Inspired by the YouTube video by the same name

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Part 1

Hermione

It was stupid

She was stupid.

Brightest witch of her age, what a lie that was. She wasn't smart, not when it came to the things that mattered. Ron for all that she teased him about having the emotional range of a teaspoon, was better at it than her. He took his good time figuring stuff out, but when he did it was with his whole being that he felt or stood for something. She was always so unsure, questioning, looking for options, even when she thought her mind had been made up. It was a good thing when it came to academics, it was why she loved it so. You looked up a question, read everything about it, and you knew it to be true. It was so different from her cluttered questioning mind, it calmed her and helped her cope.

But anything outside of books was difficult. Impossible even, for it did not have an answer you could look up or ask a professor about.

The biggest mystery for her now was James Potter. How did she truly feel for him, what did he feel for her?

James Potter was not someone that would just give up on Lily Evans when Hermione dumped into his life out of nowhere.

It was James and Lily, destined forever.

Her mind had been going around and around in circles justifying her crush, and all those little things that might hint that he felt it too. Alternate Dimension she told herself.

Time is fluid.

Matters of the heart don't make sense.

But he was funny like Fred had been, Loyal like Ron, Kind like Harry, flirty like Sirius, unattainable like Lockhart, and persistent like Viktor. Basically, he was all her past crushes melded into one unique person that was so much better than any one of them alone.

He had gotten her over her fear of flying, and not in a romantic way like Victor had promised once, no he pranked her. He had stuck a broom to her butt so she had to fly around until the teachers could figure out what to do with it.

He still teased her about how apologizing for whatever it was she had done to anger him, would help dislodge "the broomstick on her butt." Remus had later disclosed to Hermione that you should never teach James muggle sayings. "stick up your butt." had been uttered one self-deprecating day by her, as she mumbled about what other people had told her she was in the past. James must have overheard, but opted for a different route than sitting down and talking to her about it.

For some reason, when their eyes connected after the broomstick was removed, Hermione didn't see the prankster. She saw the man that had made her stop feeling sorry for herself and laugh at a previous hurtful description of her. She had swallowed her wounded pride, smiled and mouthed thank you, James had looked surprised and blushed.

It was one of those moments that stuck in her analytical mind as being either something she imagined or a sign that he liked her.

To be honest, James pushed her to figure out stuff for herself, but so much faster than she would have on her own. He did the same for everyone she guessed, he was their constant, this wonderful man so put together and perfect who made everyone better because they could be, not because they had to.

He had at one point put a spell on her that limited how much time she could spend with books. After 4 hours outside of classes studying, she would get zapped if she touched quill, book or sat down in the library. It had taken her an awful amount of time to get the spell lifted, and only if she promised to come outside with them and spend an entire day lazying in the sun.

As she laughed with them and enjoyed their carefree attitude, she wondered how Lily had withstood his advances. As her mind pondered this, she looked at James who sent her a playful wink. She had blushed and looked away, trying to pay attention to what the other boys were saying. After a while, she looked back, and he still had that playful smile on his face, looking at her.

But he still stood atop the table in the great hall proclaiming his undying love for Lily, asking her out in classes, saying the amortentia smelled like "Lilies, or maybe just Lily" and winked at the fuming girl.

Hermione had watched the exchange, feeling like a stranger looking in on an intimate memory. She felt like a lovesick fool watching an epic love story unfold. Maybe that certainty he had about his love for Lily was part of the reason she liked him. Always that way, set in the stars, shining for others to be inspired to follow their own heart and be happy.

She had noticed other stuff about him, like how he had a different smile for each of them. Lily was the lovesick fool smile, often accompanied by drool or glassy eyes. Remus was one of admiration and trust like he took everything he said to be the utter truth. Sirius had the same smile towards James as he had towards him. It was one of brotherhood, camaraderie, mischief and protection. Peter had one of a little brother, somebody to tease relentlessly, but no one should dare do the same or they would answer to him. It was one of ease that made Hermione's heart ache when she thought of the future. And then there was the smile he reserved for her. She was too blinded by love to interpret it, but she knew it took over his entire face, his entire body like he lit up in her presence. She would always seek out his eyes when she entered a room, afraid that she might miss that smile. At one point she had realised she couldn't go a day without it.

She had tried to get over him, tried to date other boys. They were all horrendous in one way or another in the end. One boy had told her that "she wasn't worth the hassle."

She had cried that night, hiding on top of the astronomy tower. He had found her there, crying her eyes out, looking like a mess.

She told him everything, and he had said words like "assholes, butt wipes, bastards" and proceeded to use words starting with every other letter in the alphabet, finally ending on "Zeroes" when she finally paused in her crying.

"Why can't they be like you?" she said meekly, and he had smiled at her. That brilliant carefree empathetic smile that she had come to find so dear.

Then she thought, but what if he feels the same way?

In that moment which was so unlike her, she had leaned in and kissed him.

His lips were soft, plumper than she thought and he smelled so nice. It didn't last for long, but she felt euphoric like her world was on fire and calm at the same time. She felt safe and loved and so happy like nothing could ever bring her down again.

Then, without ever reciprocating it, James pushed her away. A look of pure shock was on his face.

"Listen, Hermione, I" was all he got out before she ran away from him.

Of course, he didn't feel the same way.

Why would he? She didn't belong here, she didn't belong with him. She was a stranger in this time and to these people. She had so many secrets from them.

But she couldn't hide who she was. The Snotty know it all, Mudblood, party pooper, buzzkill, bore, bossy chit, and all those other things.

Just like the other boys, James would never want her, she just had to resolve herself to become a cat lady.

First, she would have to adopt Crookshanks again, Then she could start collecting more. Honestly, cats were nice company.

A few days later James came up to her, sprouting that look he got when he needed to fess up to something serious.

"About the other night…"

"It's alright James I get it." she smiled up at him, struggling to keep her composure "Not like you haven't made your feelings about Lily clear. It was stupid of me, just a mistake."

"A mistake?" he looked apprehensive, maybe he couldn't believe how easily she had given him an out.

"yes, I was upset. I don't exactly have the best luck with boys. I shouldn't have put that on you I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"Yeah, don't worry it won't ever happen again, I promise you." she laughed nervously at her own bad speech.

"It won't?"

"Of course not. You're in love with Lily, and I was upset. I don't want to ruin our friendship."

She stood up and held out her arms awkwardly in a gesture to embrace him "Friends?"

Before he could respond she had hugged him tightly. Hiding her face so he couldn't see how upset she was.

"sure, friends." he said, and her heart was both happy to not have lost him and sad that she could never truly have him.