Fear You Won't Fall Chapter 1, a bones fanfic

I heard the song, and musie wouldn't leave me alone. :)

Song is Joshua Radin – The Fear You Won't Fall

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me

Could a song be any more accurate? Temperance Brennan thought as she listened to the radio. Jack Hodgins lay passed out in her backseat. She had just operated on him without any medicine, and he had fainted. Now all she had to listen to was the radio and the beating of her own heart.

And then this song had come on.

It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way

The longer she listened, the more she thought it was written about her. Her and Booth.

And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

Hugging her knees to her chest, she took a deep breath. Squeezing her eyes shut, she allowed her mind to be flooded with him. His scent. His smile. His comfort. His everything. It was a trick she'd never admit to, yet she used often when nervous or scared. He soothed her, even if he was miles away.

I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you

She knew he was trying. She knew he was scared for her, scared that she wouldn't make it. That it would be over for them. She knew this because she felt it. The connection. Dare she say love?

Temperance Brennan never thought she'd fall in love. She was always afraid to fall, and yet afraid that she wouldn't. The thought of living alone for the rest of her life scared her more than anything else.

Because what is the point of living if you can't share that life with someone?

Home. Not something a foster child finds much of. Even as an adult, she had never really felt at home. She never said "I'm going home". Her apartment was her 'Place', the place she slept. But it was never a home.

The only place she felt at home was in his arms. Would she admit it? Never. But those guy hugs kept her going. One hug from Booth could make her happy and giddy for a week.

She couldn't describe it. The feeling of his strong, secure arms around her. . . it was irreplaceable. Untouchable. Unattainable, at times. It couldn't be manufactured. It was so rare.

Maybe that was part of the reason she was addicted to it.

And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than

Rocking herself back and forth, she thought of him. Opening an eye, she glared at the phone on the passanger's seat. She hated it – it had chosen TODAY, the day she was kidnapped, to run out of battery. Picking it up, she ran a thumb over it tenderly, wishing, hoping, praying for it to start ringing 'Savin' Me' by Nickelback. His ring tone.

He saved her in so many ways. From herself. From the monsters they caught. From an emotional breakdown. A lone tear slipped down her cheek.

And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

This ache. It was unbearable. This want. Thisneed for him. She couldn't stop thinking of him.

Wasn't she the one to always said that it was easier to be unemotional, unattached? It's harder to love than to hate. It's harder to miss someone than to ignore them.

But the truth was, she wanted to try. And if she made it out of this hole, she promised the God that she didn't believe in that she would try. She had lived with the fear that she wouldn't fall for too long. She was ready to give up her heart.

But if she was completely honest with herself, she already had.