All characters are of Sarah Dessens creation.

This is a chapter of the goings on 20 years later. Let me know what you think. :)

Dreamland

I saw him again last night, in my dreamland. He shows up there a lot, though not near as often as he used to, and for that I am thankful. Matthew is still sleeping; his breathing is deep and even, peaceful. I roll over to check the clock; it reads 8:23 in the morning.

Only six more hours, Cass's plane was arriving at around 2:30 this afternoon. Her and Adam are coming back home from New York for Christmas. They've been married for sever years now. My parents have almost completely forgotten about him being the cause of their depression ten years ago when she dropped out of college and ran away to him. They may have forgiven Adam, but they were so far off from forgiving Rogerson. She still makes her snide remarks and I don't think she will ever really forgive him. I don't think ever I will ever completely forgive him.

I get up to go get a shower, on the way to the bathroom is like passing through an art gallery within my own home. With both Matthew's and my love of photography, many of our pictures were blown up and framed down the hall. The first was one that I had taken nearly ten years ago when I was taking Mathew's photography class, when I was dating Rogerson. It was a picture of Corinna, she was sitting on the steps, Mingus lying beside her, and of course she was wearing the bracelets, which now sat in a drawer in my jewelry box, only worn on special occasions.

After I was out of the shower and dressed for the day I went to make breakfast, Southwestern omelets, Mathew's favorite. I then went to wake him, 9:47; he had a photography class that started at 11:00, so he should be home in time for us to go over to my mother's house.

After eating, he left for his class; I went over to the park. A few of my favorite photographs had been taken there: a young child sitting on the swing staring off, looking deep in thought, with a golden retriever sitting faithfully by his side, looking up at him. A little girl, about halfway through with sliding down a large blue slide, hands reached out towards her mother, and her mother returning the motion.

The park was fairly empty, but I managed to get a few shots of a dog standing by the river getting a drink. It, in my opinion, was a very good picture. The sun was reflecting in the water, right above the dogs reappearing image in the rippling waves.

I gave up and returned home followed by Mathew twenty minutes later. 12:42; we got everything together, changed our clothes and by the time we left it was almost 1:30. We would be early, but of course Boo and Stewart would already be there, so I could help my mother and Boo get ready, and Matthew, my dad and Stewart would go to pick up Cass and Adam from the airport.

When we got there my mother checked the plane schedule so make sure her plane would not be delayed as there were some storms evolving around New York. But as it turned out the plane was early, so they immediately departed. As they left my mother made the finishing touches on her dishes. I plugged in the all the Christmas lights that were indoors. Boo was bringing all of the presents over to our house from hers.

Cass and Adam were arriving at Newark Liberty International Airport; roughly twenty minutes away; including a trip across the Newark Bay. So, with that, they returned home about an hour later.

When they got home the house had been filled with the sweet aroma of baked herb chicken and potatoes. As well as the vegetarian menu for Boo and Stewart, this included: Spinach casserole, Squash risotto and eggplant. The counters were all lined with various dishes that suited the appetites of everyone, as well as the refrigerator filled. My mother always went overboard when everyone got together. I felt bad for my dad; he would be the one who ended up eating the same meal until April, seeing as he was the only one remaining in the house.

When they came in, as expected, there were hugs and kisses, we helped them get there bags upstairs as we were all having a huge sleepover, at my mother's request. We then all retired to the living room to catch up, my mom and Boo frequently racing out to check on other mysterious food items they had conjured up while I was out of the room.

After about three and a half hours of our merry-making my father's stomach began audibly growling, we went to feast. The food, of course, was absolutely delicious. Once we had eaten ourselves into oblivion, all the women went into the kitchen; the men went into the living room yelling and screaming at a game on the television, one thing I could never understand the point of. My mother decided that she and Boo would carry much of the extra food to the church for their regular Sunday afternoon dinner. My father would defiantly be thankful for that. We were almost done washing the dishes when we ran out of dish soap; Cass volunteered her and I to go to the supermarket and buy some more.

We took my car, a recently acquired blue Honda CR-V. Kroger was roughly between five and ten minutes down the road, depending on traffic, and the driver; we made it in five. We got out and went in; it was already dark, around 7:30. We made a few stops, Cass was craving chocolate-covered strawberries; I had Oreos in mind. We were on our way to the isle with all the cleaning supplies when I saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks.

That hair, that dark curly hair, that hair I was likely never to forget, that hair that haunted my dreams nearly every night. Rogerson. He was standing there contemplating over what looked like pasta was here. He hadn't seen me yet. He didn't have to see me, I could leave, I could avoid this entire situation I was just seconds away from engaging in, but I couldn't move my feet, they had me rooted in this spot.

Cass was several feet away, still chatting, before she noticed I was still standing here. She rushed back to me with several emotions on her face: shock, worry, anxiousness, and surprise, then they all turned to confusion when she saw me, still staring, at Rogerson.

I whispered his name at a barely audible volume. Right at that moment, as if he had heard me, he turned. His cold, dark eyes locked onto mine. I couldn't move. A million different emotions coursed through me. Some I could not even attempt to describe. One was terror, absolute terror of what his hands could and surely would do to me if I ever gave him another chance. I tried to turn; he hesitated on a step towards me.

I finally collected my thoughts enough to turn and walk back to Cass. When I reached her she asked what was wrong. Later, I told her. I didn't want to go into hysterics, as I knew I would if I lapsed into that story now.

We paid for our items and went straight home, hardly talking. I let her drive because my joints were still rigid. We returned home around 8:30. I tried to act as normal as I could but everything, my voice, my laugh; it all had a strangled sound. Matthew noticed and asked about it, but I only brushed the subject away, I'd tell him eventually. Everyone else had to notice; it was obvious, but said nothing.

We played Trivial Pursuit, my parents and Boo and Stewart's favorite game to play. The teams were Cass, Adam, Matthew and I on one team, my mother, my father, Stewart and Boo on the other. The latter proved to be better with the trivial part of the game and won. I slowly crept back out of my shell as the evening wore on.

Finally, my father stood up and declared he was bushed; it was 10:46. My mother who was followed by Boo and Stewart soon followed him; they were not staying here tonight, as space was fairly limited, so they walked back next door.

When we were the only remaining ones, Cass, Adam, Matthew and I each went upstairs. Matthew and I in my former bedroom and Cass and Adam is Cass's old room. Once Matthew and Adam had fallen asleep Cass and I snuck outside and sat on the back porch swing to discuss the earlier happening.

I told her everything. From that night when I first saw him at the car wash with Rina, to the first time I actually went out with him after refusing Mike Evans letter jacket and taking off with him instead. How he always brought me along when he sold his pot. The first time I'd ever smoked some with him. When I met his parents and his dad had gotten angry and hit him. The night I'd introduced him to my parents. How he knew so much, 'He would have won trivial pursuit for us tonight', I added with a chuckle. When I had first met Dave and Corrina. And then there was that night after the Winter Athletic Ceremony, that night when he hit me for the first time.

As I described all of this her eyes grew wide, and her lips tightened, and she pulled me tighter and tighter into an embrace. She hated my pain. She still occasionally stared at the small scar over my right eye, which she had inflicted when we were children. She stared at me with that same sadness now, only more pronounced. She believed she could have done something to save me from all the suffering I'd endured. She wouldn't say it, but the emotions read clear on her face; this was the first time that she had ever, in ten years, regretted running away, to New York, to be with Adam.

Before I knew it I was tearing up; she cradled me in her arms, crying along with me. We stayed this way for what seemed like hours, though it was only just over one hour. Once we had let everything out and open we quietly returned into the house and went to bed; it was 12:53.

In the morning we were waken by the warm aroma of bacon and eggs, pancakes, and buttermilk biscuits. A beautiful fresh blanket of white snow also welcomed us across the ground. I'd always loved the snow as a child, Cass had as well. After breakfast we all dressed and went to relive the years from our childhood with snowball fights, snowman building contest and sled racing.

All of these festivities went on for just short of a week, three days after Christmas. That was when Cass and Adam had to return the New York and the life they had created there. This time the women accompanied them to the airport; there was a game Matthew and my dad wanted to catch, Stewart stayed just because. We reached the airport right on time because their plane was a little bit ahead of schedule. We bid them a teary goodbye and they were off.

Once we got home, Matthew and I decided that our stay was as well concluded. We said our goodbyes and left. Once we were in the car, Matthew asked me why I had snuck out that night. I told him a brief summery. When I mentioned seeing Rogerson in the supermarket, like Cass, a look came into his eyes, however, unlike Cass, this look was not one of sadness, it was one of pure loathing. When we reached our home; he got out of the car, came around to my side, opened the door for me and pulled me out into a hug. And like before the tears came. He told me he loved me and that he was so sorry.

Like Cass, Matthew took some personal responsibility for not stopping what had went on with Rogerson and I. He said he had always know from the time I brought in a picture of him to class, that something was going on with us, outside of the norms. He said that he could tell something, especially when he had talked to me after the class one day when Rogerson had been late. He took responsibility for something that was completely my fault and I hated being responsible for his guilt and pain; I could live with mine, but for him to suffer as well was a whole other matter.

Much later in the afternoon I went out to check the past weeks mail. There were of course, bills, magazines, Christmas cards from the extended family members. And then, there was one unexpected card from Corrina. I went inside and sat everything on the counter; everything except the one letter.

Carefully, I opened the letter, taking care not to damage to envelope, so I would not mess up the address. I unfolded it letter to see her neat, elegant script. The letter read:

Caitlin,

Merry Christmas! I hope it went well for you. Mine was great. I'm still in California, living the dream. Is there anything new going on over there? I have a job, I'm a secretary at a business law firm, and I love it! I'm hoping that in a few months, if I can save up enough money, I'd come visit. I miss you so much! I can't believe I haven't seen you in five years! How's the husband going by the way? Well, I have to get to work! I miss you. Hope to see you soon.

With lots of love,

Corrina.

Corrina, I really did miss her. It was nice when I'd have a girlfriend to talk to, what with Cass being gone and Rina being caught up in the high school experience. I hadn't seen her since she'd been at my wedding, nearly five years ago, though we frequently wrote. It had been maybe six months since I had last received a letter from her; this one took me by surprise, especially after seeing Rogerson the other day. It was as if all my past was flooding back to me. Who knows, maybe next I'll run into Rina or maybe Mike Evans at Target, maybe we'll go have dinner and discuss what has been going on for the past nine years.