My Sunflower
I have never put too much thought into how I would die. I had random thoughts now and again, maybe I would piss off someone important, maybe one of my experiments would fail abysmally, or perhaps my many travels would end horrifically. Perhaps. If I really think about it I would conclude that I would die fighting for those I would protect with my life. I would protect her, because when it came down to it I knew my heart was safe with her even if it stopped beating in my chest. She was like a sunflower on a rainy day, like choir music at my funeral. She brought light and art and that damned music with her, every step towards me. She would hold out her hand and ask if I would like to dance. She made my life so much brighter. And I would be damned if I would let anything happen to her, my heart, my life, my wife.
When I was young they said that I was different, weird, wrong. But then there she was, cussing them out with a scowl and grabbing my hand and we ran. Always running, always her. My parents just left me one day at that place, all those children with no parents and suddenly I was one of them. There was nothing I could do so I studied and learned and gained knowledge. I was 6 when she arrived, visiting her friends. She took my hand and smiled. I knew then she was pretty. When I was 12 she kissed me. I knew then she was beautiful. When I was 26 she kissed me again, in front of an officiant. And I knew then, she was mine and she had my heart.
I had 3 PhD's at 30, had served my country and queen and had an obsession with a show about a madman in a box. So did she. We were so happy. But all things must end and all things must die. She got cancer, terminal lung cancer that had metastasised to other organs, including her brain. I stayed by her bed, wrecking my stupid genius brain for a cure. I had to save her! My sunflower was wilting! But like I said, all things must end and all things must die. At her funeral I cried for the first time crouched over her grave. I didn't move for a whole day. And my heart, it was beating but I didn't have it any more, it was buried with her. I got ever more careless and I would forget to eat. My world was so grey, so wrong. I was once told you could die of a broken heart.
I helped as many people as I could. It was a favourite thing of hers to do. I carried my rings with me and a necklace with a sunflower and lily on it. Our flowers. Our lives. I was as strong as I could be, for her family I kept strong. Weeks became months, months became years, and slowly the pain in my heart lessened. Not to say that I ever forgot my sunflower, no, I remembered the times we smiled, the times we laughed and the way her hair was golden in the sunlight. Life moved on for me and her family and I got used to not seeing my sunflower beside me and rather seeing her in my thoughts and memories. I dated a little as I promised my sunflower that I wouldn't be alone forever.
I started to notice little things that made me worry, her family would forget me sometimes. My work would forget I existed for when they were doing rotas. Small things and small forgetful moments. I would see gold light around my hands in the mornings and I would just shake it off as sleep deprivation. My green eyes would glow blue if I got agitated and similar things. My hair would stick up on end which wasn't too bad as I have very short hair. Then one night I had a weird dream in which I was falling through space. When I woke up, well, 'I wasn't in Kansas any more'.
So here I am, floating in what looks like a vortex of golds and blues and I have been for some time. Is this a dream or am I awake? Who knows.
So Hello! Please review if you like or give advice? It helps me :) I will update every two weeks, maybe more who knows? Thanks for reading :)