Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or anything else for that matter (including the song 'Like Whoa' by Mya). I simply write for my personal amusement and for the amusement of others who get off of my amusement.
Summary: In which Naruto is a gangster street dancer sure to rock the city streets of NYC and Sasuke's the handsome and reserved, intelligent Asian with a past.
Why?
Because I can and will, ohohohohoho! This fic should NOT be taken seriously as it was written for kicks and spawned from a discussion with myself and my favorite beta EVER shy7cat. You guys wish she was your beta, oh yeah. Many thanks to her!
This fic's going to be either a two-shot or a three-shot, hence the rapid plot movement.
Rated T Plus: For gratuitous use of foul language, light sexual situations
Genres: Romance/Humor/Drama/General
Warnings: Highschool!AU (my last one, hopefully), shonen-ai, cursing, questionable characterizations…the usual…
Enjoy and REVIEW for MORE!
XXX
In which Sasuke Uchiha (dis)likes Naruto Uzumaki with a passion.
XXX
Profile One
Name: Sasuke Uchiha (Uchiha Sasuke, if you want go the Japanese route)
Age: 17
Hair: Blue-Black
Eyes: Dark grey to the point of appearing black
Ethnicity: Japanese
Likes: N/A
Dislikes: Almost everything and anything. Sweets. Stupid People, ect.
Occupation(s): Gifted Student/Pessimistic-Emo-Bastard/Future Company Owner
Nickname(s): Bastard, asshole, Emo Kid, Antisocial, Ice Prince(ss) and "Saucy-K."
Family: Fugaku Uchiha, Mikoto Uchiha (both deceased) and Itachi Uchiha (guardian); Distant relative of the Hyuugas
Catchphrase: "Come near me and I will permanently disfigure you."
Sakura, on Sasuke: "I'd totally sleep with him. If he wasn't such a frigid bitch."
Itachi, on Sasuke: "He's weak."
Fangirls (boys), on Sasuke: "WE LOVE YOU!"
Haters, on Sasuke: "Annoying little arrogant shit." "Total bitch." "I fucking hate his guts."
Naruto, on Sasuke: "He's just my type, purr."
XXX
I Don't Dance
Move I
XXX
Sasuke Uchiha was very good at pretending. This was evident from the way Sasuke Uchiha pretended not to watch as that tanned, tall, and blond idiot, Naruto Uzumaki, closed and locked the door to his English class.
The other students that Sasuke was forced to share his education with twittered, chattered, and whooped as Naruto proceeded to hop on their teacher Kakashi Hatake's desk. The blond then kicked off all of the papers, pencils, and other teacher-ish objects that had previously occupied it.
The idiot's partner-in-crime, Kiba Inuzuka, grinned wolfishly as he pulled his iPod and his iPod Speakers from his book bag. Naruto turned around to face the class and winked as he began to rock his hips back and forth, from the left oh-so-seductively-slowly to the right. Girls (and guys, some jokingly, others not so much) whistled and howled in appreciation.
"Yeeaaah Uzumaki, I want to tap that," Kiba called out from the audience with an unruly chuckle. Naruto winked again and replied, rather smugly, "Tch who doesn't want to tap this?" Naruto then gesticulated to his crotch area. A fresh wave of giggles erupted all around the classroom.
Yes, Sasuke Uchiha was definitely not watching Naruto work his hips with the expertise of a prostitute. Sasuke was reading a book. A good book. A book with words and stuff. Yeah…
A popular rap song (how Sasuke despised rap music) blasted from Kiba's iPod Speakers. Naruto stopped his hip swaying and gave a foxy grin as he went into Dancer Mode. Naruto's body dove into a series of intricate movements—jumping on the table twice, spinning, waggling his arms, snapping his fingers, and popping his gum. All of his movements neatly tied into the underlying beat of the music. Anyone with half a brain could tell that this poetry-in-movement was Naruto's passion.
…And then Naruto turned around. He began to shake his rear end for all that it was worth, his red and black boxers peeking out from underneath his extremely baggy jeans. The spectators cheered and clapped, falling victim to the electric buzz that lingered in the air, all completely enthralled at ball of vibrancy that was Naruto Uzumaki.
"…Naruto, what the hell are you doing on my desk?"
XXX
Profile Two
Name: Naruto Uzumaki
Age: 17
Hair: Sunshine Yellow
Eyes: Sky Blue
Ethnicity: European/Japanese-hybrid
Likes: Dancing, ramen, flirting, hippies, walking around naked, Oreos, sleeping, animals, anything orange, music, America's Next Top Model, and having a good time
Dislikes: Assholes, bastards, conservatives, the words snack and phallus, religious fanatics, trashy reality television, and obnoxious people
Occupation(s): Student/Dancer/Lover/God
Nickname(s): N-Mak, Dickless, Loser, Idiot, Foxy, and Sexy
Family: Minato Namikaze, Kushina Uzumaki (deceased)
Catchphrase: "I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread, believe it bitches!"
Sakura, on Naruto: "An idiot, but a lovable idiot."
Kiba, on Naruto: "Totally me, if I was a blond Asian and bisexual."
Sasuke, on Naruto: "Useless, clumsy idiot."
Naruto, on Himself: "I win so fucking hard at life, it's not even funny. You know you're all hating on me."
XXX
All noise came to a stop. Everyone's eyes shifted to the classroom doorway where Kakashi Hatake stood, holding a set of keys in one hand and a cup of Starbucks coffee in the other. He had caught Naruto mid-butt-shake.
Ino Yamanaka pointed to the cup of coffee Kakashi held in his hand, "Ew, you're so mainstream Hatake. Not cool at all. You lose some cool points."
Naruto laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck, "I'd have to agree with Ino, Kakashi. Starbucks is nasty. But um…you see I was teaching the class this totally fun and new way of learning vocabulary! Really!"
"…Sure, if the vocab word of the day means: to have a flat ass and no penis," quipped Sai with a smile which caused some students to explode in a round of infectious laughter.
Kakashi smiled from behind his mask, "Maybe I like being a part of the mainstream. Now, Naruto, get off of my desk, pick up my things, and head to the principal's office."
Naruto gave Sai the middle finger before pouting at Kakashi, "Awww damn, why you got to do me like that? Sai's the one really disrupting the class with his dick jokes…"
"Ah. Well in that case, you can take Sai with you," Kakashi replied all too pleasantly, causing Naruto to groan in defeat.
Sasuke found himself smirking at Naruto from behind his book.
XXX
Every Saturday morning, Sasuke Uchiha headed to the public library where he sat down in the furthest corner and studied various subjects for about two hours. The library was a perfect escape from his sadistic older brother, girls, and life in general.
Every Saturday morning, as Sasuke made his way to the library by foot, he would stop by an antique-looking dance studio located in an equally ancient building. A room whose walls were covered in cracked, dusty glass and contained the bars used for warm ups by ballerinas. Sasuke would steal glances through the open doorway where music would flow out from, and there, in the studio (was it really a surprise?), Sasuke would find the school's dance team captain practicing alone.
Sasuke was not a stalker. Sasuke was barely sure of why he did this in the first place. He had pretty much convinced himself that he did not go out of his way on Saturday mornings to watch Naruto Uzumaki dance. Denial was such a lovely, lovely thing, after all.
This Saturday morning, Sasuke found himself stopping by the dance studio once again. Naruto was shirtless and his sun-kissed flesh gleamed with sweat. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he sipped water from a bottle. Sasuke guessed that Naruto had just completed performing a routine and was now taking a short break.
At the sound of a cell phone ringing, Naruto set his water bottle down and shuffled through his things tossed haphazardly on the floor before discovering his phone and flipping it open. Naruto then leaned against a glass and began to talk.
"Yo, N-Mak here. Oh…hey dad. Yeah, yeah…I'm at—no, I'm not dancing. I'm at the library. Studying. Gotta keep those grades up for college, like I promised. I'll be home soon, 'kay? A'ight. Talk to ya later. Bye."
Naruto closed his phone and sank to the ground as gracefully as melting candle wax. His father disapproved the idea of him being a dancer and would do anything in his power to take it away from him. Naruto felt a twang of guilt, which he associated with lying to his father practically all of the time, but it was the only way. Naruto couldn't possibly explain to his father that he didn't want to go off and become a doctor or some boring shit like that. He wanted to attend Julliard, the prestigious art school located in the heart of New York City, and further fine-tune his skill. He wanted to entertain others and be entertained for a living.
Naruto remember his father once telling him that he was truly his mother's son. His father had ended his speech, rather regretfully, "…And this is why your mother is no longer here. I'll be damned if I let anything happen to my only child."
Naruto squeezed his eyes shut and pulled at his hair. He puffed out hot air from his lips.
I wish I knew mom. She would have supported me. I know she would've. I just need to come up with the money…I know I'm talented, but still college costs money and I'm sure as hell not to get anything through my crappy grades. Fuck…
"…At the library you say?"
An azure eye cracked open and glanced toward the doorway where Sasuke Uchiha stood, dressed primly in a black pea coat and sporting a thick, navy blue scarf. He was cradling a stack of books in his gloved hands.
Naruto cocked his head to the side and grinned, "Uchiha. Saucy-K. Asian boy. What brings you to my humble abode?"
Sasuke narrowed his eyes, "Stop calling me that ridiculous nickname. And you're just as Asian as I am, dumbass."
"I don't look the part, but yeah. That's not the point," Naruto said, gradually standing up from his spot. He began to stretch his toned arms.
"Newsflash, Saucy-K. I see you watching me all of the time. You're really bad at pretending you're not. What's that about Uchiha? Hating on the tan you can never achieve?"
Sasuke's left eye twitched. He adjusted his glasses and replied, "I think the lines of coke you do with Inuzuka are severely disturbing your thought process and therefore, causing you to suffer from hallucinations. Dumbass."
Naruto chuckled, "Oooh, Asian, smart, and a dirty mouth too. You're my hottest wet dream come true, Saucy-K."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Too bad you aren't in any of mine," he replied, which was one of the biggest lies ever told. His subconscious harbored something for Naruto that his conscious wasn't willing to accept. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the first time he ever met Naruto, he had pissed him off, more than anyone ever had the nerve to, and got in a fight with him. A violent fists-and-bruises kind of masculine brawl.
Naruto slapped a palm to his chest and gasped dramatically, "Ah! Straight to the heart! So blunt and cold! So sexy! Damn you Sasuke; you'll be the death of millions! Death through nosebleeds!"
"Hn," Sasuke replied. Naruto stopped his theatrics and then stared at Sasuke pointedly, making him feel somewhat prickly. "What the fuck are you looking at, dobe?" he asked.
Naruto clapped his hands together childishly, "Yes! There goes the cute little Japanese nickname you have for me! But, in all seriousness Sasuke, do you have rhythm? Can you dance?"
Sasuke promptly turned around and deadpanned, "I'm leaving."
But before Sasuke could make his cool escape from Naruto, he found that an arm had wrapped itself around his waist. Sasuke became very aware, very fast, that his back was pressed against Naruto's (bare) chest and that his ass was squirming against Naruto's crotch. The shock of it all caused Sasuke to drop his books.
"Dance with me, Saucy-K. No wonder why you're so prim and prissy. You have to let loose and I'm going to help you do it," Naruto murmured in Sasuke's ear. His voice had dropped a few octaves and sounded undeniably husky. Sexy. Not good for Sasuke at all. Sasuke knew that he was blushing.
Yes, the situation was highly inauspicious. Not to mention awkward.
So Sasuke did what he did best. He escaped Naruto's hold, punched the blond as hard as he could (which was extremely hard) in the stomach, picked up his books, and stormed out.
Naruto fell to the floor in a daze, clutching his stomach and gasping for air.
Wow…what a punch…he's Asian, smart, has a dirty mouth, and likes it rough. I think I might be in love…aw…shit, I think he broke my ribs…
XXX
Profile Three
Name: Sakura Haruno
Age: 17
Hair: Bubblegum Pink (dyed)
Eyes: Light Green
Ethnicity: Irish/Polish/Japanese
Likes: Boy on boy action, springtime, eating, cursing people out, debating, delivering the 'smack down' to those who need it, swimming, reading, science, and math
Dislikes: Narrow-minded people, the media, socks, feeling dirty, and non-Crayola art supplies
Occupation(s): Student/Dance Team Manager/Psychotic Bitch when PMS-ing
Nickname(s): Pinky, Cherry Blossom Chick, Saki, "Flatty" (seldom used)
Family: A mom and a dad
Catchphrase: "Why can't those two just fuck each other already? Goddamn."
Naruto, on Sakura: "She's so pretty and awesome! Albeit, scary sometimes. I love her!"
Lee, on Sakura: "A most youthful and respectable woman!"
Ino, on Sakura: "Biggest forehead I've ever seen, heh."
Inner!Sakura, on Sakura: "KICK-ASS, CHA!"
XXX
Monday, Period 2 Physical Education Class
XXX
"You've came up with a routine? That's bitchin' Hinata, you should show it to me right now," Sakura Haruno declared.
"I would love to see what you have come up with," Lee agreed, slowing down his pace so that he could talk with his fellow dance mates.
Their gym teacher blew his whistle in a pathetic attempt to get his students to stop chattering and run faster around the track. Hinata Hyuuga blushed as she looked away, "It…it isn't very good. Nothing like…like Naruto's…"
Sakura smirked, "Show us your dance right now or else…I'll tell Uzumaki you have the biggest crush on him EVER and want to have his blond-haired Japanese babies. Which isn't all that far from the truth I might add…"
Lee gasped, "Sakura, blackmailing your friends is not nice!"
"But it's effective, Lee my boy, very effective…"
Hinata stopped running at once and made an undignified whimper. She pushed her two index fingers against one another and whimpered once more before she stuck her arms out in front of her. Her lavender-grey eyes burned with determination as she moved. Compared to Naruto's loose, unrefined style, Hinata danced with a subtle elegance and charm. There was never any ass jigging in her dances although her breasts had a tendency to bounce all over the place, something that Sakura was envious of.
Hinata ended her dance with a perfect split and she remained in that position as she looked at her two friends with a pouty face, "…That…that's it…it's…bad…right?"
Sakura snorted, "It wasn't bad; it was tasty. You've got to show everyone else at practice today after school, got it Hyuuga?"
Hinata played with her fingers, "We don't have practice today…remember? Today's the…the street competition. We're going against…against The Sound Five."
Sakura's eyes narrowed at the sound of their rival's name. She immediately grabbed Hinata's shoulders and began shaking her, "Make sure you do your best today Hinata! You too Lee, we have to beat those assholes!"
The rest of Sakura's speech was blocked by the piercing sound of her gym teacher's whistle.
"That curse word just got you fifty pushups Haruno! Now get to it!"
"Aw shit…"
"Make that a hundred!"
XXX
What's on the schedule tonight?
Am I the reason you'll be treating?
I hope you have an appetite…
So tell me baby will you come and spend the night?
My love is like whoa, my kiss is like whoa, my touch is like whoa, my sex is like whoa, my ass is like whoa, my body's like whoa, and you're kissing it, so tell me what you think of it?
Hold me, oh my, taste it, taste it, hold me, oh my, taste it, my, my, taste it…
These were the lyrics that Naruto was (unknowingly) singing far too loudly in the middle of his study hall class.
"Inuzuka, make your friend stop before I do," the study hall teacher, Asuma warned. Kiba got to it, pulling out one of Naruto's iPod earphones and smacking the blond in the back of his head.
"Ouch Kiba, what the fuck?"
"Dude, you were singing about having sex in front of everyone. Loudly. And badly," Kiba whispered.
"Oh snap, really?" Naruto whispered back. He then stood up at his seat and bowed, "I am deeply sorry for disturbing this wonderful study hall class with my tone-deaf singing about how my kisses, ass, body, and sex are like whoa. On a side note, I'd like to point out that that song was especially dedicated to the ever elusive Saucy-K. Hint, hint."
"Fuck you," Naruto heard Sasuke's voice say and only Naruto detected the swift tinge of emotion hidden beneath layers of slathered on animosity.
When Naruto stood up straight, he saw Sasuke's back as he exited the classroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Naruto winced and Sai pointed out, "It looks as if Uchiha's rejected your advances. Maybe he's not gay?"
Naruto snorted, "That kid is so gay. And I'm going to go after him now. It was a blast inhaling the heavy second-hand smoke off you Asuma! Later!"
"If you leave this class, you're getting a Saturday detention Uzumaki…!" The teacher yelled after Naruto.
But by that point and time, Naruto had already run out of the classroom. Kiba sighed as he looked at Naruto's desk, "Of course he leaves his books and shit behind...and I bet he expects me to bring it to him too…damn you Naruto Uzumaki..."
XXX
Sasuke had just reached the safety of his school's library when he heard his name being shouted noisily from the library's entrance.
"Yo! Sasuke! Wait up, I want to talk to you!"
The school librarian rudely asked Naruto to shut the fuck up before she killed him. The school librarian being none other than Anko Mitarashi, this was in fact one of her nicer threats. Naruto compiled with her wishes and lowered his voice as he waltzed over to where the other boy stood by the fiction section.
"Sasuke, why'd you run out of class like that? I don't bite…much," Naruto said with his trademark foxy grin.
"It's because I can't stand you," Sasuke replied automatically. Naruto tilted his head and said simply, "And I don't think you mean that. I think you're lying through your teeth."
Sasuke frowned. Oh, he would break Naruto if need be. Anything to prevent himself from going any farther than his subconscious allowed.
"I hate the way you strut yourself around in school and flaunt yourself like you're someone special. Guess what dobe means? Dead-last. You're nothing. You're not going to get anywhere dancing. You're just going to become another useless waste of flesh to society, a statistic if you will. You absolutely disgust me—"
"Then why do you watch me dance, Sasuke?" Naruto interrupted with an air of maturity Sasuke had yet to see from him, "And…even if the stuff you're saying is true…I mean, I've heard it all before from my father. I'm glad. Because I think I'd rather be a happy statistic then a miserable one."
"You are a total and complete…"
"Idiot? Moron? Dumbass? Dobe? I think I see what you're trying to do here Saucy-K and it's not working. You're trying to push me away because you're so far into denial that you're threatening to make yourself a permanent resident of Egypt."
By this point, Sasuke's back was pressed against the bookshelf and Naruto's face was moving closer to his. Sasuke felt claustrophobic and irritated; this was supposed to be the other way around, he was slightly taller for goodness sakes!
I should beat the shit out of him and leave; I should beat the shit out of that usuratonkachi and leave before…
Naruto continued, not all bothered by their newfound (unwanted) intimacy, "I'm about to make a really cheesy confession. So don't laugh and don't attempt to kill me until after you've heard everything, a'ight? Okay, here I go: I've liked you for awhile. Since the eighth grade to be exact. Now, don't get me wrong—I really hated you at first because I thought you were this ice bitch with a major superiority complex. But then after the fight we had, I kind of realized that you were an ice bitch with a major inferiority complex. I saw how your brother treated you like crap that day when he came to the school to pick you up. You had the saddest look in your eyes…"
"You don't know what you're—"
Naruto placed a finger on Sasuke's dry lips.
"Hey! I'm not done yet! Anyway, you had this real sad look in your eyes and that was the day I decided that I liked you. I never told you of course, because we were rivals. And guys—but the guy part I don't mind so much right now. The truth is Sasuke…I've always admired you. People adored you: you're gorgeous, athletic, and get good grades. I wasn't any of those things back in freshmen year of high school. People made fun of my whisker-marks and gave me nothing but shit. That's when I started dancing. I had a talent and used it to my advantage. I became popular at once. Made friends and everything. But during our entire high school career, I've always been thinking about you. Like noticing the little things about you—you twitch your nose like a rabbit when you think something is funny but don't want to laugh aloud. You like tomatoes. You love reading. You like having your personal space. You have five different kinds of smirks. Your eyes aren't really black like everyone says they are. They're more of a dark grey. You can see the grey when you take off your glasses and let your eyes shine in the light. When we look at each other and turn away…pretending as if we weren't looking at each other—we both smile. At least, I smile…you do Smirk Number Three. And your skin is…okay, I need to stop rambling. The point is, Sasuke, give me a chance. One date, maybe? I think we have a lot in common. I think we'd be good for each other, even Gaara said so before—"
"No," Sasuke replied with finality.
"….No?"
"No," Sasuke repeated again, "You can watch me all you want and come up with your ridiculous little ideas, but I am not interested in having a relationship with anyone, especially you, anytime soon."
Naruto's face twisted in anger. He grabbed Sasuke by the front of his shirt and asked, "What the hell are you so afraid of? You're so confusing, stalking me one moment and hating me the next!"
Sasuke did not like the way those blues eyes searched his own blank ones for an answer.
"I'm afraid of nothing, loser. You're just delusional."
"Then kiss me. I don't even need that date anymore, since you so obviously hate me. Just give me one, little, kiss and I'll leave you the fuck alone forever. Isn't that what you want Sasuke? To be left alone to rot?" Naruto hissed, now shaking in anger. Sasuke remained indifferent.
I should beat the shit out of him and leave; I should beat the shit out of that usuratonkachi and leave before…
Naruto pressed his lips against Sasuke's in the hopes of making Sasuke react…anything to make Sasuke do more than stare through him, as if he didn't exist. Sasuke's lips were cool and dry to the touch. Naruto tried to slip his tongue past Sasuke's lip, but to no avail. After seconds of kissing marble, Naruto pulled away.
Sasuke slowly raised a hand and wiped his mouth. He then readjusted his glasses.
"You got what you wanted, dumbass. Now get out of my face."
XXX
Afterschool
Location: The Rock Lee Residence
XXX
"…I don't like the color of the air. It's too thick. Too murky."
Lee continued to change in front of his sort-of-boyfriend-friend. Gaara was Lee's sort-of-boyfriend-friend because the two had not made anything official yet and Lee hated the idea of having a friend-with-benefits. It was after school and they were in Lee's room where the dancer was in the process of changing into his 'mandatory' outfit for the competition. Gaara was clairvoyant to a certain degree and could see auras and predict…things. He was misunderstood by the majority of the student body at school, but Lee liked Gaara a lot and wouldn't change his sort-of-boyfriend-friend for anything.
Lee zipped up his pants and turned around to face Gaara who regarded him with a vacant stare. It made Lee feel slightly unnerved since he couldn't tell if Gaara was 'checking him out' or just…staring. Gaara was most likely doing the latter.
"Do you think that our team is going to lose against the Sound Five?"
Gaara stared at Lee for a few more second before slowly turning his head and staring out of Lee's window.
"…I've sensed a sudden negative dip in Uzumaki's chakra."
XXX
Profile Four
Name: Kiba Inuzuka
Age: 17
Hair: Brown
Eyes: Dark Brown
Ethnicity: Japanese/Italian
Likes: Animals (especially his dog Akamaru), being a guy, Myspace, being annoying, laughing, porn, eating, drinking, teasing people, and flip-flops
Dislikes: Stuck-up prudes who can't seem to get those twenty-seven foot poles out of their tight asses, coffee, emo kids, and whores (of all kinds)
Occupation(s): Student/Dancer/Naruto's Right-Hand Man
Nickname(s): K-Unit, Bazooka
Family: Mom, dad, Akamaru (dog), and a bitchy older sister
Catchphrase: "Hey you. Yeah, you with the face. Sucks to be you, doesn't it?"
Naruto, on Kiba: "Retarded asshole. Gotta love the guy though, heh."
Ino, on Kiba: "I'll never forgive him for destroying my favorite pair of panties. Never."
Sai, on Kiba: "Naruto's penis."
Hinata, on Kiba: "Eh…um…he's really an amazing person. I'm glad…to say that I know him."
XX End Move XX
Until the next installment (R and R folks!), ja ne!
(And FYI…I adore Starbucks.)