Matrix and His Great-Grandma's Jungle-Print Tablecloth
By MeatLoaf the Happy Donkey
Chapter one
"Matrix's almighty jungle-print tablecloth"
Our story begins when Matrix and AndrAIa were having a picnic on a faded, jungle-print tablecloth in level 31. Matrix is lying down and looks like he is very happy. AndrAIa, on the other hand, is sitting upright and looks like she is annoyed and wants to get off of the tablecloth.
"Ah look at the cute little nulls. I wonder where they're going." Said Matrix cheerfully.
"Matrix! They're ugly, overgrown slugs!" yelled AndrAIa. "And they're probably too stupid to know where in the net they're going anyway!"
"There's no need to yell AndrAIa." Said Matrix, calmly.
"Why shouldn't I? I feel so stupid sitting on this tablecloth! It's so tacky and scratchy. Why don't we just get rid of it?" said AndrAIa.
"This just so happens to be my great grandmother's tablecloth! We can't just throw it away! It has sentimental value!" said Matrix, a little offended.
"What kind of a crack-pot old grandma hands out jungle-print tablecloths to her descendants?"
"Um... my great grandmother."
"Whatever. I'm tired of this stupid picnic. I'm going to go see what Enzo is doing."
"But I'm Enzo!"
"I mean the little Enzo."
"Oh."
And with that, AndrAIa got up off the tablecloth and went to look for little Enzo. She was about to go to the Principle Office when she realized that he would more likely be at the Diner. When she got to the Diner, she found that she was right. There was Enzo, sitting at the bar with Dot and Bob.
There was a large group of binomes hanging around near Bob. They were listening very closely to every word Bob said.
"And so I asked the guy, what do ya mean I can't own a goat!" said Bob in an unusually loud voice. Everyone around him started laughing hysterically.
"Ha! That was a good one, Bob!" said Enzo. "Oh, hi AndrAIa! I thought you were on level 31 having a picnic with Matrix."
"I was." said AndrAIa, "But I think he was more interested in his grandma's jungle-print tablecloth than he was in me. That tablecloth and those nulls is all Matrix seems to be interested in nowadays. It's starting to worry me."
"Oh! I remember that tablecloth!" yelled Dot, "It was on my great grandma's bamboo table in the room with lime green walls and the blue shag carpet! At least it used to be there until she gave it to Matrix as a birthday present and he's loved it ever since. Dad tried to throw it away but Matrix, but I guess he used to be Enzo then, glued it to him and handcuffed himself to the empire state building."
"Wow! Matrix handcuffed himself to the empire state building? Is that possible?" asked AndrAIa in amazement.
"Well, actually he just handcuffed himself to his bed but that was close enough." Said Dot.
"That seems like something Matrix would do." Said AndrAIa with a sigh.
"Yeah." Agreed Dot.
"Well, anyway, if you're worried about a tablecloth stealing your boyfriend, then maybe you should go talk to Phong. He'll know what to do," Advised Bob with a chuckle.
"Hey! That's a good idea! Why didn't I think of that before?" said AndrAIa as she ran out the door.
"That was supposed to be a joke." Said Bob.
Chapter Two
"Phong's Adventures in Candy Land"
As AndrAIa walked through the doors of the Principle Office, she wondered if she would have to play another one of Phong's stupid games. Last time she saw Phong, she had to play Monopoly. It took her 3 user-hours to finish the game and when she asked Phong the question, he didn't even know the answer.
She found Phong in his living room. He was setting up some sort of game. AndrAIa cleared her throat and as soon as she did, Phong looked up at her and said:
"Oh! Hello Billy!"
"I'm not Billy, Phong." Said AndrAIa.
"I know that, my child, I just wanted to see if you knew." Said Phong in a mysterious, far off voice.
"I know my own name!" yelled AndrAia.
"You say you do, but do you really? Would you like to see my windshield wiper collection?" said Phong. He held up a brown box labeled "Stolen Windshields Wipers".
"No. I don't care about your stupid window collection!" yelled AndrAIa.
"Um...you mean windshield wiper collection." Said Phong.
"Forget it. Just tell help me get rid of Matrix's stupid jungle-print tablecloth. He won't stop talking about it!" Said AndrAIa. She stamped her foot impatiently.
"Oh yes! That tablecloth! I have seen it many times before. It is a very nice tablecloth. Oh, wait! Before we discuss Matrix and his tablecloth, you must first beat me at my favorite game: Candy Land!" Said Phong, happily.
"Last week, you said your favorite game was Monopoly. And the week before that, you told me it was Snakes and Ladders" Said AndrAIa, "Will you just make up your mind?"
"Let's just play the game! OK?" said Phong angrily as he started to set up the game.
"Whatever." Sighed AndrAIa, She pulled a chair and sat down at the table, across from Phong.
4 user-hours later...
"I win, again." Said AndrAIa unenthusiastically.
"Let's play again and whoever wins that one wins them all." Said Phong.
"Why don't you just tell me what I should do about Matrix and his tablecloth?"
"Oh, alright. It's just that *sigh* nobody ever wants to play Candy Land with me." Said Phong.
"If you tell me what I should do about the tablecloth, maybe I can get Matrix to play Candy Land with you." Said AndrAIa.
"Do you mean it?" asked Phong.
"I guess." Said AndrAIa.
"In that case I think you should...uh...um...what was the question?" asked Phong
"Well, Matrix keeps hauling around a stupid jungle-print tablecloth wherever he goes. He just spends all his time talking about the tablecloth and never pays any attention to me! What should I do?" asked AndrAIa.
"I think you should throw the tablecloth away. Or better yet, give it to me!" said Phong.
"Are you sure you want Matrix's tablecloth? He's dragged it around everywhere. I don't think you'd want to put it on your table." Said AnrAIa.
"Oh, I don't want to use it as a tablecloth. I already have one of those." Said Phong as he pointed to a nearby table, "I want to use it as a rug!"
"Um... If you really want to I guess that would be Okay. I'll just go get the tablecloth now." Said AndrAIa. She then got up, walked outside and headed towards the Diner.
Chapter 3
"Phong's rug outlet"
"And then I told him, whatever you do, don't sell that hat!" said Bob and everyone in the diner started laughing uncontrollably.
Just after that, AndrAIa walked in and took a seat next to Enzo and across from Bob and Dot.
"Oh, hi AndrAIa! Bob was just telling us this hilarious joke!" exclaimed Enzo.
"I can tell." Said AndrAIa. "Has anyone here seen Matrix? Phong says that if I want him to pay more attention to me, I should take away his tablecloth."
"We haven't seen him here." Said Bob with a chuckle.
"Where did you see him last?" asked Dot.
"Well, I guess it was when we were having a picnic down on level 31."said AndrAIa.
"He's probably still there, watching the nulls go by." Said Bob sarcastically.
"Hey! I bet your right!" said AndrAia as she got up and ran out the door.
"I think AndrAIa takes things just a little bit too seriously." Said Bob.
***
After walking around on level 31 for a little while, AndrAIa saw Matrix sleeping on top of his beloved jungle-print tablecloth. AndrAIa told the little binomes that were poking Matrix with sticks to go away. Then she started to laugh.
"Wow! It's going to be almost to easy to get rid of this cruddy tablecloth." Said AndrAIa, "All I have to do is shove Matrix over and give the tablecloth to Phong.
When she said this, AndrAIa did not realize just how heavy Matrix really was. After a few minutes, she finally shoved Matrix off the jungle-print tablecloth. AndrAIa then picked up the tablecloth, got on a zip board and went to the Principle Office.
A few minutes after she arrived, AndrAIa found Phong in the kitchen, watching Blue's Clues.
"Uh...hi Phong." said AndrAIa.
"Oh hello, Steve!" said Phong merrily, "Is the mail here? Here's the mail it never fails..."
"No, actually I brought Matrix's jungle-print tablecloth." Said AndrAIa.
"Wow! That's even better!" yelled Phong.
Phong then rushed over to AndrAIa and grabbed the tablecloth out of her hands.
"I have always wanted a jungle-print tablecloth!" said Phong "Thank you for getting it for me"
"Um... your welcome. I guess." Said AndrAIa "I'm just going to go to the Diner now. Okay?"
Phong did not answer. Instead, he started humming loudly and placed the tablecloth on the kitchen floor. AndrAIa decided that he probably wouldn't mind if she left, so she did.
"I wonder why he wanted to use it as a rug." Said AndrAIa, to herself.
Chapter 4
"Carla"
AndrAIa went back to the diner not feeling the least bit guilty about what she had just done. She sat down at the bar and ordered herself an energy shake. It tasted strangely like canned beef.
"Hey Bob! Has Matrix come back from level 31 yet? Asked AndrAIa.
"Not yet. Do you want to hear a joke? I've got a million of them!" said Bob.
"Not right now." Said AndrAIa "I just want to know what Matrix will do when he finds out that Phong has his tablecloth. I bet he'll be crying like a baby."
Just then, Matrix stepped inside the diner carrying a very large cardboard box that has a face drawn onto it with a purple crayon.
"Hi everybody!" said Matrix "The weirdest thing just happened. I woke up from my nap and my tablecloth was gone and I was really sad but then I saw this cardboard box and she said her name was Carla and she wanted to be my girlfriend so I said yes and then she said she wanted to go to the principle office so I took her there and she beat Phong at Candy Land."
"What?" said Bob "Let me get this straight. Your tablecloth is gone and you have a cardboard box named Carla as a new girlfriend?"
"Basically." Said Matrix "If you'll excuse me, Carla just said she wanted to handcuff herself to the Empire state building."
And then Matrix and Carla walked off into the sunset, hand in cardboard, towards the empire state building.
The End. Or is it?
(Insert evil donkey laughter here.)
By MeatLoaf the Happy Donkey
Chapter one
"Matrix's almighty jungle-print tablecloth"
Our story begins when Matrix and AndrAIa were having a picnic on a faded, jungle-print tablecloth in level 31. Matrix is lying down and looks like he is very happy. AndrAIa, on the other hand, is sitting upright and looks like she is annoyed and wants to get off of the tablecloth.
"Ah look at the cute little nulls. I wonder where they're going." Said Matrix cheerfully.
"Matrix! They're ugly, overgrown slugs!" yelled AndrAIa. "And they're probably too stupid to know where in the net they're going anyway!"
"There's no need to yell AndrAIa." Said Matrix, calmly.
"Why shouldn't I? I feel so stupid sitting on this tablecloth! It's so tacky and scratchy. Why don't we just get rid of it?" said AndrAIa.
"This just so happens to be my great grandmother's tablecloth! We can't just throw it away! It has sentimental value!" said Matrix, a little offended.
"What kind of a crack-pot old grandma hands out jungle-print tablecloths to her descendants?"
"Um... my great grandmother."
"Whatever. I'm tired of this stupid picnic. I'm going to go see what Enzo is doing."
"But I'm Enzo!"
"I mean the little Enzo."
"Oh."
And with that, AndrAIa got up off the tablecloth and went to look for little Enzo. She was about to go to the Principle Office when she realized that he would more likely be at the Diner. When she got to the Diner, she found that she was right. There was Enzo, sitting at the bar with Dot and Bob.
There was a large group of binomes hanging around near Bob. They were listening very closely to every word Bob said.
"And so I asked the guy, what do ya mean I can't own a goat!" said Bob in an unusually loud voice. Everyone around him started laughing hysterically.
"Ha! That was a good one, Bob!" said Enzo. "Oh, hi AndrAIa! I thought you were on level 31 having a picnic with Matrix."
"I was." said AndrAIa, "But I think he was more interested in his grandma's jungle-print tablecloth than he was in me. That tablecloth and those nulls is all Matrix seems to be interested in nowadays. It's starting to worry me."
"Oh! I remember that tablecloth!" yelled Dot, "It was on my great grandma's bamboo table in the room with lime green walls and the blue shag carpet! At least it used to be there until she gave it to Matrix as a birthday present and he's loved it ever since. Dad tried to throw it away but Matrix, but I guess he used to be Enzo then, glued it to him and handcuffed himself to the empire state building."
"Wow! Matrix handcuffed himself to the empire state building? Is that possible?" asked AndrAIa in amazement.
"Well, actually he just handcuffed himself to his bed but that was close enough." Said Dot.
"That seems like something Matrix would do." Said AndrAIa with a sigh.
"Yeah." Agreed Dot.
"Well, anyway, if you're worried about a tablecloth stealing your boyfriend, then maybe you should go talk to Phong. He'll know what to do," Advised Bob with a chuckle.
"Hey! That's a good idea! Why didn't I think of that before?" said AndrAIa as she ran out the door.
"That was supposed to be a joke." Said Bob.
Chapter Two
"Phong's Adventures in Candy Land"
As AndrAIa walked through the doors of the Principle Office, she wondered if she would have to play another one of Phong's stupid games. Last time she saw Phong, she had to play Monopoly. It took her 3 user-hours to finish the game and when she asked Phong the question, he didn't even know the answer.
She found Phong in his living room. He was setting up some sort of game. AndrAIa cleared her throat and as soon as she did, Phong looked up at her and said:
"Oh! Hello Billy!"
"I'm not Billy, Phong." Said AndrAIa.
"I know that, my child, I just wanted to see if you knew." Said Phong in a mysterious, far off voice.
"I know my own name!" yelled AndrAia.
"You say you do, but do you really? Would you like to see my windshield wiper collection?" said Phong. He held up a brown box labeled "Stolen Windshields Wipers".
"No. I don't care about your stupid window collection!" yelled AndrAIa.
"Um...you mean windshield wiper collection." Said Phong.
"Forget it. Just tell help me get rid of Matrix's stupid jungle-print tablecloth. He won't stop talking about it!" Said AndrAIa. She stamped her foot impatiently.
"Oh yes! That tablecloth! I have seen it many times before. It is a very nice tablecloth. Oh, wait! Before we discuss Matrix and his tablecloth, you must first beat me at my favorite game: Candy Land!" Said Phong, happily.
"Last week, you said your favorite game was Monopoly. And the week before that, you told me it was Snakes and Ladders" Said AndrAIa, "Will you just make up your mind?"
"Let's just play the game! OK?" said Phong angrily as he started to set up the game.
"Whatever." Sighed AndrAIa, She pulled a chair and sat down at the table, across from Phong.
4 user-hours later...
"I win, again." Said AndrAIa unenthusiastically.
"Let's play again and whoever wins that one wins them all." Said Phong.
"Why don't you just tell me what I should do about Matrix and his tablecloth?"
"Oh, alright. It's just that *sigh* nobody ever wants to play Candy Land with me." Said Phong.
"If you tell me what I should do about the tablecloth, maybe I can get Matrix to play Candy Land with you." Said AndrAIa.
"Do you mean it?" asked Phong.
"I guess." Said AndrAIa.
"In that case I think you should...uh...um...what was the question?" asked Phong
"Well, Matrix keeps hauling around a stupid jungle-print tablecloth wherever he goes. He just spends all his time talking about the tablecloth and never pays any attention to me! What should I do?" asked AndrAIa.
"I think you should throw the tablecloth away. Or better yet, give it to me!" said Phong.
"Are you sure you want Matrix's tablecloth? He's dragged it around everywhere. I don't think you'd want to put it on your table." Said AnrAIa.
"Oh, I don't want to use it as a tablecloth. I already have one of those." Said Phong as he pointed to a nearby table, "I want to use it as a rug!"
"Um... If you really want to I guess that would be Okay. I'll just go get the tablecloth now." Said AndrAIa. She then got up, walked outside and headed towards the Diner.
Chapter 3
"Phong's rug outlet"
"And then I told him, whatever you do, don't sell that hat!" said Bob and everyone in the diner started laughing uncontrollably.
Just after that, AndrAIa walked in and took a seat next to Enzo and across from Bob and Dot.
"Oh, hi AndrAIa! Bob was just telling us this hilarious joke!" exclaimed Enzo.
"I can tell." Said AndrAIa. "Has anyone here seen Matrix? Phong says that if I want him to pay more attention to me, I should take away his tablecloth."
"We haven't seen him here." Said Bob with a chuckle.
"Where did you see him last?" asked Dot.
"Well, I guess it was when we were having a picnic down on level 31."said AndrAIa.
"He's probably still there, watching the nulls go by." Said Bob sarcastically.
"Hey! I bet your right!" said AndrAia as she got up and ran out the door.
"I think AndrAIa takes things just a little bit too seriously." Said Bob.
***
After walking around on level 31 for a little while, AndrAIa saw Matrix sleeping on top of his beloved jungle-print tablecloth. AndrAIa told the little binomes that were poking Matrix with sticks to go away. Then she started to laugh.
"Wow! It's going to be almost to easy to get rid of this cruddy tablecloth." Said AndrAIa, "All I have to do is shove Matrix over and give the tablecloth to Phong.
When she said this, AndrAIa did not realize just how heavy Matrix really was. After a few minutes, she finally shoved Matrix off the jungle-print tablecloth. AndrAIa then picked up the tablecloth, got on a zip board and went to the Principle Office.
A few minutes after she arrived, AndrAIa found Phong in the kitchen, watching Blue's Clues.
"Uh...hi Phong." said AndrAIa.
"Oh hello, Steve!" said Phong merrily, "Is the mail here? Here's the mail it never fails..."
"No, actually I brought Matrix's jungle-print tablecloth." Said AndrAIa.
"Wow! That's even better!" yelled Phong.
Phong then rushed over to AndrAIa and grabbed the tablecloth out of her hands.
"I have always wanted a jungle-print tablecloth!" said Phong "Thank you for getting it for me"
"Um... your welcome. I guess." Said AndrAIa "I'm just going to go to the Diner now. Okay?"
Phong did not answer. Instead, he started humming loudly and placed the tablecloth on the kitchen floor. AndrAIa decided that he probably wouldn't mind if she left, so she did.
"I wonder why he wanted to use it as a rug." Said AndrAIa, to herself.
Chapter 4
"Carla"
AndrAIa went back to the diner not feeling the least bit guilty about what she had just done. She sat down at the bar and ordered herself an energy shake. It tasted strangely like canned beef.
"Hey Bob! Has Matrix come back from level 31 yet? Asked AndrAIa.
"Not yet. Do you want to hear a joke? I've got a million of them!" said Bob.
"Not right now." Said AndrAIa "I just want to know what Matrix will do when he finds out that Phong has his tablecloth. I bet he'll be crying like a baby."
Just then, Matrix stepped inside the diner carrying a very large cardboard box that has a face drawn onto it with a purple crayon.
"Hi everybody!" said Matrix "The weirdest thing just happened. I woke up from my nap and my tablecloth was gone and I was really sad but then I saw this cardboard box and she said her name was Carla and she wanted to be my girlfriend so I said yes and then she said she wanted to go to the principle office so I took her there and she beat Phong at Candy Land."
"What?" said Bob "Let me get this straight. Your tablecloth is gone and you have a cardboard box named Carla as a new girlfriend?"
"Basically." Said Matrix "If you'll excuse me, Carla just said she wanted to handcuff herself to the Empire state building."
And then Matrix and Carla walked off into the sunset, hand in cardboard, towards the empire state building.
The End. Or is it?
(Insert evil donkey laughter here.)