid tentatively interrupted the conversation as it had risen in volume and brought on a small crowd in the lobby.

Without a word Sanzo brushed past the red-head and stomped up the stairs. Gojyo followed behind him with a deep set scowl, both his pride and feelings sorely hurt. Now it was apparent as to why he was so bothered, so much more so than the rest of the party… It was his fault that she died.

"You doing ok over there girly!"

The woman's rifle was loud as the shot discharged, she switched it's position as a demon came upon her and swung it like a bat, "I'll call you when I need you!" Was her way of saying 'leave me the fuck alone'. He chuckled and focused on his own fight.

"Do you think they'll ever get tired of attacking us?"

"Considering-" Hakkai stopped to hit a foe, "-how close we are to the end, I doubt it."

"Maybe you losers should be fighting instead of talking." Sanzo chimed in.

It was a tougher fight than usual, more demons than usual…although they had taken down an army before this seemed a bit more difficult. And now that Gojyo was actually paying attention, it seemed as though they were being cut off from each other. A bigger ring of demons forming around them individually. He looked over to where Nai had been, caught a glimpse of chocolate waves then blocked a sword coming at his head. "Girly!"

She didn't answer and three demons came down on him. He was the closest to her, none of the other party members even heard him call her name. But damn if these attackers of theirs weren't really good…

"Gojyo!"

Too good.

Her rifle skidded across the dirt, she didn't have any other weapon but her fists, "G-Gojyo!"

"I'm trying Nai! Just hold on for a minute!" He wrestled the demon who held his shakoujo and tried to tug it from him. Part them from their weapons and all but Hakkai and Goku were helpless, "Guys! Hey, Nai needs help!"

They didn't hear him.

Her scream was louder than her gunshots. It echoed and was a chilling sound, "We got the girl!"

The rest of the fight was a blur. In order to stay alive they had to keep fighting; meanwhile she bled out on the sand, alone.

Gojyo had gotten to her first, picking her up and shaking her, begging her to wake up. She'd pulled the sword from her lung herself, she even crawled a bit to get to them. But in the end she died alone to the sounds of the fight she'd lost.

The man payed across his bed and stated at the ceiling.

"That's all I get? A stupid replay of my final moments?"

"Girly?"

"Well duh."

The redhead sat up and a figure caught his gaze across the room. One hand casually in the pocket of her frayed short, white t-shirt free of bloodstains, and green eyes framed by chocolate waves, "You're not real."

"I am very much real Gojyo and you can't ignore me."

"You're not real. Not real." he covered his head with a pillow and footsteps neared the bed.

"You can't ignore me Gojyo! Gojyo!" her shout should have shaken the room, but she was not in fact real. Even still Gojyo felt the bed dip as she sat on the bed, "Fine. But don't think i'm going to let you sleep."