A/N This is an AU 5th season story where Katherine dies in 5x11 and hadn't meet Nadia. I don't own anything.
The last page of her diary
Dear Diary,
Sorry about the long pause. Ufff do you hear me? "Sorry about the long pause" What am I five? That's not me. Or at least not anymore. I even don't know why I am doing this. I find it silly. But they say that it helps. So you don't feel lonely. So lets begin.
I need to start with my name, right? Eh, that's a little problem. During the years I had many names, many indetities. So now I don't know who I really am. But I'll start with the beginning. It was 1492. I lived in a small village in Bulgaria with my family. My name was Katerina Petrova. I was 19 years old. I was happy.
Or at least I was untill I made the mistake of my life. I slept with a man who wasn't my husband. And before I knew, I gave birth to the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. But my father took her away from me and sent me to England.
There I was introduced to the two lords- Elijah and Niklaus Mikelson. This is where all begin- five thousend years of running. Lord Klaus began to court me. Oh, I was so naive! Just a little village girl who believed in fairy tales and dreamed about her prince charming. But life is not fairy tale and I'm no princess. I must have realised that they are strange, not normal. During the days Lord Elijah entertained me and in the late afternoon when Klaus came back home, he was covered in blood. When I asked him why, he always said "problems with hunt." The worst is that I believed him. Stupid, stupid girl! So the days passed and I found myself falling in love with the wrong brother- Lord Elijah. One day while Klaus was gone we played a Bulgarian game. I was running and he was meant to catch me. That was the aim of the game. The problem is that he didn't. When I asked him why, he said that if he caught me the game will be over. I don't quite remember how or why but we started talking about love. I was so naïve and told him that I believe that true love is not real unless is returned. Back then I really believed in that. Later on I was so sure that true love doesn't exist at all. Right now, standing here and writing this, I am not so sure. But for now lets go back to 1492. That was when he admitted that he didn't believe in love. My answer was: "Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in love, why would we want to live?" For one thing I was right. Life IS too cruel. And if you want survive you have to learn to do bad things. I learned that fast and I am not sorry. This lesson helped me until the end. Then everything went wrong. I find out about Klaus' plans for me. I didn't want to die. At least there is one thing that hadn't change in me. I still don't want to die. But back then I had a chance to go away and I take it. Now there is no such an option. Elijah has always said that he would keep me safe. In that particular moment I couldn't bring myself to believe him. Maybe I should have. Maybe if I had, now I wouldn't be dying. Maybe I would have been happier. But maybe I would be dead 500 years ago. So everytime I thought about it the conclusion is the same. I am NOT sorry that I ran away. It saved my life. I am sorry ,however, about what happened later.
It's obvious that it was thenn when I was turned in a vampire. A year later I went back to Bulgaria. I found my family and the whole village dead. That was the worst thing I have seen for 500 hundred years. The feeling of guilt was horrible. To know that so much people died because of you. Because that is what happened. Klaus punish them because I didn't allow him to kill me.
That it's when I finally realised it. I was a vampire. A monster. Feeling guilt was not in my nature anymore. So I didn't. I remember hearing Klaus saying that love is the greatest vampire weaknest. So I stop carring for anyone but me. "Better you die than I" become my new motto. I was naïve but I wasn't stupid. I knew that Klaus was coming after me. So again, for second time in my life, I ran. Maybe it still wasn't too late. Maybe Elijah would have saved me if I went to him back then. But the risk was too big. So I ran. I still haven't stopped running.
After a few decades I changed Nicklaus' statement. No love but humanity is vampire's greatest weaknest. No matter how easy it is to turn it off, it just keeps trying to fight its way back in. Sometimes, even I am not sure why, I let it.
Now my name is Katherine Pierce. I am 19 forever. I don't have a family anymore. And I am definitely not happy. Centures passed during that time. I have been everywhere, doing everything. I had many boyfriends, lovers, husbands even. But no one was like him. No one was perfect like him. The closest to perfect, however, were the Salvatore brothers. Stefan if we want to be precise. Thats why I turned them. But even they weren't enough for me to forget him.
I was always on the run. Always looking over my shoulder. And he was always there. I knew it. I could feel it. Elijah Mikelson was always there. Watching me. Never coming closer but there. Because thats the game we play and if he caught me the game will be over.
You are probably wondering why I am telling you this? Because I am human. Again. The little sweet Elena who must have everything forced me to take the cure and then gave me to Silas to safe her precious friend. Now I am dying of super aging. A few hours ago I got a heart attack. I have only few hours left. You probably are wondering I am still here? Why don't I just go away at least to die in peace and not in house full of enimies? Or why I, Katherine Pierce- The Survivor, don't go find a way to live. Because is true what they say about death. When it comes you see your whole life. And now in this moment I realise that Katherine Pierce was nothing more than a facade to trick the enemies. A successful facade. So successful that I trick even myself in it. Now is the end of the battle. There is no need of the shield anymore. You either win or lose. So I'm taking the facade down and am staying here. Because Katerina Petrova the little naïve Bulgarian girl is not stupid. Twice I ran when I should have stayed. I am not doing the same mistake again.
So I am waiting. Not for the death. I have one more thing to do before that. I am waiting for the game to come to an end. Because now I know it. Love and humanity aren't weaknesses. They are power. And that's why I am still waiting. Waiting for him to come for one last goodbye. But he is not coming. Even in the face of death thats the game we play.
A/N: Sorry for the bad English and the mistakes. I am from Bulgaria (Kat's country ;)) and I did what I could. Say what you think, pls.