(A/N) Here it is at last, ZimsMostLoyalServant, that other fic you asked for! Thanks for your patience and the first chapter is finally ready to post!
I don't own Invader Zim, and even though I have been known to say, "Go to hell," it isn't a guarantee.
To Hell With Gaz
Dib and Gaz were sitting at the same kitchen table, but they weren't sitting together. On one side sat Dib, hunched over a library book on cultural beliefs about afterlife punishments. From time to time he frowned; though looking for consistencies, he was not finding many.
On the other side of the table sat Gaz, sullen and sour as ever, eyeing him suspiciously from beneath her jagged bangs, a defensive arm around her bowl of cereal. This habit persisted whenever Dib was in sight, even though sixteen years of giving him hell over every morsel of food or drop of liquid he dared to consume without her express permission was finally paying off.
She wasn't sure which she felt more of, triumph, caution or nostalgia. On one hand it felt great knowing her methods had worked so well. On the other, she so rarely needed to teach him anything these days, she wondered if he might be forgetting some of it. Cleverly tricking him, lying to him, and lying about him that night he dared to take a piece of her pizza had been so much fun, it almost made up for what he did. A grim grin pulled at her mouth as she remembered the best part, when -
"Wow, I never knew that before! Hey Gaz," Dib suddenly piped up. "Our word 'hell' comes from the word "Gehanna." Do you know what Gehenna was? It was nothing evil or horrifying, just Jerusalem's garbage dump! And the hell our culture believes in was apparently influenced by ancient Egyptian beliefs! I wonder what this means! Do you wonder too?"
"Bullshit!" Gaz snapped. She slammed her spoon into the bowl, causing a splash of milk. "It's all bullshit! You're born into a stupid world, you're bored with everything your whole life, you die painfully and that's all! Why do you even care; nothing matters anyway," she muttered, returning to her cereal.
Dib loved talking with people, and he was so used to Gaz blocking him out that he now took any reaction at all from her as an indication of interest. "But we know there's more to the universe than what we can see," he insisted. "For one thing, even astronomers now say the Creation theory is consistent with - " his voice faded as he noticed the expression Gaz was making now.
Eyes blazing, teeth clenched, Gaz was slowly lowering her spoon, so slowly that it made no sound when it reached the table. "Well I know THIS much," she gritted out. "Shut. Up. And quit bugging me with your religion nonsense. Or you will find out about the afterlife all right... firsthand. It's not like you'd be the first one I've sent there," she couldn't resist adding. "And if you survive," she added, relishing the memory, "I'm sure the Shadowhog's toilet could use another cleaning. Is. That. Clear?"
From long experience with her foul, vicious temper, Dib knew any conversation past this point wouldn't be a good idea. Not caring to push his luck, he retreated behind his book without another word. Maybe some day in the future he would be able to have an actual conversation with the one he called sister. Maybe.
Gaz now vowed to make up for the seconds lost forever to Dib's pointless prattle. The sooner she finished eating, the sooner she could return to her own religion, video games. She now began gulping her food, never a wise move. After literally inhaling the next two soggy spoonfuls together she was grabbing desperately at her throat with both hands as she wheezed for breath.
Dib immediately whipped out his hand phone to call 911, then leaped to Gaz and started performing the Heimlich maneuver. Just the same he braced himself to leap clear; the moment she could breathe again she would most likely pummel him senseless for touching her.
"Come on, Gaz, breathe! Breathe!" Dib begged, yanking his fist upward into her stomach again and again.
Gaz tried to snap at Dib to take his hands off her or she would tear him to pieces herself, but no words came out. She couldn't move; she couldn't even breathe. Darkness closed in from the edge of her vision, pressing all the light she could see into a small bright spot at the end of a long tunnel. She then realized she was flying through this tunnel and in the next moment found herself floating high above the kitchen.
At first she wondered where those two men had come from; the next things she noticed were the plus signs on their jackets and the array of medical equipment spread out around them. Paramedics? Why were there paramedics in the kitchen when she was only eating her -
It had been years since she had seen him cry, but Dib was now weeping with all the abandon of an injured toddler, fighting off all efforts of one paramedic to comfort him. "... my... fault... it's all my fault... I shoulda... shoulda done the Heimlich first and THEN called 'em... oh Gaz I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... "
The second paramedic was slowly zipping up a long black bag.
(A/N) Once again, every bit of Gaz's negativity and brutality is straight out of either canon or fanon.