Sky Flowers
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.
A/N: Sky flowers from the Japanese word for fireworks which is hanabi. But those among you who read Naruto probably already knew that.
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They were up to something.
If it had been any other 'they', Seireitei might've been able to rest easy. But it was Urahara Kisuke, the nearly mad scientist, Shiba Kukaaku, the pyromaniac pyrotechnic, and Shihouin Yoruichi, the nutsy-gutsy noble. It was these three, so Seireitei was guaranteed a few fireworks. And you'll have to wait to see if I meant that literally.
"The Celestial Dragon will burn the sky with its fiery wings!"
Didn't have to wait long, did you?
"I don't know, Kukaaku. Yamamoto-jii might flip his nut if we do something so…visible."
The girl with the gorgeous legs stuck out her hips in a stubborn stance. "Yoruichi, you moron, whaddaya want me to do, create invisible fireworks?" An eerie light lit up her eyes. "'Cause that ain't a half-bad idea. Just bam! And bang! But the biggest kind."
Kisuke scratched his neck and peered up at her. "Ah, Kukaaku-san, let's come back to that later, okay?"
She dragged her lips into an exaggerated pout before throwing herself onto one of the mattresses they'd brought into their lair. Heavens, but what a lair. They changed its location every few months, but some conditions were always applied: it was always underground. It was always well-lit. It was always in one of the last twenty districts of the Rukongai where anarchy ran rampant and the long arm of shinigami law failed to reach.
It was also always dug out by Kisuke, though this one was less a rule and more the status quo. Weirdo genius enjoyed it and waxed futuristic of his plans for a giant underground training chamber. When he got that way Yoruichi and Kukaaku rolled their eloquent eyes and told him to dig faster.
"What're you planning, Kisuke?" Yoruichi lolled on her futon. Her long legs were crossed up against the wall, her back against the sheets and her head upside down.
Kisuke leaned against the wall in a less sensual manner, his hand propping up his chin and his knee propping up his elbow. There was a far-away look in his eyes as he said, "Lately I've been working on a cloak that hides reiatsu. There are a few snags, however…such as preventing reiatsu from escaping via the face-hole. Also the material I use is rather dense, making for a heavy cloak and impaired movements…"
Kukaaku threw a round pillow at him. "She means for sempai's birthday, you fuzz brained ape! Who wants to hear about your lame inventions?"
He hugged the pillow to his chest and smiled at her. "Do you really think my inventions are so lame, Kukaaku-san?"
And one of them rolled right up to her foot, a platter of egg rolls on its back. Kukaaku picked one up and waved the little machine away to serve Yoruichi.
"Not all of them are lame. But why would anyone bother hiding their reiatsu?"
He presumed it was too much for her to be expected to understand the concept of 'subtlety', and passed on the snacks. The machine rolled away, unable to please its creator, and Yoruichi asked him again.
"What're you planning for sempai's birthday, Kisuke?"
Because of course all the best mischief makers have rock-solid reasons for mischief making. Theirs was the anniversary of Ukitake Jyuushiro's joining the Shinigami Academy. Both he and Kyoraku Shunsui had chosen that day as their date of birth, having never counted days earlier. Kukaaku looked down on Shunsui for hitting on all the girls, but they liked Jyuushiro. He was deferent and interesting, plus the girls had never seen anyone with such perfect satin hair. Thus the poor sucker had become their favorite upperclassman (even though he was technically Shiba Kaien's sempai. Kukaaku's brother shouldn't mind sharing), earning and often suffering their respect.
"Pass," said Kisuke lightly, and Kukaaku sat up like she'd been stung by a bee.
"What? Hey! Don't tell me you haven't thought of anything! Were you wasting all your time on your stupid cloak?"
Kisuke said, "Pass," and Kukaaku lost it.
"Don't you care about sempai at all you dog!"
"Ahh, Kukaaku, stop it." Yoruichi rolled over and up to kneel on the futon. "Kisuke, what the hell?"
He started scratching his neck again with an I'm So Cute Won't You Please Forgive My Transgressions look on his face and Yoruichi threatened to stuff her half-eaten roll down his shirt. He explained himself.
"I have several ideas and I'm having trouble picking one. Perhaps Yoruichi and Kukaaku-san would help me choose?"
"Ahhh you're so annoying. Go on then," Yoruichi told him despite Kukaaku glowering to the contrary.
The first idea, he elucidated, was a box of intricate complexity and infinite ingenuity. Upon placing food stuffs in the box a dial could be turned and pressed to heat them! Oh, the possibilities. Ukitake-sempai would never again suffer a lukewarm cup of tea or cold rice...
Yoruichi threw the egg roll at him and Kukaaku told him why.
"Kisuke, that kind of thing has already been invented. It's called a microwave oven and he already has it! You freakin' idiot."
Wait, wait. This next idea would be pure gold. What do you think of a number being attached to your name? What do you think of a machine on which you type out a number and it connects you to the voice of that person to whom the number belongs! With such a machine of their very own! Just think, they could talk to Ukitake-sempai in the hospital all the time without Unohana-san enforcing visiting hours! Marvelous!
Kukaaku stood slowly, dangerously before throwing herself at him, yelling, "Stop describing modern gadgets to us! You think we've never heard of a telephone! I'mma freaking kill you!"
Yoruichi pulled the fiery young woman off their friend and kicked Kisuke with an unforgiving laugh.
"Kisuke, you doofus. You better stop joking around or I won't go easy on you."
One more chance! Pretty please. This last one is love. A machine that can play music—
"A gramophone?"
Hush, no. Listen. A machine that can play music according to his mood. Kisuke could make it in any shape and color you want—from strawberry cluster to roaring lion or…well! Anything! And it would be receptive to his touch and his mood and have an infinite selection of songs!
"Infinite?" Kukaaku sounded skeptical.
Obviously. It's a simple matter of reverse configuring the synchronic terminals of a few time tunnels and filtering out the music in eternity by—
"No! No! Don't explain it! Just do it."
Kisuke smiled affably and nodded to Yoruichi. "What's your plan, Yoruichi-san?"
"I was thinking of giving him a lap dance."
"The shock would kill him, Yoruichi."
"Eh, you're probably right." The dark skinned royal grinned like a panther. "My family acquired some very expensive tea recently. It's the best drink I've ever tasted; I'll give him a few months' supply."
"I thought we agreed to make our gifts," Kukaaku frowned.
Yoruichi thought too. "Ah, well. I did make the mixture myself…"
"Hey!" Kukaaku yelled, "You just told us your family bought it!"
"Did I? Ha-ha, I lied."
"What's a lie is this! Yoruichi!" Kukaaku threw a pillow that the princess returned with interest. Pretty soon cushions were flying all over the place and ungrateful Kisuke instead of enjoying the spectacle called it to a halt by saying:
"Kukaaku-san, I believe we promised to come back to the idea of invisible fireworks?"
"Yeah! Yeah!" the girl stopped rubbing a pillow in Yoruichi's face in favor of standing. "It's a great idea! We'll set off the invisible ones near sempai and send the Celestial Dragon into he sky so that both audio and visual effects will be maximized!"
Effectively killing Jyuushiro by heart attack but for all their collective intelligence they never even thought of that.
After they worked out the time and place they returned to Yoruichi.
"Um," Kukaaku said, "Aren't you learning dance derived from Noh theater? Why don't you put on a performance for him?"
Yoruichi stuck out her tongue and scrunched up her eyes. "Che, how proper."
Kisuke saw it differently. "It's a good idea. Sempai loves the arts, and I've seen Shihouin-hime practicing. She looks like a river goddess."
"Wet?" Kukaaku asked innocuously.
"Graceful and flowing! Good grief, Kukaaku-san."
Yoruichi pulled a different face. "Jeez, Kisuke, how flattering. You aren't in love with me, are you?"
"I'm allergic to cat hair," he demurred, and got a pillow to the face for his wit. It was decided in the end though, that Yoruichi would dance.
000
A minute to midnight.
Shunsui slipped into his shoes and used shunpo to navigate the city. He entered the 13th Division headquarters and opened his best friend's unlocked door.
"Ukitake? Ukitake, wake up, I've come to wish you…hmm? Ukitake?"
No, just an empty bed.
Shunsui puzzled over who would want to be the first to wish Jyuushiro 'happy birthday' so badly that they'd kidnap him. In his very question he found the answer. Were there not three younger students of the Academy that fawned over Jyuushiro? Were those three not capable of such cunning? Would Jyuushiro not be desperate to escape their, um, affections and was Shunsui not able to do the rescuing?
If you answered yes to all the above, you may follow me to the next scene. It's not far away. Do you know the plateau of Seireitei? Who doesn't? Here Jyuushiro sat as Kukaaku pontificated.
"Please keep in mind that fireworks should be handled only by expert professionals or extremely passionate people like myself and if anyone tried to do what I am about to do for you, sempai, the results would be catastrophic!"
Jyuushiro tried to look reassured.
She spread her arms to the heavens and exclaimed, "Behold: the Celestial Dragon!"
With a thundering roar a leviathan reptile took off over Jyuushiro's head, red and gold and blue and green. True to Kukaaku's word it really did burn up the sky; it belched sparks of brightest yellow that scattered the clouds with peridot authority. Jyuushiro liked it; he really did, but then started the second part of Kukaaku's gift for him.
His eardrums got the shock of their life as enormous bangs erupted around him: raucous, braying booms and hissing, screeching onomatopoeias. He let out a yell of his own that even he didn't hear and because the noise was behind him he lurched forward in fear, nearly toppling off the edge of the cliff. Kisuke caught his robes and heaved him back; Yoruichi shouted at Kukaaku who gestured her incomprehension and someone—some blessed one—made it stop.
(That someone was time as in 'the time allotted to the duration of the fireworks' life before they fizzled out' but when they all gathered their wits to look around they saw Shunsui looking calm and useful so it was him that Jyuushiro threw himself at. Time moved on with its thankless job and the moment came for Kukaaku to speak.)
"Kyoraku! What did you do to my fireworks?"
Yoruichi had a more pertinent question. "Why are you here, sempai?"
"Um," Shunsui said, looking down at the dazed, clingy Jyuushiro, "I went to his home to wish him but he wasn't there so I followed his reiatsu here to do so…however, he seems incapable of hearing me. What did you do?"
"I was showing him my masterpiece," Kukaaku said proudly, pointing up at the Celestial Dragon. As all of them watched it batted its wings feebly once, twice…and fell dead from the sky into one of the abandoned row houses at the base of the plateau, engulfing it in flames.
"Holy shit," Kukaaku said blankly but everyone else was more practical about it. Yoruichi utilized the power of her title to get down there, Kisuke close behind her. Shunsui, holding Jyuushiro, went along a few seconds later.
"Water!" Yoruichi barked, "Who has a water based zanpakutou?"
No one did and Kisuke was about to volunteer to go to the 9th Division quarters—the closest from where they stood—to ask for help when the fire froze in its tracks. Where there had been raging heat there was soothing ice and spry Kuchiki Byakuya ran for Yoruichi, his grandfather sheathing his sword behind him.
"Yorui—che. Demon cat, are you hurt?"
She held her arms out for him. "No, I'm alright, Byakuya-bo!"
He lashed out at her with his young blade and she leapt back to avoid it. The momentary concern for her well-being was trampled by his jumpy temper.
"You would've deserved it, idiot! What were you thinking to light a fire in there?"
Kukaaku, who'd found her way to them at last, interfered. "Look here, young master, go raise your voice against someone who'll quail."
Byakuya was about to tartly retort when his grandfather called his name in a measured voice, taking measured steps toward them. Everyone, even Kukaaku fell into a respectful silence as the head of the Kuchiki clan began to speak.
"Kyoraku Shunsui, what has happened to your brother?"
Jyuushiro had a funny, lopsided look on his face. Shunsui didn't hesitate to lie. "I persuaded him to have a few drinks, Kuchiki-san. It's his birthday, you see. Mine too. He doesn't seem to be holding his alcohol well, does he?"
"He doesn't seem to be holding alcohol at all," Kuchiki Ginrei said, "I suppose you want to say your drunk capering brought you across the path of these miscreants?"
Kisuke, Kukaaku and Yoruichi huddled together, looking pensive, defensive and sheepish respectfully. The old man continued to speak.
"Perhaps, Kyoraku, you should take Ukitake-kun home. Leave this to me."
Shunsui regretfully obeyed, because Kuchiki-jii wasn't old man Yama, to argue with. Yoruichi and her two friends got pwnt, because Kuchiki-jii insisted on reporting them to Genryuusai for their own good.
"How the hell is this for our own good," Kukaaku muttered, but very quietly because Ginrei scared even her brave (stupid?) heart.
And how Yamamoto Genryuusai glared at them, menacing even in a nightshirt.
"Children, do you have a suicide pact?"
Why else would these freakin' morons blow shit up near frail Ukitake Jyuushiro who was so beloved by Soul Society and especially the Commander General?
"Do you truly lack all semblance of common sense?"
Why else would these dumb bunnies continue to fuck around in such risqué manner after being warned by soutaichou-sama that the next time he got wind of Seireitei suffering collateral damage from their idea of a good time, the consequences would make them pee their pants?
"You are about to learn how lenient I am not with people who disregard my warnings."
Such a statement negated all hope for their unscathed escape, and the three friends resigned themselves to their impending doom.
(One way or another.)
Genryuusai was about to pronounce their sentence when for a few seconds a faint screeching reached their ears. Kuchiki Byakuya said, "What was that?" and Yamamoto Genryuusai said, "Why don't you go find out?"
With scarcely half a glance goodbye at Yoruichi the young thing bowed himself out. Kisuke shared apprehensive glances with his mates (friends, not lovers. He didn't really have the stamina to handle both of them) and they looked back, wide-eyed. The music box, the goddamn music box! They'd left it at Jyuushiro's home for him to discover and it appeared he had. Only because they sucked so much at giving gifts, Kisuke had screwed up. His music box would play songs that reflected Jyuushiro's moods and no doubt Jyuushiro was in no mood conducive to good song selection. Traumatized/skittish rarely was.
Why was it so fucking loud that they could hear it here in Division One headquarters, though? Kisuke, what the fuck did you do?
"Er, yes, a simple miscalculation. Increasing the player's capacity from supernatural decibels to supersonic decibels. Breaking the sound barrier is quite a noisy affair in white noise."
A simple miscalculation…! I hope you still feel that way when Genryuusai skewers you for it.
"Urahara, what are you mumbling about?" the Commander General was not sleepy enough to miss it. "Do you perhaps know that just happened?"
Um, yes.
"Am I required to share the knowledge with you if I do, soutaichou-sama?"
Kukaaku didn't wait for Genryuusai to indicate his answer. She was already screwed and she'd be screwed further if she was screwed without company. "It was Kisuke's gift," she revealed, "For Ukitake-sempai."
Genryuusai fell into a rebuking silence, Ginrei into a contemplative one. Yoruichi shot her friend a subtle, sarcastic thumbs up and Kisuke forgave her with a despairing shake of the head. Kukaaku was Kukaaku, complete with that resplendent, obnoxious grin.
Shunsui entered a few minutes later and Genryuusai said, "I don't want to hear it."
"You should've heard the ruckus from earlier tonight," his foster son drawled, "You wouldn't be able to hear anything, old man Yama. Wow-wee can that Shiba-chan shake things up!"
Kukaaku gave a small, proud smile that Shunsui returned with bedazzling vigor. Ginrei frowned upon this interaction between accused and defendant while Genryuusai dealt with more pressing matters.
"How is Jyuushiro?"
"Byakuya-kun is helping him out," Shunsui continued to be outrageously flip, "He'll be up and about in half an hour and already thinks this is shaping up to be the best birthday he's had."
Yoruichi pricked her ears. "Really?"
Her sempai waved his fan at her. "Would I lie to you, sweetheart?"
Yes. But Shunsui preferred to think of it as lying for them. Jyuushiro would've done the same. He carried on.
"Old man Yama, I think these kids deserve a reward."
"For what?" Ginrei's unfazed logic intervened and Genryuusai stopped being taken in by Shunsui's bullshit. "For setting flame to dwellings, or for disrupting this peaceful night? If my grandson and I hadn't been conducting our late night training nearby that fire might've claimed lives. What are you laughing at, girl?" he asked Kukaaku, who'd sniggered at the phrase 'late night training'.
"Nothin', alright?"
He stared at her. "Impertinent! If the Shiba blood was still with honor, you would be its biggest disgrace."
"I think she's a riveting young lady," Shunsui said, but they put that down to the Casanova in him. Kukaaku looked mutinous, but refrained from sassing him. Genryuusai made his decision before anyone else presented any more information because for Pete's sake it was past midnight and he wanted some shuteye.
"Detention with Unohana Retsu for as long as she deems necessary for all three of you. No, Shunsui. I said I don't want to hear it. You're all dismissed."
Horrified Yoruichi said, "Yamamoto-jii, wait! If I have to suffer that kind of torture then at least let me earn it! I haven't given Ukitake-sempai my gift yet!"
"What did you get him, an embolism?" Genryuusai asked nastily, and Kisuke felt the need to speak up in the princess's defense.
"Shihouin-hime has prepared a dance recital, soutaichou-sama. She worked hard on it, please allow her to perform!"
Shunsui thoughtfully said, "Ukitake does love dance," and Genryuusai gave them quarter.
"Tomorrow morning, first thing."
000
Yoruichi moved, and she moved hearts.
Yamamoto Genryuusai wiped away a trickle of tears from his eyes and granted them all clemency. Kuchiki Ginrei didn't oppose it. Kuchiki Byakuya had a slightly confounded look on his face as he gazed raptly at the demon cat from the night before. Kyoraku Shunsui tried to insinuate Kukaaku would've looked even better in a kimono and the little respect she'd gained for him evaporated in a slap to his cheek. Urahara Kisuke put a gentle arm around Yoruichi's waist as Jyuushiro beamed at her.
"What a lovely gift! Thank you very much, kouhai. And you, Kisuke—and you, Kukaaku. The thought counts rather more than the deed."
The deed should ne'er again be mentioned lest Genryuusai forget his generous nature and throw them all to the tender mercies of Unohana Retsu.
"Really now. Am I so frightening to young children?"
Sparkle, sparkle, scream.
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I labored over that ending. I don't think much of it. Please tell me its passable.